Tag: Fart

Honesty Goes a Long Ways

So, I met this woman who was sitting across the bar from me one night. She couldn’t take her eyes off of me. I know that look when I see it and wanted to find out more. As curiosity crossed my mind, I went over to introduce myself. And after getting to know each other, with a few drinks later, we went back to her place. Just because my place is a mess and I’m not proud of myself. It’s okay though, it’s probably just my depression. Anyway, back to my story. We’re back at her place and continued our conversation with a night cap. I got a little too comfortable where a fart slipped out. As embarrassed as I was, she didn’t seem to mind. Just giggled. Shortly after the smell went away, we hooked up.

Here’s the thing: the story I told, was a lie. And now you’re probably disappointed with me. But that’s okay (maybe), because I’ve had to deal with that one too many times. If you have friends that do this to you often, it makes it difficult to care what they tell you considering you don’t know if you want to believe what they have to say or what stories they tell. So, why bother?

The story that I told, still holds a lot of truth behind it. Apart from going back to the woman’s place that I mentioned, and thus leading to me manifesting the fart part, this was a really short story. Besides giving you a detailed description of my messy apartment, I was just drinking at a bar. So, what actually happened was…

“I was having a drink at the bar and noticed this woman across from me. She gave me this look. I like to call it the look of desire. So, I went over to introduce myself and as we got to know a little bit about each other, my night ended with me going home alone.”

The moral of the story is that I don’t have a clue how to close. I guess it’s just something that I never got over. Always afraid of rejection and lacking the courage to do so. However, I do enjoy conversating with people, especially if it’s a small group or a one-on-one situation. It just feels more personal.

I like to consider myself a people pleaser. I know it may not sound like a good thing, but it’s not all bad though. Just want to shine a little light onto people no matter what kind of day they are having. This whole thing is really about understanding where people are coming from. We all have a way about us that makes us do or say things that can be good or bad. But telling the truth is better than building up one lie after another. And if you want to keep certain things to yourself, by all means. Everyone should be entitled to their privacy. What you want to share is up to you.

by Categories: My StoryTags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

My Interesting Search History: About GAS

When it comes to our search history, let’s just say that is personal stuff and should stay private. But… if you’re like me, maybe you want to share with people what random thoughts come to mind that makes you wonder. For today’s topic, we will talk about gas. Am I referring to more solids, liquids, gas, or more the gas that passes through your body? Or both! Let’s find out.

The other day at my job, I had plenty of time to myself and my thoughts. Which can be, well, the best way to put it, incredibly entertaining to say the least. So, here’s what happened; after work the day prior, I had a headache. The one that stops you on your tracks where productivity just isn’t happening. I took some medicine then a nap on the couch. Later on, I made dinner and had myself a protein shake shortly before just calling it a night. Fast forward to work the next day, I was getting really gassy. Not much I can do but to hold it in. That’s when I can literally hear my stomach making noises that I never really paid much attention to. It was like my insides were farting since I was not in the place to just pass gas without being rude.

There is one place I go to find relief, the restroom. It works wonders when you have those air dryers since they are fairly loud if you’re worried about people hearing you. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself, “Oh well.” And on the rare occasions I had, it wasn’t just gas that was being held in when I got to the restroom. This required me to drop everything to the floor.

So, anyway I did some more research on farting and when it comes to holding it in, it still has to pass somewhere. In a way, it leaks through your bloodstream and into your lungs which causes you to burp (which is not the only reason for burping). This put me at a bit of discomfort. I’m now thinking that by passing gas through my mouth, when I’m talking to someone, they might be thinking to themselves, “I think this guy is eating what’s between the butt cheeks.” And to my defense, I can only say that I just say it but don’t actually do it.

Now, there was a point in time I got a little paranoid about the stinky farts. Maybe still do actually. I questioned if the fart particles stuck to my clothes and now I’m basting in that all day while my colleagues or friends and family have to just smell me. Sorry. I am trying to watch what I eat/drink. It’s that lactose.

So, with that being said, farting is going to happen and holding it in will obviously make you feel worse. That or have butt breath (according to my internet research). But in a way, we’re all just a bunch of fart particles ourselves. Just ask the stars in the universe.

Stay gassy!

by Categories: Life Events, Monday MuseTags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

A Long Time Ago, I Farted

Going back to my childhood, not long after moving into our first house with my family, I was with my brother and sister in the downstairs living room. For the most part, we were watching TV, then suddenly, my brother let’s off a fart. Like the kids that we were, everyone laughed. Shortly after, my sister would do the same. And again, more laughing. But not realizing then, I was put on the spot. I felt like it was my turn to take a fart. The only problem was I didn’t have one loaded up. But I didn’t want to disappoint everyone (which was just the 3 of us), so I did my best to release what I could. Pushing a little too hard, it was at that moment, I had to throw out my underwear. I completely shat myself!

I don’t know if there was a moral to this story. But who doesn’t like a good fart?! And just for the record, I was able to fart… it just came with bonus material.

by Categories: Monday Muse, My StoryTags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

If Your Fart Smells… Is That Unhealthy?

After many, many years of farting, it finally occurred to me how toxic a fart can actually be. It’s one thing to smell your own fart knowing it’s bad, but at least you can tolerate it. And of course, it’s another to smell someone else’s. A part of me will start to dry heave, almost to the point of vomiting. Actually… I do remember vomiting from a friend of mine just from his fart. Anyway, with my theory on dairy products and just many things acidic, our stomachs have to endure quite a bit of punishment. Breaking down what’s bad and using what’s good to expand into the body to grow. Or at least that’s what I remember from The Magic School Bus about the digestive system. Which brings me to my next point. Since we can all remember (for most of us at least), we were told to eat our vegetables growing up. And that makes so much sense now. Earth grown, natural (I hope) greens from vegetables and fruits that would probably make a healthy sounding fart with little to no toxicity. Isn’t that the whole reason about pineapples? Not just because of Christopher Walken, but it’s supposed to make a little something taste better. I really don’t know, but if it’s to help my digestive system out, I’m game! And that is my theory on farts. Smell ya in the next one!

by Categories: ShortyTags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Why Dairy Is Bad For You… The Stupid Version

You’re at work, maybe in a meeting, or just surrounded by your colleagues, and all of a sudden it hits you. The gas build-up from the cereal and coffee you had earlier that morning. You need to fart really bad. So, you do the only other option you have. A trip to the bathroom. Hoping that when you get in there no one else is in there as well. That’s when you let it rip. The relief of that gas sliding out your butthole. Sometimes it’s loud and proud, other times it’s silent but deadly. Either way you feel a thousand times better about yourself. But where does this gas come from? Outside the scientific term, here is my simple explanation…

As human beings, I have a theory that we’re all lactose and tolerant. And me personally, I would say that I’m sometose and tolerant. From what we eat and drink growing up, our bodies start to form a tolerance to specific types of food and drinks. But dairy is no exception… sort of. Don’t you ever wonder why hard-boiled eggs smell like your typical Sunday morning after a night of drinking? Although I do enjoy chocolate milk with some protein powder (which tastes like a really good smoothie), I get some side effects from it the morning after. That also goes for cheese as well. Why do you think the French calls our “behinds” derrière? It sounds an awful lot like dairy, and dairy is very close to diarrhea which comes out our butts quite pungently. Just remember, these are just my theories to add to what I’m sure there already is proven facts about dairy. I’m just simplifying the equation. Thank you!

by Categories: Monday MuseTags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

First Blog/Lao New Year

Introduction

Where does my story begin? That’s hard to say, considering there were many events in my life that were memorable. Having to pick just one is difficult to start with. But the least I could do is tell you a little bit about myself. I’m 33 years old and just recently celebrated Lao New Year with my family. For Thanksgiving I was in charge of making the turkey of which I burnt… just once. And there was another time I undercooked it… I’m getting better. Practice makes progress.

There was one time I had a shoe thrown at my head, going to a wedding dressed exactly like the waiters. Now I am one as of today. Sort of. Had an amazing trip to Florida with one of my previous employers to be a part of a thing they called Team Rally. I was a stripper for a night, escaped from a party we started and I farted in front of a girl I had just met. These are to name a few of many stories I’ll be sharing in detail, in the near future.

Lao New Year

Let’s start with one of my most recent memory. I went to my mom’s to celebrate the Pi Mai. We had the Sou Khaan(a blessing in having a happy and healthy life) which is where someone is saying good prayers for you while tying a white string around your wrist(s). The Lao Buddhist tradition has it where you typically have both hands together sitting flat, then you bow down to honor the one that prays for you. Or so I believe. I haven’t been paying as much attention to my ancestors religion the older I got. You do however have to sit in almost any other position than crossed legged or Indian style, which can get very uncomfortable after a long period of time. Normally during a Thuk Baht ceremony(people offering food for the monks for blessing them).

We then had ourselves some pho. Afterwards, I helped my brother-in-law move a mattress and dresser to his and my sister’s place. I spent some time with one of my nieces and one of my other sisters was later going to grill some chicken and fajitas, which told me only one thing… that I was staying longer. While waiting for the food, I got to spend some quality time with my sister’s boyfriend before heading home for the night. The conversations we had felt real. I had a great time talking to Derrick. We shared stories, had some laughs. I even told him and my sister about my fart story… Overall, it was exactly how Ice Cube explained it, “Today was a good day.” I got to spend some time with my family, bonded with my sister’s boyfriend and eat some really good food. As simple as it was, it was memorable.

The Takeaway

That night I learned a part of what it’s like to be a parent. Derrick has a kid with my sister. And that made me think of my friends with their kids, and understanding from their perspective what it’s like not having as much free time as they used to. Not seeing it from their point of view. I never understood until this night why it was so difficult hanging out. So the very few times we are able to get together for events and whatnot, I just want to make the most of it. Just cherish the moments with the people you surround yourself with. I hope you enjoyed reading this as I enjoyed writing it. Until the next one.

Kawb Jai

by Categories: Life EventsTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment