Life After Graduation

“Congratulations class of…”… and there it is. That moment you’ve been waiting for. You and your graduating class celebrating together one last time. Not knowing if you’re actually going to see each other again. When you think about it, it’s pretty wild… but unfortunately sad. The next question to ask yourself is… what now?

Reflecting

Looking back in my past was something I did often. Maybe one too many reminiscing moments. But it wasn’t always a bad thing. I got to appreciate the good times I had when just about everything was so much simpler. Smart phones weren’t around then. Plus, I had almost no responsibilities compared to what I’m dealing with now. I don’t pick my nose as often. Boy, that was something! I constantly picked my nose when I was younger. Never ate the boogers though. Anyway, I kind of grossed myself out a bit.

There were many great things about my time growing up. For instance; most household had one telephone, which was a landline. So, if you were trying to get a hold of someone, you had to actually wait and see who would pick up the phone before having a conversation. It was that or we would go over to the person’s home to see if they wanted to hangout. You could have an interaction with almost every family member of the person you’re trying to see. And thinking back at it now, that is pretty cool. Especially if you’re the type that likes to make conversation.

Speaking for myself, but who knows, maybe many of you would agree, that what I miss the most when I was going to school was… pretty much all of it. Even though my mindset seemed to be elsewhere, because I’ll be honest, I did not care for half of my classes. For the most part, I really wanted to build relationships, have friends, and never ask out most of the girls I was crushing on. Best way to put it, I was easily distracted, which explains why my schoolwork was subpar. Thinking back at it, I’m pretty sure I had A.D.D.

What Now?

However your time was spent during your school years, let’s just hope you made some fond memories. Of course, that will always come with some bad ones. Which is just a part of life. But school isn’t just for education. It’s an experience. Making friends, falling in love, and in those unfortunate times, getting bullied or doing the bullying. Let’s just hope lessons were learned and to those that did the bullying, it stopped. Otherwise, that’s on karma.

Even though I was nowhere near the best student in my class, or the most popular, I did enjoy my time when I was in school. Apart from a lot of mistakes I would change, but who wouldn’t make changes? What happened happened and we have to accept it. Learn and grow from it. But I do appreciate the school I went to for even providing me with an education. And not just an education, but for the classmates and teachers that have come in and out of my life and most importantly, the memories. It’s the memories that define us. How we use it in our everyday lives from what we learned from it.

So, whether you have chosen to continue your education further into college, or to do something else, consider that a new chapter in your journey. There’s so much world out there. Make the most of it!

The Time I Failed to Be a Good Samaritan

Not that long ago, in my neck of the woods, there was a snowstorm. Well, actually, more of an ice storm. It was freezing rain. While I was at work, it started accumulating only for a couple hours. Shortly after I would get off work, I headed home. As I came to a stop at a light, I noticed a couple vehicles stuck in the middle of the road. They were slipping on the road that had built up to be icy enough to make driving difficult.

For a moment, I hesitated. Not exactly sure what I should do. But after a brief moment, I took action. Pulled my e-brake and decided to at least try to help one car out. Unfortunately, I wasn’t wearing the best shoes, so I was constantly slipping on the icy road. Trying my best to help rock their car enough to get momentum to power through… yet nothing happened.

At this point, I was now holding up traffic, so I felt the need to get back to my car and apologizing to those that weren’t able to clear their car from that slippery slope. Not only did I not help, but I caused a bit of traffic. So, it was really a lose-lose situation. The only positive note was that I did not get stuck myself.

Moral of the story, when you try to be helpful to those in distress… it’s not as easy as everyone plays it out to be. Otherwise, it really is just me. Because here’s the thing: only a couple days afterwards, I was doordashing and was picking up an order at a restaurant. When I got inside, the assistant manager was on the phone trying to get a sheriff over for something that had happen not too long ago. This other gentleman that shortly arrived after I did heard that as well.

Then, not a minute later, this individual showed up causing a scene and the guy next to me just ended up leaving. The person that was making a scene started walking back into the ’employees only’ location of the restaurant and continued to get louder. It was at that moment I noticed an employee breathing heavily. At first, I wasn’t aware of what was going on with him. But shortly after, I just decided not to waste my time and ended up leaving myself.

After getting in my car and driving off, I started doing what I do best… using hindsight. The employee that was breathing heavily to me appeared to be having possibly a panic attack. All I could think of was what I could have done differently if I was back there. Which was trying to get his attention to me and to breathe slowly and take deep breaths. Motivate him and tell him he’s doing such a good job in calming down. To let him know that there is so much greatness out there in the world and not to focus on this one bad situation.

Sadly though… I did nothing… as normal. As much as I want to help people out, especially in situations like these… I crack under pressure. It may be one of my biggest weaknesses. I want to do better. I want to help those in need… maybe I’m just afraid. Or maybe I’m just too slow. My mind doesn’t always process things as fast as I would like. Some things, yes! But others, not so much.

Maybe that’s why I fail so much in life…

LIFE is One Misunderstanding

So, here we are again. You’re out on a Friday night, whether on a date, with friends, or family. For the most part, everything seems to be going really well. Everyone is having a good time until you make a response to something someone said. From that point on, the mood changes a bit. Now you start to overthink what you may have said at the point you felt the vibe changing. It can be subtle, so you just have to use instinct on this one. As you’re thinking to yourself while you analyze step-by-step all that happened. Is it too late? Why not say something? Or is it that you waited too long where the moment has passed?

For most people, a lot of our conversations with each other are harmless and friendly. Of course, we don’t mean to have bad intentions. Unless deep down you genuinely don’t like this particular individual. But chances are, they might feel the same way about you. You both might have a mutual friend that you don’t want to displease so in a way, you are almost just putting up with each other. That sounds incredibly unhealthy. And you both don’t want to confront one another about it either.

Anyway, the point of this is that we’re not being as honest as we should. Whether or not you are friends, family, or even with your significant other. When something is said that puts you out of your comfort zone or at ease, instead of saying something, you wind up keeping it inside. Or you wait to tell someone else about it later. For all we know, the person that said this specific thing you did not enjoy could very well be unaware of it. So, this whole time they may have no idea you resent them, or are holding a grudge against them, and they’ll never know why.

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m not big on confrontation. So, I try to avoid saying things that would hit a nerve with others. I also believe that I’m good at reading body languages so I have to use that to see for myself if what I might have said rubbed off the wrong way on people. It is so stressful sometimes trying to please people, especially if you’re out of your comfort zone. To those out there that are uncomfortable saying something in person to someone, I’m sure a simple text would do just fine. It at least gets your point across, so people know how you feel. And if they don’t care, then there’s no point to keep them around in your life.

To reiterate, whatever is being said isn’t necessarily that exact meaning. If you’re ever uncertain, just ask. It’s always good to get a better understanding of what someone said than to take things out of proportion that might not even be true. Who knows, that alone could help build a stronger relationship. I hope this helps.

When Your “CRUSH” Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

For however long you’ve known each other, almost every moment you’re together, you just want to ask them out. But before that even happens, you role play a little bit by yourself. Trying to put together all these different scenarios in your head, or out loud while you’re in the car, at home, or wherever you find the time to. Yet despite everything you’ve played out, when that moment actually happens, nothing goes according to plan. Not a single thing you mentioned was used or expressed leaving you in a vulnerable position. Even if you never got around to asking them out, there’s no subtleness anymore, so you’ve made it clear to them that you like them. And in return, you get the same end results, again… and again. Getting crushed by your crush…

Although it isn’t a heartbreak, it definitely feels that way. Your body will feel cold, and not because of the weather. But rather your entire universe has been shattered. Almost like your soul has momentarily left your body so you feel nothing but a vast emptiness inside. The only reason you had these feelings in the first place is because you read the signs of interest. At least you thought that’s what they were. The pieces just kept piling on that you couldn’t help but believe that’s what was going on. The chemistry’s there and you built this connection with each other you were almost certain they were interested. Your confidence is at its’ all time high until you finally make your move only to be devastated by the news that you are more than familiar with.

Sadness kicks in, a feeling of lost. All those feelings you remember having back when you were depressed just right back to where they once were. You even made yourself a music playlist for when this moment would come back (that’s right! I made myself a playlist for when life just sucks and I’m feeling down). Every time you do get better; you tell yourself you don’t want to go back to that feeling. That feeling you’re way too comfortable with. Being alone and an outcast from just about everyone in your life. It happens far too often and sometimes you just let yourself know you won’t fall for anyone again. Maybe love isn’t for everyone. At least not in an intimate way. I’ve never been good at asking anyone out and I believe now there’s a reason for that.

So, how do you move on? If you’ve been there before you’ll know how. It takes time. Do the things you have to do, but this time you’re more responsible. If you have to drink, then drink. If getting high is your thing, by all means. Me? I listen to sad music, watch sad movies, pour myself a drink or two, or three. Sometimes you have to feel miserable before getting better. But you will get better. You always have. It hurts, but you will get through it…

(My) Office Romance I

There’s no denying the sexual tension between you and at least one of your colleagues, at least during one point in your working career. I’m sure to any The Office fans out there, or at least have watched enough, you know about Jim and Pam’s relationship. All that tension they had and build up before getting together. A lot of people have fantasized that being them, unless of course you’re married or in any other status. But there’s nothing wrong with looking. We’re human. It’s in our nature to wonder. And then there’s curiosity. If you let that take control of you, then you’ve cheated on your partner. As always, I’m getting beside the point. However, if you are single then curiosity is welcomed. It’s just the matter of having the courage to asking out this individual that makes you feel vulnerable inside. And that’s where I come in…

Work History

Since graduating high school, I spent the next several years working from one job to another, and another. So much so, the number of jobs I’ve had is somewhere over 30. I stopped keeping track when I got to around 25 or so. With some of these jobs however, I did happen to find attraction towards my coworker. Whether or not we worked together or just being in the same building. Like to the point I would turn my head so far over I’ll end up running into something. Time moved a bit slower for me, music playing inside my head, and then I would end up missing out on yet many other opportunities. Mostly because since time slowed down for me while the music is in the background, to everyone else time was moving normally. So, they would just pass on by without even knowing I existed. At least that’s what I figured at the time. I know, I’m aware of how sad that is. But on the other side, these stories do have an ending.

First Job Crush

Let’s take a look at my first official job I started out at. I was 16 and started working at McDonalds. How I got this job, I have no idea, at least at the time. Crushing the interview only to see me in my true nature in the public. Being this quiet, shy, cute (I could go on…) young teenager working in a fast-paced environment. I worked as a cashier, but it was short lived considering 3 weeks was how long I was a McDonald’s employee before getting let go. My boss at the time said I didn’t appear to be motivated enough in the establishment. Which I don’t blame her for that. I knew I wasn’t. Especially being quiet and shy. Times were different for me back then. But during my 3 weeks there, I just so happened to have stumbled upon what I believe, was an angel. She was this stunning blonde with an aura that lit up my eyes working the drive-thru window. The music that was playing in my head at the time was probably Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love to You. I was hardcore into R&B at the time so it’s safe to say I knew all about that baby making music, even though I was still a virgin. But all of that was a never was. Like I mentioned before, I only worked there for 3 weeks so I had no clue if she was single or dating someone. She did ask me something during a time we were slow at work, but I forgot what it was. Thinking about it now, she was probably just trying to make conversation and wanted to get to know me a little better. Unfortunately, never got a chance to find out too much more. It was what felt like another lifetime ago.

When it comes to having your first job, depending on who is raising you, ask them first. Figure out if you’re ready to get out there in the world. Out in the eyes of the public. Although, there are many negatives and cruelty with the public, there are also positives and even enlightenment. You could learn so much from a job, and not just what you learn at home and at school. Just like how I learned about Angels existing right in front of me. Unless my eyes are cheated by some spell. But only 10 or so feet away working the drive-thru.

Stay tuned for part II…

What’s The Deal with Roadkill?

It’s quite sad to see a dead animal on the road (let alone, many). For the majority, we believe the cause of their death is accidental. More than likely, they were minding their own business and stumbled upon a road or just trying to cross it. But what if some of these animals weren’t hit or ran over by a car accidentally. What if it was on purpose?

In our everyday lives we communicate often with people. And I’m sure no matter what the situation, without realizing it, you catch maybe one or multiple red flags in someone. If that’s so, you may find yourself wanting to stay clear from them. There is history behind their demeanor though. The way they act around others or vibes they give off that can be off-putting. For this example, whether anyone is observing them or not, they will purposely run-down animals on the road if they see them. Which is heartbreaking to me because I love animals. Now, that doesn’t mean that if you do hit an animal that you were doing it on purpose. Accidents do happen. I recently hit what I believe to be a raccoon. It was dark out and I was delivering food to a customer in the backroads and there were no streetlights. Makes me wonder if animals are more attracted to high beams. To them, it’s like going towards the light…

I guess all I’m saying is people can be cruel. And if given the opportunity, they may just take it out on animals.

Why We’re All Sensitive People

It’s time to let your guard down a bit. Don’t always feel like you have to put on this tough person fa├žade. Every now and then, let people in. I’m certain you’ll be a much better person for it. Otherwise, you’re just showing us the Ogre that’s within you. Sorry Shrek. Didn’t mean to call you out. But still! Even Shrek has feelings despite all the layers of onions he hides behind. You’ve seen the movie, I hope. If not, go watch it. Just remember that even though it’s just a movie, it doesn’t mean the point they’re trying to make isn’t true. And that just hits way too close to home with probably most of us.

On the inside we’re all sensitive (just like me), so embrace it. Share your feelings with the ones you trust the most. And to quote Shrek, “better out than in.” Although, he is referring to something else. But it’s the concept of your feelings we’re talking about. By expressing yourself out loud, you’re letting others in. Then, there comes a time in your life when your relationship with others may end. No matter who’s fault it may be, it just happens. You just don’t see eye to eye and have a falling out. And that can be a part of life. You learn and you grow from it. But you’ll be a better person in the end (at least I’d like to think so).

What every experience has taught me in life is that I take the time to learn from it. Good or bad, it becomes a memory that I can take with me and share it with others. If you embrace your feelings, who knows, maybe you’ll find yourself just a little bit happier. And that’s the right step towards a brighter future.

How My Day Went… Waking up at 3:30am

When you work at a coffee shop (especially if you open), you’re going to have to wake up pretty early. Depending on what time the store opens, you have responsibilities that may involve some prepping and other opening duties. I don’t typically open. The only reason I did this time was to cover for a colleague of mine. And one of my weaknesses is when being asked in person to do something, like stay later, or in this scenario, cover for someone that meant opening, I have a difficult time saying no. Unless obviously I can’t. So, even despite knowing that I have to go into work early, the night before I already knew I wasn’t going to bed earlier than normal. In which, there was going to be lack of sleep.

The Morning Of…

Alarm goes off, and surprisingly I’m not terribly exhausted. I have my morning routine that I do, then I’m out the door and headed to work. I made sure to let my colleagues know that this was my first time opening since my training (which was probably a good 6 months prior), that way they are prepared in case I make many mistakes. For the most part everything went alright. But I did notice some differences; I don’t normally work the middle of the week, so when it came to talking to customers, I was a bit thrown off. It’s not like I can ask them how their weekend was or what they have plan for the weekend. It’s too… in the middle of the week for that! So, for the rest of my shift I was very one dialogue type of person. Like an NPC in a video game. Fortunately though, I got out of work much earlier and that gave me a lot more time to do a little Doordashing.

It was one of my best dashes I had during lunch time. For the most part it went smoothly. And afterwards, I had the rest of the afternoon and night to myself. Mostly just to relax. I was proud of myself yet knew I didn’t want to do that again. Just because I interact with customers quite often and it really did get to me a bit. Stumbling my words here and there, and not knowing what else to say when most customers are just getting coffee and heading into work. To summarize, it was really repetitive. However, felt like a lesson in life when communicating with people. This made me want to open up more topics to discuss with customers while they’re waiting for their order. But I will say, I slept great that night.

So long, from a non-morning person!

A Pandemic Lockdown

It’s Monday and I’m back at work. My colleagues (most of them) were pleased to have me back. Back to the same witty, self-deprecating, sexual innuendo-esque me they deserve, but not the one they need (… Batman!). And as we’re all aware of Covid spreading more and more, and state governments going into a lockdown, we were still working (as per usual). Now, this is just my opinion but seems very likely, our department for the company felt like the only reason they didn’t go under. At least this branch that is. There was talk amongst my colleagues and I that the company was struggling to maintain a float. Could be why our scheduler kept giving our supplier numbers we could not produce even running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Eventually, some of our products we made ended, thus leading us to working 5 days a week. But that wasn’t until later.

About 2 weeks since the state issued a mandatory lockdown to non-essential workers when we got to be ourselves, outside of what was going on with the world, I was relieved… because I already had plenty of toilet paper to last me about half the year. It’s a good thing I only have to supply for myself! Unfortunately though, I didn’t have much supply of food. So, I knew eventually I would have to head to the grocery store to stock up on that, sooner rather than later. 5 weeks. That’s how long I was off work. My sleep schedule within the first week changed instantly. I would go from sleeping around midnight to 8 in the morning, to anywhere when the sun came up to the early afternoon. I read that it’s not as healthy not to have a sleep schedule (plus my doctor told me that as well), but this is a pandemic we’re dealing with. So what now? To go from having no-days-off to all-the-time-in-the-world, what do I do?

School’s Out For Summer

As I’m doing my best to stay safe and quarantining myself at home, I take a trip down memory lane. Back to playing video games online with some of my friends. And instead of Socom like the high school days, it’s Call of Duty: Warzone. Probably the hottest selling game on the market, and they picked a perfect time to release it. My role in our team playing battle royale was “The Wildcard.” You’re not sure what to expect when we play together but one thing’s for sure, I’m normally the first one into the Gulag. One of our favorite spots to start out is at the prison… because it’s a lot easier to transfer me to the Gulag when I die. Here’s a little-known fact, we always tried to spray paint anyone that was in there with us. Makes it easier to spot them if they make it out (not that it matters now considering this game probably isn’t relevant anymore). I won’t forget the moment I won it for our team in a 2 on 1 situation. Everyone, including myself thought it was over. But lady luck was looking down on me that day. She was probably looking down on me doing other things, too (a celebratory wank followed by a good night’s sleep).

Away from Call of Duty, I was collecting unemployment and just started saving a ton of money. Being how we were in a lockdown and I had just recently moved into an apartment with my roommate, Joey. I thought the place could use a little sprucing up. This part of my life was called, “Amazon and chill.” For the next several months I would shop almost on a weekly basis from Amazon. Which by the way, a huge thank you to the Amazon team for continuing to be essential and deliver us products we don’t need. Our place was very welcoming, we had a rug and a neat coffee table along with a lot of other things. I would have friends over for a dinner party that summer and received high compliments on my place and hosting. I was very grateful for that (thank you HGTV for all the inspiration in the past decade!). Unfortunately, none of that lasted. Going into the place, I was expecting to stay at this apartment for at least a few years, but my plans changed again, so I ended up leaving and getting my own place. But that’s another story.

While I was still living with Joey, he brought me out to the shooting range for the first time in my life. Before this, I had never shot a gun before, not even paintball or a bb gun. The most I’ve ever done was playing with sticks that look like guns out in the woods when we would go camping. I’ll admit, that was still recent. It wasn’t just when I was a kid. But that’s life! There’s that kid in you that won’t ever burn out. So anyway, we’re at the range, and Joey is teaching me the basics and techniques of holding and firing a gun. I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt learning a new skill like this. Maybe because I was never into guns in the first place. Joey’s cousin brought a shotgun with him, and I tried that out… very interesting. That had quite the recoil/kickback. I remember not setting my feet correctly when I fired the shotgun, and it nearly sent me back to the womb… just kidding! I did almost fell down. That was pretty wild though. As of now, I’ll just stick to shooting guns in video games or sticks.

One Of Many Passions

The late 90s brought so much in its’ history alone. I had just learned about who Tiger Woods was. And after watching him golf for several years, my uncle introduced my brothers and I to it. It was one of the most frustrating, yet relaxing sports I ever played. Who knew hitting a tiny little ball hundreds of yards could bring joy to someone? I played this game for over 20 years with the exception of certain parts of my life where I hardly played. I loved the sport but as I got older, I noticed I wasn’t golfing as much as I used to or would like. A lot of my friends who I played with when we were younger found new passions or just did other things. On several occasions I would have some colleagues at the time to go with and it made me miss that feeling of why I used to golf as much as I did. Then with Covid, a couple of my nephews were bored staying home and playing video games, wanted to do something else. When the golf courses opened back up, it was something they wanted to get back into. They hardly played when they were younger, but this was something different than staying home and they wanted to get good at it. When they would ask me if I wanted to join them, I had forgotten myself that joy it brought me. I was very thankful for them for bringing that passion back in my life.

And an interesting experiment I had was golfing while I was in the clouds. That was quite something! So, what else did I do when I was high and in the clouds…?