My 2020 Experience

I think it’s safe to say 2020 was definitely something else. Anywhere from good to bad, to worst. You can call it what you want, the fact is, it’s now a part of our history. A crisis that shook the world. As an entire species, we had to get through it together. And to this day, we still are. As bad as it was, we still have to look on the bright side. To me it was more than just a pandemic, it was an opportunity. Taking the time to slow down and figure out more about life. My life. I was working at what appeared to be a dead-end job with no plans to change my future anytime soon. I wanted to try my luck with making YouTube videos but was never consistent with posting any content (maybe an average of 2 videos a year). Well, whatever was in stored for my future, I only knew one thing, and that wasn’t to work until I was 65 before retiring. Or maybe it was 59 1/2 (things may have changed and I forget what it is now). Either way, change was going to happen. It’s just a matter of when.

January

One of my many passions is that I like to bowl. Almost to the point where I could have gone pro. Been a part of leagues since I was 18 and did quite a bit of tournaments. Every January my teammates and I would compete in the state tournament. It was normally the first or second week to start the 5-month long tourney. Being that we went early, the goal was to set the benchmark for other teams to try to take us down. Unfortunately, we rarely ever set the benchmark for anyone to beat. However, there are side bets (jackpots and brackets) that we do and that’s normally when I win my fair share. Most of the time it was enough to cover all my expenses throughout the weekend, which is a win in my book!

This time around it was much different. On our last day somewhere in the middle of the tournament, we had gotten news that Kobe Bryant passed away in that horrific helicopter crash… I was shocked. Could not believe what had happened. It was all over the news and everything. Along with his daughter and the other passengers, my heart dropped. On the car ride home from the tournament, I was watching Kobe’s highlight reels and could not stop myself from crying. Tears were just running down my face constantly. Kobe was an icon to me. That mentality to win each and every time he stepped out onto the floor. He had the mindset of a winner and I will always appreciate what he did on the court. The first few days at work was just whatever to me. I made it quite known to my colleagues of what I was going through. Then one of my colleagues, Anne, said to me, “David. You didn’t even know him.” The look on my face when she said that. “Anne. Really? I’m going through something.” I’m paraphrasing of course. But it was very close to that. Now that I think of it, I would consider myself a pretty dramatic person. Probably has something to do with watching a lot of movies and TV shows. Anyway, Kobe was a symbol to the world and he changed the game of basketball for everyone that enjoyed the sport.

So somewhere in the middle of all this, and for several weeks prior, I met this young woman named Lexi. She’s also a bowler and a very good one to say the least. I was new in this league we were in together and very fortunately; our team was paired up next to her team for a month straight. Because of that, it gave me an opportunity to get to know her. At first it started with glances towards one another, and soon a smile. Then some of my teammates started talking to Lexi and her teammates. Now that the ice was broken, we started talking a little bit. And I could never understand why people try to talk softly to each other about the people they’re talking about… when they’re like an arm’s length away from them. I heard just about everything her teammate was saying about us. She told Lexi, “You have 3 to choose from.” … uh, no! The other 2 of my teammates she mentioned both are in relationships. They’re just a**holes! Looking for that lay. One of them is Harvey (You’ll have to check out ‘My Hopeless Romantic’ post so you know who I’m referring to). I was doing just fine talking to Lexi but Harvey always has this mindset where if he can’t get the girl, he’ll make it seem like he was the reason you got with them. What he did was nudged me towards her when I was already standing next to her and having an honest conversation. Each week that went by, Lexi and I talked more and more and got to know each other a little better. But not too long before Covid hit, one of the last times I saw her I was going to ask her out to see if she wanted to get something to eat after leagues. Unfortunately, Harvey kept butting in and blocked me out of doing so. Keeping the conversation between them. Then they walked out towards the car and I’m left all alone again… (Worst. Wingman. Ever) I did reach out to Lexi during the early stages of when we were on lockdown. Figured I might as well try my luck only for her to tell me she just recently started dating someone else (no, not Harvey. He has a fiancĂ© (like that’s stopping him from anything)).

During the time we were bowling next to each other, I was crushing it. Normally when I’m trying to bowl well and impress a girl, I end up derping it. Not this time. At least I assume I impressed Lexi. After I asked her out, she did say she wanted to stay friends and wanted to keep me in her life, and thought we should do tournaments together. I agreed with her. But I also felt like she was hoping to keep me around in case things didn’t work out with the guy she was with at the time. Not long after that she just stopped responding to me completely. Which is fine, because life goes on (can’t be a little b*tch about it) and you can’t dwell in the past. In a way, this one goes in my hopeless romantic stories and there’s still a few more left to be told. Let’s just say this one is a bonus for you!

And to end this chapter with what’s to come in the next; I have the worst week of my life… and it’s from lasagna. Tune in next time.

My Hopeless Romantic Story Part II: Missed Opportunities

It seems like there will always be those few people in our lives, that we are attracted to romantically or sexually, get away. Whether we poor our hearts out in telling them how we feel, or say nothing at all, we’re left with those thoughts of, “What could I have said differently to get her to feel the same way? Or said anything at all.” Either way, the moments passed and you’re left with yet the same outcome… another missed opportunity. I did not expect that there was going to be a second part to this story. But I felt that there were a few other situations and moments that were left out that I wanted to share. So, here’s the conclusion to My Hopeless Romantic Story leading up to now.

Spontaneous Action

Before I go any further, if you haven’t read the first part to this story, then some of this may not make sense to you(now is your chance to do so). With that said, let’s continue. Not long after moving out of Harvey’s place to live with some of my friends from grade school, I was currently working for him. He was some Quality Manager and I was one of his unofficial Team Leaders or whatever the case was. Not important to the story, anyway, he had a colleague in the same position as him and we went to his place for some drinking and bon fire one late summer night. When we arrived, we cracked open some beers and headed over to the fire. There was this girl there that I’ve seen before on several occasions. We just never been formally introduced until that night. Her names Danielle and she was tall, blond, and hot. And no I don’t mean from being around the fire. As the night went on, everyone else was doing their thing while it was just Danielle and I by the fire, talking, and getting to know each other. She then tells me how her back was tense and sore, so I offered to give her a back rub. I had very little experience giving back rubs but fortunately, I turned out to be really good. She told me herself. So yes, I’m pretty proud of that!

Fast forward a couple months to October, right around Halloween time. There was an event going on downtown with deals on drinks with almost all the bars. This was our plan for that weekend. I didn’t have anything to wear so instead I just dressed up nicely looking like a Professor at a University. I spray on my Davidoff Coolwater cologne, not just because of the name but it smells really good. Before we left to go out for the night, my roommates and I were pre-drinking at the house to save money on drinks. So, first place we get to I run into Danielle. She’s looking hot and sexy, dressed up as Pocahontas. We lock eyes and she was more tipsy than I was, and I was pretty tipsy. We hugged, she tells me I smell really good(thanks Coolwater!), then whispers softly into my ears, “I want to f**k you.” I’m standing there with one of those bitmoji faces where they look stunned to what they just heard or saw. And just like a deer in the headlights, I froze for a moment. It felt a lot longer to me than in reality of course. I tell her, “thanks.” Still uncertain of what actually happened, I’m positive that I blacked out for a moment, because before I knew it, I was standing around near my roommates and that was the end of it… shocking I know.

Booty Call

A little over a year later, I found myself officially hired in at a company and no longer working as a temp. I had this coworker that I did not think that I was going to fall for. Her name, is Brittany. Short, somewhat blond, not really sure what because she dyes her hair and cute. I always try to remember from movies, TV shows and those crappy orientation videos about sexual harassment and relationships within the work place not to get romantically involved. But we all have needs. As a man, it runs in our blood. And that blood rushes to our penises… I digress. So anyway, after working with her for a few months, we finally hangout outside of work. Sometimes to house parties or bars.

One late night later, around 1 in the morning, she calls me up and I’m just at home watching a movie or something, says she wants to drink with me. And I remember telling Vincent and Rothana this(my roommates at the time), and they told me themselves it was definitely a booty call. I’ve never been a part of that before so I had to make sure I went through all the proper procedures. Made sure I had a condom, my pubic region was neatly trimmed… and I think that was it. Not that those matter to some people but who knows! So I pick her up from her place and brought her back to mine. She was already drunk and I’m just trying to play catch-up so it doesn’t seem weird. But I barely was catching a buzz. As I leaned back on my bed, Brittany begins to sit closer to me. We talk a little bit then suddenly, as she leans towards me for the kiss, she gets the hiccups. Now, in my experience when you’re drinking and you get the hiccups, you’re about ready to puke. Probably due to lack of water. So then after she has her hiccup, I tell her, “don’t throw up on me” with this stupid smile on my face… she completely 180’d her entire mood. Started getting on the defensive and I’m sitting there with that same stunned bitmoji look on my face yet again! A few moments later, I drove her back home and we did not make sexy time.

Hot Girl(Like from The Office)

When it comes to the workplace, I’m sure most of us have those individuals we’re attracted to. However they appear in our lives and what we do about it is a mystery… until now. At least with me that is. This hot, gorgeous brunette that goes by the name of Hailey is my Amy Adams… sort of. She worked as our company’s vendor. Supply us with snacks, food and drinks to our supermarket for people that forget or are too lazy to bring in their own food. And I’ve been there myself many times.

This was much more recent, only last year about a couple months before Christmas when Hailey and I met. We went through several vendors for the past 6 months or so until Hailey showed up. The first day I saw her I already knew I wanted to talk to her and hoping it would lead somewhere. Love at first glance maybe? So of course, I needed to come up with a game plan. Find my in towards having a conversation with her and the rest is history. Yes, to some people it does come more natural just to strike up a conversation, but to others like myself, not so much. I always had difficulties breaking the ice but after that, I’m gold(or should I say doge… no that’s not that high right now… let’s say bitcoin!). After the ice breaker, I’m bitcoin!(but I don’t have any bitcoin… I do have dogecoin. You know what, this is besides the point! That’s why I’m leaving it in parenthesis)

Anyway, Hailey and I got to talking, she tells me she has a kid which I have no problem with. And one of the biggest turn-ons she mentioned to me was how she used to play hockey back in the day. I’m a big fan of The Mighty Ducks which was why I loved going ice skating but almost no one wanted to go with me when I would bring it up as something to do. So this would go on leading up towards Christmas where we would talk a couple times a week when we would see each other. The second to last time I would see Hailey was when she told me she would be gone for the last two weeks of the year for relocation. And on the last day that I saw her, she had changed her look. Letting her hair down, putting on some make-up and perfume. She sent me all the right signals to ask her out, even my thoughts was telling me to ask her out. When I talked to her in person for the last time, it never happened. I froze…

When I left work and got into my car, I kept telling myself that I should just go back in and do it. Man the f**k up… but I didn’t. Instead, I waited until the new year to finally have the nerves to ask Hailey out. Unfortunately she no longer was there at our location. So this gentlemen took her spot and after a month, I asked him to see if he knew her, which he did. I had this letter that I wrote for Hailey in case there was any chance at all that I would see her so she can understand what I was too afraid to tell her in person. I put a lot of effort into it and everything. Wrote in cursive, used one of my special ink pens and folded it up nicely. I gave it to the guy to give to her which he did, and I’m thankful for him in doing that. Hailey did reach out to me telling me how nice of a gesture it was and we texted back and forth for a little bit. But unfortunately I think she was just hoping I would already ask her out which I didn’t until later. And by that time she had already stopped replying to me, meaning I missed my window.

My Love Life In A Nutshell

Maybe the chase is all I enjoy doing. Building tension between me and the one I’m sexually or romantically attracted to. But to not have the courage to ask a beautiful woman out when she’s sending me all the signals I could ever ask for, is beyond me. I’m willing to admit that I’m messed up in the head with women. And it goes back to my past when I would get stood up, I just know it. But that’s the past. Yes, it left a scar, but I have to be able to move on and get over my fear of it and that’s the problem. I’m afraid to ask women out because I feel like it’ll happen again, but that’s negative thinking. Best case scenario they say yes and I do go out with them and have a great time! Maybe I’m afraid if by asking them out that I will succeed, and be in a happy and healthy relationship.

This was incredibly difficult for me to write knowing that I’m reliving those moments. But I’m glad I did because I do hope that for anyone reading this, it could help them out or they themselves were in a similar situation as me, knowing they aren’t alone.

My life really is like a movie, or even a television show. I guess it would depend on the plot at that moment. And if people from all over the Universe with highly advanced technologies is watching, they would be entertained to say the least. All I ask is when I’m in the bathroom or having private time, just leave me be for those moments. Unless there’s a Universal Pornhub website to watch me do the nasty… anyway! At this point in my life, I have faith that I’ll be a lot better if I ever find myself in these similar situations again. Life is one big lesson. The question is, “Are you willing to learn from it?”

My Hopeless Romantic Story… so far

From girls to women and me becoming a man from a boy, my love life truly was, and still is a spectacle. From middle school throughout high school I’ve had girlfriends, crushes, and even gotten stood-up… on multiple occasions. One of my strangest moments was playing strip poker with a girl from high school whom I rarely talked to until only recently after we graduated. Not exactly sure how we got to that situation, but it was definitely interesting. I got to hold hands with my first crush roller skating to Aerosmith’s’ “I don’t want to miss a thing.” Only she was skating backwards, not messing with my masculinity whatsoever. With all of that being said, here’s a much longer story of how my love life has gone.

The Girls From School

Everyone seems to have those typical clichĂ© high school romantic life. You’re either all alone, hooking up with multiple girls, or have that long lasting relationship with your sweetheart. So where am I in this category…? When I was in school, I was normally a very quiet person. Stuck to myself for the most part, and didn’t have many friends. I knew a lot of people, but that was mostly it. I did have a small circle of friends I’m proud to say that are close to me to this day. My grades could have been better, but I found it difficult to pay attention in class because I was distracted easily by the girls. They always thought I was cute, like Snoopy(sorry, had to use that Rush Hour reference).

My freshman year was quite a wild one. Never thought I would be brave enough to ask out as many girls as I did. I had the biggest crush on this girl that seemed really interested in my life, Erica. We never dated or anything, but would always write notes to each other in English class. She was the only girl I knew back then that was curious about me on a personal level. Not even my girlfriend at the time asked me personal questions or tried getting to know me in that way. We did however wrote letters to each other and talked on the phone. But when we were together at school, we barely had a conversation. Our relationship didn’t last that long.

Fresh off a relationship, I just started asking these girls out I thought were pretty and cute. They agreed to going out with me, but when it came time for us to meet up at said location, not a single one of them showed up. I was hurt, and sad. To be 14/15 and ecstatic to go out with someone only to get stood up emotionally is just devastating. My spirit was crushed because it happened to me more than once. And pretty much from there, I went on the rest of my high school days living in disappointment and lacking confidence. Afraid to ask anyone else out because I’ll always think to myself, “what if I get stood up again?”

A Terrible Wingman

Wasted half my life on a friendship that should have ended a long time ago. But if I knew what I know now, we would have never been friends from the start. All things considered, he made a great Antagonist in the story of my life. I won’t call him by his name on here due to the fact I want nothing to do with him. There were definitely some scars left on me(mentally) from the friendship and it was still pretty recent when I chose not to talk to him anymore. I guess for the sake of this story, we’ll call him… Harvey(yes, like Harvey Dent a.k.a. Two-Face because that’s exactly how he played out to be in my life).

I met Harvey through my brother when I was about 13 or 14. Since my brother and I were really close and I didn’t have a whole lot of friends, I got to meet some of his. So, later down the road I would end up hanging out with Harvey just us at times, and I did get to meet his cousin who, I had a crush on for years. But nothing happened between us, just a little bit of sexual tension… I think. Anyway, there were several girls in my past that I did have a thing for, and I always thought that Harvey was such a great person because he had a way with words, and I was hoping he could help build me up with these girls. I would have to find out the hard way many times that it was not the case at all. As far as I knew, he only talked to them for himself. To the point where this girl I liked, he legit stole her from me. We ran into her at a bar downtown and I offered to buy her and her friends a round of drinks but he put it on his tab and took credit for it… and this was on my birthday! It didn’t end there either, despite him having kids with her. I met this really nice woman from a bowling league we had and by this time, I had gotten a lot better talking to women. And again, he would butt in and keep the conversation between them pushing me out. This was getting real old and it was only about a year after that I knew this friendship had to end.

Some of my closest friends would tell me how unfaithful he was and how poorly he treated me. I guess because when I met him at such a young age, my underdeveloped mind was processing information differently. There were countless times I knew he would make me feel awful and resent him as a friend. But something always brought me back to him. Now, I could go on and on about him but I’d rather not. Maybe I’ll save it for my autobiography I’m thinking about writing in the near future. Life has to go on, no matter who’s in it or not. Should have listened to my friends a lot sooner. But better late than never. And since I dropped him, I know I’m better for it.

Public Places

Being a regular at restaurants and bars aren’t all bad, the servers will remember your drink orders. At least, that’s me of recent versus how I was, say, about 10 years ago. I was out with some old high school friends I hadn’t seen for a while and my goodness, my drink orders were the definition of a failed moment. It started off fine, just a water. Then I was craving something else, wanted to talk to our waitress more, so I ordered a lemonade. A little while after that and eating our food, I then decided to get a beer, just to make conversation. The routine I made of how I got to ordering these drinks was incredibly shocking… in a disastrous way. By this time, one of my buddies made fun of me for that, jokingly of course. It goes on my ‘epic fail’ moments. Let’s just call it a good lesson learned!

Not long after I turned 21 I went out with Harvey and some of his coworkers at the time to a restaurant to meet up with them. I was always really quiet, but who wouldn’t be? When you’re that young, and surrounded by people you don’t know, it’s difficult to make conversation especially when you’re an introvert. I have gotten much better at talking to people since though. So we’re out eating and having a few drinks, talking and laughing, then everyone wanted to change the mood a bit. Head to a bar with a dance floor. I met this sexy little minx named JC, as they called her. She was a friend of the coworkers. We locked eyes at one point on the floor and started dancing closer and closer together. This random guy saw us breaking it down and thought he should get in on the action(thinking there was going to be a dance-off). He goes a little over the top with his moves, leaving him to literally dance off of his shoe. Moments later, JC saw his shoe on the floor, grabbed it, and chucked it back at him, not realizing I was in the pathway between her and the guy. So this shoe hits me in the head and now I’m a little dazed and confused. JC immediately comes to me apologizing and then giving me a big hug that nearly sent us falling over. Unfortunately I would no longer see JC after that night. We never exchanged numbers or anything. But at least I was left with a good story and an interesting little moment.

A Friend’s Friend

I feel like we all have those friends that want to introduce you to one of their friends. In this situation, it’s always the friend’s girlfriend’s friend. Playing matchmaker. I can’t quite recall the occasion, but little did I know, I was going to meet my boo… Kait. Kait and I had one of those types of relationships; the sexual tension, an unspoken thing, and playing each other hot and cold. She was much better at the hot and cold thing than me. I was pretty bad at it. When we first met, she had this wild glowing look. Curly blond hair and red lipstick. She liked to stand out. But later would go to red hair, which to this day, I have no idea what her natural hair color is. We would watch basketball together rooting for the Bulls. This was during the time Derrick Rose was top dog. Back when the era of the NBA was, at least to me, at one of its’ highest peaks. Before all the big threes joined forces. Yeah, so we got together for that, out to the bars and even celebrated New Years. After waiting in line to get into the bar for a couple hours in the cold, we had just about 5 to 10 minutes before midnight. We were with one of my buddies I met from high school as well. Had a round of shots, the clock is ticking, and people are counting down from 10. And there we were. Eyes locked, almost midnight. Not certain if I should have gone in for the kiss when that hand hits 12…

Kait and I did quite a bit together. Watching sports, going out to the bars, clubs, to city events and watching a movie at my place in the dark with no one around. All of these and yet… I never made a move. Not even a single kiss despite many opportunities. I can’t really explain it, why we never happened. And now she’s married and has a child, which I’m very happy for her and her family. But after writing all of this about her, about us, I think I know what it was… that chase. I really do love it, and I’m not sure why or how I became that person. But eventually the chase has to end.

What Have We Learned

Whether I’m getting stood-up or dealing with issues at home, I know my friends always seemed to have my back. They were very supportive and lifted me up in a way I never thought. Even when I was at one of my lowest. Thank you all for being my friends. You guys know who you are. As far as hindsight goes, I seen it way too late that a girl from school had liked me while I’m busy telling her about another girl that I liked. So sorry Jaclyn. I saw the look in your eyes at prom and I thought the same thing. Maybe in an alternate Universe we could have been. Although I’m really slow in seeing these situations, I tend to learn many things the hard way. Like how some women give off very easy signs they like me and yet I still find myself unable to ask them out. It may have something to do with my past and being afraid to make that next move. Ladies, I’m definitely working on it! Just be patient with me a little while longer. With that, I do hope you enjoyed this read. It’s definitely one of my longer posts so far, but I am a better man for everything that has happened to me.