The Untold Story: Perspective

Let’s talk about people. Like our personalities, tendencies, and of course, perspectives. How every little thing that make us who we are shows how we perceive life. Some of us are caring and constantly thinking about others and their wellbeing, while others only care for themselves and will do what’s best for them, even if that means getting ahead or because they need the win, or heck, maybe they just can’t put aside their egos. Join me as we explore the minds of what makes us as individuals, who we are.

The Problem

Now, this is from my point of view. And from my experience, it’s that there are too many people in this world that are just unaware. Unaware of a lot of situations they find themselves in. A great example is how they typically only see things in black and white. Completely forgetting that there are 50 shades of grey. The thing is if you see people that are like this, they tend to believe that everything they say or how they feel is right. It’s unfortunate because it almost feels like anything you tell them they won’t believe you. So, how do you open up their minds to not be so… stubborn? Maybe you don’t. Not because you shouldn’t, but because maybe you can’t. Some people can be so far gone it’s almost impossible to change their perspective. So why bother changing it anyway?

My Story

I was in a situation that looking back on it now, was toxic. A friendship that scarred me possibly for life. Of course, being that I like to spread my joy and positivity around, there were plenty of good memories. But with that came a lot of bad ones. I guess you could say in this relationship I looked up to the person as someone who influenced my life. Back when I was much younger, I had many friends and old colleagues trying to explain to me the situation I was in. Like being teased, but more or less, being made fun of, in front of his friends. I had no idea I was being manipulated and controlled considering the many good things that had happened with us. Unfortunately, I failed to see it so much later in life. Eventually, sometime later, I finally was well aware of my relationship with this individual and ended the friendship. Did not care that it was formal or not, it just needed to end. But that scarring that it left me gave me tendencies from him that rubbed off on me. Before realizing what I became after this, I was doing similar things to people I cared about and that left our relationship vulnerable. It was only until recently that I noticed this about myself that I made changes (hopefully it’s not too late). Best way to put it, like Taylor Swift said, I’m the anti-hero.

Perspective

I believe what it comes down to is it shouldn’t matter who’s right or wrong, everyone has their own story. I personally love knowing what plays out from anyone’s point of view. First of all, it’s eye opening so you have a better understanding from someone else’s perspective. They are the narrative. So long as the story adds up. But also, everyone has a past. From how they were raised and all the people and things they were surrounded by growing up played a role in their lives. Every little detail that makes us all unique in our own different ways. That’s how we look at life. All the good and bad choices that were made, all the lessons learned along the way (assuming you learned from it). Just know that whether you’ve known someone to what feels like your whole life, or a random stranger, you’ll never know the whole story behind their history. You should never judge them or disrespect them. Be kind. But also, pay attention. Not everyone has good intentions, but the one’s that do… treat them well.

The Untold Story: About Life… so far

When it comes to people, how do you know you can trust them? Like really. I’m not trying to start anything or initiate some wrongdoing. All I’m saying is whenever you’re doing or saying something and people, whether they are your friends, family, or coworkers, they without letting you know might have more to express about you behind your back. Unfortunately, I’ve been in some similar situations. The problem is the individual or multiple people that are involved don’t say anything to you. And that’s where and when the problem begins. If you’re a very open-minded and observant person, you’ll notice some things. The truth is, all you expect in return is the truth. People to tell you when something is wrong, or when you may have something to do with the problem. Those are the people that I respect. But the issue I have is when things are unsaid. I’ve spent more than enough of my life to know that if something is wrong, I would like to know about it. That’s why anyone who tells me anything, I respect them whole heartedly. But then there’s the people who decide to keep things to themselves. Or at least with those they feel are close to them. How do you expect a relationship to be stronger if you can’t even tell the person you feel who is bothering you about a problem what’s wrong?

I’m sure a lot of this has to do with overthinking, but sometimes my overthinking personally has been right. But it’s been wrong at times… and then there’s your gut. When you have a gut feeling about something, like the old saying says… “go with your gut” or something like that. I honestly don’t know any more at this point. Everyone lives their own lives. There’s only so much we can do to change it. Pastors, Motivators, Phycologist, Teachers and whatnot. At some point in our lives, we need to be aware of what we know. And what we can change to better ourselves as human beings. Life is short. Make the most with what you have to work with. Just be sure it’s something positive and can give hope for generations to overcome adversity.

My Story

This just might be long overdue. Why I got into writing and what my reason was to start my very own blog. Some of my goals and dreams in life, and what is in stored for my future (assuming I stay disciplined and motivated). From everything I’ve learned in my life and what was taken in from 2021, I will be dick-punching 2022 right in the face (in a good way)! So, without further ado…

Inspiration To Blog

My very first post came in May of 2021. I wanted to represent my culture, my family. Basically, where we came from, and the timing could not have been any better. It was right around Laos New Year and with traditions come good eating. We had plenty to eat, but there was one thing I left out in that story… when I got high with my sister and her boyfriend. I had taken a couple months off from smoking but thought since I was with family that I would be in good hands. That my paranoia may have subsided, at least for that moment. As Derrick (my sister’s boyfriend) and I were sitting by the fire and the high was kicking in pretty good, I was having a genuine conversation with him… which was short lived. As I was telling him a story, mid-sentence I just stopped completely because I lost track of what I was talking about. Cracking Derrick up unintentionally from that was pretty nice. Little did I know, I would end up doing it again moments later. We both laughed about it. It was a really good night. But darkness was taking me! My body just became cold. I was shivering so much I ended up being right up to the barrel where we had the fire. Thinking back to it, I knew it had something to do with being too skinny. I took it as a sign that I needed to get some meat on my bones. I know this because when I was at home and was high, I was shivering yet again and every time I would walk, it felt like my bones were rubbing up against each other.

Anyway, the reason I started blogging was because I felt unmotivated and wasn’t driven to keeping up with my YouTube channel. Instead, something that I did notice that I was doing consistently and felt good about was writing. There was less work that was needed to be done when it came to writing, in which turned into blogging. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy making videos, but there’s a lot of work put into the process; recording, audio & video quality, editing, the possibilities of reshooting and so on. At this point I thought I would just start somewhere. Do something that I enjoy doing that takes less work, but still requires a lot of thought and time put into each of my posts. And with that comes what you see now!

Writing

Getting into writing was not a task at all. To me, it felt like second nature. When I got into it, I just went on for days. And considering I have somewhat of an OCD and am a perfectionist, it was easy for me to categorize subjects and topics. So, breaking down these topics and redefining them into details was a piece of Betty Crocker cake. I couldn’t just say cake because there’s a butthole of work put into that. Anyway, writing! I also mentioned this in my earlier posts, when I built my first PC it didn’t take long for me to get into writing. The topics that I have written down so far were for my future blogs and trying to schedule all of it, along with different types of videos for my YouTube channel that is on hold for the moment. However, I like to say that I’m an idealist. Just give me some time, be patient, and I promise to my followers that I will bring some video content, especially for those who aren’t the biggest readers. And speaking of, I was not the biggest reader myself. I used to be all about videos but after a little soul searching, I never realized that I enjoyed reading a lot more than I thought. Articles on the internet and other bloggers, reading people’s stories and their ingredients from Pinterest was… reading! I know this is more than likely debatable but, reading helps build your personal vocabulary. Your own dictionary. When I was much younger, I only had the use of simple words and was not creative or open minded enough to reach out to a larger vocabulary. I really do hope that in the future that the urban dictionary does not take over the dictionary that I knew growing up. All these slangs and terms that are used nowadays. That’s all I want to say about that. On to the next…

Goals and Dreams

One of the things that I always wanted when it comes to a place to live was to be a studio/loft type of apartment. Where there are exposed beams, an accent brick wall, and typically hardwood flooring. The thing about that is you’re not going to find those styled apartments just anywhere. They’re located downtown and as of recent, that’s where I could see myself spending a good chunk of my life in. So, one of my goals in this 2022 year is to move downtown into the city. To have that feeling where most of what I’m looking for is a walk away. Less fuel usage and miles build up on my car. Another thing I’ve noticed is how difficult times are lately, especially with what Covid has brought upon us. And something that I want to do is help people take the edge off by wanting to create content on my YouTube channel and bring smile and laughter to ease the tension and stress to all. So, in this new year I am going to have to be focused and stay disciplined on creating fun and enjoyable content. But I also have to remember to do this for me as well. Having fun with this passion of mine, otherwise it just becomes work.

Considering my current situation, one of my dreams in life is to have my own studio. A place where I can go to and perform my great work of art. From making videos to having a chill vibe environment for writing my blog. To me it is difficult having my work inside my own home because I might not get a lot done. I figured if I have my own studio, it will require me to leave my own home and I could get more work done. That’s the concept I have going on at least. But not just for writing and making videos, having a podcast and a recreational area as well. That’s the dream! All I need to do is just take that next step towards it. We’re on our way. Let’s get it! And as they say in Blades of Glory, “Let’s capture the dream!”

Missed Connections

Is it possible to find love in the most unlikely of places? From coffee shops to gyms, to bars and dating apps, not that these are considered unlikely. I guess in my situation I wouldn’t call it love but definitely a feeling that made me yearn for more. Let’s take it back about 10 years to when this story began… It’s the weekend and I was out with a friend at a club downtown. And there she is. Just glowing in my eyes. The aura that she carries around her just ever so naturally. Standing out in front of everyone else (at least to me). As she glances my way, I give her “the look”. She then proceeds in my direction and introduces herself. “Hey, I’m Daisy!” From there we conversed for a little bit then I went out for a dance with her. She had on what I believe was this silky light brown sweater and one of the cutest smiles I’ve seen. Now, because this was around 10 years ago, I don’t remember exactly what happened. All I know is not long after our dance we parted ways, and I would never see her again. There is one thing I left out though… Daisy was a dancer at a strip club. Which brings me back to the unlikely of places on finding love. She was really sweet to me and might have been the best $20 I’ve ever spent. After hindsight has kicked in, I’m sure her being sweet and nice to me was just part of her job. But I refuse for that being the truth. So, Daisy (if that’s your real name), I just want you to know that it was more than just a dance. And hope you’re doing well with your life, considering Lady Godiva has been shut down now for some time.

VIP

I had just recently turned 21 and down the road from where I was living at the time was a nightclub. They were fairly new to the area but would only be opened for so many years. Seems I have a tendency to shut down clubs… literally. Anyway, we were celebrating my brother’s birthday. He likes to do things pretty big, and we most certainly did it big. I’m talking VIP and bottle service big. So, there I am with my friends and family making memories. I wandered around the club for a while (mainly because I got lost), and when I ended back up on the dance floor, I found people I knew and just started dancing. Looking back to this day, my cousin’s baby daddy was a really good wingman because he pulled me in to dance with this girl he was originally dancing with. She must have liked what I had to offer because we were getting down, and these hips don’t lie. We were making babies on that dance floor! And I remember what Will Smith’s character Hitch would say, “women relate dancing to sex.” It got to the point we were kissing right in the middle of the floor. One of the wildest things I’ve ever done in public. Afterwards, we left and started talking very briefly. I mentioned to her how my brother got us a VIP room in which I had no idea where it was. She would tell me how she was with people that were doing the same thing. This is where the alcohol blurred my memory a bit because something was said, and she gave me one last kiss before walking out the main entrance. It didn’t occur to me that that’s where we were at. It was so confusing being in the club that night not knowing where anything was. I always wondered if she was expecting me to chase after her or if she was just having a bit of fun. I guess we’ll never know.

Clueless

Maybe love just isn’t for me. Or maybe I have to be patient and just let everything fall into place when it has to, or I’m just not ready. Whether this is the Universe teasing me with potential mates or somebody Good Luck Chucked me, I don’t know what else to say. And on the rare occasions (and most likely this one) I’m just really clueless most of the time, for over the past decade at least. I’m happy to say I’m slightly more aware now! But before that, when I was at an amusement park with my old roommates, I yet again blew another opportunity. Heading into the day my friend’s girlfriend had a friend she wanted to introduce me to. So, at this point I was given the notice. After spending a couple hours already at the theme park and some time at the water park, my mind went blank for a moment. Because when I was finally introduced to this sexy young thang, our meet and greet was short lived. I had forgotten that I was there to meet a possible future ex and in the great words of Billy Madison and the guys from South Park would say, “YOU BLEW IT!” I sure did. My life in a nutshell. Although, I will score a touchdown from time to time, I seem to be better at handing the ball off… or fumbling at the goal line.

So, what can I take away from these past experiences, other than my life can be summed up by memes and gifs? Opportunities are always going to happen. How we handle a situation builds our characters as individuals. Pretty much makes us who we are today, why we have the friends we do, and how our family sees us. But who’s to say we can’t find love from a dancer at a strip club? Or grinding with a sexy little minx at a nightclub. Probably most people. But that’s not the point! Even though for me that feeling is felt more towards my crotchural region. It doesn’t deny the fact that we could find love just about anywhere. From any situation. Even if you’re shaking it for dollar bills (which I have done in the past myself). It’s not where or how you meet your potential, rather it’s getting to know each other along the way. No matter what the outcome may be, at least you’ll have one great story to tell.

How I Burnt The Thanksgiving Turkey

Life is full of surprises, and you never really know what’s going to happen next. All you can do is be prepared and learn from each and every situation. Whether it’s something on your end or not, mistakes help us grow and become a better person. Just like the mistake I made when I burnt the family turkey. And yes, it’s finally that time of year I share this story.

For Thanksgiving I had taken on the role for making the turkey for my family. I took this responsibility almost 10 years ago. Luckily for me, that’s all I had to worry about, nothing else. The role used to go to my brother-in-law before it became too much of a hassle for him considering he had other additional things to make. I volunteered to make the turkey because I knew my mom was allergic and the turkey cannot be cooked in the household. I wasn’t living at home anymore at this point so it made sense. Plus, I felt like it would be a good opportunity to take on something new. Now I’m not exactly sure how many times I made the turkey, but there was one year where I undercooked it. This had to have been my first or second attempt at it. At that moment I was still considered a beginner in the kitchen. However, I’d like to say nowadays I’m very skilled. It only takes time and practice to become good at anything, as long as you are willing to put in the effort.

In The Clouds

After a few opportunities at making the turkey, I was doing pretty well. At this point in my life, I was living with some of my friends I made back from grade school. For those of you who don’t know, the day before Thanksgiving is the biggest bar night of the year. I had gone out to that a few times, but this one particular year I decided to stay in. One of my roommates, Vincent, had a coworker that gave him this cookie edible. It was pretty small in size and if I remembered correctly, we never tried edibles before. So this was definitely going to be quite the experience. I’d like to say also that I hardly ever smoked marijuana prior to this event, so I had no tolerance for this at all. One of our buddies, Eddie, came over to partake in this activity with us. The plan we had was to try it and play Civilization V. We were pretty hooked on this game for a moment. So Vincent cut the cookie into about 8 small pie sized pieces and the 3 of us took one each. The cookie was very potent because when you would bite into it, you didn’t really taste the cookie at all. It was all Mary Jane! Then we started playing the game and after about half an hour in we didn’t feel anything. So second round of the cookie down the hatch and from there, it was alright, alright, alright!

About an hour after we took the edibles, everything just became a blur. I could not function properly. I’m pretty certain I blacked out a little bit too. All I know was Vincent and I took the last 2 pieces. Now that I am remembering it correctly, we skipped the tripping out faze and went to blackout mode. That was for me at least. Eddie, who should have just crashed on the couch ended up driving home. I later found myself in the bathroom having to pee. As I was going… I couldn’t stop. The flow was constant for what felt like 2 minutes which is an eternity in the peeing aspect of things. All I know was that I no longer wanted to go and made the decision to pull up my pants. Did not care if I was still peeing or not. Just hoping for the best! After that, I was rinsing my face with water then just staring at myself in the mirror. They say nobody who has ever used marijuana had died from it(that’s what I heard at least). I thought that was about to change that night.

Long story short… we didn’t have turkey that year. I was still in the clouds the next day. Never knew you could be high for longer than a day. I eventually made it to my mom’s later that night. Half the family had already left to go black Friday shopping and I’m over here struggling to eat anything. It was like a hangover. I only told my sister about what had happened, and I’m sure she let everyone else know why there was no turkey for Thanksgiving.

Extra Crispy

Let’s go back a few years from now. I was living with Ross and his wife at the time. Ross and I were at Lowe’s looking around for something when we came across a deep fryer they had setup for anyone that wanted to deep fry their turkey. Thoughts started racing and next thing we knew, that was the plan for Thanksgiving. This was new to both of us so it would be interesting to see how it goes. Now Ross to me was like my mentor in the kitchen. A lot of what I learned was from him. Thanksgiving morning arrived and we did all the necessary steps on how to deep fry a turkey without it exploding like people have done. On this day, it was cold and windy, so we had to set up a barrier to cover the flames from the wind. Because he was there with me, the turkey turned out great. A beautiful golden brown, juicy and just ever so delicious. Mission accomplished!

Fast forward a year from that, I was on my own again. I loved how the turkey turned out from deep frying it, I wanted to do that again. This time I was at my brother’s place. He and his wife left to do a little shopping I think, leaving me alone to do my thing. I got everything set up, and the day was much nicer than the year before. What could go wrong…? Apparently a lot. I wanted to add something new to the mix, so I tried a recipe that called for brining. Keeps the turkey nice and moist and full of flavor. As I dropped the turkey in the pot, I was having issues with getting the temperature right. It was below where it needed to be, so I kept raising the temperature. But unfortunately when it got up to temp, it kept going up. By this time I had dropped the needle to bring the temp down but it’s hot oil, temperature takes a while to come back down. I was so confused. I felt like Joe Dirt at the oil rig job he did. Eventually the temp went to where I wanted it to but the damage was done. Did not think once to take the turkey out of the fryer to let the oil cool down before placing it back in. And yes, I did noticed the turkey getting much darker than normal but I thought to myself, “Maybe it’s just darker in the oil.”

After pulling the turkey out, it was burnt to a crisp. There was so much going through my mind… before I just decided to head to my mom’s. Boy was that a treat when I arrived with the turkey. Everyone had themselves a good laugh and continued poking fun at me. All I could do was just sit there and endure the fact it happened. There was a plus side to this though. With the brine, and through the dried extra crispy outside, the turkey was still very good.

Be Thankful

Despite undercooking or burning a turkey, the fact of the matter is that it’s Thanksgiving. To be around loved ones and also be thankful for a happy and healthy life. Just last year with Covid being a factor, we canceled our Thanksgiving because I had gotten Covid several weeks before. But we just had to be safe so that was the decision to make.

I feel like here I can be more myself. Letting out some of my inner thoughts and sharing what I’ve gone through and what I’m currently going through. But nonetheless, being able to express my feelings. As a kid growing up I’ve always had a difficult time expressing my emotions with anyone. So if you were to ask me what I’m thankful for, outside of family and friends, it would be this. To start my own blog and use it like I would my personal journal. I get to share my stories with the World!(Universe maybe) Not having to keep things bottled up. And they say writing is very therapeutic. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Have a safe and joyful Turkey Day!

My Hopeless Romantic Story Part II: Missed Opportunities

It seems like there will always be those few people in our lives, that we are attracted to romantically or sexually, get away. Whether we poor our hearts out in telling them how we feel, or say nothing at all, we’re left with those thoughts of, “What could I have said differently to get her to feel the same way? Or said anything at all.” Either way, the moments passed and you’re left with yet the same outcome… another missed opportunity. I did not expect that there was going to be a second part to this story. But I felt that there were a few other situations and moments that were left out that I wanted to share. So, here’s the conclusion to My Hopeless Romantic Story leading up to now.

Spontaneous Action

Before I go any further, if you haven’t read the first part to this story, then some of this may not make sense to you(now is your chance to do so). With that said, let’s continue. Not long after moving out of Harvey’s place to live with some of my friends from grade school, I was currently working for him. He was some Quality Manager and I was one of his unofficial Team Leaders or whatever the case was. Not important to the story, anyway, he had a colleague in the same position as him and we went to his place for some drinking and bon fire one late summer night. When we arrived, we cracked open some beers and headed over to the fire. There was this girl there that I’ve seen before on several occasions. We just never been formally introduced until that night. Her names Danielle and she was tall, blond, and hot. And no I don’t mean from being around the fire. As the night went on, everyone else was doing their thing while it was just Danielle and I by the fire, talking, and getting to know each other. She then tells me how her back was tense and sore, so I offered to give her a back rub. I had very little experience giving back rubs but fortunately, I turned out to be really good. She told me herself. So yes, I’m pretty proud of that!

Fast forward a couple months to October, right around Halloween time. There was an event going on downtown with deals on drinks with almost all the bars. This was our plan for that weekend. I didn’t have anything to wear so instead I just dressed up nicely looking like a Professor at a University. I spray on my Davidoff Coolwater cologne, not just because of the name but it smells really good. Before we left to go out for the night, my roommates and I were pre-drinking at the house to save money on drinks. So, first place we get to I run into Danielle. She’s looking hot and sexy, dressed up as Pocahontas. We lock eyes and she was more tipsy than I was, and I was pretty tipsy. We hugged, she tells me I smell really good(thanks Coolwater!), then whispers softly into my ears, “I want to f**k you.” I’m standing there with one of those bitmoji faces where they look stunned to what they just heard or saw. And just like a deer in the headlights, I froze for a moment. It felt a lot longer to me than in reality of course. I tell her, “thanks.” Still uncertain of what actually happened, I’m positive that I blacked out for a moment, because before I knew it, I was standing around near my roommates and that was the end of it… shocking I know.

Booty Call

A little over a year later, I found myself officially hired in at a company and no longer working as a temp. I had this coworker that I did not think that I was going to fall for. Her name, is Brittany. Short, somewhat blond, not really sure what because she dyes her hair and cute. I always try to remember from movies, TV shows and those crappy orientation videos about sexual harassment and relationships within the work place not to get romantically involved. But we all have needs. As a man, it runs in our blood. And that blood rushes to our penises… I digress. So anyway, after working with her for a few months, we finally hangout outside of work. Sometimes to house parties or bars.

One late night later, around 1 in the morning, she calls me up and I’m just at home watching a movie or something, says she wants to drink with me. And I remember telling Vincent and Rothana this(my roommates at the time), and they told me themselves it was definitely a booty call. I’ve never been a part of that before so I had to make sure I went through all the proper procedures. Made sure I had a condom, my pubic region was neatly trimmed… and I think that was it. Not that those matter to some people but who knows! So I pick her up from her place and brought her back to mine. She was already drunk and I’m just trying to play catch-up so it doesn’t seem weird. But I barely was catching a buzz. As I leaned back on my bed, Brittany begins to sit closer to me. We talk a little bit then suddenly, as she leans towards me for the kiss, she gets the hiccups. Now, in my experience when you’re drinking and you get the hiccups, you’re about ready to puke. Probably due to lack of water. So then after she has her hiccup, I tell her, “don’t throw up on me” with this stupid smile on my face… she completely 180’d her entire mood. Started getting on the defensive and I’m sitting there with that same stunned bitmoji look on my face yet again! A few moments later, I drove her back home and we did not make sexy time.

Hot Girl(Like from The Office)

When it comes to the workplace, I’m sure most of us have those individuals we’re attracted to. However they appear in our lives and what we do about it is a mystery… until now. At least with me that is. This hot, gorgeous brunette that goes by the name of Hailey is my Amy Adams… sort of. She worked as our company’s vendor. Supply us with snacks, food and drinks to our supermarket for people that forget or are too lazy to bring in their own food. And I’ve been there myself many times.

This was much more recent, only last year about a couple months before Christmas when Hailey and I met. We went through several vendors for the past 6 months or so until Hailey showed up. The first day I saw her I already knew I wanted to talk to her and hoping it would lead somewhere. Love at first glance maybe? So of course, I needed to come up with a game plan. Find my in towards having a conversation with her and the rest is history. Yes, to some people it does come more natural just to strike up a conversation, but to others like myself, not so much. I always had difficulties breaking the ice but after that, I’m gold(or should I say doge… no that’s not that high right now… let’s say bitcoin!). After the ice breaker, I’m bitcoin!(but I don’t have any bitcoin… I do have dogecoin. You know what, this is besides the point! That’s why I’m leaving it in parenthesis)

Anyway, Hailey and I got to talking, she tells me she has a kid which I have no problem with. And one of the biggest turn-ons she mentioned to me was how she used to play hockey back in the day. I’m a big fan of The Mighty Ducks which was why I loved going ice skating but almost no one wanted to go with me when I would bring it up as something to do. So this would go on leading up towards Christmas where we would talk a couple times a week when we would see each other. The second to last time I would see Hailey was when she told me she would be gone for the last two weeks of the year for relocation. And on the last day that I saw her, she had changed her look. Letting her hair down, putting on some make-up and perfume. She sent me all the right signals to ask her out, even my thoughts was telling me to ask her out. When I talked to her in person for the last time, it never happened. I froze…

When I left work and got into my car, I kept telling myself that I should just go back in and do it. Man the f**k up… but I didn’t. Instead, I waited until the new year to finally have the nerves to ask Hailey out. Unfortunately she no longer was there at our location. So this gentlemen took her spot and after a month, I asked him to see if he knew her, which he did. I had this letter that I wrote for Hailey in case there was any chance at all that I would see her so she can understand what I was too afraid to tell her in person. I put a lot of effort into it and everything. Wrote in cursive, used one of my special ink pens and folded it up nicely. I gave it to the guy to give to her which he did, and I’m thankful for him in doing that. Hailey did reach out to me telling me how nice of a gesture it was and we texted back and forth for a little bit. But unfortunately I think she was just hoping I would already ask her out which I didn’t until later. And by that time she had already stopped replying to me, meaning I missed my window.

My Love Life In A Nutshell

Maybe the chase is all I enjoy doing. Building tension between me and the one I’m sexually or romantically attracted to. But to not have the courage to ask a beautiful woman out when she’s sending me all the signals I could ever ask for, is beyond me. I’m willing to admit that I’m messed up in the head with women. And it goes back to my past when I would get stood up, I just know it. But that’s the past. Yes, it left a scar, but I have to be able to move on and get over my fear of it and that’s the problem. I’m afraid to ask women out because I feel like it’ll happen again, but that’s negative thinking. Best case scenario they say yes and I do go out with them and have a great time! Maybe I’m afraid if by asking them out that I will succeed, and be in a happy and healthy relationship.

This was incredibly difficult for me to write knowing that I’m reliving those moments. But I’m glad I did because I do hope that for anyone reading this, it could help them out or they themselves were in a similar situation as me, knowing they aren’t alone.

My life really is like a movie, or even a television show. I guess it would depend on the plot at that moment. And if people from all over the Universe with highly advanced technologies is watching, they would be entertained to say the least. All I ask is when I’m in the bathroom or having private time, just leave me be for those moments. Unless there’s a Universal Pornhub website to watch me do the nasty… anyway! At this point in my life, I have faith that I’ll be a lot better if I ever find myself in these similar situations again. Life is one big lesson. The question is, “Are you willing to learn from it?”

My Hopeless Romantic Story… so far

From girls to women and me becoming a man from a boy, my love life truly was, and still is a spectacle. From middle school throughout high school I’ve had girlfriends, crushes, and even gotten stood-up… on multiple occasions. One of my strangest moments was playing strip poker with a girl from high school whom I rarely talked to until only recently after we graduated. Not exactly sure how we got to that situation, but it was definitely interesting. I got to hold hands with my first crush roller skating to Aerosmith’s’ “I don’t want to miss a thing.” Only she was skating backwards, not messing with my masculinity whatsoever. With all of that being said, here’s a much longer story of how my love life has gone.

The Girls From School

Everyone seems to have those typical cliché high school romantic life. You’re either all alone, hooking up with multiple girls, or have that long lasting relationship with your sweetheart. So where am I in this category…? When I was in school, I was normally a very quiet person. Stuck to myself for the most part, and didn’t have many friends. I knew a lot of people, but that was mostly it. I did have a small circle of friends I’m proud to say that are close to me to this day. My grades could have been better, but I found it difficult to pay attention in class because I was distracted easily by the girls. They always thought I was cute, like Snoopy(sorry, had to use that Rush Hour reference).

My freshman year was quite a wild one. Never thought I would be brave enough to ask out as many girls as I did. I had the biggest crush on this girl that seemed really interested in my life, Erica. We never dated or anything, but would always write notes to each other in English class. She was the only girl I knew back then that was curious about me on a personal level. Not even my girlfriend at the time asked me personal questions or tried getting to know me in that way. We did however wrote letters to each other and talked on the phone. But when we were together at school, we barely had a conversation. Our relationship didn’t last that long.

Fresh off a relationship, I just started asking these girls out I thought were pretty and cute. They agreed to going out with me, but when it came time for us to meet up at said location, not a single one of them showed up. I was hurt, and sad. To be 14/15 and ecstatic to go out with someone only to get stood up emotionally is just devastating. My spirit was crushed because it happened to me more than once. And pretty much from there, I went on the rest of my high school days living in disappointment and lacking confidence. Afraid to ask anyone else out because I’ll always think to myself, “what if I get stood up again?”

A Terrible Wingman

Wasted half my life on a friendship that should have ended a long time ago. But if I knew what I know now, we would have never been friends from the start. All things considered, he made a great Antagonist in the story of my life. I won’t call him by his name on here due to the fact I want nothing to do with him. There were definitely some scars left on me(mentally) from the friendship and it was still pretty recent when I chose not to talk to him anymore. I guess for the sake of this story, we’ll call him… Harvey(yes, like Harvey Dent a.k.a. Two-Face because that’s exactly how he played out to be in my life).

I met Harvey through my brother when I was about 13 or 14. Since my brother and I were really close and I didn’t have a whole lot of friends, I got to meet some of his. So, later down the road I would end up hanging out with Harvey just us at times, and I did get to meet his cousin who, I had a crush on for years. But nothing happened between us, just a little bit of sexual tension… I think. Anyway, there were several girls in my past that I did have a thing for, and I always thought that Harvey was such a great person because he had a way with words, and I was hoping he could help build me up with these girls. I would have to find out the hard way many times that it was not the case at all. As far as I knew, he only talked to them for himself. To the point where this girl I liked, he legit stole her from me. We ran into her at a bar downtown and I offered to buy her and her friends a round of drinks but he put it on his tab and took credit for it… and this was on my birthday! It didn’t end there either, despite him having kids with her. I met this really nice woman from a bowling league we had and by this time, I had gotten a lot better talking to women. And again, he would butt in and keep the conversation between them pushing me out. This was getting real old and it was only about a year after that I knew this friendship had to end.

Some of my closest friends would tell me how unfaithful he was and how poorly he treated me. I guess because when I met him at such a young age, my underdeveloped mind was processing information differently. There were countless times I knew he would make me feel awful and resent him as a friend. But something always brought me back to him. Now, I could go on and on about him but I’d rather not. Maybe I’ll save it for my autobiography I’m thinking about writing in the near future. Life has to go on, no matter who’s in it or not. Should have listened to my friends a lot sooner. But better late than never. And since I dropped him, I know I’m better for it.

Public Places

Being a regular at restaurants and bars aren’t all bad, the servers will remember your drink orders. At least, that’s me of recent versus how I was, say, about 10 years ago. I was out with some old high school friends I hadn’t seen for a while and my goodness, my drink orders were the definition of a failed moment. It started off fine, just a water. Then I was craving something else, wanted to talk to our waitress more, so I ordered a lemonade. A little while after that and eating our food, I then decided to get a beer, just to make conversation. The routine I made of how I got to ordering these drinks was incredibly shocking… in a disastrous way. By this time, one of my buddies made fun of me for that, jokingly of course. It goes on my ‘epic fail’ moments. Let’s just call it a good lesson learned!

Not long after I turned 21 I went out with Harvey and some of his coworkers at the time to a restaurant to meet up with them. I was always really quiet, but who wouldn’t be? When you’re that young, and surrounded by people you don’t know, it’s difficult to make conversation especially when you’re an introvert. I have gotten much better at talking to people since though. So we’re out eating and having a few drinks, talking and laughing, then everyone wanted to change the mood a bit. Head to a bar with a dance floor. I met this sexy little minx named JC, as they called her. She was a friend of the coworkers. We locked eyes at one point on the floor and started dancing closer and closer together. This random guy saw us breaking it down and thought he should get in on the action(thinking there was going to be a dance-off). He goes a little over the top with his moves, leaving him to literally dance off of his shoe. Moments later, JC saw his shoe on the floor, grabbed it, and chucked it back at him, not realizing I was in the pathway between her and the guy. So this shoe hits me in the head and now I’m a little dazed and confused. JC immediately comes to me apologizing and then giving me a big hug that nearly sent us falling over. Unfortunately I would no longer see JC after that night. We never exchanged numbers or anything. But at least I was left with a good story and an interesting little moment.

A Friend’s Friend

I feel like we all have those friends that want to introduce you to one of their friends. In this situation, it’s always the friend’s girlfriend’s friend. Playing matchmaker. I can’t quite recall the occasion, but little did I know, I was going to meet my boo… Kait. Kait and I had one of those types of relationships; the sexual tension, an unspoken thing, and playing each other hot and cold. She was much better at the hot and cold thing than me. I was pretty bad at it. When we first met, she had this wild glowing look. Curly blond hair and red lipstick. She liked to stand out. But later would go to red hair, which to this day, I have no idea what her natural hair color is. We would watch basketball together rooting for the Bulls. This was during the time Derrick Rose was top dog. Back when the era of the NBA was, at least to me, at one of its’ highest peaks. Before all the big threes joined forces. Yeah, so we got together for that, out to the bars and even celebrated New Years. After waiting in line to get into the bar for a couple hours in the cold, we had just about 5 to 10 minutes before midnight. We were with one of my buddies I met from high school as well. Had a round of shots, the clock is ticking, and people are counting down from 10. And there we were. Eyes locked, almost midnight. Not certain if I should have gone in for the kiss when that hand hits 12…

Kait and I did quite a bit together. Watching sports, going out to the bars, clubs, to city events and watching a movie at my place in the dark with no one around. All of these and yet… I never made a move. Not even a single kiss despite many opportunities. I can’t really explain it, why we never happened. And now she’s married and has a child, which I’m very happy for her and her family. But after writing all of this about her, about us, I think I know what it was… that chase. I really do love it, and I’m not sure why or how I became that person. But eventually the chase has to end.

What Have We Learned

Whether I’m getting stood-up or dealing with issues at home, I know my friends always seemed to have my back. They were very supportive and lifted me up in a way I never thought. Even when I was at one of my lowest. Thank you all for being my friends. You guys know who you are. As far as hindsight goes, I seen it way too late that a girl from school had liked me while I’m busy telling her about another girl that I liked. So sorry Jaclyn. I saw the look in your eyes at prom and I thought the same thing. Maybe in an alternate Universe we could have been. Although I’m really slow in seeing these situations, I tend to learn many things the hard way. Like how some women give off very easy signs they like me and yet I still find myself unable to ask them out. It may have something to do with my past and being afraid to make that next move. Ladies, I’m definitely working on it! Just be patient with me a little while longer. With that, I do hope you enjoyed this read. It’s definitely one of my longer posts so far, but I am a better man for everything that has happened to me.

My Apartment Design

My Inspiration started when I was in high school, not long after upgrading from basic cable. One day I came across HGTV and before I knew it, my life had changed. Just seeing the ideas some of these professionals had, their mindset to create such elegant and beautiful designs within a home. I guess that’s why they have their own television show. Either way, I was hooked! Design On A Dime and House Hunters were one of my favorite shows to watch then. Always loved the concept of designing a place on a budget because that gave me the opportunity to do the same. considering I’m not a baller by any means. So that transpired to me wanting to do that when I had my very own place. It took over a decade but overall I’m happy with how my place turned out.

A short video tour of my current place.

The Sims

Since being introduced to The Sims video game franchise from a good buddy of mine, Vincent, I fell in love with the game. It’s one thing to play the game and see what type of career and lifestyle you give your Sims, but another when it came to building your own home. One of the features on why I enjoy playing the game so much. Along with Fallout 4.(Still haven’t beaten the main storyline) But when they came out with seasons, that’s a wrap! The aesthetics with video games is half the reason I play them. The other is having a good storyline. As time went on, Sims just got more and more technical with its’ build mode option. I didn’t like it at first, but as I adapted to the new games, and familiarized myself, I thought to myself, “It’s not so bad.” I definitely spent hours with the build versus playing the game. But I guess that’s also part of playing the game. Here are some examples of what I’ve done below.

PS3 Build #1
PS3 Build #2(Was still a work-in-progress)
One of my favorite builds on the PS4
Back side
Fallout 4 Starlight Drive
Another view(wasn’t sure how to go about the walls for the rooms)

The Long Wait

I was 21 when I left home moving from one place to another amongst friends. Since leaving home, I moved 8 times in a span of about 12 years. Almost every place I went to I didn’t have the luxury of calling it home. And on top of that, I bounced around from job to job until eventually I had to settle for a little while. It didn’t occur to me until much later that what I needed was to live on my own. I was getting older and I had to keep a steady paycheck to be able to save in order to do so… A long story later, I get my own place and was finally able to design the interior within the confines of my apartment. And that’s pretty much it for how I got inspired when it comes to interior designing. But there’s plenty more than just interiors, I do enjoy doing blueprints, architectural designs as well! Anyway, it wasn’t an easy task for me to get to this point. There’s a much bigger story that I will be telling later throughout my blog and on my YouTube channel. Stay tuned!