What Do YOU Think About… in Life?

The billion-dollar question nobody is asking. As I was sitting there on the toilet doing my business and without my phone, I had a moment to think… like what had happened earlier that day at work. A conversation I had with a colleague of mine, whom I was attracted to (not sure if I used that correctly, the whole “who” “whom” thing).

Anyway, Christmas music was on, we sang a little bit, then I told her how in one of my past lives I was Santa Claus. She told me that was not true which led me to explaining to her that I know when people are being naughty or nice. In turn, she laughs but what surprised me the most, and never expected, she tells me she was Mrs. Claus. And that blew my mind, I was caught off guard. So much was going on in my head, but I had to say something. And by the way, what happened next was not my finest hour (which happens a lot), I said a few words which I can’t remember, but all I know is that it was followed by me laughing the words, “ho, ho, ho!”… and just like that, I ruined the moment, again.

As I tried to recover, it was already too late. The moment had passed, and we just ended up going back to working. But also, when I did finally say something after laughing like Santa it was maybe like 30 seconds later. And when you’re in the moment, 30 seconds can feel like an eternity.

Now that you’re all caught up, let’s fast forward to when I was pooping. When I was sitting there, the thought of what happened at work crossed my mind again. What I think about almost always is what I could have done differently. That and put myself in similar scenarios so I could prepare for a next time that almost never happens. The thing about these moments in life is that most of the time, you only get one.

I couldn’t help but think what was going through her mind; “Does David like me?” “Maybe he’s not interested?” Especially how I reacted to her perfect Mrs. Claus response. As I’m trying to look at this from her perspective, she’s throwing me these vibes that I’m so clueless to figure out. Not right away at least. All I know is that I don’t know. Only what seems to be, and that is she made her move and I failed to see it.

The countless times I play these scenarios in my head for what could be possible is that I want to impress her. The fact that I put so much time and thought into this can only mean that I really care about her. Because I want things to go right, but when it actually plays out, it’s so much better. I just mess it up, terribly! Opportunity can literally come knock on my door, and I’ll be too clueless to figure it out.

Basically, my love life in a nutshell.

When Your “CRUSH” Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

For however long you’ve known each other, almost every moment you’re together, you just want to ask them out. But before that even happens, you role play a little bit by yourself. Trying to put together all these different scenarios in your head, or out loud while you’re in the car, at home, or wherever you find the time to. Yet despite everything you’ve played out, when that moment actually happens, nothing goes according to plan. Not a single thing you mentioned was used or expressed leaving you in a vulnerable position. Even if you never got around to asking them out, there’s no subtleness anymore, so you’ve made it clear to them that you like them. And in return, you get the same end results, again… and again. Getting crushed by your crush…

Although it isn’t a heartbreak, it definitely feels that way. Your body will feel cold, and not because of the weather. But rather your entire universe has been shattered. Almost like your soul has momentarily left your body so you feel nothing but a vast emptiness inside. The only reason you had these feelings in the first place is because you read the signs of interest. At least you thought that’s what they were. The pieces just kept piling on that you couldn’t help but believe that’s what was going on. The chemistry’s there and you built this connection with each other you were almost certain they were interested. Your confidence is at its’ all time high until you finally make your move only to be devastated by the news that you are more than familiar with.

Sadness kicks in, a feeling of lost. All those feelings you remember having back when you were depressed just right back to where they once were. You even made yourself a music playlist for when this moment would come back (that’s right! I made myself a playlist for when life just sucks and I’m feeling down). Every time you do get better; you tell yourself you don’t want to go back to that feeling. That feeling you’re way too comfortable with. Being alone and an outcast from just about everyone in your life. It happens far too often and sometimes you just let yourself know you won’t fall for anyone again. Maybe love isn’t for everyone. At least not in an intimate way. I’ve never been good at asking anyone out and I believe now there’s a reason for that.

So, how do you move on? If you’ve been there before you’ll know how. It takes time. Do the things you have to do, but this time you’re more responsible. If you have to drink, then drink. If getting high is your thing, by all means. Me? I listen to sad music, watch sad movies, pour myself a drink or two, or three. Sometimes you have to feel miserable before getting better. But you will get better. You always have. It hurts, but you will get through it…

(My) Office Romance I

There’s no denying the sexual tension between you and at least one of your colleagues, at least during one point in your working career. I’m sure to any The Office fans out there, or at least have watched enough, you know about Jim and Pam’s relationship. All that tension they had and build up before getting together. A lot of people have fantasized that being them, unless of course you’re married or in any other status. But there’s nothing wrong with looking. We’re human. It’s in our nature to wonder. And then there’s curiosity. If you let that take control of you, then you’ve cheated on your partner. As always, I’m getting beside the point. However, if you are single then curiosity is welcomed. It’s just the matter of having the courage to asking out this individual that makes you feel vulnerable inside. And that’s where I come in…

Work History

Since graduating high school, I spent the next several years working from one job to another, and another. So much so, the number of jobs I’ve had is somewhere over 30. I stopped keeping track when I got to around 25 or so. With some of these jobs however, I did happen to find attraction towards my coworker. Whether or not we worked together or just being in the same building. Like to the point I would turn my head so far over I’ll end up running into something. Time moved a bit slower for me, music playing inside my head, and then I would end up missing out on yet many other opportunities. Mostly because since time slowed down for me while the music is in the background, to everyone else time was moving normally. So, they would just pass on by without even knowing I existed. At least that’s what I figured at the time. I know, I’m aware of how sad that is. But on the other side, these stories do have an ending.

First Job Crush

Let’s take a look at my first official job I started out at. I was 16 and started working at McDonalds. How I got this job, I have no idea, at least at the time. Crushing the interview only to see me in my true nature in the public. Being this quiet, shy, cute (I could go on…) young teenager working in a fast-paced environment. I worked as a cashier, but it was short lived considering 3 weeks was how long I was a McDonald’s employee before getting let go. My boss at the time said I didn’t appear to be motivated enough in the establishment. Which I don’t blame her for that. I knew I wasn’t. Especially being quiet and shy. Times were different for me back then. But during my 3 weeks there, I just so happened to have stumbled upon what I believe, was an angel. She was this stunning blonde with an aura that lit up my eyes working the drive-thru window. The music that was playing in my head at the time was probably Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love to You. I was hardcore into R&B at the time so it’s safe to say I knew all about that baby making music, even though I was still a virgin. But all of that was a never was. Like I mentioned before, I only worked there for 3 weeks so I had no clue if she was single or dating someone. She did ask me something during a time we were slow at work, but I forgot what it was. Thinking about it now, she was probably just trying to make conversation and wanted to get to know me a little better. Unfortunately, never got a chance to find out too much more. It was what felt like another lifetime ago.

When it comes to having your first job, depending on who is raising you, ask them first. Figure out if you’re ready to get out there in the world. Out in the eyes of the public. Although, there are many negatives and cruelty with the public, there are also positives and even enlightenment. You could learn so much from a job, and not just what you learn at home and at school. Just like how I learned about Angels existing right in front of me. Unless my eyes are cheated by some spell. But only 10 or so feet away working the drive-thru.

Stay tuned for part II…

My Perspective On ACNE

As I’m sure anyone who has researched anything with acne, they tell you that it’s more common when you’re a teenager. But even as adults, you can still get them. Ever wonder why that is? Whatever anyone or anything you have heard or read from would tell you, the truth may be a little… different.

CAUSES

As one website has mentioned, greasy foods and hygiene are just a myth when it comes to break-outs. Yes and no. It really depends on the person. The thing is, you know your body better than anyone else. Have you ever tried eating certain types of food and coming to the realization that you break-out more than normal, or not at all? I have this theory that one of the main sources for why people get acne is from what they eat. I’m sure not all greasy foods will affect you, but some surely do. What it really breaks down to is the sodium. I’ve had more than my fair share of what is considered unhealthy food, and after several days to a week, I will start showing pimples. It took me a while to put the pieces together but eventually it really did come down to what I put in my body. And that is just the beginning. When it comes to your hygiene, it’s the lifestyle that you live that can cause more pimples to show up or not. And if that isn’t convincing enough, there’s always you constantly touching your face with your greasy and dirty hands (I’m guilty of this myself).

How To Fix It

If food is your enemy, of course I mean when it comes to this subject of acne, then seriously, start eating more of what mother nature has to offer. I mean fruits and vegetables that grow from this beautiful planet. Unfortunately, I’m still having issues with this myself. I do try to eat them when I can. Like I’ve mentioned before about you knowing your body better than anyone, figure out what works and what doesn’t. Experiment a little. Especially if you get pimples often. If you don’t then there might be something else clouding your judgement (don’t worry, we’ll get into that topic in another post ( 😉 wink)). So, with food already been discussed, it’s time to get to your hygiene. In the last paragraph I’ve only briefly mentioned how this causing more pimples. Depending on what you ate growing up, for years it’s going to affect you in some way. It’s the reason why some people naturally have more oily skin than others. And with showering daily or not does affect certain tendencies as well. Then again, who knows? Only you can figure that out for yourself. As long as you’re somewhat healthy, why not experiment with some things like I have. You might learn something.

The Unknown Breakout

Stress. That’s about it. During part of my high school, I have gone through some shit that I hope that others don’t have to deal with or worse. But one of my closest friends just out of nowhere (yes, like Randy Orton with his RKO), decided to roast me for days. Where it came from or why, I have no idea. The only explanation I gave myself was that if anyone made fun of you, it’s because they secretly had a crush on you. But I’ve been told otherwise. So, it is what it is. Anyway, a moments later, I mentally could not take it anymore. The insults, constantly being put-down and made fun of because my vocabulary was not the greatest at the time… it hurt. And because of only what I knew growing up from family and friends that influenced me, I did the only rational thing that I could. Which ended up with me yelling in disagreement with anyone. And unlike what we see in movies and TV shows, where the characters who go through alternating life events, talk their problems out with one another, I never had that happen to me. All I got was just being made fun of and holding that feeling inside. No one to talk to about it, because at least during this time, unless you have a therapist to talk to you can’t express your feelings to anyone because everyone will tell you to stop being a little bitch… and OMG did this spread like a virus. Generations after mine would go through similar situations and no one, I MEAN NO ONE! Would just have the decency to pull each other to the side and talk their problems out with each other. It’s sad. Because the truth is, we are all in a way like the iceberg in Titanic. Or in Hitch. Where 90% of what we’re saying, isn’t coming out of our mouths. And for those of you who still don’t know, it means we keep way too many things to ourselves and don’t talk about our problems and issues with… anyone! Unfortunately, this is part of being human. We are not perfect, and we will never be. But the least we can do is learn. Learn from our mistakes and learn from one another. Because that’s how we grow as a species. All I ask is that we stop for a moment and take the time to be aware of our surroundings.

The Breakdown

I’m sure professionals and anyone else that say they’re pros will tell you the difference between simple and complex carbs. That complex carbs are good for you. Which is true. But! In my perspective, let’s reverse the roles a bit. Natural carbs, as in what we get from fruits and vegetables, are the best carbs we could ask for. To me, I like to look at that as simple carbs. The complexity is when you start mixing ingredients together to form something completely exotic. Ramen noodles, SPAghetti, pizza and so on. Those carbs aren’t necessarily the best for you. Don’t get me wrong, they taste great! But that’s why we should be eating them only so often. Make a treat out of them. Do something that’s out of your comfort zone and that you know benefits you health-wise. Anyone who has pets, like dogs and cats should know better. You don’t feed your animal(s) treats all the time. You reward them when you feel they’ve done something that amazes you and whatnot. And that’s exactly how you should treat yourself. When it comes to being human, we have the will power to easily eat anything and everything we like. Just because it makes us feel good, but in the end, our stomachs aren’t saying the same thing and our bowel movements as well (unless you’re into that sensation). Look, the thing is we need to have better self-control. Otherwise, we’re just proving Wall-E right. That in the future we’re just going to become fat/obese and become mesmerized by modern technology and forget the beauty of what’s really in front of us. But it’s your life, do what makes you happy… and I mean really happy, like deep down and not what you show yourself to be in front of others. Just remember what you’re doing and how it affects others. Not just yourself.

The Untold Story: About Life… so far

When it comes to people, how do you know you can trust them? Like really. I’m not trying to start anything or initiate some wrongdoing. All I’m saying is whenever you’re doing or saying something and people, whether they are your friends, family, or coworkers, they without letting you know might have more to express about you behind your back. Unfortunately, I’ve been in some similar situations. The problem is the individual or multiple people that are involved don’t say anything to you. And that’s where and when the problem begins. If you’re a very open-minded and observant person, you’ll notice some things. The truth is, all you expect in return is the truth. People to tell you when something is wrong, or when you may have something to do with the problem. Those are the people that I respect. But the issue I have is when things are unsaid. I’ve spent more than enough of my life to know that if something is wrong, I would like to know about it. That’s why anyone who tells me anything, I respect them whole heartedly. But then there’s the people who decide to keep things to themselves. Or at least with those they feel are close to them. How do you expect a relationship to be stronger if you can’t even tell the person you feel who is bothering you about a problem what’s wrong?

I’m sure a lot of this has to do with overthinking, but sometimes my overthinking personally has been right. But it’s been wrong at times… and then there’s your gut. When you have a gut feeling about something, like the old saying says… “go with your gut” or something like that. I honestly don’t know any more at this point. Everyone lives their own lives. There’s only so much we can do to change it. Pastors, Motivators, Phycologist, Teachers and whatnot. At some point in our lives, we need to be aware of what we know. And what we can change to better ourselves as human beings. Life is short. Make the most with what you have to work with. Just be sure it’s something positive and can give hope for generations to overcome adversity.

I Don’t Know How To Talk To Women

Before you start wondering, let me take you on a little journey from my past and put things into perspective. Growing up I wasn’t the greatest by any means when it comes to socializing with people in general. And when it comes to girls (especially if I had a crush on them), I would only know them through school, because they were my classmates. Then as I got older and started working, same thing, the women that were my coworkers I would be introduced by someone training me or if I had any questions. If you took those out of the equation, I would most likely get my confidence talking to them from an old friend, Mr. Liquid Courage himself, alcohol. Breaking the ice was, and still is, one of my biggest weaknesses. Whether I see a beautiful, cute, and/or sexy woman (or whatever adjective you want to use), it’s like I get stage freight. Especially if I want to talk to them. Because the truth is, I want to get to know them. Know their likes, dislikes, what they’re passionate about, have arguments over things that don’t matter. Even accidentally slip out a fart every now and then (let’s hope those aren’t on days I have a protein shake).

Anyway, you get the point I’m making. But what seems to be worse than these is what has happened to me lately. Although, I may only meet some women I find myself attracted to at work, it’s as if someone somewhere out there that I would consider to be of a higher power seems to take them away from me. On two occasions both women that I like ended up moving away. And not like down the street away, but to a completely different state. This not long after having a connection with them. But only for a moment I thought I might have been the reason why. The thing is I haven’t tried to make a move, do or say anything to make them feel awkward. They’re my coworker and that would change everything the next time I see them. Or what if it’s because I didn’t make a move? I’m sure that can’t be it. But I digress. Whatever the situation, I’m still alone which can be lonely sometimes. Not to say that I don’t like being by myself but there are times when I really would like to have the comfort of a woman with me. For all I know they could bring me one step closer to achieving my goals and dreams. The motivation that I hate to admit, lack more often than I would like. The drive that gets me out of bed every morning to take on the day with high hopes! But… it looks like I’ll have to do this on my own. I just have to be patient a little longer. I’m sure soon I will be able to find myself much closer to happiness.

Is It Love Or Lust?

Here it is again. You lock eyes and in just a moment’s notice, you catch feelings. But what exactly are these feelings you’re catching? Maybe it’s a feeling of desire, or maybe nothing at all. But you can’t seem to get your mind off this individual. Because maybe, there’s a chance that they have the same feeling towards you. So much is unsaid. But almost at the same time you’re both well aware of one another. It’s possible that it’s even more difficult knowing that you work with each other. I personally can’t help but think that there’s this tension that has been building up for some time. This is especially the case when they start opening up to you out of the blue. Like letting you in on their personal life. That’s gotta count for something. They trust you enough to tell you things they wouldn’t just tell everyone else. So, all you can do is do the best with what you have to work with. Listen to what they have to say and respond with something that isn’t completely off-putting (which I have done… many times). And before you know it, that eye contact that you have with each other starts to say a lot more than what is really there. The problem is… how do you know if these are signs telling you to make the next move towards what could be, versus what could lead to forever awkwardness that could potentially make you want to quit your job? If any of this relates to you, just know… you’re not alone. Whether it’s love or lust, it definitely plays tricks on you making you think that there’s something there, or just one big kick in the chin.

When it comes to me, well… I’m still figuring out this story of my life on what could be, or never was. I like to stay positive and tell myself that it still is. All I know is I’d like to try to find out, otherwise it’s just another missed opportunity.

This Unspoken Thing Called Love

You’re standing there. Eyes gazing into one another. There’s so much you want to say to her, especially how you feel about her as well… but you don’t. Instead, you play the role of the good guy who listens to what she is telling you so you could respond with an answer that isn’t anything but the point. Either way, that tension that you have with each other isn’t just coming from you. It goes both ways. At least that’s what you tell yourself. Because you have to believe that she feels the same way. The entire time you’ve known each other nothing ever happens. Only because you don’t want to ruin a good thing. And that’s the problem that us guys have telling the women we fancy how we feel. Expressing our feelings is one of the hardest tasks to do. No matter how many times you may play out the scenario in your head, or out loud to yourself in your one-bedroom apartment with no one around to hear you (except maybe your neighbors if you’re loud enough), when you’re put on the spot, it’s a much different story. So, what do you do? If the wrong move is made, you may have just destroyed everything you’ve built in that relationship. But at least you gave it a shot. In my opinion, the chase is something we all love to feel. Not knowing if the person you like, actually likes you back. Whether it’s love or not, how are you ever going to know if you don’t give it a chance? You’re just going to have to figure it out for yourself.

My Story: Personality

“Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart…” (Tobey Macguire/Peter Parker) In this part of my life, we go into the development of my character, what it was like growing up, the movies and shows I would watch constantly, and how my personality came to be. In my family, there was no special treatment. Nobody got spoiled more than the other. I’m considered the baby of my family and oh boy, did I not get spoiled at all. At least from what I can remember. Besides that, I still had many memorable highlights of my childhood. The weekends almost always seemed to be quite unpredictable and pretty wild. Fridays we had TGIF on ABC with great lineups like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and others that I can’t quite remember at this time. A few other moments we had was watching old Thai Boxing (Muay Thai) videos my dad would rent from the Asian Market, and an old classic, The Gods Must Be Crazy. Who knew a simple glass Coca-Cola bottle could make such a big impact on an entire villages’ lives? I love how a movie with a simple premise could bring a family together for 90 minutes or so. That on top of other similar things was my childhood growing up. Like how we would host parties almost every other weekend. My parents were the best at it, at least in my eyes. They knew how to entertain our guests who were considered family-friends to us. Their kids were about my age and a little bit younger, and very fortunately, I had my older brothers and sisters with their creativity to keep the younger crowd entertained. From playing video games to using our imagination and constructing a maze in our basement was one of them. We crushed it! And for that, I’m very thankful for the inspiration my siblings and parents brought me.

Personality

The characters that we all play make us who we are as individuals. It’s not about our gender, or the color of our skin, but what we do that defines us (that last bit was a Batman Begins reference). Throughout my life I have built this personality from watching movies and TV shows that I loved. Most of them being in the genre of comedy. Great comedians like Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, and Adam Sandler were some of my inspirations. I wasn’t sure what it was for why I turned out the way I did, but something triggered within me to want to make people laugh and enjoy themselves when we’re together. With comedy aside, I also have a more… sensual side. Suave. Maybe it’s from watching movies that weren’t quite PG rated during my younger years. Like how I love the movie Titanic in hopes that someday I could draw someone like one of my French girls! Although, I’ll admit Dumb and Dumber had some references I did not understand when I was a kid. As I got older though, the so-called chick flicks were something I was into. I’m all about love and passion. Hitch, What Women Want, and all those Nicholas Sparks books turned movies. And then there’s Austin Powers, baby! Basically, it’s not just the people we hang out with that opens up our personality, but that we get it from the movies and television shows we watch too. They can be very inspiring and gives us the motivation we need to get out of bed in the morning and depending on who you are, hoping that today is finally the day you ask that girl or boy out from school, or a coworker that you see on a daily or weekly basis.

Nowadays we can get that from just about anywhere. Whether it’s from reading certain articles on the internet or stumbling upon random YouTube videos. The human brain is constantly learning and taking in new information. We just have to listen to it and decide for ourselves what’s right, wrong, and everything in-between. Don’t let your ego or stubbornness be the reason you won’t learn. There’s no harm in being a little open-minded. Allegedly, we only live one life. Why not make the most of it? Bring positivity to those around you, even if they don’t do the same. You never know if your actions could make an impact on someone else’s life. We are our best hope for a better world. So make it count! And with that, I’ve mentioned too many inspiring words. Peace, bitches!

P.S. I forgot to mention when I was with some of my family members hanging out at my nephews 21st birthday, we were just in the garage talking and drinking. This was close to a year ago, and I was saying something very inspiring and motivational, but I can’t remember what it was due to the fact… I was with my niece and her boyfriend in their car, and I took a hit from their bowl. Pretty much my mind was clouded a bit. Anyway, whatever I said had my brother-in-law telling me that I should be what was something like a pastor for the Buddhist temple. This struck a chord within me because I knew my father was something like that (I can’t remember the title of it). He spent a lot of his time at the temple talking to the monks and played a higher role in that community. I’d like to say most of the time where I get my words of wisdom from comes from my father. There was so much about him that I would have loved to know about his past but unfortunately, I’m not able to. However, I was able to find out more about him from my oldest sister. We were hanging out during fourth of July and I asked her about him. She told me the stories she would hear from them was how respected he was. This coming from army Generals, villagers, and plenty of other people too, I’m sure. Anyway, I just thought I would share that little extra bit about my father and the role he played that made my life what it is now. Thank you!