For however long you’ve known each other, almost every moment you’re together, you just want to ask them out. But before that even happens, you role play a little bit by yourself. Trying to put together all these different scenarios in your head, or out loud while you’re in the car, at home, or wherever you find the time to. Yet despite everything you’ve played out, when that moment actually happens, nothing goes according to plan. Not a single thing you mentioned was used or expressed leaving you in a vulnerable position. Even if you never got around to asking them out, there’s no subtleness anymore, so you’ve made it clear to them that you like them. And in return, you get the same end results, again… and again. Getting crushed by your crush…
Although it isn’t a heartbreak, it definitely feels that way. Your body will feel cold, and not because of the weather. But rather your entire universe has been shattered. Almost like your soul has momentarily left your body so you feel nothing but a vast emptiness inside. The only reason you had these feelings in the first place is because you read the signs of interest. At least you thought that’s what they were. The pieces just kept piling on that you couldn’t help but believe that’s what was going on. The chemistry’s there and you built this connection with each other you were almost certain they were interested. Your confidence is at its’ all time high until you finally make your move only to be devastated by the news that you are more than familiar with.
Sadness kicks in, a feeling of lost. All those feelings you remember having back when you were depressed just right back to where they once were. You even made yourself a music playlist for when this moment would come back (that’s right! I made myself a playlist for when life just sucks and I’m feeling down). Every time you do get better; you tell yourself you don’t want to go back to that feeling. That feeling you’re way too comfortable with. Being alone and an outcast from just about everyone in your life. It happens far too often and sometimes you just let yourself know you won’t fall for anyone again. Maybe love isn’t for everyone. At least not in an intimate way. I’ve never been good at asking anyone out and I believe now there’s a reason for that.
So, how do you move on? If you’ve been there before you’ll know how. It takes time. Do the things you have to do, but this time you’re more responsible. If you have to drink, then drink. If getting high is your thing, by all means. Me? I listen to sad music, watch sad movies, pour myself a drink or two, or three. Sometimes you have to feel miserable before getting better. But you will get better. You always have. It hurts, but you will get through it…
My Life Experience 