Foods & Drinks That Causes Stomach Pains: The Stupid Version

“Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea?” We know the Pepto-Bismol commercial. But what’s causing all of that to happen? Have you ever wondered or never really cared to bother? Whatever your situation, you found your way here so allow me to explain in my own words, what makes you constantly have to hold in your farts… I’ve mentioned in a past post what dairy does to the body. Let’s elaborate a little bit more on other things that causes stomach pains as well. Specifically, foods and drinks. “Well, what types?” of which I’m sure you didn’t ask. Caffeine drinks play a huge role in this. Trust me, I learned the hard way from drinking one too many Mountain Dews and Baja Blasts that led to a stomach ulcer. And then there’s coffee and energy drinks as well. Basically, any acidic drinks. It causes a reaction with the acids in your stomach. Think of acid as a bad thing. So, you have two negatives combined to form a positive… a positive liquid poop spraying out your butt.

The same goes with the types of food you eat as well. I personally enjoy eating spicy foods. Not too much where I can’t enjoy it though. Just gotta find the right amount that works for you. And as Dave Chappelle mentioned in one of his Netflix specials, salt is killing us too. All that sodium that most of us ingest on a daily basis. That and the food you eat is what I believe causes your farts to have its’ own unique smell. I will say that our bodies do need to have some sodium in our diets, just not an excessive amount. Like ramen/instant noodles, it’s so easy to make and eat when you’re on a tight budget. Sometimes it’s hard to avoid it. Although, a lot of these foods and drinks are tasty and refreshing, it still leaves a mark on you. Specifically, your butthole. But hey! If that’s what you’re into, I’m not judging. At the end of it all, just do what makes you happy.

Why Dairy Is Bad For You… The Stupid Version

You’re at work, maybe in a meeting, or just surrounded by your colleagues, and all of a sudden it hits you. The gas build-up from the cereal and coffee you had earlier that morning. You need to fart really bad. So, you do the only other option you have. A trip to the bathroom. Hoping that when you get in there no one else is in there as well. That’s when you let it rip. The relief of that gas sliding out your butthole. Sometimes it’s loud and proud, other times it’s silent but deadly. Either way you feel a thousand times better about yourself. But where does this gas come from? Outside the scientific term, here is my simple explanation…

As human beings, I have a theory that we’re all lactose and tolerant. And me personally, I would say that I’m sometose and tolerant. From what we eat and drink growing up, our bodies start to form a tolerance to specific types of food and drinks. But dairy is no exception… sort of. Don’t you ever wonder why hard-boiled eggs smell like your typical Sunday morning after a night of drinking? Although I do enjoy chocolate milk with some protein powder (which tastes like a really good smoothie), I get some side effects from it the morning after. That also goes for cheese as well. Why do you think the French calls our “behinds” derrière? It sounds an awful lot like dairy, and dairy is very close to diarrhea which comes out our butts quite pungently. Just remember, these are just my theories to add to what I’m sure there already is proven facts about dairy. I’m just simplifying the equation. Thank you!