My Christmas Wish (This Year)

Dear Santa,

I know this is odd that I’m writing you through my blog and not a traditional formal letter (which I might still end up doing just to be sure!), but there is something I wanted to ask of you. Something completely different than what you are probably used to receiving like toys and other similar gifts. What I would like from you is courage.

The courage to not be selfish with my feelings because I’m too nervous to tell someone I like how I feel about them. Or the courage to get out of bed every morning and taking on the day with motivation and drive instead of sleeping in like I normally do, which then leads me to missing out on many opportunities in life. That last one might not have anything to do with courage but I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from.

This year has been extremely difficult for me to process. I know I haven’t been as nice as I would like to be, but I also know that I haven’t been too naughty as well. Whatever your definition of naughty is, let’s hope I don’t get coal for Christmas this year. What I do know is that you know I’m almost always trying to work on myself to be a better person, and I’ll always continue that until my time is up.

I do find it much easier to write which is why I have a blog in the first place, not only because it’s very therapeutical for me, but let’s me express myself freely and hope that it reaches out to others who can relate, maybe learn from, or are at least entertained by what I have to say.

I want the courage to finally work on my passions and stay disciplined and continue them instead of constantly starting and stopping. I barely am able to blog on a weekly basis because I’ve just been so down lately.

Life is difficult, at least for me. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I have dreams and aspirations I would love to achieve in the near future and not leave them where they have been since forever, which is in my dreams. I want it to be a reality because I am aware of what I can offer to those I care about. To be able to shed some light into this dark hole I’m in.

Anyway, Santa, Mr. Claus, if you’re reading this, and it’s not too much of a hassle for you to help me out just enough, I would forever be grateful. Because I know there’s greatness behind a lot of my intentions in this life. And I want to provide for my family so I can finally know what it’s like to live a happy and healthy life. Thank you!

Yours truly,

David

The Untold Story: About Life… so far

When it comes to people, how do you know you can trust them? Like really. I’m not trying to start anything or initiate some wrongdoing. All I’m saying is whenever you’re doing or saying something and people, whether they are your friends, family, or coworkers, they without letting you know might have more to express about you behind your back. Unfortunately, I’ve been in some similar situations. The problem is the individual or multiple people that are involved don’t say anything to you. And that’s where and when the problem begins. If you’re a very open-minded and observant person, you’ll notice some things. The truth is, all you expect in return is the truth. People to tell you when something is wrong, or when you may have something to do with the problem. Those are the people that I respect. But the issue I have is when things are unsaid. I’ve spent more than enough of my life to know that if something is wrong, I would like to know about it. That’s why anyone who tells me anything, I respect them whole heartedly. But then there’s the people who decide to keep things to themselves. Or at least with those they feel are close to them. How do you expect a relationship to be stronger if you can’t even tell the person you feel who is bothering you about a problem what’s wrong?

I’m sure a lot of this has to do with overthinking, but sometimes my overthinking personally has been right. But it’s been wrong at times… and then there’s your gut. When you have a gut feeling about something, like the old saying says… “go with your gut” or something like that. I honestly don’t know any more at this point. Everyone lives their own lives. There’s only so much we can do to change it. Pastors, Motivators, Phycologist, Teachers and whatnot. At some point in our lives, we need to be aware of what we know. And what we can change to better ourselves as human beings. Life is short. Make the most with what you have to work with. Just be sure it’s something positive and can give hope for generations to overcome adversity.

Sexual Completion: The Guide To Success

Imagine yourself at a job where the role that you play requires doing many tasks and you have many responsibilities. Fortunately for you, you’re able to handle the position you’re in. And you crush it. You do your job very well, and hopefully get the recognition you deserve. Now fast forward to you being at home and you have these projects that you’re working on. Most of these projects you have been working on for weeks, and even months. But that also comes with you dragging a** by being lazy and unmotivated. Work seems to be a little different when it’s on your time and not with your employer. Because you not getting paid for it makes that much of a difference. And that’s exactly how I am…

When it comes to finishing the job, that I won’t fail. At least for certain things in my life. If I can put that much passion and effort towards the task at hand, there’s a lot I could achieve in life. There are so many distractions in our everyday lives, and what I would consider obstacles. One problem after another and it just continues to pile up. I start thinking that maybe this time it’s too much to bear. Or maybe… that won’t stop me from getting a solid wank on. I dedicated a lot of time finding the right video to masturbate to. It’s only right I finish what I started. You think I’m going to let a thing like people arguing, barking dogs, or hearing one of my neighbors having sex stop me from completion? Okay, maybe that last one may have gotten me in the mood instead. Seriously though. If I devote my time towards any of my passions, I could be a complete man. Nothing holding me back from achieving my goals and dreams… and all it started with, was a wank. Because it’s a sure thing! 😉 Not get yourself motivated and stop procrastibating!

My Story: Personality

“Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart…” (Tobey Macguire/Peter Parker) In this part of my life, we go into the development of my character, what it was like growing up, the movies and shows I would watch constantly, and how my personality came to be. In my family, there was no special treatment. Nobody got spoiled more than the other. I’m considered the baby of my family and oh boy, did I not get spoiled at all. At least from what I can remember. Besides that, I still had many memorable highlights of my childhood. The weekends almost always seemed to be quite unpredictable and pretty wild. Fridays we had TGIF on ABC with great lineups like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and others that I can’t quite remember at this time. A few other moments we had was watching old Thai Boxing (Muay Thai) videos my dad would rent from the Asian Market, and an old classic, The Gods Must Be Crazy. Who knew a simple glass Coca-Cola bottle could make such a big impact on an entire villages’ lives? I love how a movie with a simple premise could bring a family together for 90 minutes or so. That on top of other similar things was my childhood growing up. Like how we would host parties almost every other weekend. My parents were the best at it, at least in my eyes. They knew how to entertain our guests who were considered family-friends to us. Their kids were about my age and a little bit younger, and very fortunately, I had my older brothers and sisters with their creativity to keep the younger crowd entertained. From playing video games to using our imagination and constructing a maze in our basement was one of them. We crushed it! And for that, I’m very thankful for the inspiration my siblings and parents brought me.

Personality

The characters that we all play make us who we are as individuals. It’s not about our gender, or the color of our skin, but what we do that defines us (that last bit was a Batman Begins reference). Throughout my life I have built this personality from watching movies and TV shows that I loved. Most of them being in the genre of comedy. Great comedians like Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, and Adam Sandler were some of my inspirations. I wasn’t sure what it was for why I turned out the way I did, but something triggered within me to want to make people laugh and enjoy themselves when we’re together. With comedy aside, I also have a more… sensual side. Suave. Maybe it’s from watching movies that weren’t quite PG rated during my younger years. Like how I love the movie Titanic in hopes that someday I could draw someone like one of my French girls! Although, I’ll admit Dumb and Dumber had some references I did not understand when I was a kid. As I got older though, the so-called chick flicks were something I was into. I’m all about love and passion. Hitch, What Women Want, and all those Nicholas Sparks books turned movies. And then there’s Austin Powers, baby! Basically, it’s not just the people we hang out with that opens up our personality, but that we get it from the movies and television shows we watch too. They can be very inspiring and gives us the motivation we need to get out of bed in the morning and depending on who you are, hoping that today is finally the day you ask that girl or boy out from school, or a coworker that you see on a daily or weekly basis.

Nowadays we can get that from just about anywhere. Whether it’s from reading certain articles on the internet or stumbling upon random YouTube videos. The human brain is constantly learning and taking in new information. We just have to listen to it and decide for ourselves what’s right, wrong, and everything in-between. Don’t let your ego or stubbornness be the reason you won’t learn. There’s no harm in being a little open-minded. Allegedly, we only live one life. Why not make the most of it? Bring positivity to those around you, even if they don’t do the same. You never know if your actions could make an impact on someone else’s life. We are our best hope for a better world. So make it count! And with that, I’ve mentioned too many inspiring words. Peace, bitches!

P.S. I forgot to mention when I was with some of my family members hanging out at my nephews 21st birthday, we were just in the garage talking and drinking. This was close to a year ago, and I was saying something very inspiring and motivational, but I can’t remember what it was due to the fact… I was with my niece and her boyfriend in their car, and I took a hit from their bowl. Pretty much my mind was clouded a bit. Anyway, whatever I said had my brother-in-law telling me that I should be what was something like a pastor for the Buddhist temple. This struck a chord within me because I knew my father was something like that (I can’t remember the title of it). He spent a lot of his time at the temple talking to the monks and played a higher role in that community. I’d like to say most of the time where I get my words of wisdom from comes from my father. There was so much about him that I would have loved to know about his past but unfortunately, I’m not able to. However, I was able to find out more about him from my oldest sister. We were hanging out during fourth of July and I asked her about him. She told me the stories she would hear from them was how respected he was. This coming from army Generals, villagers, and plenty of other people too, I’m sure. Anyway, I just thought I would share that little extra bit about my father and the role he played that made my life what it is now. Thank you!

My Past Year

Another year has come and gone while some, if not most of us, has been yet again unproductive. So, what do we do to change it? Do we want to change it? I guess it depends on the lifestyle we want to live with what we would consider we’ll be happy with, content, or driven for more. Let’s face it, as we get older, life tends to become weirder. For the majority, we work to make a living and to support ourselves and even our family. Whatever the case, I spent most of this year figuring out what it is exactly that I wanted to do with my life. And I’m still searching for it working at several different jobs. All of these that are new for me and not what I’m looking for. But I need that steady paycheck to keep a roof over my head and my stomach happy. From trying to be a sales rep walking around a store trying to convince people to buy what I’m selling, to working in the restaurant business for the first time in my working career.

2021 Recap

After 8 years of a wild roller coaster ride of a job, I finally called it quits. A lot of things, if not all, has to come to an end. If this was a television show, I spent 8 seasons with this company entertaining my fellow colleagues and bosses to the best of my abilities. But being somewhere so long only to stay in the same spot and not move up is pretty dreadful. My hard work was overlooked so many times. I was given a lot of added responsibilities only to not receive any benefits or incentives. That’s probably the reason why I would barely make it to work on time most days. I had no reason, no motivation to get to work early and be ready to work. And with Covid-19 being a factor, spending some time doing a little soul searching, I was ready to do something different. Being that I’m a people person, I wanted to try my hand working in that field. I became a sales representative, but this was nothing like what I expected. Thinking I would have my own office space and possibly talking to people on the phone or scheduling meetings was not even close to what I actually did. I was put in a store where I had to walk around constantly going from customer to customer trying to sell them a product that was more miss than a hit. Once a potential customer would say no, we would then have to move on to the next. This wasn’t something that I liked at all. I would rather take the time to getting to know people and having an honest conversation with them. Instead, I had these lines I had to recite and memorize to pitch to people. It felt a lot like being an actor for a role and I had to say these lines I didn’t like. I’m more of an improvisor and so this job only lasted about a week.

For pretty much the rest of the year, I would end up working part-time at a couple restaurants. Getting the feeling of what customers are like in this establishment. I have to tell you, it’s pretty wild. There’s no knowing what to expect except that you should expect anything. You will have people who are really nice and sweet, to those that can be the rudest of all. This is just my point of view, but I’m sure most people who work in restaurants can say the same, but customers tend to look down on people working in these establishments. What people do in their homes is their business. But when you see how they are in public and how they treat those who handle their food, only makes me wonder how depressing their lives are (yeah, I said it). I’ve seen the movie Waiting… and I know better than to cause issues to those who service me. Unless service is bad, which I’ve dealt with on multiple occasions, then they will know it by how little I tip them. It really is that simple. But my responsibilities are different. At one job I’m taking phone calls and orders, while the other I’m a host. Greeting guests, busting and cleaning tables, and other tasks. And I’m crushing it! Only been at this host job for a couple months and they already have me training new workers for that position. I will admit that there are only so many jobs I suck at, and this is not one of them.

Resolution

We all make them from time to time. But how often do we succeed at going after these goals we make for the year? Every year it’s almost always the same for me; gain weight and workout more. Obviously, I’m doing something wrong. Since Covid, I have been struggling to do both and saying that I want to or need to hasn’t changed anything. All I know is my health is the most important thing to me so I’m going to start with that. The next thing I want to focus on is a job that not only will I like but also one that will pay the bills. Although I’m still in search for what it is I really want to do with my life, I’ll keep on pushing forward because that’s all I can do. Eventually, sooner rather than later though, I will find what it is I’m looking for that will make me happy and successful. That’s what I’m going to fight for this coming year. Finding my stride to life and doing the things that I’m passionate about. Happy New Year and be safe!

Hello, Mary Jane

I’m in quarantine. Shortness of breath. I find it hard to breathe. I’m coughing. Then… the smoke from my lungs clear. That rip from my bowl just put me on another level. As my eyes glisten and become redder by the moment, I sit back on my bed and start watching one comedy movie after another. But then it hits me. I get the munchies, so now I’m in the kitchen going to work. What was I going to eat? At this point in the clouds, I let whatever imagination I had decide for me. And this was pretty much how I lived my life for the next several months.

Origin

The first time I ever got high was when I was 19 hot boxing it in Jerry’s car. Jerry was my neighbor growing up since we were just finishing elementary (For me at least. He was 2 years older than me). Between 5 people, we passed around what I thought was a joint and a blunt. I found out later it was 2 joints and a blunt. Or maybe it was 2 blunts and a joint? My mind is a little cloudy thinking back at that moment (pun intended). Either way, that was my first time ever getting high. After a little hindsight, the time we spent sitting in Jerry’s car just on his driveway could not have been more than half an hour. Because to me it honestly felt like we were there quite a while. The same feeling when after Joey and I walked back to my garage, we were just standing in the dark giggling for who knows how long. Joey asked me, “What do you feel like doing?” I told him, “I feel like going for a run.” Never did. The munchies kicked in pretty hard, so I went inside my house and just smashed on what I remember it being a can of Pringles. It wasn’t long after that I went to bed and crashed for the night. The great thing about Mary Jane is that she doesn’t leave you with a hangover. I woke up feeling so refreshed and ready to take on the day.

Being Essential

Going back to 2020 we now had these checkpoints at our work for temperature checking before getting into the building. There was this girl that would check my temperature almost every day. She was very beautiful and cute, and because I never asked for her name, I just referred to her as “Checkpoint Girl.” My situation with her was just about the same as Harold with the elevator girl (Harold & Kumar). I barely spoke to her, only greetings and, “Have a good day.” It was pathetic I know but moving on. After so much time off work and many dollars later spent on Amazon shopping, I had changed my look up a bit. I grew my hair out considering barbershops/salons were closed. That was really nice because I got a lot of compliments from people about my hair being longer. There was only one fellow that didn’t like it. His name… Terry. Terry was my coworker when I first started before moving to a couple different departments. For some reason he just had it out for me ever since I grew my hair out. Every single day he saw me he would always say one or the other, “Get that haircut” or “Where’s my scissors?” and “Cut your hair, you damn hippie.” Seriously, why does he care so much what I do with my life? And I looked up the word “hippie” and… so!? I know why he was this grumpy old man to me at least. He worked with a lot of women in his department and every now and then when I would walk by taking out the trash, I passed them, and I’m sure these women were all saying it. “He’s so hot.” “Wow. So cute.” “Hubba, hubba.” “Oh, I want him to part me like the Red Sea.” Okay maybe that last one was a little much. But I digest (Sacha Baron Cohen). And that was work for me for the next 6 months or so. Dealing with not so Scary Terry, women who would say hi to me that never did before and working all the days of the week.

Passion

It’s summer now and I was taking in a bunch of new information from what random YouTube videos my roommate would watch. One mainly was Linus Tech Tips. He was very much a tech savvy type of person. Into computers a lot and convinced me to build my own computer. So much thanks to you Joey for that. It became a great starter computer for playing video games and such but my intentions with it changed. I found myself on a word document with a blank page, and I just started writing from my thoughts and never stopped. My routine was pretty simple with Covid; go to work, come home, smoke a bowl, eat and watch The Office, then start writing on my PC. One day it just dawned on me, I really enjoy watching movies and shows so much that it gave me ideas to write my own stuff for YouTube. So being OCD and a perfectionist, I categorized a lot of my writing for how I was going to make my next future videos. I would end up not making any videos that year due to not feeling like I was in the right state-of-mind. Instead, I just continued honing my writing and then much later going into this year (2021) I would officially start my own blog. I do expect someday I will try to make videos on the Tube more consistently. I have the ideas, just not the will power. But at least I have this!

Because I find myself having such a difficult time being motivated to do almost anything, writing, whether it was on a word document or on a piece of paper, it was easy for me. I would consider myself to be more of an idealist in that way too. But I know there’s so much more I want to offer to the world with what goes on in my mind. Putting the ideas from my mind onto paper, and then in front of a camera, and editing is a lot of work for one person. Especially with working a full-time job and 2 part-time jobs makes that free time for all that I am passionate about that much more difficult to do. When I do get back that drive and motivation, the videos that I want to make would be more than worth it. For now, the least I can do is paint a picture for my audience in wording.

A Pandemic Lockdown

It’s Monday and I’m back at work. My colleagues (most of them) were pleased to have me back. Back to the same witty, self-deprecating, sexual innuendo-esque me they deserve, but not the one they need (… Batman!). And as we’re all aware of Covid spreading more and more, and state governments going into a lockdown, we were still working (as per usual). Now, this is just my opinion but seems very likely, our department for the company felt like the only reason they didn’t go under. At least this branch that is. There was talk amongst my colleagues and I that the company was struggling to maintain a float. Could be why our scheduler kept giving our supplier numbers we could not produce even running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Eventually, some of our products we made ended, thus leading us to working 5 days a week. But that wasn’t until later.

About 2 weeks since the state issued a mandatory lockdown to non-essential workers when we got to be ourselves, outside of what was going on with the world, I was relieved… because I already had plenty of toilet paper to last me about half the year. It’s a good thing I only have to supply for myself! Unfortunately though, I didn’t have much supply of food. So, I knew eventually I would have to head to the grocery store to stock up on that, sooner rather than later. 5 weeks. That’s how long I was off work. My sleep schedule within the first week changed instantly. I would go from sleeping around midnight to 8 in the morning, to anywhere when the sun came up to the early afternoon. I read that it’s not as healthy not to have a sleep schedule (plus my doctor told me that as well), but this is a pandemic we’re dealing with. So what now? To go from having no-days-off to all-the-time-in-the-world, what do I do?

School’s Out For Summer

As I’m doing my best to stay safe and quarantining myself at home, I take a trip down memory lane. Back to playing video games online with some of my friends. And instead of Socom like the high school days, it’s Call of Duty: Warzone. Probably the hottest selling game on the market, and they picked a perfect time to release it. My role in our team playing battle royale was “The Wildcard.” You’re not sure what to expect when we play together but one thing’s for sure, I’m normally the first one into the Gulag. One of our favorite spots to start out is at the prison… because it’s a lot easier to transfer me to the Gulag when I die. Here’s a little-known fact, we always tried to spray paint anyone that was in there with us. Makes it easier to spot them if they make it out (not that it matters now considering this game probably isn’t relevant anymore). I won’t forget the moment I won it for our team in a 2 on 1 situation. Everyone, including myself thought it was over. But lady luck was looking down on me that day. She was probably looking down on me doing other things, too (a celebratory wank followed by a good night’s sleep).

Away from Call of Duty, I was collecting unemployment and just started saving a ton of money. Being how we were in a lockdown and I had just recently moved into an apartment with my roommate, Joey. I thought the place could use a little sprucing up. This part of my life was called, “Amazon and chill.” For the next several months I would shop almost on a weekly basis from Amazon. Which by the way, a huge thank you to the Amazon team for continuing to be essential and deliver us products we don’t need. Our place was very welcoming, we had a rug and a neat coffee table along with a lot of other things. I would have friends over for a dinner party that summer and received high compliments on my place and hosting. I was very grateful for that (thank you HGTV for all the inspiration in the past decade!). Unfortunately, none of that lasted. Going into the place, I was expecting to stay at this apartment for at least a few years, but my plans changed again, so I ended up leaving and getting my own place. But that’s another story.

While I was still living with Joey, he brought me out to the shooting range for the first time in my life. Before this, I had never shot a gun before, not even paintball or a bb gun. The most I’ve ever done was playing with sticks that look like guns out in the woods when we would go camping. I’ll admit, that was still recent. It wasn’t just when I was a kid. But that’s life! There’s that kid in you that won’t ever burn out. So anyway, we’re at the range, and Joey is teaching me the basics and techniques of holding and firing a gun. I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt learning a new skill like this. Maybe because I was never into guns in the first place. Joey’s cousin brought a shotgun with him, and I tried that out… very interesting. That had quite the recoil/kickback. I remember not setting my feet correctly when I fired the shotgun, and it nearly sent me back to the womb… just kidding! I did almost fell down. That was pretty wild though. As of now, I’ll just stick to shooting guns in video games or sticks.

One Of Many Passions

The late 90s brought so much in its’ history alone. I had just learned about who Tiger Woods was. And after watching him golf for several years, my uncle introduced my brothers and I to it. It was one of the most frustrating, yet relaxing sports I ever played. Who knew hitting a tiny little ball hundreds of yards could bring joy to someone? I played this game for over 20 years with the exception of certain parts of my life where I hardly played. I loved the sport but as I got older, I noticed I wasn’t golfing as much as I used to or would like. A lot of my friends who I played with when we were younger found new passions or just did other things. On several occasions I would have some colleagues at the time to go with and it made me miss that feeling of why I used to golf as much as I did. Then with Covid, a couple of my nephews were bored staying home and playing video games, wanted to do something else. When the golf courses opened back up, it was something they wanted to get back into. They hardly played when they were younger, but this was something different than staying home and they wanted to get good at it. When they would ask me if I wanted to join them, I had forgotten myself that joy it brought me. I was very thankful for them for bringing that passion back in my life.

And an interesting experiment I had was golfing while I was in the clouds. That was quite something! So, what else did I do when I was high and in the clouds…?