Category: Life Events

The Stress of Moving Out

It never really occurred to me why moving out can be so stressful… until now. One too many times I still find myself moving from place to place not thinking when will this temporary living situation be a bit more permanent. It’s been over 10 years now since I left home to what I would say be on my own, except I wasn’t for the most part. I at least had a roommate for most of that time. Only in the past few years was I officially on my own and sadly enough, I kept the empty boxes and added on to those boxes. Nothing has really ever felt like home since moving out. The older I get, the more responsibilities I seem to have and that time to enjoy life just kept getting smaller and smaller. Work from one of my previous employers burnt me out where I spent the next couple of years doing absolutely nothing. And now the time has come where I’m packing my things once again…

The reason for my move this time, and this is not an easy thing to say… but it’s money. If living paycheck to paycheck wasn’t bad enough, I had to deal with car problems on top of that. It was the latest issue that sealed the deal in my moving. Even though life hasn’t quite gone my way lately, I’m not mad about it. The way I see it, this is a new chapter in my life. Sometimes you have to take that step back before soaring forward through the skies (I know, that was a bit cheesy).

What makes this stressful is how even after I had to give my 30 days’ notice that I’m leaving my apartment, I still find myself not taking action. Hardly anything has been packed up and my 30 days are almost up. And I’m starting to feel it. But maybe it’s just because I’m tired of doing this so often, and so many times. And just like every other time, I do have items I tend to sell and donate.

This move will be quite painful for me. I may have to leave one of the jobs I work at, and I really do love it. I love the people I work with, and it’s been such a joy. You know you have it well when work doesn’t feel like work. And unless I’m willing to commute almost an hour just for a part-time job, I don’t know if that’s worth it. Especially with my car running the way it has been. Well, whatever I decide to do, no matter what happens, I will look at this as a new chapter in my journey. Life may not be easy, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get to live it!

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What Rejection Feels Like

If this is not your first rodeo, then you already know. But that does not mean it doesn’t hurt. When you imagine both the positive and negative outcome but yet still surprised when it actually happens. That’s because expectations never really play out the way reality wants it to. This is where you prepare yourself to what you know best; your sad music playlist, comfort food or whatever helps get you through your grieving process. At least that’s how I cope with rejection.

It really is a process. Because I’m so used to it, I already prepare myself ahead of time if/when I get turned down. Of course, I’m referring to when I like someone I’m attracted to. It’s a part of my life. Most of the time I don’t even bother pursuing. And to add to the music playlist that I made specifically for this occasion, I do get myself a bottle of whiskey and find something to distract myself, so it doesn’t hurt as much. Sometimes watching a movie or playing video games help occupy my mind, but sadly when I do finish up, I’m right back to where I was.

This most recent time I did try a different approach. First and foremost, I’m not a player, I just crush a lot. And in this particular situation, I happen to like several women that I find myself somewhat close to. A couple of them I actually work with. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing considering I don’t really use dating apps and don’t get to meet people outside of work too often. Literally just looks and smiles when I’m grocery shopping. So, to get to my point, you do have more of a tendency getting to know the people you work with, which brings me to wondering why it’s such a bad thing dating your coworkers.

Business/Pleasure, I get it. Don’t get involved but what if you’re an introvert that doesn’t see too many people to begin with? At work, you build a connection with your colleagues. Some more than others. Yet the most difficult thing you have to deal with is how it might affect your relationship at work when you choose to make the move. I mean, where I work I suppose I could transfer to another store considering I work at a chain corporation? But that’s a hassle. I like where I work and I love the people I work with. But lately, I’ve been watching The Office and maybe I should just do it and put myself out there like Jim and Pam’s situation.

I wrote a letter, well, technically it’s more like a love poem. I wanted to be romantic and have the words rhyme, and it was only a short period of time I wrote this after talking to my work crush. We got into a conversation about how people don’t really write letters to each other anymore, and I wanted to change that. So, we agreed to write each other letters but I wanted it to be more meaningful and chose to open up my affectionate side. The thing is, sometimes we only work together maybe once a week, so I really tried to make the most of our time together. I really do go above and beyond trying to impress her but half the time I’m stuttering and stumbling over my words. Which is something I wrote in my so-called poem.

The thing is, to me at least, it really feels like a 50 First Dates situation. Every day I see her, I feel like I have to start from the beginning to try to impress her. To get her to like me. At least that’s how I look at it. It’s not easy, let me tell you. What doesn’t help is, even though at times my words can be… what some will say enchanting, I will still freeze and have nothing. I’ve been told by several of my colleagues that, I’m ‘rizzing’ with some of our customers, yet to this day, I don’t even know what that means. They tell me some of the customers I talk to are flirting with me yet I’m clueless because I’m just trying to make conversation. And let me tell you, if what I experienced was flirting then it has definitely changed over the past decade.

Flirting or not, if you are I would really appreciate it if you made it obvious to me. I really am clueless if you’re being subtle. And to get back to my point, rejection hurts. But at this point in my life, I have gotten better. I used to listen to what I consider sad songs, but now I’ve gone back to my early past and started revisiting those slow/R&B love songs that expresses my true feelings. I’m a hopeless romantic. And I will tell you more about that… on the next one.

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YouTube’s Algorithm

It brings us together… as a world full of talented individuals who enchant you with their content. Whatever you’re looking for, you’ll most likely find it. YouTube is education. It’s entertainment. But most importantly, it inspires us. You could learn, laugh, or even cry. It’s a platform for artists all over the world to share their work. And for that, I thank you all.

One love!

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My Interesting Search History: About GAS

When it comes to our search history, let’s just say that is personal stuff and should stay private. But… if you’re like me, maybe you want to share with people what random thoughts come to mind that makes you wonder. For today’s topic, we will talk about gas. Am I referring to more solids, liquids, gas, or more the gas that passes through your body? Or both! Let’s find out.

The other day at my job, I had plenty of time to myself and my thoughts. Which can be, well, the best way to put it, incredibly entertaining to say the least. So, here’s what happened; after work the day prior, I had a headache. The one that stops you on your tracks where productivity just isn’t happening. I took some medicine then a nap on the couch. Later on, I made dinner and had myself a protein shake shortly before just calling it a night. Fast forward to work the next day, I was getting really gassy. Not much I can do but to hold it in. That’s when I can literally hear my stomach making noises that I never really paid much attention to. It was like my insides were farting since I was not in the place to just pass gas without being rude.

There is one place I go to find relief, the restroom. It works wonders when you have those air dryers since they are fairly loud if you’re worried about people hearing you. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself, “Oh well.” And on the rare occasions I had, it wasn’t just gas that was being held in when I got to the restroom. This required me to drop everything to the floor.

So, anyway I did some more research on farting and when it comes to holding it in, it still has to pass somewhere. In a way, it leaks through your bloodstream and into your lungs which causes you to burp (which is not the only reason for burping). This put me at a bit of discomfort. I’m now thinking that by passing gas through my mouth, when I’m talking to someone, they might be thinking to themselves, “I think this guy is eating what’s between the butt cheeks.” And to my defense, I can only say that I just say it but don’t actually do it.

Now, there was a point in time I got a little paranoid about the stinky farts. Maybe still do actually. I questioned if the fart particles stuck to my clothes and now I’m basting in that all day while my colleagues or friends and family have to just smell me. Sorry. I am trying to watch what I eat/drink. It’s that lactose.

So, with that being said, farting is going to happen and holding it in will obviously make you feel worse. That or have butt breath (according to my internet research). But in a way, we’re all just a bunch of fart particles ourselves. Just ask the stars in the universe.

Stay gassy!

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What If… You’re Not from This World?

Close your eyes… or not. But at least imagine yourself on this incredible planet with what it has to offer. The landscape: like the mountains, rivers, oceans, and all the scenic views to you. It’s just everything that this world has to offer, and all you can do is just soak it in. But it is breathtaking, nonetheless.

The people, the music that they create, and all the things that we know that entertains us. The best way to sum up this world is that Earth is the entertainment capital of, at least the galaxy. So… if you’re wondering if “aliens” have not visited us, it might be because they are in disguised. Think Captain Marvel and the skrulls (shapeshifters). They don’t want to destroy us. They are entertained by us. Which is why they would rather choose to be a part of this world. See what we have to offer. And from my point of view, we have a lot to offer!

You could be a part of this world while not being a part of this world. Video games do that to you. Especially if you’re playing The Sims. It’s just a better version of your life. The only problem is your motivation has been taken away from you (probably blame ‘Story Lord’ on that). Other than that, there’s not much more to say. This world pretty much has a little bit of everything.

My only question is: what do people not from this world have to offer? And when I say this, I am hoping that there are solutions to a lot of unanswered problems that is constantly going on with our planet. But anyway, just something to bring to your attention for no reason. That’s why it’s a ‘what if…’

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Why My Neighbors Might Think I’m Crazy

“He’s talking to himself again.” says the neighbor. “Just ignore him, honey.” their significant other responding. “It’s not like he’s really bothering anybody, I hope…”

The conversation I sometimes think that my neighbors might be having about me. The thing is my home of which is also my office (and the unfortunate part of living in an apartment), is also my sanctum. But I don’t always like to be in my own head, which is why I like to say things out loud. And the beauty of that is it helps with your speech. Especially when you’re out in public or have a job where you almost constantly are talking to people. Someday I would love to talk or perform in front of a crowd. I know it would be incredibly nerve wracking but it’s a goal of mine. Possibly something of a Ted Talk.

Now, getting back to my neighbors, the reason I mention this is that I hear a lot of noise and activities from my surroundings. Half the time it sounds like one of my neighbors is banging on the wall… or ceiling, maybe floor. I really don’t know. When the place is made up of concrete, the noise almost echoes, which makes it all the more difficult to know where it’s coming from. Maybe, as far as I know, I’m not being loud at all. I try to keep my TV volume to what I believe is a reasonable level. I don’t want to consider myself as “that” neighbor.

If the walls just happen to bounce sound that easily where you can be heard, I’m sorry. But there really isn’t anything I can do about that. If not and they are plenty soundproof and it’s just that some people are really that loud themselves, I’m in the clear. Otherwise, hopefully I’m putting on a good show for you. I do try to be as entertaining as I can.

The other thing about talking to yourself out loud isn’t just to practice your speech to see if you’re saying things correctly, but maybe it keeps you from being inside your own head too much. For me, it’s how I like to work. Crafting my passion together but also when I talk to myself, I’m not actually talking to myself. I pretend that I have an audience. Or just another person here with me. What that does is it makes conversating that much easier. But definitely doesn’t make it so difficult which many people do have trouble with. Considering I’m a procrastinating filmmaker, but also my own actor, I’m constantly practicing my speech as well.

With that, as I mentioned before, whether or not I can be heard from my neighbors, I do hope you see what I’m doing as a form of art. Because it is! It’s just taking me a little bit longer to put together a story, a script, the idea to what I want to do. When you do all this by yourself, it is a slow progress. I like to say that my job in this life is to impress the world… and plenty more.

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What Do YOU Think About… in Life?

The billion-dollar question nobody is asking. As I was sitting there on the toilet doing my business and without my phone, I had a moment to think… like what had happened earlier that day at work. A conversation I had with a colleague of mine, whom I was attracted to (not sure if I used that correctly, the whole “who” “whom” thing).

Anyway, Christmas music was on, we sang a little bit, then I told her how in one of my past lives I was Santa Claus. She told me that was not true which led me to explaining to her that I know when people are being naughty or nice. In turn, she laughs but what surprised me the most, and never expected, she tells me she was Mrs. Claus. And that blew my mind, I was caught off guard. So much was going on in my head, but I had to say something. And by the way, what happened next was not my finest hour (which happens a lot), I said a few words which I can’t remember, but all I know is that it was followed by me laughing the words, “ho, ho, ho!”… and just like that, I ruined the moment, again.

As I tried to recover, it was already too late. The moment had passed, and we just ended up going back to working. But also, when I did finally say something after laughing like Santa it was maybe like 30 seconds later. And when you’re in the moment, 30 seconds can feel like an eternity.

Now that you’re all caught up, let’s fast forward to when I was pooping. When I was sitting there, the thought of what happened at work crossed my mind again. What I think about almost always is what I could have done differently. That and put myself in similar scenarios so I could prepare for a next time that almost never happens. The thing about these moments in life is that most of the time, you only get one.

I couldn’t help but think what was going through her mind; “Does David like me?” “Maybe he’s not interested?” Especially how I reacted to her perfect Mrs. Claus response. As I’m trying to look at this from her perspective, she’s throwing me these vibes that I’m so clueless to figure out. Not right away at least. All I know is that I don’t know. Only what seems to be, and that is she made her move and I failed to see it.

The countless times I play these scenarios in my head for what could be possible is that I want to impress her. The fact that I put so much time and thought into this can only mean that I really care about her. Because I want things to go right, but when it actually plays out, it’s so much better. I just mess it up, terribly! Opportunity can literally come knock on my door, and I’ll be too clueless to figure it out.

Basically, my love life in a nutshell.

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When Your “CRUSH” Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

For however long you’ve known each other, almost every moment you’re together, you just want to ask them out. But before that even happens, you role play a little bit by yourself. Trying to put together all these different scenarios in your head, or out loud while you’re in the car, at home, or wherever you find the time to. Yet despite everything you’ve played out, when that moment actually happens, nothing goes according to plan. Not a single thing you mentioned was used or expressed leaving you in a vulnerable position. Even if you never got around to asking them out, there’s no subtleness anymore, so you’ve made it clear to them that you like them. And in return, you get the same end results, again… and again. Getting crushed by your crush…

Although it isn’t a heartbreak, it definitely feels that way. Your body will feel cold, and not because of the weather. But rather your entire universe has been shattered. Almost like your soul has momentarily left your body so you feel nothing but a vast emptiness inside. The only reason you had these feelings in the first place is because you read the signs of interest. At least you thought that’s what they were. The pieces just kept piling on that you couldn’t help but believe that’s what was going on. The chemistry’s there and you built this connection with each other you were almost certain they were interested. Your confidence is at its’ all time high until you finally make your move only to be devastated by the news that you are more than familiar with.

Sadness kicks in, a feeling of lost. All those feelings you remember having back when you were depressed just right back to where they once were. You even made yourself a music playlist for when this moment would come back (that’s right! I made myself a playlist for when life just sucks and I’m feeling down). Every time you do get better; you tell yourself you don’t want to go back to that feeling. That feeling you’re way too comfortable with. Being alone and an outcast from just about everyone in your life. It happens far too often and sometimes you just let yourself know you won’t fall for anyone again. Maybe love isn’t for everyone. At least not in an intimate way. I’ve never been good at asking anyone out and I believe now there’s a reason for that.

So, how do you move on? If you’ve been there before you’ll know how. It takes time. Do the things you have to do, but this time you’re more responsible. If you have to drink, then drink. If getting high is your thing, by all means. Me? I listen to sad music, watch sad movies, pour myself a drink or two, or three. Sometimes you have to feel miserable before getting better. But you will get better. You always have. It hurts, but you will get through it…

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(My) Office Romance I

There’s no denying the sexual tension between you and at least one of your colleagues, at least during one point in your working career. I’m sure to any The Office fans out there, or at least have watched enough, you know about Jim and Pam’s relationship. All that tension they had and build up before getting together. A lot of people have fantasized that being them, unless of course you’re married or in any other status. But there’s nothing wrong with looking. We’re human. It’s in our nature to wonder. And then there’s curiosity. If you let that take control of you, then you’ve cheated on your partner. As always, I’m getting beside the point. However, if you are single then curiosity is welcomed. It’s just the matter of having the courage to asking out this individual that makes you feel vulnerable inside. And that’s where I come in…

Work History

Since graduating high school, I spent the next several years working from one job to another, and another. So much so, the number of jobs I’ve had is somewhere over 30. I stopped keeping track when I got to around 25 or so. With some of these jobs however, I did happen to find attraction towards my coworker. Whether or not we worked together or just being in the same building. Like to the point I would turn my head so far over I’ll end up running into something. Time moved a bit slower for me, music playing inside my head, and then I would end up missing out on yet many other opportunities. Mostly because since time slowed down for me while the music is in the background, to everyone else time was moving normally. So, they would just pass on by without even knowing I existed. At least that’s what I figured at the time. I know, I’m aware of how sad that is. But on the other side, these stories do have an ending.

First Job Crush

Let’s take a look at my first official job I started out at. I was 16 and started working at McDonalds. How I got this job, I have no idea, at least at the time. Crushing the interview only to see me in my true nature in the public. Being this quiet, shy, cute (I could go on…) young teenager working in a fast-paced environment. I worked as a cashier, but it was short lived considering 3 weeks was how long I was a McDonald’s employee before getting let go. My boss at the time said I didn’t appear to be motivated enough in the establishment. Which I don’t blame her for that. I knew I wasn’t. Especially being quiet and shy. Times were different for me back then. But during my 3 weeks there, I just so happened to have stumbled upon what I believe, was an angel. She was this stunning blonde with an aura that lit up my eyes working the drive-thru window. The music that was playing in my head at the time was probably Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love to You. I was hardcore into R&B at the time so it’s safe to say I knew all about that baby making music, even though I was still a virgin. But all of that was a never was. Like I mentioned before, I only worked there for 3 weeks so I had no clue if she was single or dating someone. She did ask me something during a time we were slow at work, but I forgot what it was. Thinking about it now, she was probably just trying to make conversation and wanted to get to know me a little better. Unfortunately, never got a chance to find out too much more. It was what felt like another lifetime ago.

When it comes to having your first job, depending on who is raising you, ask them first. Figure out if you’re ready to get out there in the world. Out in the eyes of the public. Although, there are many negatives and cruelty with the public, there are also positives and even enlightenment. You could learn so much from a job, and not just what you learn at home and at school. Just like how I learned about Angels existing right in front of me. Unless my eyes are cheated by some spell. But only 10 or so feet away working the drive-thru.

Stay tuned for part II…

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The Problem with SOCIETY… from My Point-of-View

When we have issues with each other, what do we typically do? We talk about it. It’s that simple… but it’s not. Our emotions, how we feel inside, we’re too afraid to tell anybody. Unless for the most part it’s your shrink. And of course, when we’re in our vehicles. Everyone is probably at their most expressive being in their car. Yelling at other drivers for something that half the time is really their fault and not the other person. But face to face interactions, that’s a whole different story.

The majority of the world are strangers to you. So, the question is, do you really want to perceive yourself as more of a hostile person? Why not be caring or shine some light to those who need it, stranger or not. Take your neighbors as a great example. I’m sure most of us don’t even talk to all or a lot of them. If they do something that irritates or bothers you enough, is it so difficult to just go over, knock on their door, and hopefully politely let them know? Because chances are they are unaware of what’s going on around them.

Why My Neighbors Might Think I’m Crazy

I live alone in an apartment. That means I share a hallway and walls with my neighbors. I always wonder too many times if I’m being too loud. I’d hate to be that neighbor everyone has to deal with. Is my TV on too loud? Do the walls constrict sound pretty well? Or can everyone hear it when I talk to myself all the time? I know I sound crazy, but I talk to myself to practice my speech. I interact with people almost every day, mostly customers and other employees. It’s a method that I use so I’m not constantly inside my own head and stressing about anything and everything.

Another big issue I feel my neighbors might have with me is that about once a week I would go out for a smoke. Weed that is (I know I said I stopped but this time feels different). I would end up spraying some cologne on myself and take a quick drive to air it out before coming back home. The problem is that the scent from the weed more than likely is still on me, and I would leave a trail of the smell walking in thru the hall. If that’s so, my neighbors know it’s from me, leading them being angry. Like a lot. I think one of my neighbors might be trying to drill through the concrete wall in hopes that it’ll collapse on me. Also, that is me being paranoid. Which is why I really have to stop smoking, so I don’t have these thoughts in my head anymore. I have heard some of my neighbors saying something (but couldn’t quite make out specifics) and it hurts me because no one had the nerves to just come knock on my door to tell me to my face.

Overall

It’s easy for people to get along. But just as easy for them to languish. Why something so simple as just telling someone what’s bothering them is like the biggest risk anyone has to take. I love watching movies and television shows. And what I learn from them is that whenever there’s a conflict or tension, the characters find the time to talk it out with each other. In my world, it’s almost the complete opposite. We think just because something is only a movie or TV show that there’s no takeaway from it. But that’s not true at all. Take a lesson in your life from this, know that they are trying to tell us something. We can hear just fine. But we don’t listen. All I’m trying to say is talk to each other. But have manors and be polite. There’s no need to take something this small and turn it into everything it’s not. Like The Beatles said… “Come Together.” Because we need it now more than ever.

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