Category: The Year 2020

Why I Stopped Smoking Weed

It started off just like any morning a typical family goes through. Dad is making breakfast, mom just got downstairs from getting ready for work, and the daughters are alongside the kitchen table. It’s family time. Dad is drinking coffee, the news is on the television, while the daughters are having breakfast. Then, everyone gets ready to head out for the day. They’re out on the road but having to stop due to traffic. Nobody has moved for some time. As the father, you start looking at the neighbor car person beside you to see if they see anything. Next thing you know it, you’re out of the car to figure out the problem. As you look around for a little bit, nothing has caught your attention… then it happens. In the distance you hear people screaming and running. Cars spontaneously catching fire, and before you know it, there it is. You see what appears to be a human being eating the flesh of another human. People are running in any direction possible, and now it’s all mayhem. Your adrenaline is fueling, heart is beating as if you were doing a marathon. You have to act fast. Get the family out of the car and head for a safe point. Is this really happening? Could this be a zombie apocalypse in the makings?

Paranoia

At this point my mind was taking in too much. I had no choice but to turn off World War Z (that’s what it’s like to be in Brad Pitt’s shoes at the time!?). Told myself that I’ll have to come back to that movie later when I’m not high af. It occurred to me that I wasn’t ready for something so dramatic and intense like that. That I should stick to comedies and feeling relaxed and in a good mood. I was definitely testing the waters and failed with this genre miserably (or a joy for others watching me trip balls). Apparently, I didn’t learn my lesson when sometime later I was watching Breaking Bad and that scene when Hank got that anonymous phone call about the cartel about to put a hit on him. Yeah, that was something else also. But it wasn’t watching these dramatic scenes that led me to stop smoking, although it may have played a part. It was more my surroundings. The best way to put it, to anyone that follows Breaking Bad (Season 1 Episode 4), how paranoid Jesse got thinking people were after him in which turned out to be missionaries. I may have put this thought in my head that my roommate at the time envied how much freedom I had considering my work didn’t do random drug testing but his did. When he was around, he would notice when I would be high, I may have heard him mumbling something to himself underneath his breath about me. Pretty much from there I would just end up having negative thoughts build up more and more to the point I had to stop completely.

With 2020 behind me, I no longer felt comfortable in my place of stay. Even after I wasn’t smoking, I still had these thoughts in my head that my roommate might have plot something against me. While I didn’t feel safe anymore at home, I felt the need to talk to a friend. So, I left town for a night to visit a friend and explain my situation. He talked me through the issue I was dealing with and while I was heading back home the next day, I made a couple phone calls to different apartments and got myself in. Long story short, I got all my things packed up and moved out in a single evening (longest day of my life). After I was done, I let my roommate know something came up and I left the apartment. Although it was very sudden, I do feel really bad doing what I did. It just comes to show what effects weed played a role on my well-being. I’m sure under the right state-of-mind it wouldn’t be so bad, but I would just rather not smoke anymore overall. Some people have their limits on things, and others don’t. I definitely hit my limit with this one particular… let’s go with phase. It’s the end of this chapter in my life and now on to the next.

2020 Conclusion

As I finish this post to end my 2020 chapter, it was most definitely one hell of a roller coaster ride. From the death of Kobe to eating bad lasagna. Witnessing and being a part of the entire world coming to a halt. Starting a binge of smoking weed and stopping. Testing positive for Covid-19. And doing a little soul searching. Of course, the women that have come and gone for a moment of my life. With everything that has happened, I now take advantage of each and every moment that has come my way. Even if it doesn’t feel like it is, just remember that you could be the one to change the status and outcome of what’s in front of you. Look at it as an opportunity. An opportunity to make memories. With those you care about, and even those that you just met. You never know where you’re going to meet a potential mate or friend. And as my biggest crush Hilary Duff would say, “Why Not?” Take a crazy chance. And do a crazy dance. Because if you lose out on any moment, you could miss out on a lot (no wonder why I’m crushing on her). Thank you for taking the time to read, not just this post, but any of my other posts if you had the chance to. I hope you all enjoyed it. I really liked writing these experiences I had in my past to maybe give you, the reader, what it’s like to be in my shoes during these times. Even if one of these shoes just so happened to smack me in the head. It inspired memories (or gave me a concussion)!

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I Got Covid-19

It’s late October, on a brisk evening and I’m at home putting on a suit that I pieced together for a very affordable price. Nothing expensive or fancy, just clean and simple. Fossil watch is on, couple sprays of Davidoff Coolwater, and I’m out the door with some gifts in hand. Today was the day a good friend of mine I made from work was getting married. The drive took longer than I expected, but I was able to catch the bride to be (Paige), walking down the aisle with her father just moments after arriving. Her presence was glowing as it should be as they head into this beautiful barn. I then make my way in after standing near the barn door like I was an usher (which I have been before in another wedding). One vows and ceremony later, there they were, husband and wife. Followed by one of the most memorable father-daughter dances I’ve witness in the history of weddings, we celebrate the marriage of Paige and Tucker with the reception in good fashion.

The weekend has now passed and I’m back at work. Not a whole lot has changed except for one minor thing, I started getting a cough. It would come up only every so often but wasn’t like a normal cough I would have. However, we were required to wear masks at work and were receiving temperature checks when we arrived. With no signs of a fever, I just continued with work but with the thought in my head, “Let’s just see what happens.” A day or two goes by and that cough was still present and yet no fever. A colleague of mine mentioned that he smelled something burning in the room which my senses could not pick up. At that point I got worried, so I talked to my boss thinking I may have contracted Covid. During this time everyone believed that if you didn’t have a fever, it probably wasn’t Covid. Despite the fact I had several other symptoms like my chest feeling a bit tight as well. I decided at that point I would just go to urgent care just to make sure. And about 24 hours later, positive.

So now I’m at home quarantining myself for the next week and a half. At this point my symptoms were moderate coughing, tight chest with a slight difficulty breathing, loss of smell and taste, and I was having cold sweat at night. This would go on for the next few days and for the most part, I had trouble eating anything. By the time I would recover from Covid, I had lost about 10 lbs. With that and the lasagna I had that got me sick from earlier in the year, I probably shredded 25 lbs. and most of that was muscle mass. I wouldn’t gain some of that weight back until later in 2021. While I was quarantining though, there were some positives that came out of it. Now, I’ve mentioned this in one of my past posts that I wasn’t that close with my family, but it was a nice change of pace talking to my mom on the phone for a little bit every other day. It just shows me that she will always care for her children no matter the circumstances. And I know we’re not that type of family to express our feelings, but just know, mom, that I love and care for you and everyone else as well.

During my time off from work there was only so much I could do. So, I just made the most of what energy I had given to me during this duration. And with Covid still an uncertainty and no vaccine yet, I didn’t want to take any chances with cold medicine and anything else. Just let the body fight this off like any other cold naturally. For the most part I mainly relaxed, went on a little nostalgic movie binge from the 90s and early 00s, and played some Madden and The Sims 4. And for the first time ever, I watched The Masters being played in November and without any patrons. That and not having a Thanksgiving Day tradition with my family put things into perspective. This really was and is a part of our history now as an entire world. Having to slow down a bit, come together, and just looking at this as just another obstacle in life. The affects I had to deal with was that my sense of taste and smell changed from having this coronavirus. It was for the better. Since then, I’ve been eating better and now on my way to regaining what I lost from 2020… my muscle mass!

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Hello, Mary Jane

I’m in quarantine. Shortness of breath. I find it hard to breathe. I’m coughing. Then… the smoke from my lungs clear. That rip from my bowl just put me on another level. As my eyes glisten and become redder by the moment, I sit back on my bed and start watching one comedy movie after another. But then it hits me. I get the munchies, so now I’m in the kitchen going to work. What was I going to eat? At this point in the clouds, I let whatever imagination I had decide for me. And this was pretty much how I lived my life for the next several months.

Origin

The first time I ever got high was when I was 19 hot boxing it in Jerry’s car. Jerry was my neighbor growing up since we were just finishing elementary (For me at least. He was 2 years older than me). Between 5 people, we passed around what I thought was a joint and a blunt. I found out later it was 2 joints and a blunt. Or maybe it was 2 blunts and a joint? My mind is a little cloudy thinking back at that moment (pun intended). Either way, that was my first time ever getting high. After a little hindsight, the time we spent sitting in Jerry’s car just on his driveway could not have been more than half an hour. Because to me it honestly felt like we were there quite a while. The same feeling when after Joey and I walked back to my garage, we were just standing in the dark giggling for who knows how long. Joey asked me, “What do you feel like doing?” I told him, “I feel like going for a run.” Never did. The munchies kicked in pretty hard, so I went inside my house and just smashed on what I remember it being a can of Pringles. It wasn’t long after that I went to bed and crashed for the night. The great thing about Mary Jane is that she doesn’t leave you with a hangover. I woke up feeling so refreshed and ready to take on the day.

Being Essential

Going back to 2020 we now had these checkpoints at our work for temperature checking before getting into the building. There was this girl that would check my temperature almost every day. She was very beautiful and cute, and because I never asked for her name, I just referred to her as “Checkpoint Girl.” My situation with her was just about the same as Harold with the elevator girl (Harold & Kumar). I barely spoke to her, only greetings and, “Have a good day.” It was pathetic I know but moving on. After so much time off work and many dollars later spent on Amazon shopping, I had changed my look up a bit. I grew my hair out considering barbershops/salons were closed. That was really nice because I got a lot of compliments from people about my hair being longer. There was only one fellow that didn’t like it. His name… Terry. Terry was my coworker when I first started before moving to a couple different departments. For some reason he just had it out for me ever since I grew my hair out. Every single day he saw me he would always say one or the other, “Get that haircut” or “Where’s my scissors?” and “Cut your hair, you damn hippie.” Seriously, why does he care so much what I do with my life? And I looked up the word “hippie” and… so!? I know why he was this grumpy old man to me at least. He worked with a lot of women in his department and every now and then when I would walk by taking out the trash, I passed them, and I’m sure these women were all saying it. “He’s so hot.” “Wow. So cute.” “Hubba, hubba.” “Oh, I want him to part me like the Red Sea.” Okay maybe that last one was a little much. But I digest (Sacha Baron Cohen). And that was work for me for the next 6 months or so. Dealing with not so Scary Terry, women who would say hi to me that never did before and working all the days of the week.

Passion

It’s summer now and I was taking in a bunch of new information from what random YouTube videos my roommate would watch. One mainly was Linus Tech Tips. He was very much a tech savvy type of person. Into computers a lot and convinced me to build my own computer. So much thanks to you Joey for that. It became a great starter computer for playing video games and such but my intentions with it changed. I found myself on a word document with a blank page, and I just started writing from my thoughts and never stopped. My routine was pretty simple with Covid; go to work, come home, smoke a bowl, eat and watch The Office, then start writing on my PC. One day it just dawned on me, I really enjoy watching movies and shows so much that it gave me ideas to write my own stuff for YouTube. So being OCD and a perfectionist, I categorized a lot of my writing for how I was going to make my next future videos. I would end up not making any videos that year due to not feeling like I was in the right state-of-mind. Instead, I just continued honing my writing and then much later going into this year (2021) I would officially start my own blog. I do expect someday I will try to make videos on the Tube more consistently. I have the ideas, just not the will power. But at least I have this!

Because I find myself having such a difficult time being motivated to do almost anything, writing, whether it was on a word document or on a piece of paper, it was easy for me. I would consider myself to be more of an idealist in that way too. But I know there’s so much more I want to offer to the world with what goes on in my mind. Putting the ideas from my mind onto paper, and then in front of a camera, and editing is a lot of work for one person. Especially with working a full-time job and 2 part-time jobs makes that free time for all that I am passionate about that much more difficult to do. When I do get back that drive and motivation, the videos that I want to make would be more than worth it. For now, the least I can do is paint a picture for my audience in wording.

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A Pandemic Lockdown

It’s Monday and I’m back at work. My colleagues (most of them) were pleased to have me back. Back to the same witty, self-deprecating, sexual innuendo-esque me they deserve, but not the one they need (… Batman!). And as we’re all aware of Covid spreading more and more, and state governments going into a lockdown, we were still working (as per usual). Now, this is just my opinion but seems very likely, our department for the company felt like the only reason they didn’t go under. At least this branch that is. There was talk amongst my colleagues and I that the company was struggling to maintain a float. Could be why our scheduler kept giving our supplier numbers we could not produce even running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Eventually, some of our products we made ended, thus leading us to working 5 days a week. But that wasn’t until later.

About 2 weeks since the state issued a mandatory lockdown to non-essential workers when we got to be ourselves, outside of what was going on with the world, I was relieved… because I already had plenty of toilet paper to last me about half the year. It’s a good thing I only have to supply for myself! Unfortunately though, I didn’t have much supply of food. So, I knew eventually I would have to head to the grocery store to stock up on that, sooner rather than later. 5 weeks. That’s how long I was off work. My sleep schedule within the first week changed instantly. I would go from sleeping around midnight to 8 in the morning, to anywhere when the sun came up to the early afternoon. I read that it’s not as healthy not to have a sleep schedule (plus my doctor told me that as well), but this is a pandemic we’re dealing with. So what now? To go from having no-days-off to all-the-time-in-the-world, what do I do?

School’s Out For Summer

As I’m doing my best to stay safe and quarantining myself at home, I take a trip down memory lane. Back to playing video games online with some of my friends. And instead of Socom like the high school days, it’s Call of Duty: Warzone. Probably the hottest selling game on the market, and they picked a perfect time to release it. My role in our team playing battle royale was “The Wildcard.” You’re not sure what to expect when we play together but one thing’s for sure, I’m normally the first one into the Gulag. One of our favorite spots to start out is at the prison… because it’s a lot easier to transfer me to the Gulag when I die. Here’s a little-known fact, we always tried to spray paint anyone that was in there with us. Makes it easier to spot them if they make it out (not that it matters now considering this game probably isn’t relevant anymore). I won’t forget the moment I won it for our team in a 2 on 1 situation. Everyone, including myself thought it was over. But lady luck was looking down on me that day. She was probably looking down on me doing other things, too (a celebratory wank followed by a good night’s sleep).

Away from Call of Duty, I was collecting unemployment and just started saving a ton of money. Being how we were in a lockdown and I had just recently moved into an apartment with my roommate, Joey. I thought the place could use a little sprucing up. This part of my life was called, “Amazon and chill.” For the next several months I would shop almost on a weekly basis from Amazon. Which by the way, a huge thank you to the Amazon team for continuing to be essential and deliver us products we don’t need. Our place was very welcoming, we had a rug and a neat coffee table along with a lot of other things. I would have friends over for a dinner party that summer and received high compliments on my place and hosting. I was very grateful for that (thank you HGTV for all the inspiration in the past decade!). Unfortunately, none of that lasted. Going into the place, I was expecting to stay at this apartment for at least a few years, but my plans changed again, so I ended up leaving and getting my own place. But that’s another story.

While I was still living with Joey, he brought me out to the shooting range for the first time in my life. Before this, I had never shot a gun before, not even paintball or a bb gun. The most I’ve ever done was playing with sticks that look like guns out in the woods when we would go camping. I’ll admit, that was still recent. It wasn’t just when I was a kid. But that’s life! There’s that kid in you that won’t ever burn out. So anyway, we’re at the range, and Joey is teaching me the basics and techniques of holding and firing a gun. I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt learning a new skill like this. Maybe because I was never into guns in the first place. Joey’s cousin brought a shotgun with him, and I tried that out… very interesting. That had quite the recoil/kickback. I remember not setting my feet correctly when I fired the shotgun, and it nearly sent me back to the womb… just kidding! I did almost fell down. That was pretty wild though. As of now, I’ll just stick to shooting guns in video games or sticks.

One Of Many Passions

The late 90s brought so much in its’ history alone. I had just learned about who Tiger Woods was. And after watching him golf for several years, my uncle introduced my brothers and I to it. It was one of the most frustrating, yet relaxing sports I ever played. Who knew hitting a tiny little ball hundreds of yards could bring joy to someone? I played this game for over 20 years with the exception of certain parts of my life where I hardly played. I loved the sport but as I got older, I noticed I wasn’t golfing as much as I used to or would like. A lot of my friends who I played with when we were younger found new passions or just did other things. On several occasions I would have some colleagues at the time to go with and it made me miss that feeling of why I used to golf as much as I did. Then with Covid, a couple of my nephews were bored staying home and playing video games, wanted to do something else. When the golf courses opened back up, it was something they wanted to get back into. They hardly played when they were younger, but this was something different than staying home and they wanted to get good at it. When they would ask me if I wanted to join them, I had forgotten myself that joy it brought me. I was very thankful for them for bringing that passion back in my life.

And an interesting experiment I had was golfing while I was in the clouds. That was quite something! So, what else did I do when I was high and in the clouds…?

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The Worst Week Of My Life

Before Covid expanded throughout the entire United States, I was on the verge of moving closer to my job. The commute of having to drive a longer distance was taking a toll on me. But it wasn’t just that, a lot of it had to do with the fact I was working 7 days a week with no expectations of a weekend, or even a day off. I figured if I had to work every day then I might as well live closer so I don’t have to rack up the mileage, and use up more fuel for my car. About a week before my lease ended, I had gotten a place with a roommate. One day he made lasagna (frozen, not from scratch) and offered me some as I was bringing in half of my stuff from the move. I took a portion of it before heading over to my brother’s place for his birthday. It wasn’t long after I had the lasagna that my stomach was aching quite a bit. At first, the pain was mild but then became much worst when I was getting ready for bed. This was even after I took something similar to Pepto-Bismol. I thought for sure the pain would go away but when it didn’t, this felt like it was going to be food poisoning… until it wasn’t.

Little did I know, the worst week of my life had just started. Before I could even fall asleep, I was lying in bed in agony. The pain in my stomach felt much worse than when I had my stomach ulcer. Lying there awake tossing and turning of discomfort, I was lucky to get 10-15 minutes of sleep every couple of hours I was awake. Little good news/bad news situation, I finally had some time off from work! Unfortunately, I felt like I was on the verge of dying. While I was awake throughout the day, the pain was only just mild. But I couldn’t really eat anything at all. And that’s how the rest of the week was for me. By the end of the second night, knowing this pain wasn’t going away anytime soon, I made a decision to go to Urgent Care. With no help at all from the physician, who recommended me go on a BRAT diet (banana, rice, applesauce, toast), I had accepted death. (Please clear my browser history ehhhhh!)

So, with just a few days left on my lease, I still had a few more items to pack up and some cleaning to do. Even though I was struggling to move around, it was on my agenda and had to be done. After another restless night it was time to go to the ER. I may have spent a few hours there waiting for test results and being put on morphine. The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, even after an MRI, but prescribed me with some opioids for the pain. I just could not believe all of this came from frozen lasagna, which I have to add that it was sitting out in room temperature all night before I had some. One of the few things I could think of was that bacteria formed and wasn’t completely killed off after microwaving it. To this day, I still haven’t had any lasagna since. By the end of the week, I was finally starting to get better.

When I was able to move around again pre-lasagna, I had lost about 10-15 pounds in just a week. Most of that being muscle mass. It was difficult for me already just to gain weight, so having lost the amount I did, it set me back quite a bit. The year prior (2019) was my most proficient year ever when it came to gaining not just weight, but muscle mass. I was working out 5 to 6 days a week on average, and just kept pushing myself more and more every day. Looked great, felt good, and was motivated. I could have worked on eating healthier but I was just going for size. Eating quite a bit of fast food and a lot of protein shakes kept that ass jiggling for days. Later on, during the pandemic I would find out about myself that I did have a little bit of an eating disorder. Picky with food and not liking to eat leftovers. It seems like I had an acquired taste for something different every day. The worst part about this is I would end up throwing out more food than I would have liked. Being aware of some of my issues like this, is a relief. Because I know what the problem is, and I can work on it and see what I can do to improve on myself. This was one of the few things I became aware of during the lockdown.

A week after my stomach bug, I was ready to go back to work and get motivated again to workout… and then the lockdown happened. The timing was just impeccable…!

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My 2020 Experience

I think it’s safe to say 2020 was definitely something else. Anywhere from good to bad, to worst. You can call it what you want, the fact is, it’s now a part of our history. A crisis that shook the world. As an entire species, we had to get through it together. And to this day, we still are. As bad as it was, we still have to look on the bright side. To me it was more than just a pandemic, it was an opportunity. Taking the time to slow down and figure out more about life. My life. I was working at what appeared to be a dead-end job with no plans to change my future anytime soon. I wanted to try my luck with making YouTube videos but was never consistent with posting any content (maybe an average of 2 videos a year). Well, whatever was in stored for my future, I only knew one thing, and that wasn’t to work until I was 65 before retiring. Or maybe it was 59 1/2 (things may have changed and I forget what it is now). Either way, change was going to happen. It’s just a matter of when.

January

One of my many passions is that I like to bowl. Almost to the point where I could have gone pro. Been a part of leagues since I was 18 and did quite a bit of tournaments. Every January my teammates and I would compete in the state tournament. It was normally the first or second week to start the 5-month long tourney. Being that we went early, the goal was to set the benchmark for other teams to try to take us down. Unfortunately, we rarely ever set the benchmark for anyone to beat. However, there are side bets (jackpots and brackets) that we do and that’s normally when I win my fair share. Most of the time it was enough to cover all my expenses throughout the weekend, which is a win in my book!

This time around it was much different. On our last day somewhere in the middle of the tournament, we had gotten news that Kobe Bryant passed away in that horrific helicopter crash… I was shocked. Could not believe what had happened. It was all over the news and everything. Along with his daughter and the other passengers, my heart dropped. On the car ride home from the tournament, I was watching Kobe’s highlight reels and could not stop myself from crying. Tears were just running down my face constantly. Kobe was an icon to me. That mentality to win each and every time he stepped out onto the floor. He had the mindset of a winner and I will always appreciate what he did on the court. The first few days at work was just whatever to me. I made it quite known to my colleagues of what I was going through. Then one of my colleagues, Anne, said to me, “David. You didn’t even know him.” The look on my face when she said that. “Anne. Really? I’m going through something.” I’m paraphrasing of course. But it was very close to that. Now that I think of it, I would consider myself a pretty dramatic person. Probably has something to do with watching a lot of movies and TV shows. Anyway, Kobe was a symbol to the world and he changed the game of basketball for everyone that enjoyed the sport.

So somewhere in the middle of all this, and for several weeks prior, I met this young woman named Lexi. She’s also a bowler and a very good one to say the least. I was new in this league we were in together and very fortunately; our team was paired up next to her team for a month straight. Because of that, it gave me an opportunity to get to know her. At first it started with glances towards one another, and soon a smile. Then some of my teammates started talking to Lexi and her teammates. Now that the ice was broken, we started talking a little bit. And I could never understand why people try to talk softly to each other about the people they’re talking about… when they’re like an arm’s length away from them. I heard just about everything her teammate was saying about us. She told Lexi, “You have 3 to choose from.” … uh, no! The other 2 of my teammates she mentioned both are in relationships. They’re just a**holes! Looking for that lay. One of them is Harvey (You’ll have to check out ‘My Hopeless Romantic’ post so you know who I’m referring to). I was doing just fine talking to Lexi but Harvey always has this mindset where if he can’t get the girl, he’ll make it seem like he was the reason you got with them. What he did was nudged me towards her when I was already standing next to her and having an honest conversation. Each week that went by, Lexi and I talked more and more and got to know each other a little better. But not too long before Covid hit, one of the last times I saw her I was going to ask her out to see if she wanted to get something to eat after leagues. Unfortunately, Harvey kept butting in and blocked me out of doing so. Keeping the conversation between them. Then they walked out towards the car and I’m left all alone again… (Worst. Wingman. Ever) I did reach out to Lexi during the early stages of when we were on lockdown. Figured I might as well try my luck only for her to tell me she just recently started dating someone else (no, not Harvey. He has a fiancé (like that’s stopping him from anything)).

During the time we were bowling next to each other, I was crushing it. Normally when I’m trying to bowl well and impress a girl, I end up derping it. Not this time. At least I assume I impressed Lexi. After I asked her out, she did say she wanted to stay friends and wanted to keep me in her life, and thought we should do tournaments together. I agreed with her. But I also felt like she was hoping to keep me around in case things didn’t work out with the guy she was with at the time. Not long after that she just stopped responding to me completely. Which is fine, because life goes on (can’t be a little b*tch about it) and you can’t dwell in the past. In a way, this one goes in my hopeless romantic stories and there’s still a few more left to be told. Let’s just say this one is a bonus for you!

And to end this chapter with what’s to come in the next; I have the worst week of my life… and it’s from lasagna. Tune in next time.

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