Tag: Blog

What Did I Want to Be Growing Up?

To some people, maybe their dreams stick with them throughout their childhood and into adulthood. Others, their dreams change constantly. Like me for example, what I wanted to do with my life was more about what was really going on in the world. Like what influence had a deeper effect on me. Let me break it down for you…

Michael Jordan

Oh yeah, the 90s was prime Jordan all the way. Watching the Bulls with my brothers was a whole experience in itself. From what I remember, if we weren’t watching the game we were playing it in the driveway. Oftentimes together but even when I was by myself or wanted to play, I would go out and make up scenarios in my mind to drive the experience playing basketball alone much more meaningful. I kept at it for a while… at least until the next big thing happened.

Tiger Woods and my uncle

Talk about revolutionizing the game of golf. Tiger was like a professional version of Happy Gilmore. The new wave of crowd and fans he brought in was surreal. It was shortly after his career blew up was about the same time my uncle introduced us all to the sport. I feel that with this particular game, everyone starts out terrible. I was no different. I used to get really upset the first few years of my golfing career. Eventually that changed (thank goodness), and I finally became a decent golfer. Which is why they say the game is mostly mental than physical, but it helps to have a good physique for the game.

This game however stuck around for me. I really did want to go pro, but I forgot to eat my vegetables during the crucial moments of my life and just stayed short and unworthy. But to this day golf still is one of my biggest passions in life.

The Hidden Reality?

Even while my childhood dreams continue to change, one thing that took a long while for me to notice was what didn’t change… cars. Fast cars. This realization that happened only just a few years ago made me wonder, “am I a professional racecar driver in disguised?”

Always was into cars growing up. For Christmas, I would get anything car stuff for the longest time. You know one of those electric racetracks that only require you to put your finger on the trigger. But if you press down all the way all the time, the car launches off the track. Like when Tim added more power to his car in Home Improvement. [insert grunting here]

Anyway, a little while after two crucial points hit: The Fast and the Furious released and my brother buying his first car and modifying it while I just watched him whenever I can on the weekends. I wouldn’t even say anything most of the time, if I heard him doing car work in the garage, I would stop anything I was doing and go out to see what he was working on next. This eventually would inspire me to do the same to my future first car. And I tell ya, if I could I would have never sold it because I was too lazy to look for a job to make money and instead went this route. Life choices.

With the Fast and Furious franchise (although they lost their way in the later films in my opinion), never knew how much my life would change. When that first movie released on DVD and my brother bought it, I watched it pretty much every day after school for who knows how long. It was my whole life for a while. And before I go deeper down this rabbit hole, I’ll save that story for another time.

For now, let’s say when I find myself driving down curved roads, I like to use the same line that professionals would use. I have this tendency to keep my speed up especially going on motorways but oftentimes I’m stuck behind drivers that will take almost any curved roads really slow… which I get. You’re being safe but the one downfall about that is you don’t accelerate fast enough getting on motorways where anyone already on it has to make these decisions they shouldn’t have to. “Oh man, do I slow down, speed up or merge over?” And if they can’t merge over from traffic, then they have to make a choice.

Me? I like to remove that choice for them. My style of driving is keeping everyone flowing smoothly (when they can). Now to be clear, I’m not weaving in and out of traffic or speeding like crazy. I go at what I’m comfortable with and stay out of the passing lane when possible. In theory, you would think this is pretty simple for anyone driving to manage but sadly it’s not… uhh, anyway I digress.

So, where was I?

I think it’s great that there are those out there who know what they want to do with their lives and stick it through. Here’s to hoping you enjoy it and that you’re living your life to the fullest. While I’m still figuring out mine, it’s just something that I can’t quite commit to. Only because I’m uncertain of what it is I want to do. Even today. To stick with one path and hoping it does work out. Maybe I’m just wired where I like to experience life one moment at a time and going with the flow. Someday maybe I will find what it is I’m looking for, but until then…

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Making Progress

Let’s talk about where I’ve been or what I’ve been up to these last… I don’t even know. The reason why I haven’t been posting. Instead of going into details about the what, I’d like to try something different, if I may.

A while back, when I started my blog, I wanted share with everyone stories and experiences of my life. Everything that I could remember that was worthy of sharing, no matter how silly or dumb it was, to possibly something relatable to you. Or at least something that got your attention about me and what I went through. The thing was, in the early stages of my writing, I would be all over the place. Wanting to write about so many different topics not necessarily having anything to do with my life (which isn’t a bad thing). And with that I had trouble completing what I would call my assignment. I wanted to write about everything that I forgot to write about anything. And that’s when I found myself struggling to produce anything valid.

It wasn’t until just recently that going back to the year that I decided to start a blog was a new life I had just created for myself. I carried the memories and all that with me but looked at my life from another point of view. I was changing. Evolving. Learning a lot on my own and rarely from others. And I don’t mean others teaching me a new skill or anything like that. But with life itself. I think most of us go through life learning on our own (at least for me), no matter how difficult it is. I have this tendency to learn the hard way, and not just from my past, but even to this day. Just not as often.

I’m not saying that I don’t like the man that I’ve become, because it got me to explore different jobs apart from what I’m used to. Eventually though, I landed a role that I really enjoy, even though it meant making less than a lot of my more recent jobs prior. Despite that, I haven’t felt this good about myself mentally in a while. But over this time period I have lost some friends from my little evolution, and every so often I do think about them. Others, not so much because I would develop trust issues with people. In the past year or so, I kept trying to explore down my past. Just remembering what made me the way that I was. How clumsy I used to be and how I would be a little too good with self-deprecation. It’s weird how much I miss those things about myself. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to. Guess that’s just part of evolution within ourselves as we age. Some things don’t change though, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

This year, I’m trying something new. From a big part and thank you to my niece, I made a bingo card. Just something I would like to see myself do more of or even trying something new. I figured because it’s on a literal piece of paper and I made sure to have it somewhere I could see it every day. This could be my motivation to actually want to do these things. And I’m trying! It’s slow but it’s progress.

And speaking of progress, that’s what counts. The effort to do something. Even though there’s a lot to conquer with this bingo card, I don’t expect to complete it fully. But I’ll be damned if I don’t at least give it a shot!

My Bingo Card that was made back in February.
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Love is Stronger than Hate

Truer words have never been spoken so well from such an icon. Of course, I’m referring to Bad Bunny. I agree completely with what he’s saying, even if I didn’t know what he was singing. But it doesn’t matter. I understood what he meant. And the storytelling in his performance alone could tell you that. I just wanted to add to this by saying that the reason I believe, as humanity, why we struggle so much with that is simply because we forget how to love. We have so much hate in our… loins! I don’t know. Just somewhere deep down that we let it become our persona, of which I’ve mentioned before how we hide behind a façade too often. But I really feel like that’s already changing!

Remember the movie Inside Out? Some people are “controlled” by a specific character that is a feeling/emotion and that just becomes their normal. Riley was a happy girl and I know it’s been a little while since I’ve seen the movie, but wasn’t her father the angry character?

So, who controls the helm inside yourself? Because where does hate get you in life? I get it though, sometimes life isn’t on your side. At least it can feel like that at times, whether it’s more often than not. But I honestly feel like it’s all about your mindset. Don’t pretend to show love. Express it! Feel it! Who knows? It can be contagious to others where they see it and genuinely become happier, and if you notice them experiencing it, could also make you happier. And at the end of it all, you forget why you hated in the first place.

From yours truly…

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The Right Title

When you’re making up your own story, which can be for a book, movie, or even a blog post, it’s never easy. Sometimes it can be a cinch, but lately for me, it’s been a struggle. No matter how simple or complex the story, I put in the research so I can make it right. The less voids/holes in the plot the better. Of course, it’s not going to be perfect.

However, once I have an idea of the story I’m going for and a little research later, I find myself going further down this sort of rabbit hole of a title. Could be simple or catchy, but I also want to make sure it isn’t copying anyone else’s which I find incredibly difficult (just because I don’t know how the world of copyright works and that it’s everywhere no matter what you do). And by this time, it’s almost impossible to come up with your own title that’s an original, unless of course you make up your own words. Like putting two words together, and somehow unfortunately for me, some made-up words I’ve looked up were also taken. Now I’m at a crossroad. But at this point, I think I’ve just accepted no matter what I decide to make my stories title, it’s my story, and no one else’s.

And that’s currently the story of my life lately…

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The Stress of Moving Out

It never really occurred to me why moving out can be so stressful… until now. One too many times I still find myself moving from place to place not thinking when will this temporary living situation be a bit more permanent. It’s been over 10 years now since I left home to what I would say be on my own, except I wasn’t for the most part. I at least had a roommate for most of that time. Only in the past few years was I officially on my own and sadly enough, I kept the empty boxes and added on to those boxes. Nothing has really ever felt like home since moving out. The older I get, the more responsibilities I seem to have and that time to enjoy life just kept getting smaller and smaller. Work from one of my previous employers burnt me out where I spent the next couple of years doing absolutely nothing. And now the time has come where I’m packing my things once again…

The reason for my move this time, and this is not an easy thing to say… but it’s money. If living paycheck to paycheck wasn’t bad enough, I had to deal with car problems on top of that. It was the latest issue that sealed the deal in my moving. Even though life hasn’t quite gone my way lately, I’m not mad about it. The way I see it, this is a new chapter in my life. Sometimes you have to take that step back before soaring forward through the skies (I know, that was a bit cheesy).

What makes this stressful is how even after I had to give my 30 days’ notice that I’m leaving my apartment, I still find myself not taking action. Hardly anything has been packed up and my 30 days are almost up. And I’m starting to feel it. But maybe it’s just because I’m tired of doing this so often, and so many times. And just like every other time, I do have items I tend to sell and donate.

This move will be quite painful for me. I may have to leave one of the jobs I work at, and I really do love it. I love the people I work with, and it’s been such a joy. You know you have it well when work doesn’t feel like work. And unless I’m willing to commute almost an hour just for a part-time job, I don’t know if that’s worth it. Especially with my car running the way it has been. Well, whatever I decide to do, no matter what happens, I will look at this as a new chapter in my journey. Life may not be easy, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get to live it!

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Energy & Life

Life is beautiful. But life would not be what it is if we didn’t have the energy to be able to live it. Energy drives us. Energy makes us. It’s who we are and what we’ve become. Why is it that kids have so much energy compared to adults? In my not-so expert opinion, it’s because they take naps. They have a bunch of caffeine, like drinking a bunch of soda and eating candy. Something that keeps them going for only such a short period of time. Unlike when we’re adults where we do have our caffeine fix but then start to feel the crash in the early afternoon. Naps then ruin the rest of our day or help us push ourselves to work longer late into the night just to do it all over again the next day. But if we don’t take naps then we might just be getting by. Have just enough energy to get us to bedtime but wasting our day without being productive. Unless you live a happy enough life where that is perfectly fine with you. It’s only if you feel like you want more. Want to do more. Achieve more.

So, where does our energy come from? The answer to that is a bit more complicated than it seems. It’s possible that a good mattress will do the trick. Or having a clear mind will get you a good night’s sleep. What I’ve learned is that it very well could be a little bit of everything. Having a good mattress that suits you will most definitely help, and of course, clearing your mind of unwanted thoughts before bedtime. But in my experience, financial situations have made my life more difficult. It is possible that the thought of living paycheck to paycheck is keeping me from getting good sleep. All the more reason for why I have not posted in my blog for over 2 months. That’s just part of life as well. The fact that life can distract you from doing what you love. Draining away your energy without you realizing it. But don’t use it as an excuse. Just consider it an obstacle.

Never forget that life is a beautiful thing and that we are so grateful to have it. To be a part of it. Don’t turn into an adult and erase all the beauty in your imagination just because of your age. Be someone brilliant. You got this!

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Dear Me in 5 Years…

assuming you’re alive and well, please… do more. I understand that life has been difficult but it’s no reason to keep you from going after your dreams and aspirations. You gave yourself goals in life but have made no effort to achieving them. What is it going to take for you to start doing? That’s if you haven’t already by this time. I know what you’re capable of and whether you know it or not, you do bring joy to many people. Even if you don’t feel like you have and feel worthless at times. But who doesn’t think that about themselves from time to time? I want you to know that I know you are wonderful and extremely talented. And don’t forget I was also there to witness how impress our colleagues were just from your conversations with the customers. They were entertained by you!

Another thing, I’m also really confused writing in this first-, second-, or third-person narrative, or whatever it is at this point. But at least there’s journalbuddies to help give us this topic so we have something to write about.

Whether or not this might sound cliché, but when you put your mind to doing something, you’re creating a work of art. Granted, not everything you make is a hit. But it’s still art. Good or bad, wonderful or dreary, perfect or the many mistakes you make. That’s what makes you who you are.

So, let’s not do nothing. Start by starting. Before you know it, you’ll be incredibly pleased with the person you become if you just do it.

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Honesty Goes a Long Ways

So, I met this woman who was sitting across the bar from me one night. She couldn’t take her eyes off of me. I know that look when I see it and wanted to find out more. As curiosity crossed my mind, I went over to introduce myself. And after getting to know each other, with a few drinks later, we went back to her place. Just because my place is a mess and I’m not proud of myself. It’s okay though, it’s probably just my depression. Anyway, back to my story. We’re back at her place and continued our conversation with a night cap. I got a little too comfortable where a fart slipped out. As embarrassed as I was, she didn’t seem to mind. Just giggled. Shortly after the smell went away, we hooked up.

Here’s the thing: the story I told, was a lie. And now you’re probably disappointed with me. But that’s okay (maybe), because I’ve had to deal with that one too many times. If you have friends that do this to you often, it makes it difficult to care what they tell you considering you don’t know if you want to believe what they have to say or what stories they tell. So, why bother?

The story that I told, still holds a lot of truth behind it. Apart from going back to the woman’s place that I mentioned, and thus leading to me manifesting the fart part, this was a really short story. Besides giving you a detailed description of my messy apartment, I was just drinking at a bar. So, what actually happened was…

“I was having a drink at the bar and noticed this woman across from me. She gave me this look. I like to call it the look of desire. So, I went over to introduce myself and as we got to know a little bit about each other, my night ended with me going home alone.”

The moral of the story is that I don’t have a clue how to close. I guess it’s just something that I never got over. Always afraid of rejection and lacking the courage to do so. However, I do enjoy conversating with people, especially if it’s a small group or a one-on-one situation. It just feels more personal.

I like to consider myself a people pleaser. I know it may not sound like a good thing, but it’s not all bad though. Just want to shine a little light onto people no matter what kind of day they are having. This whole thing is really about understanding where people are coming from. We all have a way about us that makes us do or say things that can be good or bad. But telling the truth is better than building up one lie after another. And if you want to keep certain things to yourself, by all means. Everyone should be entitled to their privacy. What you want to share is up to you.

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Unspoken Words

As an entire civilization probably, we think about everything that goes on in our everyday lives. The problem though… is that we don’t express ourselves about what’s actually going on. If you’re confused, that’s okay. Because I am as well. John Mayer had this song, “say what you need to say“, and I could not agree more. How we feel and especially want to express ourselves, yet we keep it only to ourselves is, well, selfish. If anybody says anything that rubs you the wrong way, it makes sense to be straight with them right there on the spot. But life has a way of making us want to bottle these feelings. And why not?! This is what society has made of us. I could be wrong by saying this, but I really don’t care, and the thing is I feel we our all sensitive. The little things hit us right to the core, but by expressing it out loud would make people judge us, and lead to others talking about us behind our back. Not that we should even care about it. But maybe, just maybe, we do care. Of course, we want to make a good impression to everyone around us. And this is where I give so much credit to those that just don’t give a… poop.

Here’s another problem, though. To the people that don’t care, it affects those that do. The day-to-day stuff might just mean more to others, and we should all at least respect it. Stubborn is a word that I feel doesn’t get used enough. To me, it means that people aren’t open to new experiences. That’s why perspective is one of the most important things in life. You live most of your life knowing one thing, and that everything else is basically wrong.

It’s sad. Most people in this world feel like they have to hide behind this façade. And I don’t blame them. Life is difficult. One of the most difficult things is to be yourself. Who cares what you are. Be who you were meant to be. Because you were meant for greatness. You were meant to do things beyond imaginable. “Only you can prevent forest fires!” Sorry. I’m a comedian by nature, probably. But enough talk. Go out there and be the best version you were meant to be. As Joe Dirt once said, “Life’s a garden, dig it!”

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Imagine Our World Today, Without the Internet

For starters, I’m not saying we had the internet and now it’s gone. It’s 2023 and the internet just never existed. What kind of world would we live in? Where would we be with our technology now? The post office may be a great place to have a career, with all the handwritten letters we would write to each other, of course, unless you have a typewriter. But what does that mean when it comes to cell phones? Or smartphones as we call it. Would texting be a thing? Does that actually require the internet to send messages? I honestly really don’t know. But yes, there are so many questions to ask, so let’s just at least start with putting together my hypothesis and see where that takes us.

Plain and simple, the internet made our lives… lazier. Yes, many, many things were easier. But we got lazy with how easy it made things. And with how much we utilized it to where it is today, it also took away what once was valuable to us. Obviously, I wouldn’t be able to make any sense of it all with my blog without the internet, but we would all be living different lives. Most people would freak out if the internet shut down for even just a day. As long as electricity still worked, I would be just fine. That’s just one of the many reasons why I like to collect hard copies of movies & TV shows on blu ray and DVD. And if the power went out for just as long (or longer), I would look for sticks on the ground that looked like guns to play cops & robbers… I’m not sure where I’m going with this anymore. But I digress.

There’s plenty more of what I can say about having internet or not, but one thing we should all at least cherish, the things that made us happy without being obvious. The era that I grew up in involved going to a friend’s place to see if they were home and wanted to hang out. Or using a landline house phone and having to talk to someone else to reach the person you’re trying to talk to. And this one may be a bit of a reach or it’s just me, but neighbors you actually talk to and befriend.

At the end of the day, we live in the world we live in. Sometimes, it’s not much, but it could also be spectacular. You never know what you’re going to get. Isn’t that part of a quote from Forest Gump?

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