Tag: Love

It’s Just a Competition… Right?

“And the winner is…”. There I am, standing between 8 other competitors. As second and third place was already announced and I’m still waiting to hear if my name will be called. My heart starts beating faster and faster, despite already doing my presentation a while ago, my anxiety just suddenly kicked in without a moment’s notice. What’s about to happen? Is this my moment?

The Beginning

In my line of work, I’m a barista… but with a little extra flair. From all my past experiences and mistakes that I’ve made, I almost always tend to in a way evaluate myself and what I could do better or differently. In other words, I can be pretty hard on myself. And when I first started out as a barista, it was no different. I was not great, but it was also because I didn’t have enough experience from the work. Oftentimes I would be the one that just connects with customers more than anything else. As I finally began to put in more hours at work, I was given time to bar and make fancy lattes and whatnot. Eventually I got in a rhythm of my own and the speed progressed with it and now I’ve been considered dependable no matter what role I’m given. And that’s what it’s all about for me really.

The Competition

This year alone has been more about praising myself and acknowledging that it’s okay to mess things up or not beating myself up too much if I don’t stay on task. Like my bingo card, it’s actually a lot. I see it every day and have to know it’s more up there as a guide. I’m okay if I don’t complete everything I set out to. With that, I decided to take a chance on something new. I saw a posting within our company website about a barista championship competition. What’s funny is I didn’t notice this post until the very last day to sign up. So, I thought, “why not!?” Let’s try this out!

Overall, this competition has 5 levels you have to compete in, advancing from one level to the next. Let’s just say, if you found yourself at the very last level, you could be competing in front of potentially thousands of people on stage. Sounds nerve wrecking? It is, but I had no fear… at the time.

And Here We Go

The first level was going up against any other fellow barista within your café. However, in my situation, nobody else signed up. So… I moved on! By a technicality. And once my boss figured out what the next level was going to be, she helped me out every step of the way. Supporting me through it all to the very end. What we had to do was practice making latté art and work on connecting with the judges, making conversation.

I practiced so much leading up to that moment, and seriously there’s a whole science behind latté art and to this day, I feel like if I make a good latté art, it’s strictly out of coincidence and luck. When that time came, I was with my boss, her kids and a fellow colleague to cheer me on. When everything started, to me it felt like nothing was what I imagined it would be. Like one of those reality vs expectation type of situation. My heart was racing the entire time. I did not expect this feeling. My anxiety may have peaked more than I could imagine.

We were given 3 rounds and on the second round I felt like a ghost. I made no conversation whatsoever with any of the judges and knew this was it for me. My break in-between the final round I just told myself I would just tell my story of how I became a barista and did exactly that. Plus, my latte art in that last round looked like a mixture of the Michelin man and marshmallow man (accidentally).

At the end, when they announced the winner, I’ll admit I still accepted I had lost but deep down felt maybe there’s a chance. I still had hope. And then it happened, my name was announced and I just stood in silence for a moment not sure what had happened. I was moving on!

By celebrating, my boss took us all out for ice cream. I pooped later that night!

Let the Games Begin

In that last level, I found out I barely won. But I won which is all that matters. However, even for this next level, I still had the mindset to just do my best and to only focus on my own craft. That was not the case, just like that last level, I had conversations with other competitors leading up to the competition. Just a bunch of baristas from around the nation getting to know each other and a little bit about our stories, which I tend to be more fascinated by. In this particular competition, we had to do a coffee tasting. For that, you get to choose your coffee of choice and essentially describe its’ origin, history and talk about the flavors and what your story and reasoning for choosing it.

There’s 9 of us total and I was right in the middle of it all through random drawing from a hat. So, once we broke away and the competition began, there were 5 minutes interval between each competitor that was given 10 minutes to do their presentation. At the beginning I left those that came to support me, but only to the back of the café to run my presentation over again in my head. I really wanted to get it right and make sure everything flowed naturally. Typically, when I go thru these story tellings, I like to have a good transition from one topic to the next.

Honestly, everyone that I interacted with could not be more supportive and helpful. This was more than just a competition. After seeing how some of the other competitors did their presentation, it gave me an idea of how I would showcase mine. And before you know it, I went and did my thing. Overall, it felt like a solid performance. One of the competitors I talked to I actually helped him with just a few things here and there. Afterwards, he did his thing and ended up taking the bronze metal.

So, here we are… in front of 8 other people competing to move on to the semi-finals. And the winner… was not me. The room fell silent, at least in my head. I remember applauding the winner, but the feeling was seriously like something you see out of a movie or TV show. As I stood exactly right in-between the top 3 finishers giving each other high fives then when the winner held her hand out for a high five to me, honestly, I didn’t even realize she was doing it. Eventually I did. I didn’t leave her hanging.

Au Revoir

I studied; I practiced and kept working on my storytelling like I was rehearsing because the way that I saw this felt like it was a role and I didn’t get the part. Now, I will say I had about a solid 4 to 5 weeks to practice which I did a lot of studying but only until about a week prior, I started my story like it was my lines. There was a lot of information to know and remember, and I did the best I could, but you can only ask so much for someone with A.D.D.

When the top 3 were being announced, all I was hoping for was to be a part of that. To be on the podium. That’s why when second and third place was announced and I still haven’t heard my name; it really did feel nerve wrecking. And where does that leave me? After having some time to let it all sink in… I was sad. Maybe even depressed (but honestly for about a day and a half). Like to the point where I’m uncertain if I need cheering up or just to decompress what I went thru on this little journey.

Overall, I know I could have done better. Absolutely. What I was still trying to work on was fine tuning my craft. I believe the story telling was great but after a little more reflecting, I rushed myself and didn’t open up opportunities to connect with the judges as if they were just any other person. I know those that came out to support me let me know I did really well and thought I should have at least placed but these things happen. I’ll learn from it. But I told myself that this here was just a one-and-done type of competition just to see how far I’ve come. And honestly, I have come a long way. I’ll take this as a learning curve and will continue to better myself every day. For me.

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Love is Stronger than Hate

Truer words have never been spoken so well from such an icon. Of course, I’m referring to Bad Bunny. I agree completely with what he’s saying, even if I didn’t know what he was singing. But it doesn’t matter. I understood what he meant. And the storytelling in his performance alone could tell you that. I just wanted to add to this by saying that the reason I believe, as humanity, why we struggle so much with that is simply because we forget how to love. We have so much hate in our… loins! I don’t know. Just somewhere deep down that we let it become our persona, of which I’ve mentioned before how we hide behind a façade too often. But I really feel like that’s already changing!

Remember the movie Inside Out? Some people are “controlled” by a specific character that is a feeling/emotion and that just becomes their normal. Riley was a happy girl and I know it’s been a little while since I’ve seen the movie, but wasn’t her father the angry character?

So, who controls the helm inside yourself? Because where does hate get you in life? I get it though, sometimes life isn’t on your side. At least it can feel like that at times, whether it’s more often than not. But I honestly feel like it’s all about your mindset. Don’t pretend to show love. Express it! Feel it! Who knows? It can be contagious to others where they see it and genuinely become happier, and if you notice them experiencing it, could also make you happier. And at the end of it all, you forget why you hated in the first place.

From yours truly…

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Has Technology Ruined Traditional Romance?

What would life be like for Cupid in this modern age? Do you think that with smartphones and all these dating apps we have, Cupid has lost his desire to bring lovers together the old-fashioned way? What if I’m Cupid in the flesh and as a mortal? Because I’ll tell you, the last time I was sitting in front of my laptop, I banged my elbow against the table in public… and it hurt. Of course, I was trying not to show any emotion but I’m sure the girl sitting across from me noticed but continued on with her work. Why did I even bring this up? … I really don’t know, but let’s move on!

How Has Dating Changed?

It wasn’t so long ago before the dynamic of dating became what we now know it as: mostly through dating apps. Since the idea of smartphones came into fruition, that changed the entire game. But how so? Is it because almost everything is at such a convenience? If so, maybe that’s just a reason to describe us better. I like to consider myself like the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz: no courage. Maybe it’s not just me, as in there are a favorable amount of others that are the same way. But when we have our phones, who knows what we’re capable of? One thing I know for sure, we’re gifted with the creation of art. The amazing things that have been done or said just by having a phone in the palm of our hands. That right there gives us the courage we need to make something beautiful and memorable for others to see.

With this, it could be another reason why dating apps are so convenient. Some people have a way with words that could swoon others leading to love. I’m no poet, but someday maybe. Who knows? Let’s just hope they don’t take advantage of it in ways that leads to broken hearts. Unlike myself, I was never good at using dating apps considering there’s actually a lot of steps that are involved. Like how I’m not much of a picture person (which I’m working on) or let alone, taking selfies. Then there’s my bio with what I’d like others to know about myself where I’m making sure I’m not coming off as too creepy… or not creepy enough? Haha, I really don’t know. Some people have some interesting fetishes in this world, and hey, I’m not judging.

Maybe that’s why I have a higher tendency to have more work crushes in my life. Apps don’t work, I am not the type to go to bars to meet women, so what does that leave me with? Well, I did mention how I could be Cupid himself. My birthday is only 2 days apart from Valentine’s Day and I like to consider the month of February the month of love. Even with all of this, I do start to wonder… maybe I’m just not in a place or time in my life right now for love. It’s not like I’m looking or really trying. However, with that, love seems to find me and I believe it likes to see my reaction. Like how I stumble over my words quite often when I’m nervous around someone I like. That or being clueless to the signs that are being sent my way.

Nothing against those who found their loved ones/companions from these apps, because now it’s become the new normal. And even if that’s not how you met, there are other ways of communicating with someone we’re interested in just from our phones altogether. When it comes to love, obviously somethings working. In just the last couple of decades, Earth’s population went from 6 billion to 8 billion. There’s a whole lot of love going on in this world, and maybe that’s why Cupid decided it was easier to stick with apps. He ran out of arrows!

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I’m not a player, I just crush a lot

Unless you work from home and see nobody but maybe your pets, you’re going to have a colleague you become attracted to. Also, not to get things mixed up with having a thing for your pets. Uhh, anyway, could be right away or maybe it takes a little time first. Then again, attraction is one thing but developing a crush is another. If you asked me about all my work crushes, I would be a wh*re… without pay. In the many jobs I’ve had… and current, there’s been one or multiple for each job where I find myself crushing over someone. But the longer you work at one place, the more crushes you will find yourself having. At least, that’s with my situation.

Barista

Let’s take my current job for example, especially while my memories fresh! But for me, I have two jobs so we’ll start with the first. Been working as a barista now for three years and I love it! The vibe is great, customers are wonderful (for the most part), and my colleagues are just incredible. I will say, I do work with mostly women, in both my jobs actually, which explains the many love interests I have. But honestly, when I first started working here, I felt like my teenage self again back in high school. Everyone just so beautiful and me, just this quiet kid hoping not to make a fool of himself. I was mostly known, and still am to this day as having these one liners that makes everyone laugh. It really did take me a while to be a little more open just because everyone else seemed like they just connected with each other so easily, all while I’m just observing and taking it all in. It was a fast working environment as well, so I did my best just to try and keep up. Some things took me a lot longer to figure out, but other things were just natural.

Of course, during my time learning something new like this, there’s no denying I started catching feelings in the process. One individual (I won’t name names this time), just had something different about her. Something new that I had yet to experience. As always though, there was “the look” that you just have with certain people and it’s more than enough to put a smile on your face. With that, she almost knew what I was thinking half the time. On multiple occasions, she actually finished some of my sentences. And on top of that, this one time around the holidays, we were both randomly singing the same Christmas song. Once we caught ourselves singing when we crossed paths, our eyes locked for a moment… right before we went back to work. The best way to describe, whatever this was between us, was the chemistry we shared.

Unfortunately, despite all the chemistry, we also had different religious views. Me personally, I just like to consider myself spiritual (something I talked about from a recent post). She on the other hand was very religious and was only interested in someone that was the same. Even with that, I still had this feeling she felt a certain way towards me. But hey, I’m not going to judge someone just because they have specific standards in a partner of what they’re looking for. We all have them. It’s just too bad because of our chemistry and only for it to be disregarded by this one particular thing. That’s okay though because life goes on, and you got to keep moving forward.

Nurses

Right around the time I had accepted it wasn’t going to work between this other barista I really liked… and also, because she was leaving this job to move in with one of her siblings out of state (no, I had nothing to do with it. I promise), I came across a second job working at the hospital. I wasn’t a nurse or anything, just because a. I never considered it an option and b… well, I guess that’s just it. I thought I had more. But my primary role here would be to help out the nurses with any non-medical needs and tasks. A completely new program that I got to be a part of the new pilot. With me like pretty much every new job I start, I like to observe as much as I can so I could understand what my role would be and get a feel for the vibe. Whatever the energy is, I’ll try to match it. At least when it comes to the work itself. Again, being in the hospital setting there are not just female nurses, but doctors, secretaries, physicians, and many more. As I always tell myself being somewhere new, “David… be on your best behavior. But also, don’t be afraid to crack a few jokes every now and then.” Just to keep everyone on their toes. That and to see who’s actually paying attention to me.

Like this one time I was talking to one of the nurses about why my eye was itchy. For a moment, I really thought I had gotten pink eye from the night before. Well, it was more or less from when I was sleeping in the middle of the night. I was really gassy and every time I would wake up, I let out a fart. It was this on top of my fan blowing towards me with the gas, so I’m soaking in my own stench and whoo! It was quite pungent. Hence, the reason I thought I had pink eye. Also, I really liked working at the hospital because yes, I help out whenever I’m needed or anything I can do to alleviate the workload from the nursing staff and anyone else in the department. But if I feel like I’m having issues with myself, I’m getting a free diagnosis… in a manner of speaking. Or rather a consult.

Anyway, it wasn’t long after I started this new role where I found myself wandering towards the beauty of the staff. Knowing that I am in a work environment, I still know to keep things professional. But there was this nurse that just stood out to me, where she had this aura of lust. And something almost immediately told me that she was special. Throughout the year that I was working there, I could just hear her voice and how she was with patients. She had such an amazing and positive energy. And her laugh, wow! I mean, it was so affectionate. With all that being said, whenever the two of us would bump into each other, I would strike up a casual conversation just to be able to get to know her more on a personal level. And there were also times when she would ask me personal questions as well. Even though we would maybe see each other once a week, sometimes if I’m lucky enough, I get to have these little conversations with her. Despite the short amount of time we do talk, it’s still a moment that we got to share with one another. And that alone just made my day so much brighter.

Sadly, so many good things tend to be almost temporary. My work there changed so much. At one point, I was only helping out on the weekends considering my other job I had. Then, another moment I had switched over to weekdays with an opportunity that only lasted so many months before it was gone. But not only that, this nurse that I was so into ended up switching to another department and rarely do I ever see her again.

Something that I wanted to add to why nothing ever came to fruition with these two individuals, is because we worked together, and I just couldn’t do that. Like I mentioned earlier, I do keep things professional. Almost like dating in the workplace is not allowed. But I see so many people do it all the time… which is just my excuse.

Truth is… and I’m sure you already know this, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what might happen if things don’t workout or if I get turned down. What that will do to our work relationship and how it might affect things. Could I stay professional after the fact? I’m not sure, but people meet their lovers so often from work. Maybe it’s time I change it up. I mean, why not? There’s this scene from Ratatouille between Remy and his father when he shows Remy the dead rats. His dad mentioned to him that the future is only more of this, and that you can’t change nature. Remy refused to believe that and told him, “Change is nature. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide.” And where I’m getting at with this is, well, if you’ve followed along the journey throughout my love life, you’ll know I haven’t really made a whole lot of changes. So, when I choose to make that change, then we could finally have a plot in this story of my love life. Let’s find out!

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The Stress of Moving Out

It never really occurred to me why moving out can be so stressful… until now. One too many times I still find myself moving from place to place not thinking when will this temporary living situation be a bit more permanent. It’s been over 10 years now since I left home to what I would say be on my own, except I wasn’t for the most part. I at least had a roommate for most of that time. Only in the past few years was I officially on my own and sadly enough, I kept the empty boxes and added on to those boxes. Nothing has really ever felt like home since moving out. The older I get, the more responsibilities I seem to have and that time to enjoy life just kept getting smaller and smaller. Work from one of my previous employers burnt me out where I spent the next couple of years doing absolutely nothing. And now the time has come where I’m packing my things once again…

The reason for my move this time, and this is not an easy thing to say… but it’s money. If living paycheck to paycheck wasn’t bad enough, I had to deal with car problems on top of that. It was the latest issue that sealed the deal in my moving. Even though life hasn’t quite gone my way lately, I’m not mad about it. The way I see it, this is a new chapter in my life. Sometimes you have to take that step back before soaring forward through the skies (I know, that was a bit cheesy).

What makes this stressful is how even after I had to give my 30 days’ notice that I’m leaving my apartment, I still find myself not taking action. Hardly anything has been packed up and my 30 days are almost up. And I’m starting to feel it. But maybe it’s just because I’m tired of doing this so often, and so many times. And just like every other time, I do have items I tend to sell and donate.

This move will be quite painful for me. I may have to leave one of the jobs I work at, and I really do love it. I love the people I work with, and it’s been such a joy. You know you have it well when work doesn’t feel like work. And unless I’m willing to commute almost an hour just for a part-time job, I don’t know if that’s worth it. Especially with my car running the way it has been. Well, whatever I decide to do, no matter what happens, I will look at this as a new chapter in my journey. Life may not be easy, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get to live it!

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World Peace Day

I have a question. Why is it that peace among worlds, let alone our world, has to be just celebrated for one day? Why not for all eternity? The sad thing is that the way we see ourselves in this world right now, is how we differ because of race, because of sex. Just because someone doesn’t share the same opinion as you doesn’t mean you have to judge them whether they are right or wrong. I mean, how do you know you’re right? We are just sharing our opinions. It’s called a disagreement. Something that I feel is lost in this world. That’s why people are so sensitive nowadays. They take everything seriously. It’s called a debate for a reason.

Of course, we aren’t going to agree on everything. That’s what makes us human. We live and we learn. To this very day, I’m always learning. Learning from my mistakes. The sad thing is, for the most part, nobody told me about the mistakes I made, I just had to figure it out for myself. Years go by and you learn by reading people’s body language how they feel about anything you have said to them, how they reacted from it. It’s not something that you’re taught, but rather, from living. That’s life.

As a species, we have to be better. Don’t let one day define who you aren’t. Let the world know who you are… and you are beautiful. You are exceptional. “World Peace Day?” How about just… world peace?

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Unlikely Superhero

“Tonight’s the night… but so is every night. The people in this city grow weary from the constant battle. Why did these powers have to come to me? What did I do to deserve this? But it’s my legacy now…” Our hero himself struggles to rest from saving people one after another. Unfortunately, on this particular night, it’s a 2 for 1 deal at the buffet and sadly, people can’t stop stuffing their faces and grow incredibly constipated afterwards. The hero we deserve, but not the one we need… Constipation Man!

A superhero that helps people poop. By just placing his hand on their stomachs, he can alleviate their cramps. It’s just recommended that they be near a toilet. The people of his city are extremely grateful. It’s not often you can literally be relieved of your duties. But that doesn’t make it easy for our fine hero. Not only is he always on duty, but he can’t fly or travel faster than the speed of light or anything like that. If you’re within a certain range, he can sense it.

He does live quite a sad and lonely life, though. When he first acquired his powers, it was at an unfortunate time. He was on a date with someone and as they were making out, he gently had his hand on her stomach which triggered her to have to go. So, she had to make up an excuse to end the date earlier than expected. This would go on for some time and our hero was completely unaware of the situation. He just thought there was something wrong with him so in a way, he gave up on love.

So, that’s our hero’s life and he has accepted his fate. Saving the constipated because they forget to consume enough fiber in their diets. That and the lack of water to help break down the solids, probably. Just remember to not only kids, but adults as well, eat your green vegetables! Your stomach will thank you.

– From your friendly neighborhood, Constipation Man

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LIFE is One Misunderstanding

So, here we are again. You’re out on a Friday night, whether on a date, with friends, or family. For the most part, everything seems to be going really well. Everyone is having a good time until you make a response to something someone said. From that point on, the mood changes a bit. Now you start to overthink what you may have said at the point you felt the vibe changing. It can be subtle, so you just have to use instinct on this one. As you’re thinking to yourself while you analyze step-by-step all that happened. Is it too late? Why not say something? Or is it that you waited too long where the moment has passed?

For most people, a lot of our conversations with each other are harmless and friendly. Of course, we don’t mean to have bad intentions. Unless deep down you genuinely don’t like this particular individual. But chances are, they might feel the same way about you. You both might have a mutual friend that you don’t want to displease so in a way, you are almost just putting up with each other. That sounds incredibly unhealthy. And you both don’t want to confront one another about it either.

Anyway, the point of this is that we’re not being as honest as we should. Whether or not you are friends, family, or even with your significant other. When something is said that puts you out of your comfort zone or at ease, instead of saying something, you wind up keeping it inside. Or you wait to tell someone else about it later. For all we know, the person that said this specific thing you did not enjoy could very well be unaware of it. So, this whole time they may have no idea you resent them, or are holding a grudge against them, and they’ll never know why.

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m not big on confrontation. So, I try to avoid saying things that would hit a nerve with others. I also believe that I’m good at reading body languages so I have to use that to see for myself if what I might have said rubbed off the wrong way on people. It is so stressful sometimes trying to please people, especially if you’re out of your comfort zone. To those out there that are uncomfortable saying something in person to someone, I’m sure a simple text would do just fine. It at least gets your point across, so people know how you feel. And if they don’t care, then there’s no point to keep them around in your life.

To reiterate, whatever is being said isn’t necessarily that exact meaning. If you’re ever uncertain, just ask. It’s always good to get a better understanding of what someone said than to take things out of proportion that might not even be true. Who knows, that alone could help build a stronger relationship. I hope this helps.

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What Do YOU Think About… in Life?

The billion-dollar question nobody is asking. As I was sitting there on the toilet doing my business and without my phone, I had a moment to think… like what had happened earlier that day at work. A conversation I had with a colleague of mine, whom I was attracted to (not sure if I used that correctly, the whole “who” “whom” thing).

Anyway, Christmas music was on, we sang a little bit, then I told her how in one of my past lives I was Santa Claus. She told me that was not true which led me to explaining to her that I know when people are being naughty or nice. In turn, she laughs but what surprised me the most, and never expected, she tells me she was Mrs. Claus. And that blew my mind, I was caught off guard. So much was going on in my head, but I had to say something. And by the way, what happened next was not my finest hour (which happens a lot), I said a few words which I can’t remember, but all I know is that it was followed by me laughing the words, “ho, ho, ho!”… and just like that, I ruined the moment, again.

As I tried to recover, it was already too late. The moment had passed, and we just ended up going back to working. But also, when I did finally say something after laughing like Santa it was maybe like 30 seconds later. And when you’re in the moment, 30 seconds can feel like an eternity.

Now that you’re all caught up, let’s fast forward to when I was pooping. When I was sitting there, the thought of what happened at work crossed my mind again. What I think about almost always is what I could have done differently. That and put myself in similar scenarios so I could prepare for a next time that almost never happens. The thing about these moments in life is that most of the time, you only get one.

I couldn’t help but think what was going through her mind; “Does David like me?” “Maybe he’s not interested?” Especially how I reacted to her perfect Mrs. Claus response. As I’m trying to look at this from her perspective, she’s throwing me these vibes that I’m so clueless to figure out. Not right away at least. All I know is that I don’t know. Only what seems to be, and that is she made her move and I failed to see it.

The countless times I play these scenarios in my head for what could be possible is that I want to impress her. The fact that I put so much time and thought into this can only mean that I really care about her. Because I want things to go right, but when it actually plays out, it’s so much better. I just mess it up, terribly! Opportunity can literally come knock on my door, and I’ll be too clueless to figure it out.

Basically, my love life in a nutshell.

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When Your “CRUSH” Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

For however long you’ve known each other, almost every moment you’re together, you just want to ask them out. But before that even happens, you role play a little bit by yourself. Trying to put together all these different scenarios in your head, or out loud while you’re in the car, at home, or wherever you find the time to. Yet despite everything you’ve played out, when that moment actually happens, nothing goes according to plan. Not a single thing you mentioned was used or expressed leaving you in a vulnerable position. Even if you never got around to asking them out, there’s no subtleness anymore, so you’ve made it clear to them that you like them. And in return, you get the same end results, again… and again. Getting crushed by your crush…

Although it isn’t a heartbreak, it definitely feels that way. Your body will feel cold, and not because of the weather. But rather your entire universe has been shattered. Almost like your soul has momentarily left your body so you feel nothing but a vast emptiness inside. The only reason you had these feelings in the first place is because you read the signs of interest. At least you thought that’s what they were. The pieces just kept piling on that you couldn’t help but believe that’s what was going on. The chemistry’s there and you built this connection with each other you were almost certain they were interested. Your confidence is at its’ all time high until you finally make your move only to be devastated by the news that you are more than familiar with.

Sadness kicks in, a feeling of lost. All those feelings you remember having back when you were depressed just right back to where they once were. You even made yourself a music playlist for when this moment would come back (that’s right! I made myself a playlist for when life just sucks and I’m feeling down). Every time you do get better; you tell yourself you don’t want to go back to that feeling. That feeling you’re way too comfortable with. Being alone and an outcast from just about everyone in your life. It happens far too often and sometimes you just let yourself know you won’t fall for anyone again. Maybe love isn’t for everyone. At least not in an intimate way. I’ve never been good at asking anyone out and I believe now there’s a reason for that.

So, how do you move on? If you’ve been there before you’ll know how. It takes time. Do the things you have to do, but this time you’re more responsible. If you have to drink, then drink. If getting high is your thing, by all means. Me? I listen to sad music, watch sad movies, pour myself a drink or two, or three. Sometimes you have to feel miserable before getting better. But you will get better. You always have. It hurts, but you will get through it…

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