Tag: writing

The Problem Being a Perfectionist

Nothing ever gets done. Well, eventually things will get done. Even when it comes to writing my next post. No matter what the topic is (for the most part), there’s a lot of research involved. It really can be time consuming. And because of that I’m back to doing what I normally do, which is nothing.

OCD

I believe when it comes to being a perfectionist and having OCD, they tend to go hand-in-hand. Whatever the project you are currently working on, there’s this sense of feeling that everything just has to be right. But it also depends on what the project is. If you’re designing blueprints for buildings, that absolutely makes sense.

As a writer too, it’s pretty much the same. And that goes for just about everything else. In its’ own ways, you want to make sure that what you are doing is at least up to your standards. Writers should always remember to proofread what they wrote before finalizing. Sadly, I’ve seen one too many times with articles on the internet where a simple grammar mistake threw off my reading completely.

Don’t worry though, we’re not perfect. Mistakes happen. And I’m pretty sure I’ve had some grammar errors in some of my previous posts. Which is the point I’m trying to make as well. When you work so hard at making things right, you tend to forget what you’re actually doing. That is when you are too disciplined, and you are no longer enjoying yourself and what you do.

Take it from me; learn to relax a little bit more and loosen up with your work. Sometimes the best ideas or work can come from just going with the flow. But you don’t need me to tell you that. It’s already within you!

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Writer’s Block

It’s happened before and more than likely will happen again. As writing can be very therapeutic for you, you just can’t help but have those days where nothing comes to you. Whether it’s an article, book, or anything else, the canvas is going to be blank. So, how can you change that? What’s causing you to have writer’s block?

In the last couple of months, writing for me has been incredibly difficult. Not just from lacking the creative mindset to put in the work, but with how I’m living my life as well. During this time, I’ve been completely unmotivated to work on any of the handful of projects I have going on. My free time consisted mostly of laying on the couch and watching TV or playing video games. Which I understand that the mind needs some time off from the real world. But where does it come from? Does it ever end? Or is it normal because life just is?

A short time ago I actually did something I only imagined doing but was not sure if I would need to. A went to seek help from a therapist. After my doctor’s visit, I was missing something in my life that kept me from being truly happy. That’s when he recommended I see a therapist. What came from this after just one session was that I felt like I might have been juggling one too many things that I wanted to do with my life almost all at once.

The other big thing I learned was not holding myself accountable. When it comes to some of my jobs, I’m great! I do the best of my abilities during my time at work. I show up when I have to, perform the task given to me and crush it. If only I could say the same to the many projects I’m currently or been working on for some time now. It’s the aspect of other people that I don’t want to let down. When it’s just me, I am responsible for myself. Am I just used to letting myself down knowing there’s no repercussions?

The seriousness of letting yourself down might be more punishing than what’s shown on the surface. Coming from someone who almost constantly looks ahead into the future. The days that turns into weeks and even months that goes by without accomplishing anything wears me down mentally. That disappointment of no real achievements and the constant let downs. It’s heartbreaking.

Anyway, by seeing a therapist, I want to better myself. I know something is off and know that change needs to happen. What it comes down to, at least for me, is that by having someone that I go to for help, I see them as a mentor. Someone I don’t want to let down. After just one session, I’m confident that every day will be better as long as I continue to work on myself.

So far, I’m already seeing progress. Up until this very post, I had been writing from home. Something I am implementing is changing location. It could be that the atmosphere or my surroundings was causing me my lack of motivation to write or work on anything I have going on. For anyone else out there that’s dealing with something similar, give it a shot. A change of scenery could do you wonders!

And if you’re like me, single yet ready to mingle, it could be a great way to meet people and potentially build a friendship, colleague, or even a mate… but only time will tell.

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My Story

This just might be long overdue. Why I got into writing and what my reason was to start my very own blog. Some of my goals and dreams in life, and what is in stored for my future (assuming I stay disciplined and motivated). From everything I’ve learned in my life and what was taken in from 2021, I will be dick-punching 2022 right in the face (in a good way)! So, without further ado…

Inspiration To Blog

My very first post came in May of 2021. I wanted to represent my culture, my family. Basically, where we came from, and the timing could not have been any better. It was right around Laos New Year and with traditions come good eating. We had plenty to eat, but there was one thing I left out in that story… when I got high with my sister and her boyfriend. I had taken a couple months off from smoking but thought since I was with family that I would be in good hands. That my paranoia may have subsided, at least for that moment. As Derrick (my sister’s boyfriend) and I were sitting by the fire and the high was kicking in pretty good, I was having a genuine conversation with him… which was short lived. As I was telling him a story, mid-sentence I just stopped completely because I lost track of what I was talking about. Cracking Derrick up unintentionally from that was pretty nice. Little did I know, I would end up doing it again moments later. We both laughed about it. It was a really good night. But darkness was taking me! My body just became cold. I was shivering so much I ended up being right up to the barrel where we had the fire. Thinking back to it, I knew it had something to do with being too skinny. I took it as a sign that I needed to get some meat on my bones. I know this because when I was at home and was high, I was shivering yet again and every time I would walk, it felt like my bones were rubbing up against each other.

Anyway, the reason I started blogging was because I felt unmotivated and wasn’t driven to keeping up with my YouTube channel. Instead, something that I did notice that I was doing consistently and felt good about was writing. There was less work that was needed to be done when it came to writing, in which turned into blogging. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy making videos, but there’s a lot of work put into the process; recording, audio & video quality, editing, the possibilities of reshooting and so on. At this point I thought I would just start somewhere. Do something that I enjoy doing that takes less work, but still requires a lot of thought and time put into each of my posts. And with that comes what you see now!

Writing

Getting into writing was not a task at all. To me, it felt like second nature. When I got into it, I just went on for days. And considering I have somewhat of an OCD and am a perfectionist, it was easy for me to categorize subjects and topics. So, breaking down these topics and redefining them into details was a piece of Betty Crocker cake. I couldn’t just say cake because there’s a butthole of work put into that. Anyway, writing! I also mentioned this in my earlier posts, when I built my first PC it didn’t take long for me to get into writing. The topics that I have written down so far were for my future blogs and trying to schedule all of it, along with different types of videos for my YouTube channel that is on hold for the moment. However, I like to say that I’m an idealist. Just give me some time, be patient, and I promise to my followers that I will bring some video content, especially for those who aren’t the biggest readers. And speaking of, I was not the biggest reader myself. I used to be all about videos but after a little soul searching, I never realized that I enjoyed reading a lot more than I thought. Articles on the internet and other bloggers, reading people’s stories and their ingredients from Pinterest was… reading! I know this is more than likely debatable but, reading helps build your personal vocabulary. Your own dictionary. When I was much younger, I only had the use of simple words and was not creative or open minded enough to reach out to a larger vocabulary. I really do hope that in the future that the urban dictionary does not take over the dictionary that I knew growing up. All these slangs and terms that are used nowadays. That’s all I want to say about that. On to the next…

Goals and Dreams

One of the things that I always wanted when it comes to a place to live was to be a studio/loft type of apartment. Where there are exposed beams, an accent brick wall, and typically hardwood flooring. The thing about that is you’re not going to find those styled apartments just anywhere. They’re located downtown and as of recent, that’s where I could see myself spending a good chunk of my life in. So, one of my goals in this 2022 year is to move downtown into the city. To have that feeling where most of what I’m looking for is a walk away. Less fuel usage and miles build up on my car. Another thing I’ve noticed is how difficult times are lately, especially with what Covid has brought upon us. And something that I want to do is help people take the edge off by wanting to create content on my YouTube channel and bring smile and laughter to ease the tension and stress to all. So, in this new year I am going to have to be focused and stay disciplined on creating fun and enjoyable content. But I also have to remember to do this for me as well. Having fun with this passion of mine, otherwise it just becomes work.

Considering my current situation, one of my dreams in life is to have my own studio. A place where I can go to and perform my great work of art. From making videos to having a chill vibe environment for writing my blog. To me it is difficult having my work inside my own home because I might not get a lot done. I figured if I have my own studio, it will require me to leave my own home and I could get more work done. That’s the concept I have going on at least. But not just for writing and making videos, having a podcast and a recreational area as well. That’s the dream! All I need to do is just take that next step towards it. We’re on our way. Let’s get it! And as they say in Blades of Glory, “Let’s capture the dream!”

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Hello, Mary Jane

I’m in quarantine. Shortness of breath. I find it hard to breathe. I’m coughing. Then… the smoke from my lungs clear. That rip from my bowl just put me on another level. As my eyes glisten and become redder by the moment, I sit back on my bed and start watching one comedy movie after another. But then it hits me. I get the munchies, so now I’m in the kitchen going to work. What was I going to eat? At this point in the clouds, I let whatever imagination I had decide for me. And this was pretty much how I lived my life for the next several months.

Origin

The first time I ever got high was when I was 19 hot boxing it in Jerry’s car. Jerry was my neighbor growing up since we were just finishing elementary (For me at least. He was 2 years older than me). Between 5 people, we passed around what I thought was a joint and a blunt. I found out later it was 2 joints and a blunt. Or maybe it was 2 blunts and a joint? My mind is a little cloudy thinking back at that moment (pun intended). Either way, that was my first time ever getting high. After a little hindsight, the time we spent sitting in Jerry’s car just on his driveway could not have been more than half an hour. Because to me it honestly felt like we were there quite a while. The same feeling when after Joey and I walked back to my garage, we were just standing in the dark giggling for who knows how long. Joey asked me, “What do you feel like doing?” I told him, “I feel like going for a run.” Never did. The munchies kicked in pretty hard, so I went inside my house and just smashed on what I remember it being a can of Pringles. It wasn’t long after that I went to bed and crashed for the night. The great thing about Mary Jane is that she doesn’t leave you with a hangover. I woke up feeling so refreshed and ready to take on the day.

Being Essential

Going back to 2020 we now had these checkpoints at our work for temperature checking before getting into the building. There was this girl that would check my temperature almost every day. She was very beautiful and cute, and because I never asked for her name, I just referred to her as “Checkpoint Girl.” My situation with her was just about the same as Harold with the elevator girl (Harold & Kumar). I barely spoke to her, only greetings and, “Have a good day.” It was pathetic I know but moving on. After so much time off work and many dollars later spent on Amazon shopping, I had changed my look up a bit. I grew my hair out considering barbershops/salons were closed. That was really nice because I got a lot of compliments from people about my hair being longer. There was only one fellow that didn’t like it. His name… Terry. Terry was my coworker when I first started before moving to a couple different departments. For some reason he just had it out for me ever since I grew my hair out. Every single day he saw me he would always say one or the other, “Get that haircut” or “Where’s my scissors?” and “Cut your hair, you damn hippie.” Seriously, why does he care so much what I do with my life? And I looked up the word “hippie” and… so!? I know why he was this grumpy old man to me at least. He worked with a lot of women in his department and every now and then when I would walk by taking out the trash, I passed them, and I’m sure these women were all saying it. “He’s so hot.” “Wow. So cute.” “Hubba, hubba.” “Oh, I want him to part me like the Red Sea.” Okay maybe that last one was a little much. But I digest (Sacha Baron Cohen). And that was work for me for the next 6 months or so. Dealing with not so Scary Terry, women who would say hi to me that never did before and working all the days of the week.

Passion

It’s summer now and I was taking in a bunch of new information from what random YouTube videos my roommate would watch. One mainly was Linus Tech Tips. He was very much a tech savvy type of person. Into computers a lot and convinced me to build my own computer. So much thanks to you Joey for that. It became a great starter computer for playing video games and such but my intentions with it changed. I found myself on a word document with a blank page, and I just started writing from my thoughts and never stopped. My routine was pretty simple with Covid; go to work, come home, smoke a bowl, eat and watch The Office, then start writing on my PC. One day it just dawned on me, I really enjoy watching movies and shows so much that it gave me ideas to write my own stuff for YouTube. So being OCD and a perfectionist, I categorized a lot of my writing for how I was going to make my next future videos. I would end up not making any videos that year due to not feeling like I was in the right state-of-mind. Instead, I just continued honing my writing and then much later going into this year (2021) I would officially start my own blog. I do expect someday I will try to make videos on the Tube more consistently. I have the ideas, just not the will power. But at least I have this!

Because I find myself having such a difficult time being motivated to do almost anything, writing, whether it was on a word document or on a piece of paper, it was easy for me. I would consider myself to be more of an idealist in that way too. But I know there’s so much more I want to offer to the world with what goes on in my mind. Putting the ideas from my mind onto paper, and then in front of a camera, and editing is a lot of work for one person. Especially with working a full-time job and 2 part-time jobs makes that free time for all that I am passionate about that much more difficult to do. When I do get back that drive and motivation, the videos that I want to make would be more than worth it. For now, the least I can do is paint a picture for my audience in wording.

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How I Burnt The Thanksgiving Turkey

Life is full of surprises, and you never really know what’s going to happen next. All you can do is be prepared and learn from each and every situation. Whether it’s something on your end or not, mistakes help us grow and become a better person. Just like the mistake I made when I burnt the family turkey. And yes, it’s finally that time of year I share this story.

For Thanksgiving I had taken on the role for making the turkey for my family. I took this responsibility almost 10 years ago. Luckily for me, that’s all I had to worry about, nothing else. The role used to go to my brother-in-law before it became too much of a hassle for him considering he had other additional things to make. I volunteered to make the turkey because I knew my mom was allergic and the turkey cannot be cooked in the household. I wasn’t living at home anymore at this point so it made sense. Plus, I felt like it would be a good opportunity to take on something new. Now I’m not exactly sure how many times I made the turkey, but there was one year where I undercooked it. This had to have been my first or second attempt at it. At that moment I was still considered a beginner in the kitchen. However, I’d like to say nowadays I’m very skilled. It only takes time and practice to become good at anything, as long as you are willing to put in the effort.

In The Clouds

After a few opportunities at making the turkey, I was doing pretty well. At this point in my life, I was living with some of my friends I made back from grade school. For those of you who don’t know, the day before Thanksgiving is the biggest bar night of the year. I had gone out to that a few times, but this one particular year I decided to stay in. One of my roommates, Vincent, had a coworker that gave him this cookie edible. It was pretty small in size and if I remembered correctly, we never tried edibles before. So this was definitely going to be quite the experience. I’d like to say also that I hardly ever smoked marijuana prior to this event, so I had no tolerance for this at all. One of our buddies, Eddie, came over to partake in this activity with us. The plan we had was to try it and play Civilization V. We were pretty hooked on this game for a moment. So Vincent cut the cookie into about 8 small pie sized pieces and the 3 of us took one each. The cookie was very potent because when you would bite into it, you didn’t really taste the cookie at all. It was all Mary Jane! Then we started playing the game and after about half an hour in we didn’t feel anything. So second round of the cookie down the hatch and from there, it was alright, alright, alright!

About an hour after we took the edibles, everything just became a blur. I could not function properly. I’m pretty certain I blacked out a little bit too. All I know was Vincent and I took the last 2 pieces. Now that I am remembering it correctly, we skipped the tripping out faze and went to blackout mode. That was for me at least. Eddie, who should have just crashed on the couch ended up driving home. I later found myself in the bathroom having to pee. As I was going… I couldn’t stop. The flow was constant for what felt like 2 minutes which is an eternity in the peeing aspect of things. All I know was that I no longer wanted to go and made the decision to pull up my pants. Did not care if I was still peeing or not. Just hoping for the best! After that, I was rinsing my face with water then just staring at myself in the mirror. They say nobody who has ever used marijuana had died from it(that’s what I heard at least). I thought that was about to change that night.

Long story short… we didn’t have turkey that year. I was still in the clouds the next day. Never knew you could be high for longer than a day. I eventually made it to my mom’s later that night. Half the family had already left to go black Friday shopping and I’m over here struggling to eat anything. It was like a hangover. I only told my sister about what had happened, and I’m sure she let everyone else know why there was no turkey for Thanksgiving.

Extra Crispy

Let’s go back a few years from now. I was living with Ross and his wife at the time. Ross and I were at Lowe’s looking around for something when we came across a deep fryer they had setup for anyone that wanted to deep fry their turkey. Thoughts started racing and next thing we knew, that was the plan for Thanksgiving. This was new to both of us so it would be interesting to see how it goes. Now Ross to me was like my mentor in the kitchen. A lot of what I learned was from him. Thanksgiving morning arrived and we did all the necessary steps on how to deep fry a turkey without it exploding like people have done. On this day, it was cold and windy, so we had to set up a barrier to cover the flames from the wind. Because he was there with me, the turkey turned out great. A beautiful golden brown, juicy and just ever so delicious. Mission accomplished!

Fast forward a year from that, I was on my own again. I loved how the turkey turned out from deep frying it, I wanted to do that again. This time I was at my brother’s place. He and his wife left to do a little shopping I think, leaving me alone to do my thing. I got everything set up, and the day was much nicer than the year before. What could go wrong…? Apparently a lot. I wanted to add something new to the mix, so I tried a recipe that called for brining. Keeps the turkey nice and moist and full of flavor. As I dropped the turkey in the pot, I was having issues with getting the temperature right. It was below where it needed to be, so I kept raising the temperature. But unfortunately when it got up to temp, it kept going up. By this time I had dropped the needle to bring the temp down but it’s hot oil, temperature takes a while to come back down. I was so confused. I felt like Joe Dirt at the oil rig job he did. Eventually the temp went to where I wanted it to but the damage was done. Did not think once to take the turkey out of the fryer to let the oil cool down before placing it back in. And yes, I did noticed the turkey getting much darker than normal but I thought to myself, “Maybe it’s just darker in the oil.”

After pulling the turkey out, it was burnt to a crisp. There was so much going through my mind… before I just decided to head to my mom’s. Boy was that a treat when I arrived with the turkey. Everyone had themselves a good laugh and continued poking fun at me. All I could do was just sit there and endure the fact it happened. There was a plus side to this though. With the brine, and through the dried extra crispy outside, the turkey was still very good.

Be Thankful

Despite undercooking or burning a turkey, the fact of the matter is that it’s Thanksgiving. To be around loved ones and also be thankful for a happy and healthy life. Just last year with Covid being a factor, we canceled our Thanksgiving because I had gotten Covid several weeks before. But we just had to be safe so that was the decision to make.

I feel like here I can be more myself. Letting out some of my inner thoughts and sharing what I’ve gone through and what I’m currently going through. But nonetheless, being able to express my feelings. As a kid growing up I’ve always had a difficult time expressing my emotions with anyone. So if you were to ask me what I’m thankful for, outside of family and friends, it would be this. To start my own blog and use it like I would my personal journal. I get to share my stories with the World!(Universe maybe) Not having to keep things bottled up. And they say writing is very therapeutic. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Have a safe and joyful Turkey Day!

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