Tag: life experience

What Rejection Feels Like

If this is not your first rodeo, then you already know. But that does not mean it doesn’t hurt. When you imagine both the positive and negative outcome but yet still surprised when it actually happens. That’s because expectations never really play out the way reality wants it to. This is where you prepare yourself to what you know best; your sad music playlist, comfort food or whatever helps get you through your grieving process. At least that’s how I cope with rejection.

It really is a process. Because I’m so used to it, I already prepare myself ahead of time if/when I get turned down. Of course, I’m referring to when I like someone I’m attracted to. It’s a part of my life. Most of the time I don’t even bother pursuing. And to add to the music playlist that I made specifically for this occasion, I do get myself a bottle of whiskey and find something to distract myself, so it doesn’t hurt as much. Sometimes watching a movie or playing video games help occupy my mind, but sadly when I do finish up, I’m right back to where I was.

This most recent time I did try a different approach. First and foremost, I’m not a player, I just crush a lot. And in this particular situation, I happen to like several women that I find myself somewhat close to. A couple of them I actually work with. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing considering I don’t really use dating apps and don’t get to meet people outside of work too often. Literally just looks and smiles when I’m grocery shopping. So, to get to my point, you do have more of a tendency getting to know the people you work with, which brings me to wondering why it’s such a bad thing dating your coworkers.

Business/Pleasure, I get it. Don’t get involved but what if you’re an introvert that doesn’t see too many people to begin with? At work, you build a connection with your colleagues. Some more than others. Yet the most difficult thing you have to deal with is how it might affect your relationship at work when you choose to make the move. I mean, where I work I suppose I could transfer to another store considering I work at a chain corporation? But that’s a hassle. I like where I work and I love the people I work with. But lately, I’ve been watching The Office and maybe I should just do it and put myself out there like Jim and Pam’s situation.

I wrote a letter, well, technically it’s more like a love poem. I wanted to be romantic and have the words rhyme, and it was only a short period of time I wrote this after talking to my work crush. We got into a conversation about how people don’t really write letters to each other anymore, and I wanted to change that. So, we agreed to write each other letters but I wanted it to be more meaningful and chose to open up my affectionate side. The thing is, sometimes we only work together maybe once a week, so I really tried to make the most of our time together. I really do go above and beyond trying to impress her but half the time I’m stuttering and stumbling over my words. Which is something I wrote in my so-called poem.

The thing is, to me at least, it really feels like a 50 First Dates situation. Every day I see her, I feel like I have to start from the beginning to try to impress her. To get her to like me. At least that’s how I look at it. It’s not easy, let me tell you. What doesn’t help is, even though at times my words can be… what some will say enchanting, I will still freeze and have nothing. I’ve been told by several of my colleagues that, I’m ‘rizzing’ with some of our customers, yet to this day, I don’t even know what that means. They tell me some of the customers I talk to are flirting with me yet I’m clueless because I’m just trying to make conversation. And let me tell you, if what I experienced was flirting then it has definitely changed over the past decade.

Flirting or not, if you are I would really appreciate it if you made it obvious to me. I really am clueless if you’re being subtle. And to get back to my point, rejection hurts. But at this point in my life, I have gotten better. I used to listen to what I consider sad songs, but now I’ve gone back to my early past and started revisiting those slow/R&B love songs that expresses my true feelings. I’m a hopeless romantic. And I will tell you more about that… on the next one.

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Honesty Goes a Long Ways

So, I met this woman who was sitting across the bar from me one night. She couldn’t take her eyes off of me. I know that look when I see it and wanted to find out more. As curiosity crossed my mind, I went over to introduce myself. And after getting to know each other, with a few drinks later, we went back to her place. Just because my place is a mess and I’m not proud of myself. It’s okay though, it’s probably just my depression. Anyway, back to my story. We’re back at her place and continued our conversation with a night cap. I got a little too comfortable where a fart slipped out. As embarrassed as I was, she didn’t seem to mind. Just giggled. Shortly after the smell went away, we hooked up.

Here’s the thing: the story I told, was a lie. And now you’re probably disappointed with me. But that’s okay (maybe), because I’ve had to deal with that one too many times. If you have friends that do this to you often, it makes it difficult to care what they tell you considering you don’t know if you want to believe what they have to say or what stories they tell. So, why bother?

The story that I told, still holds a lot of truth behind it. Apart from going back to the woman’s place that I mentioned, and thus leading to me manifesting the fart part, this was a really short story. Besides giving you a detailed description of my messy apartment, I was just drinking at a bar. So, what actually happened was…

“I was having a drink at the bar and noticed this woman across from me. She gave me this look. I like to call it the look of desire. So, I went over to introduce myself and as we got to know a little bit about each other, my night ended with me going home alone.”

The moral of the story is that I don’t have a clue how to close. I guess it’s just something that I never got over. Always afraid of rejection and lacking the courage to do so. However, I do enjoy conversating with people, especially if it’s a small group or a one-on-one situation. It just feels more personal.

I like to consider myself a people pleaser. I know it may not sound like a good thing, but it’s not all bad though. Just want to shine a little light onto people no matter what kind of day they are having. This whole thing is really about understanding where people are coming from. We all have a way about us that makes us do or say things that can be good or bad. But telling the truth is better than building up one lie after another. And if you want to keep certain things to yourself, by all means. Everyone should be entitled to their privacy. What you want to share is up to you.

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Recognition

It’s all we really want. Whether it’s from work, friends, or even our own family. Sometimes we might feel like we’re out of place or don’t belong. Of course, this is assuming you put in the effort and maybe would like to lead by example. There is nothing more true than hard work paying off. Even if you don’t believe it to be so.

Let’s say this: you’re at a job you’ve been at for a few years, and every day you show up to work, you work. You’re not complaining a whole lot, you put in your due diligence, and almost always show up on time. Here’s the thing: if while you’re doing all of this, and you don’t receive the recognition you feel you’ve earned, it could take a lot out of you. Possibly with no opportunities to move up within the company. That in turn could lead you to not work as hard or always try to show up on time. But maybe, it’s time to look for opportunities elsewhere.

Sometimes it’s not you. From my experience with working the so many jobs I’ve had in the past, I know that management is where most of everything starts. Without good management, you might not have good leadership. And without good leadership, you probably won’t have good hardworking employees. All you have to do is pay attention. Even apart from a job, this goes out to anyone.

I guess all I’m saying is give recognition to those who have earned. It can go a long way. We’re human, we make mistakes, but we also don’t need too much to feel good about ourselves. No matter who you are, sometimes it’s a little attention that’s needed. That way you don’t feel like just a shadow. But always remember, you have to put in the work.

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Who Had the Biggest Impact on the Person You Have Become?

It didn’t take me long to come up with a decision on this. And the more thought I put into it, the more it became clearer. I chose my brother.

What the power of an older sibling brings to the table is inspiration. If you’re together often and find yourself in so many situations, they are there to show you without really explaining it how to handle them. Good or bad, you always find something to take away from it.

Speaking of good and bad, my brother and I used to fight a lot back in the day. And when I say fight, I don’t actually mean physically. We only wrestled during commercial break while watching WWE/WCW to pass the time. But we would have many arguments about the littlest things. Always trying to prove each other wrong. I want to say to this day that’s why we both can be pretty blunt. I try to think more now before opening my mouth, but sometimes I can’t help it. Which is why, too often, I don’t say anything when I’m around a group of people.

With that being said, there’s so many great things I got from this. We always enjoyed watching movies, TV shows and many different sports, along with playing them, while a lot of what we watched were comedy. But this wasn’t just between us. It was with the rest of the family as well. To this day, both my brother and I would still find ourselves doing movie quotes as a form of conversation. We really do have quite the memory.

Sure, it’s true that anyone can shape you to the person you are today. Friends, family, colleagues, and even random strangers. Maybe it’s just me, but I try to learn from my interactions with everyone. At least the ones that make an impact enough to make me think. The way I look at life; you can never stop learning. Because you know there’s always room for improvement. Don’t be afraid to take down that stubborn wall, or you just might miss out on the wonderful things life has to offer.

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My High School Experience

As another school year comes to a close, whether you’re just graduating or still have a little ways to go yet, the experience itself is definitely something to cherish. Even if your time wasn’t the greatest, school is a place that’s there to help guide you in whatever it is that you’re searching for in life. Even if it’s not right away. If you ask me, I’m now just realizing what I was looking for, at least during my time in school.

Growing up, I was not too fond of learning. Especially my high school days. Education was a chore. You know it’s just something that has to be done. I was more interested in making friends and playing. All about having fun. And anytime I had the same class as a girl I had a crush on, it was one of the main reasons that got me out of bed in the morning. That sense of being able to see them was all the motivation I needed back then.

As an introvert, it was incredibly difficult to make friends. I had a small circle of friends, but we made plenty of memories with each other. Honestly, I don’t even know how it happened to begin with. Maybe that’s why teachers split their students up into small groups or in pairs. Could be a way for them to get to know one another better. Which makes a lot of sense.

So, because I had a small circle of friends, there were still times when I felt lonely. Like with lunch. We had a lot of students, so lunch was split into 2. And with that, I was almost always by myself. So I ate lunch alone. Never really fit into any groups or felt like I belong anywhere, even to this day. Just another reason why I didn’t care too much about my education, sadly.

It’s not all bad, though. Spending some time to just yourself can be joyful. You are in your own thoughts, or like me, I like to talk out loud amongst myself. It helps me with my speech, and if that day ever comes, public speaking (someday!) Overall, it is a really good opportunity for you to get to know yourself and who you are. If you can be true to yourself and use that around others, they will see the glow that you bring with you to your surroundings.

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Life After Graduation

“Congratulations class of…”… and there it is. That moment you’ve been waiting for. You and your graduating class celebrating together one last time. Not knowing if you’re actually going to see each other again. When you think about it, it’s pretty wild… but unfortunately sad. The next question to ask yourself is… what now?

Reflecting

Looking back in my past was something I did often. Maybe one too many reminiscing moments. But it wasn’t always a bad thing. I got to appreciate the good times I had when just about everything was so much simpler. Smart phones weren’t around then. Plus, I had almost no responsibilities compared to what I’m dealing with now. I don’t pick my nose as often. Boy, that was something! I constantly picked my nose when I was younger. Never ate the boogers though. Anyway, I kind of grossed myself out a bit.

There were many great things about my time growing up. For instance; most household had one telephone, which was a landline. So, if you were trying to get a hold of someone, you had to actually wait and see who would pick up the phone before having a conversation. It was that or we would go over to the person’s home to see if they wanted to hangout. You could have an interaction with almost every family member of the person you’re trying to see. And thinking back at it now, that is pretty cool. Especially if you’re the type that likes to make conversation.

Speaking for myself, but who knows, maybe many of you would agree, that what I miss the most when I was going to school was… pretty much all of it. Even though my mindset seemed to be elsewhere, because I’ll be honest, I did not care for half of my classes. For the most part, I really wanted to build relationships, have friends, and never ask out most of the girls I was crushing on. Best way to put it, I was easily distracted, which explains why my schoolwork was subpar. Thinking back at it, I’m pretty sure I had A.D.D.

What Now?

However your time was spent during your school years, let’s just hope you made some fond memories. Of course, that will always come with some bad ones. Which is just a part of life. But school isn’t just for education. It’s an experience. Making friends, falling in love, and in those unfortunate times, getting bullied or doing the bullying. Let’s just hope lessons were learned and to those that did the bullying, it stopped. Otherwise, that’s on karma.

Even though I was nowhere near the best student in my class, or the most popular, I did enjoy my time when I was in school. Apart from a lot of mistakes I would change, but who wouldn’t make changes? What happened happened and we have to accept it. Learn and grow from it. But I do appreciate the school I went to for even providing me with an education. And not just an education, but for the classmates and teachers that have come in and out of my life and most importantly, the memories. It’s the memories that define us. How we use it in our everyday lives from what we learned from it.

So, whether you have chosen to continue your education further into college, or to do something else, consider that a new chapter in your journey. There’s so much world out there. Make the most of it!

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The Time I Failed to Be a Good Samaritan

Not that long ago, in my neck of the woods, there was a snowstorm. Well, actually, more of an ice storm. It was freezing rain. While I was at work, it started accumulating only for a couple hours. Shortly after I would get off work, I headed home. As I came to a stop at a light, I noticed a couple vehicles stuck in the middle of the road. They were slipping on the road that had built up to be icy enough to make driving difficult.

For a moment, I hesitated. Not exactly sure what I should do. But after a brief moment, I took action. Pulled my e-brake and decided to at least try to help one car out. Unfortunately, I wasn’t wearing the best shoes, so I was constantly slipping on the icy road. Trying my best to help rock their car enough to get momentum to power through… yet nothing happened.

At this point, I was now holding up traffic, so I felt the need to get back to my car and apologizing to those that weren’t able to clear their car from that slippery slope. Not only did I not help, but I caused a bit of traffic. So, it was really a lose-lose situation. The only positive note was that I did not get stuck myself.

Moral of the story, when you try to be helpful to those in distress… it’s not as easy as everyone plays it out to be. Otherwise, it really is just me. Because here’s the thing: only a couple days afterwards, I was doordashing and was picking up an order at a restaurant. When I got inside, the assistant manager was on the phone trying to get a sheriff over for something that had happen not too long ago. This other gentleman that shortly arrived after I did heard that as well.

Then, not a minute later, this individual showed up causing a scene and the guy next to me just ended up leaving. The person that was making a scene started walking back into the ’employees only’ location of the restaurant and continued to get louder. It was at that moment I noticed an employee breathing heavily. At first, I wasn’t aware of what was going on with him. But shortly after, I just decided not to waste my time and ended up leaving myself.

After getting in my car and driving off, I started doing what I do best… using hindsight. The employee that was breathing heavily to me appeared to be having possibly a panic attack. All I could think of was what I could have done differently if I was back there. Which was trying to get his attention to me and to breathe slowly and take deep breaths. Motivate him and tell him he’s doing such a good job in calming down. To let him know that there is so much greatness out there in the world and not to focus on this one bad situation.

Sadly though… I did nothing… as normal. As much as I want to help people out, especially in situations like these… I crack under pressure. It may be one of my biggest weaknesses. I want to do better. I want to help those in need… maybe I’m just afraid. Or maybe I’m just too slow. My mind doesn’t always process things as fast as I would like. Some things, yes! But others, not so much.

Maybe that’s why I fail so much in life…

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LIFE is One Misunderstanding

So, here we are again. You’re out on a Friday night, whether on a date, with friends, or family. For the most part, everything seems to be going really well. Everyone is having a good time until you make a response to something someone said. From that point on, the mood changes a bit. Now you start to overthink what you may have said at the point you felt the vibe changing. It can be subtle, so you just have to use instinct on this one. As you’re thinking to yourself while you analyze step-by-step all that happened. Is it too late? Why not say something? Or is it that you waited too long where the moment has passed?

For most people, a lot of our conversations with each other are harmless and friendly. Of course, we don’t mean to have bad intentions. Unless deep down you genuinely don’t like this particular individual. But chances are, they might feel the same way about you. You both might have a mutual friend that you don’t want to displease so in a way, you are almost just putting up with each other. That sounds incredibly unhealthy. And you both don’t want to confront one another about it either.

Anyway, the point of this is that we’re not being as honest as we should. Whether or not you are friends, family, or even with your significant other. When something is said that puts you out of your comfort zone or at ease, instead of saying something, you wind up keeping it inside. Or you wait to tell someone else about it later. For all we know, the person that said this specific thing you did not enjoy could very well be unaware of it. So, this whole time they may have no idea you resent them, or are holding a grudge against them, and they’ll never know why.

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m not big on confrontation. So, I try to avoid saying things that would hit a nerve with others. I also believe that I’m good at reading body languages so I have to use that to see for myself if what I might have said rubbed off the wrong way on people. It is so stressful sometimes trying to please people, especially if you’re out of your comfort zone. To those out there that are uncomfortable saying something in person to someone, I’m sure a simple text would do just fine. It at least gets your point across, so people know how you feel. And if they don’t care, then there’s no point to keep them around in your life.

To reiterate, whatever is being said isn’t necessarily that exact meaning. If you’re ever uncertain, just ask. It’s always good to get a better understanding of what someone said than to take things out of proportion that might not even be true. Who knows, that alone could help build a stronger relationship. I hope this helps.

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When Your “CRUSH” Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

For however long you’ve known each other, almost every moment you’re together, you just want to ask them out. But before that even happens, you role play a little bit by yourself. Trying to put together all these different scenarios in your head, or out loud while you’re in the car, at home, or wherever you find the time to. Yet despite everything you’ve played out, when that moment actually happens, nothing goes according to plan. Not a single thing you mentioned was used or expressed leaving you in a vulnerable position. Even if you never got around to asking them out, there’s no subtleness anymore, so you’ve made it clear to them that you like them. And in return, you get the same end results, again… and again. Getting crushed by your crush…

Although it isn’t a heartbreak, it definitely feels that way. Your body will feel cold, and not because of the weather. But rather your entire universe has been shattered. Almost like your soul has momentarily left your body so you feel nothing but a vast emptiness inside. The only reason you had these feelings in the first place is because you read the signs of interest. At least you thought that’s what they were. The pieces just kept piling on that you couldn’t help but believe that’s what was going on. The chemistry’s there and you built this connection with each other you were almost certain they were interested. Your confidence is at its’ all time high until you finally make your move only to be devastated by the news that you are more than familiar with.

Sadness kicks in, a feeling of lost. All those feelings you remember having back when you were depressed just right back to where they once were. You even made yourself a music playlist for when this moment would come back (that’s right! I made myself a playlist for when life just sucks and I’m feeling down). Every time you do get better; you tell yourself you don’t want to go back to that feeling. That feeling you’re way too comfortable with. Being alone and an outcast from just about everyone in your life. It happens far too often and sometimes you just let yourself know you won’t fall for anyone again. Maybe love isn’t for everyone. At least not in an intimate way. I’ve never been good at asking anyone out and I believe now there’s a reason for that.

So, how do you move on? If you’ve been there before you’ll know how. It takes time. Do the things you have to do, but this time you’re more responsible. If you have to drink, then drink. If getting high is your thing, by all means. Me? I listen to sad music, watch sad movies, pour myself a drink or two, or three. Sometimes you have to feel miserable before getting better. But you will get better. You always have. It hurts, but you will get through it…

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(My) Office Romance I

There’s no denying the sexual tension between you and at least one of your colleagues, at least during one point in your working career. I’m sure to any The Office fans out there, or at least have watched enough, you know about Jim and Pam’s relationship. All that tension they had and build up before getting together. A lot of people have fantasized that being them, unless of course you’re married or in any other status. But there’s nothing wrong with looking. We’re human. It’s in our nature to wonder. And then there’s curiosity. If you let that take control of you, then you’ve cheated on your partner. As always, I’m getting beside the point. However, if you are single then curiosity is welcomed. It’s just the matter of having the courage to asking out this individual that makes you feel vulnerable inside. And that’s where I come in…

Work History

Since graduating high school, I spent the next several years working from one job to another, and another. So much so, the number of jobs I’ve had is somewhere over 30. I stopped keeping track when I got to around 25 or so. With some of these jobs however, I did happen to find attraction towards my coworker. Whether or not we worked together or just being in the same building. Like to the point I would turn my head so far over I’ll end up running into something. Time moved a bit slower for me, music playing inside my head, and then I would end up missing out on yet many other opportunities. Mostly because since time slowed down for me while the music is in the background, to everyone else time was moving normally. So, they would just pass on by without even knowing I existed. At least that’s what I figured at the time. I know, I’m aware of how sad that is. But on the other side, these stories do have an ending.

First Job Crush

Let’s take a look at my first official job I started out at. I was 16 and started working at McDonalds. How I got this job, I have no idea, at least at the time. Crushing the interview only to see me in my true nature in the public. Being this quiet, shy, cute (I could go on…) young teenager working in a fast-paced environment. I worked as a cashier, but it was short lived considering 3 weeks was how long I was a McDonald’s employee before getting let go. My boss at the time said I didn’t appear to be motivated enough in the establishment. Which I don’t blame her for that. I knew I wasn’t. Especially being quiet and shy. Times were different for me back then. But during my 3 weeks there, I just so happened to have stumbled upon what I believe, was an angel. She was this stunning blonde with an aura that lit up my eyes working the drive-thru window. The music that was playing in my head at the time was probably Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love to You. I was hardcore into R&B at the time so it’s safe to say I knew all about that baby making music, even though I was still a virgin. But all of that was a never was. Like I mentioned before, I only worked there for 3 weeks so I had no clue if she was single or dating someone. She did ask me something during a time we were slow at work, but I forgot what it was. Thinking about it now, she was probably just trying to make conversation and wanted to get to know me a little better. Unfortunately, never got a chance to find out too much more. It was what felt like another lifetime ago.

When it comes to having your first job, depending on who is raising you, ask them first. Figure out if you’re ready to get out there in the world. Out in the eyes of the public. Although, there are many negatives and cruelty with the public, there are also positives and even enlightenment. You could learn so much from a job, and not just what you learn at home and at school. Just like how I learned about Angels existing right in front of me. Unless my eyes are cheated by some spell. But only 10 or so feet away working the drive-thru.

Stay tuned for part II…

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