Tag: Blog

It’s Just a Competition… Right?

“And the winner is…”. There I am, standing between 8 other competitors. As second and third place was already announced and I’m still waiting to hear if my name will be called. My heart starts beating faster and faster, despite already doing my presentation a while ago, my anxiety just suddenly kicked in without a moment’s notice. What’s about to happen? Is this my moment?

The Beginning

In my line of work, I’m a barista… but with a little extra flair. From all my past experiences and mistakes that I’ve made, I almost always tend to in a way evaluate myself and what I could do better or differently. In other words, I can be pretty hard on myself. And when I first started out as a barista, it was no different. I was not great, but it was also because I didn’t have enough experience from the work. Oftentimes I would be the one that just connects with customers more than anything else. As I finally began to put in more hours at work, I was given time to bar and make fancy lattes and whatnot. Eventually I got in a rhythm of my own and the speed progressed with it and now I’ve been considered dependable no matter what role I’m given. And that’s what it’s all about for me really.

The Competition

This year alone has been more about praising myself and acknowledging that it’s okay to mess things up or not beating myself up too much if I don’t stay on task. Like my bingo card, it’s actually a lot. I see it every day and have to know it’s more up there as a guide. I’m okay if I don’t complete everything I set out to. With that, I decided to take a chance on something new. I saw a posting within our company website about a barista championship competition. What’s funny is I didn’t notice this post until the very last day to sign up. So, I thought, “why not!?” Let’s try this out!

Overall, this competition has 5 levels you have to compete in, advancing from one level to the next. Let’s just say, if you found yourself at the very last level, you could be competing in front of potentially thousands of people on stage. Sounds nerve wrecking? It is, but I had no fear… at the time.

And Here We Go

The first level was going up against any other fellow barista within your café. However, in my situation, nobody else signed up. So… I moved on! By a technicality. And once my boss figured out what the next level was going to be, she helped me out every step of the way. Supporting me through it all to the very end. What we had to do was practice making latté art and work on connecting with the judges, making conversation.

I practiced so much leading up to that moment, and seriously there’s a whole science behind latté art and to this day, I feel like if I make a good latté art, it’s strictly out of coincidence and luck. When that time came, I was with my boss, her kids and a fellow colleague to cheer me on. When everything started, to me it felt like nothing was what I imagined it would be. Like one of those reality vs expectation type of situation. My heart was racing the entire time. I did not expect this feeling. My anxiety may have peaked more than I could imagine.

We were given 3 rounds and on the second round I felt like a ghost. I made no conversation whatsoever with any of the judges and knew this was it for me. My break in-between the final round I just told myself I would just tell my story of how I became a barista and did exactly that. Plus, my latte art in that last round looked like a mixture of the Michelin man and marshmallow man (accidentally).

At the end, when they announced the winner, I’ll admit I still accepted I had lost but deep down felt maybe there’s a chance. I still had hope. And then it happened, my name was announced and I just stood in silence for a moment not sure what had happened. I was moving on!

By celebrating, my boss took us all out for ice cream. I pooped later that night!

Let the Games Begin

In that last level, I found out I barely won. But I won which is all that matters. However, even for this next level, I still had the mindset to just do my best and to only focus on my own craft. That was not the case, just like that last level, I had conversations with other competitors leading up to the competition. Just a bunch of baristas from around the nation getting to know each other and a little bit about our stories, which I tend to be more fascinated by. In this particular competition, we had to do a coffee tasting. For that, you get to choose your coffee of choice and essentially describe its’ origin, history and talk about the flavors and what your story and reasoning for choosing it.

There’s 9 of us total and I was right in the middle of it all through random drawing from a hat. So, once we broke away and the competition began, there were 5 minutes interval between each competitor that was given 10 minutes to do their presentation. At the beginning I left those that came to support me, but only to the back of the café to run my presentation over again in my head. I really wanted to get it right and make sure everything flowed naturally. Typically, when I go thru these story tellings, I like to have a good transition from one topic to the next.

Honestly, everyone that I interacted with could not be more supportive and helpful. This was more than just a competition. After seeing how some of the other competitors did their presentation, it gave me an idea of how I would showcase mine. And before you know it, I went and did my thing. Overall, it felt like a solid performance. One of the competitors I talked to I actually helped him with just a few things here and there. Afterwards, he did his thing and ended up taking the bronze metal.

So, here we are… in front of 8 other people competing to move on to the semi-finals. And the winner… was not me. The room fell silent, at least in my head. I remember applauding the winner, but the feeling was seriously like something you see out of a movie or TV show. As I stood exactly right in-between the top 3 finishers giving each other high fives then when the winner held her hand out for a high five to me, honestly, I didn’t even realize she was doing it. Eventually I did. I didn’t leave her hanging.

Au Revoir

I studied; I practiced and kept working on my storytelling like I was rehearsing because the way that I saw this felt like it was a role and I didn’t get the part. Now, I will say I had about a solid 4 to 5 weeks to practice which I did a lot of studying but only until about a week prior, I started my story like it was my lines. There was a lot of information to know and remember, and I did the best I could, but you can only ask so much for someone with A.D.D.

When the top 3 were being announced, all I was hoping for was to be a part of that. To be on the podium. That’s why when second and third place was announced and I still haven’t heard my name; it really did feel nerve wrecking. And where does that leave me? After having some time to let it all sink in… I was sad. Maybe even depressed (but honestly for about a day and a half). Like to the point where I’m uncertain if I need cheering up or just to decompress what I went thru on this little journey.

Overall, I know I could have done better. Absolutely. What I was still trying to work on was fine tuning my craft. I believe the story telling was great but after a little more reflecting, I rushed myself and didn’t open up opportunities to connect with the judges as if they were just any other person. I know those that came out to support me let me know I did really well and thought I should have at least placed but these things happen. I’ll learn from it. But I told myself that this here was just a one-and-done type of competition just to see how far I’ve come. And honestly, I have come a long way. I’ll take this as a learning curve and will continue to better myself every day. For me.

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What Did I Want to Be Growing Up?

To some people, maybe their dreams stick with them throughout their childhood and into adulthood. Others, their dreams change constantly. Like me for example, what I wanted to do with my life was more about what was really going on in the world. Like what influence had a deeper effect on me. Let me break it down for you…

Michael Jordan

Oh yeah, the 90s was prime Jordan all the way. Watching the Bulls with my brothers was a whole experience in itself. From what I remember, if we weren’t watching the game we were playing it in the driveway. Oftentimes together but even when I was by myself or wanted to play, I would go out and make up scenarios in my mind to drive the experience playing basketball alone much more meaningful. I kept at it for a while… at least until the next big thing happened.

Tiger Woods and my uncle

Talk about revolutionizing the game of golf. Tiger was like a professional version of Happy Gilmore. The new wave of crowd and fans he brought in was surreal. It was shortly after his career blew up was about the same time my uncle introduced us all to the sport. I feel that with this particular game, everyone starts out terrible. I was no different. I used to get really upset the first few years of my golfing career. Eventually that changed (thank goodness), and I finally became a decent golfer. Which is why they say the game is mostly mental than physical, but it helps to have a good physique for the game.

This game however stuck around for me. I really did want to go pro, but I forgot to eat my vegetables during the crucial moments of my life and just stayed short and unworthy. But to this day golf still is one of my biggest passions in life.

The Hidden Reality?

Even while my childhood dreams continue to change, one thing that took a long while for me to notice was what didn’t change… cars. Fast cars. This realization that happened only just a few years ago made me wonder, “am I a professional racecar driver in disguised?”

Always was into cars growing up. For Christmas, I would get anything car stuff for the longest time. You know one of those electric racetracks that only require you to put your finger on the trigger. But if you press down all the way all the time, the car launches off the track. Like when Tim added more power to his car in Home Improvement. [insert grunting here]

Anyway, a little while after two crucial points hit: The Fast and the Furious released and my brother buying his first car and modifying it while I just watched him whenever I can on the weekends. I wouldn’t even say anything most of the time, if I heard him doing car work in the garage, I would stop anything I was doing and go out to see what he was working on next. This eventually would inspire me to do the same to my future first car. And I tell ya, if I could I would have never sold it because I was too lazy to look for a job to make money and instead went this route. Life choices.

With the Fast and Furious franchise (although they lost their way in the later films in my opinion), never knew how much my life would change. When that first movie released on DVD and my brother bought it, I watched it pretty much every day after school for who knows how long. It was my whole life for a while. And before I go deeper down this rabbit hole, I’ll save that story for another time.

For now, let’s say when I find myself driving down curved roads, I like to use the same line that professionals would use. I have this tendency to keep my speed up especially going on motorways but oftentimes I’m stuck behind drivers that will take almost any curved roads really slow… which I get. You’re being safe but the one downfall about that is you don’t accelerate fast enough getting on motorways where anyone already on it has to make these decisions they shouldn’t have to. “Oh man, do I slow down, speed up or merge over?” And if they can’t merge over from traffic, then they have to make a choice.

Me? I like to remove that choice for them. My style of driving is keeping everyone flowing smoothly (when they can). Now to be clear, I’m not weaving in and out of traffic or speeding like crazy. I go at what I’m comfortable with and stay out of the passing lane when possible. In theory, you would think this is pretty simple for anyone driving to manage but sadly it’s not… uhh, anyway I digress.

So, where was I?

I think it’s great that there are those out there who know what they want to do with their lives and stick it through. Here’s to hoping you enjoy it and that you’re living your life to the fullest. While I’m still figuring out mine, it’s just something that I can’t quite commit to. Only because I’m uncertain of what it is I want to do. Even today. To stick with one path and hoping it does work out. Maybe I’m just wired where I like to experience life one moment at a time and going with the flow. Someday maybe I will find what it is I’m looking for, but until then…

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Making Progress

Let’s talk about where I’ve been or what I’ve been up to these last… I don’t even know. The reason why I haven’t been posting. Instead of going into details about the what, I’d like to try something different, if I may.

A while back, when I started my blog, I wanted share with everyone stories and experiences of my life. Everything that I could remember that was worthy of sharing, no matter how silly or dumb it was, to possibly something relatable to you. Or at least something that got your attention about me and what I went through. The thing was, in the early stages of my writing, I would be all over the place. Wanting to write about so many different topics not necessarily having anything to do with my life (which isn’t a bad thing). And with that I had trouble completing what I would call my assignment. I wanted to write about everything that I forgot to write about anything. And that’s when I found myself struggling to produce anything valid.

It wasn’t until just recently that going back to the year that I decided to start a blog was a new life I had just created for myself. I carried the memories and all that with me but looked at my life from another point of view. I was changing. Evolving. Learning a lot on my own and rarely from others. And I don’t mean others teaching me a new skill or anything like that. But with life itself. I think most of us go through life learning on our own (at least for me), no matter how difficult it is. I have this tendency to learn the hard way, and not just from my past, but even to this day. Just not as often.

I’m not saying that I don’t like the man that I’ve become, because it got me to explore different jobs apart from what I’m used to. Eventually though, I landed a role that I really enjoy, even though it meant making less than a lot of my more recent jobs prior. Despite that, I haven’t felt this good about myself mentally in a while. But over this time period I have lost some friends from my little evolution, and every so often I do think about them. Others, not so much because I would develop trust issues with people. In the past year or so, I kept trying to explore down my past. Just remembering what made me the way that I was. How clumsy I used to be and how I would be a little too good with self-deprecation. It’s weird how much I miss those things about myself. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to. Guess that’s just part of evolution within ourselves as we age. Some things don’t change though, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

This year, I’m trying something new. From a big part and thank you to my niece, I made a bingo card. Just something I would like to see myself do more of or even trying something new. I figured because it’s on a literal piece of paper and I made sure to have it somewhere I could see it every day. This could be my motivation to actually want to do these things. And I’m trying! It’s slow but it’s progress.

And speaking of progress, that’s what counts. The effort to do something. Even though there’s a lot to conquer with this bingo card, I don’t expect to complete it fully. But I’ll be damned if I don’t at least give it a shot!

My Bingo Card that was made back in February.
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Love is Stronger than Hate

Truer words have never been spoken so well from such an icon. Of course, I’m referring to Bad Bunny. I agree completely with what he’s saying, even if I didn’t know what he was singing. But it doesn’t matter. I understood what he meant. And the storytelling in his performance alone could tell you that. I just wanted to add to this by saying that the reason I believe, as humanity, why we struggle so much with that is simply because we forget how to love. We have so much hate in our… loins! I don’t know. Just somewhere deep down that we let it become our persona, of which I’ve mentioned before how we hide behind a façade too often. But I really feel like that’s already changing!

Remember the movie Inside Out? Some people are “controlled” by a specific character that is a feeling/emotion and that just becomes their normal. Riley was a happy girl and I know it’s been a little while since I’ve seen the movie, but wasn’t her father the angry character?

So, who controls the helm inside yourself? Because where does hate get you in life? I get it though, sometimes life isn’t on your side. At least it can feel like that at times, whether it’s more often than not. But I honestly feel like it’s all about your mindset. Don’t pretend to show love. Express it! Feel it! Who knows? It can be contagious to others where they see it and genuinely become happier, and if you notice them experiencing it, could also make you happier. And at the end of it all, you forget why you hated in the first place.

From yours truly…

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The Right Title

When you’re making up your own story, which can be for a book, movie, or even a blog post, it’s never easy. Sometimes it can be a cinch, but lately for me, it’s been a struggle. No matter how simple or complex the story, I put in the research so I can make it right. The less voids/holes in the plot the better. Of course, it’s not going to be perfect.

However, once I have an idea of the story I’m going for and a little research later, I find myself going further down this sort of rabbit hole of a title. Could be simple or catchy, but I also want to make sure it isn’t copying anyone else’s which I find incredibly difficult (just because I don’t know how the world of copyright works and that it’s everywhere no matter what you do). And by this time, it’s almost impossible to come up with your own title that’s an original, unless of course you make up your own words. Like putting two words together, and somehow unfortunately for me, some made-up words I’ve looked up were also taken. Now I’m at a crossroad. But at this point, I think I’ve just accepted no matter what I decide to make my stories title, it’s my story, and no one else’s.

And that’s currently the story of my life lately…

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The Stress of Moving Out

It never really occurred to me why moving out can be so stressful… until now. One too many times I still find myself moving from place to place not thinking when will this temporary living situation be a bit more permanent. It’s been over 10 years now since I left home to what I would say be on my own, except I wasn’t for the most part. I at least had a roommate for most of that time. Only in the past few years was I officially on my own and sadly enough, I kept the empty boxes and added on to those boxes. Nothing has really ever felt like home since moving out. The older I get, the more responsibilities I seem to have and that time to enjoy life just kept getting smaller and smaller. Work from one of my previous employers burnt me out where I spent the next couple of years doing absolutely nothing. And now the time has come where I’m packing my things once again…

The reason for my move this time, and this is not an easy thing to say… but it’s money. If living paycheck to paycheck wasn’t bad enough, I had to deal with car problems on top of that. It was the latest issue that sealed the deal in my moving. Even though life hasn’t quite gone my way lately, I’m not mad about it. The way I see it, this is a new chapter in my life. Sometimes you have to take that step back before soaring forward through the skies (I know, that was a bit cheesy).

What makes this stressful is how even after I had to give my 30 days’ notice that I’m leaving my apartment, I still find myself not taking action. Hardly anything has been packed up and my 30 days are almost up. And I’m starting to feel it. But maybe it’s just because I’m tired of doing this so often, and so many times. And just like every other time, I do have items I tend to sell and donate.

This move will be quite painful for me. I may have to leave one of the jobs I work at, and I really do love it. I love the people I work with, and it’s been such a joy. You know you have it well when work doesn’t feel like work. And unless I’m willing to commute almost an hour just for a part-time job, I don’t know if that’s worth it. Especially with my car running the way it has been. Well, whatever I decide to do, no matter what happens, I will look at this as a new chapter in my journey. Life may not be easy, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get to live it!

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Energy & Life

Life is beautiful. But life would not be what it is if we didn’t have the energy to be able to live it. Energy drives us. Energy makes us. It’s who we are and what we’ve become. Why is it that kids have so much energy compared to adults? In my not-so expert opinion, it’s because they take naps. They have a bunch of caffeine, like drinking a bunch of soda and eating candy. Something that keeps them going for only such a short period of time. Unlike when we’re adults where we do have our caffeine fix but then start to feel the crash in the early afternoon. Naps then ruin the rest of our day or help us push ourselves to work longer late into the night just to do it all over again the next day. But if we don’t take naps then we might just be getting by. Have just enough energy to get us to bedtime but wasting our day without being productive. Unless you live a happy enough life where that is perfectly fine with you. It’s only if you feel like you want more. Want to do more. Achieve more.

So, where does our energy come from? The answer to that is a bit more complicated than it seems. It’s possible that a good mattress will do the trick. Or having a clear mind will get you a good night’s sleep. What I’ve learned is that it very well could be a little bit of everything. Having a good mattress that suits you will most definitely help, and of course, clearing your mind of unwanted thoughts before bedtime. But in my experience, financial situations have made my life more difficult. It is possible that the thought of living paycheck to paycheck is keeping me from getting good sleep. All the more reason for why I have not posted in my blog for over 2 months. That’s just part of life as well. The fact that life can distract you from doing what you love. Draining away your energy without you realizing it. But don’t use it as an excuse. Just consider it an obstacle.

Never forget that life is a beautiful thing and that we are so grateful to have it. To be a part of it. Don’t turn into an adult and erase all the beauty in your imagination just because of your age. Be someone brilliant. You got this!

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Dear Me in 5 Years…

assuming you’re alive and well, please… do more. I understand that life has been difficult but it’s no reason to keep you from going after your dreams and aspirations. You gave yourself goals in life but have made no effort to achieving them. What is it going to take for you to start doing? That’s if you haven’t already by this time. I know what you’re capable of and whether you know it or not, you do bring joy to many people. Even if you don’t feel like you have and feel worthless at times. But who doesn’t think that about themselves from time to time? I want you to know that I know you are wonderful and extremely talented. And don’t forget I was also there to witness how impress our colleagues were just from your conversations with the customers. They were entertained by you!

Another thing, I’m also really confused writing in this first-, second-, or third-person narrative, or whatever it is at this point. But at least there’s journalbuddies to help give us this topic so we have something to write about.

Whether or not this might sound cliché, but when you put your mind to doing something, you’re creating a work of art. Granted, not everything you make is a hit. But it’s still art. Good or bad, wonderful or dreary, perfect or the many mistakes you make. That’s what makes you who you are.

So, let’s not do nothing. Start by starting. Before you know it, you’ll be incredibly pleased with the person you become if you just do it.

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Honesty Goes a Long Ways

So, I met this woman who was sitting across the bar from me one night. She couldn’t take her eyes off of me. I know that look when I see it and wanted to find out more. As curiosity crossed my mind, I went over to introduce myself. And after getting to know each other, with a few drinks later, we went back to her place. Just because my place is a mess and I’m not proud of myself. It’s okay though, it’s probably just my depression. Anyway, back to my story. We’re back at her place and continued our conversation with a night cap. I got a little too comfortable where a fart slipped out. As embarrassed as I was, she didn’t seem to mind. Just giggled. Shortly after the smell went away, we hooked up.

Here’s the thing: the story I told, was a lie. And now you’re probably disappointed with me. But that’s okay (maybe), because I’ve had to deal with that one too many times. If you have friends that do this to you often, it makes it difficult to care what they tell you considering you don’t know if you want to believe what they have to say or what stories they tell. So, why bother?

The story that I told, still holds a lot of truth behind it. Apart from going back to the woman’s place that I mentioned, and thus leading to me manifesting the fart part, this was a really short story. Besides giving you a detailed description of my messy apartment, I was just drinking at a bar. So, what actually happened was…

“I was having a drink at the bar and noticed this woman across from me. She gave me this look. I like to call it the look of desire. So, I went over to introduce myself and as we got to know a little bit about each other, my night ended with me going home alone.”

The moral of the story is that I don’t have a clue how to close. I guess it’s just something that I never got over. Always afraid of rejection and lacking the courage to do so. However, I do enjoy conversating with people, especially if it’s a small group or a one-on-one situation. It just feels more personal.

I like to consider myself a people pleaser. I know it may not sound like a good thing, but it’s not all bad though. Just want to shine a little light onto people no matter what kind of day they are having. This whole thing is really about understanding where people are coming from. We all have a way about us that makes us do or say things that can be good or bad. But telling the truth is better than building up one lie after another. And if you want to keep certain things to yourself, by all means. Everyone should be entitled to their privacy. What you want to share is up to you.

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Unspoken Words

As an entire civilization probably, we think about everything that goes on in our everyday lives. The problem though… is that we don’t express ourselves about what’s actually going on. If you’re confused, that’s okay. Because I am as well. John Mayer had this song, “say what you need to say“, and I could not agree more. How we feel and especially want to express ourselves, yet we keep it only to ourselves is, well, selfish. If anybody says anything that rubs you the wrong way, it makes sense to be straight with them right there on the spot. But life has a way of making us want to bottle these feelings. And why not?! This is what society has made of us. I could be wrong by saying this, but I really don’t care, and the thing is I feel we our all sensitive. The little things hit us right to the core, but by expressing it out loud would make people judge us, and lead to others talking about us behind our back. Not that we should even care about it. But maybe, just maybe, we do care. Of course, we want to make a good impression to everyone around us. And this is where I give so much credit to those that just don’t give a… poop.

Here’s another problem, though. To the people that don’t care, it affects those that do. The day-to-day stuff might just mean more to others, and we should all at least respect it. Stubborn is a word that I feel doesn’t get used enough. To me, it means that people aren’t open to new experiences. That’s why perspective is one of the most important things in life. You live most of your life knowing one thing, and that everything else is basically wrong.

It’s sad. Most people in this world feel like they have to hide behind this façade. And I don’t blame them. Life is difficult. One of the most difficult things is to be yourself. Who cares what you are. Be who you were meant to be. Because you were meant for greatness. You were meant to do things beyond imaginable. “Only you can prevent forest fires!” Sorry. I’m a comedian by nature, probably. But enough talk. Go out there and be the best version you were meant to be. As Joe Dirt once said, “Life’s a garden, dig it!”

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