If Your Fart Smells… Is That Unhealthy?

After many, many years of farting, it finally occurred to me how toxic a fart can actually be. It’s one thing to smell your own fart knowing it’s bad, but at least you can tolerate it. And of course, it’s another to smell someone else’s. A part of me will start to dry heave, almost to the point of vomiting. Actually… I do remember vomiting from a friend of mine just from his fart. Anyway, with my theory on dairy products and just many things acidic, our stomachs have to endure quite a bit of punishment. Breaking down what’s bad and using what’s good to expand into the body to grow. Or at least that’s what I remember from The Magic School Bus about the digestive system. Which brings me to my next point. Since we can all remember (for most of us at least), we were told to eat our vegetables growing up. And that makes so much sense now. Earth grown, natural (I hope) greens from vegetables and fruits that would probably make a healthy sounding fart with little to no toxicity. Isn’t that the whole reason about pineapples? Not just because of Christopher Walken, but it’s supposed to make a little something taste better. I really don’t know, but if it’s to help my digestive system out, I’m game! And that is my theory on farts. Smell ya in the next one!

Why Dairy Is Bad For You… The Stupid Version

You’re at work, maybe in a meeting, or just surrounded by your colleagues, and all of a sudden it hits you. The gas build-up from the cereal and coffee you had earlier that morning. You need to fart really bad. So, you do the only other option you have. A trip to the bathroom. Hoping that when you get in there no one else is in there as well. That’s when you let it rip. The relief of that gas sliding out your butthole. Sometimes it’s loud and proud, other times it’s silent but deadly. Either way you feel a thousand times better about yourself. But where does this gas come from? Outside the scientific term, here is my simple explanation…

As human beings, I have a theory that we’re all lactose and tolerant. And me personally, I would say that I’m sometose and tolerant. From what we eat and drink growing up, our bodies start to form a tolerance to specific types of food and drinks. But dairy is no exception… sort of. Don’t you ever wonder why hard-boiled eggs smell like your typical Sunday morning after a night of drinking? Although I do enjoy chocolate milk with some protein powder (which tastes like a really good smoothie), I get some side effects from it the morning after. That also goes for cheese as well. Why do you think the French calls our “behinds” derrière? It sounds an awful lot like dairy, and dairy is very close to diarrhea which comes out our butts quite pungently. Just remember, these are just my theories to add to what I’m sure there already is proven facts about dairy. I’m just simplifying the equation. Thank you!

First Blog/Lao New Year

Introduction

Where does my story begin? That’s hard to say, considering there were many events in my life that were memorable. Having to pick just one is difficult to start with. But the least I could do is tell you a little bit about myself. I’m 33 years old and just recently celebrated Lao New Year with my family. For Thanksgiving I was in charge of making the turkey of which I burnt… just once. And there was another time I undercooked it… I’m getting better. Practice makes progress.

There was one time I had a shoe thrown at my head, going to a wedding dressed exactly like the waiters. Now I am one as of today. Sort of. Had an amazing trip to Florida with one of my previous employers to be a part of a thing they called Team Rally. I was a stripper for a night, escaped from a party we started and I farted in front of a girl I had just met. These are to name a few of many stories I’ll be sharing in detail, in the near future.

Lao New Year

Let’s start with one of my most recent memory. I went to my mom’s to celebrate the Pi Mai. We had the Sou Khaan(a blessing in having a happy and healthy life) which is where someone is saying good prayers for you while tying a white string around your wrist(s). The Lao Buddhist tradition has it where you typically have both hands together sitting flat, then you bow down to honor the one that prays for you. Or so I believe. I haven’t been paying as much attention to my ancestors religion the older I got. You do however have to sit in almost any other position than crossed legged or Indian style, which can get very uncomfortable after a long period of time. Normally during a Thuk Baht ceremony(people offering food for the monks for blessing them).

We then had ourselves some pho. Afterwards, I helped my brother-in-law move a mattress and dresser to his and my sister’s place. I spent some time with one of my nieces and one of my other sisters was later going to grill some chicken and fajitas, which told me only one thing… that I was staying longer. While waiting for the food, I got to spend some quality time with my sister’s boyfriend before heading home for the night. The conversations we had felt real. I had a great time talking to Derrick. We shared stories, had some laughs. I even told him and my sister about my fart story… Overall, it was exactly how Ice Cube explained it, “Today was a good day.” I got to spend some time with my family, bonded with my sister’s boyfriend and eat some really good food. As simple as it was, it was memorable.

The Takeaway

That night I learned a part of what it’s like to be a parent. Derrick has a kid with my sister. And that made me think of my friends with their kids, and understanding from their perspective what it’s like not having as much free time as they used to. Not seeing it from their point of view. I never understood until this night why it was so difficult hanging out. So the very few times we are able to get together for events and whatnot, I just want to make the most of it. Just cherish the moments with the people you surround yourself with. I hope you enjoyed reading this as I enjoyed writing it. Until the next one.

Kawb Jai