Category: Monday Muse

My Interesting Search History: About GAS

When it comes to our search history, let’s just say that is personal stuff and should stay private. But… if you’re like me, maybe you want to share with people what random thoughts come to mind that makes you wonder. For today’s topic, we will talk about gas. Am I referring to more solids, liquids, gas, or more the gas that passes through your body? Or both! Let’s find out.

The other day at my job, I had plenty of time to myself and my thoughts. Which can be, well, the best way to put it, incredibly entertaining to say the least. So, here’s what happened; after work the day prior, I had a headache. The one that stops you on your tracks where productivity just isn’t happening. I took some medicine then a nap on the couch. Later on, I made dinner and had myself a protein shake shortly before just calling it a night. Fast forward to work the next day, I was getting really gassy. Not much I can do but to hold it in. That’s when I can literally hear my stomach making noises that I never really paid much attention to. It was like my insides were farting since I was not in the place to just pass gas without being rude.

There is one place I go to find relief, the restroom. It works wonders when you have those air dryers since they are fairly loud if you’re worried about people hearing you. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself, “Oh well.” And on the rare occasions I had, it wasn’t just gas that was being held in when I got to the restroom. This required me to drop everything to the floor.

So, anyway I did some more research on farting and when it comes to holding it in, it still has to pass somewhere. In a way, it leaks through your bloodstream and into your lungs which causes you to burp (which is not the only reason for burping). This put me at a bit of discomfort. I’m now thinking that by passing gas through my mouth, when I’m talking to someone, they might be thinking to themselves, “I think this guy is eating what’s between the butt cheeks.” And to my defense, I can only say that I just say it but don’t actually do it.

Now, there was a point in time I got a little paranoid about the stinky farts. Maybe still do actually. I questioned if the fart particles stuck to my clothes and now I’m basting in that all day while my colleagues or friends and family have to just smell me. Sorry. I am trying to watch what I eat/drink. It’s that lactose.

So, with that being said, farting is going to happen and holding it in will obviously make you feel worse. That or have butt breath (according to my internet research). But in a way, we’re all just a bunch of fart particles ourselves. Just ask the stars in the universe.

Stay gassy!

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Unlikely Superhero

“Tonight’s the night… but so is every night. The people in this city grow weary from the constant battle. Why did these powers have to come to me? What did I do to deserve this? But it’s my legacy now…” Our hero himself struggles to rest from saving people one after another. Unfortunately, on this particular night, it’s a 2 for 1 deal at the buffet and sadly, people can’t stop stuffing their faces and grow incredibly constipated afterwards. The hero we deserve, but not the one we need… Constipation Man!

A superhero that helps people poop. By just placing his hand on their stomachs, he can alleviate their cramps. It’s just recommended that they be near a toilet. The people of his city are extremely grateful. It’s not often you can literally be relieved of your duties. But that doesn’t make it easy for our fine hero. Not only is he always on duty, but he can’t fly or travel faster than the speed of light or anything like that. If you’re within a certain range, he can sense it.

He does live quite a sad and lonely life, though. When he first acquired his powers, it was at an unfortunate time. He was on a date with someone and as they were making out, he gently had his hand on her stomach which triggered her to have to go. So, she had to make up an excuse to end the date earlier than expected. This would go on for some time and our hero was completely unaware of the situation. He just thought there was something wrong with him so in a way, he gave up on love.

So, that’s our hero’s life and he has accepted his fate. Saving the constipated because they forget to consume enough fiber in their diets. That and the lack of water to help break down the solids, probably. Just remember to not only kids, but adults as well, eat your green vegetables! Your stomach will thank you.

– From your friendly neighborhood, Constipation Man

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A Long Time Ago, I Farted

Going back to my childhood, not long after moving into our first house with my family, I was with my brother and sister in the downstairs living room. For the most part, we were watching TV, then suddenly, my brother let’s off a fart. Like the kids that we were, everyone laughed. Shortly after, my sister would do the same. And again, more laughing. But not realizing then, I was put on the spot. I felt like it was my turn to take a fart. The only problem was I didn’t have one loaded up. But I didn’t want to disappoint everyone (which was just the 3 of us), so I did my best to release what I could. Pushing a little too hard, it was at that moment, I had to throw out my underwear. I completely shat myself!

I don’t know if there was a moral to this story. But who doesn’t like a good fart?! And just for the record, I was able to fart… it just came with bonus material.

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How Streetlights Define Us

You don’t know your city until you know its’ streetlights. Like knowing when to speed up or take it slow instead of wondering if you’re going to beat the light or not. Sometimes you have no chance, so you cruise to the light. And other times, “… oh I’ll make this light.” Depending on where you live, you may hardly have to deal with streetlights, and that’s a win in my book. But other times almost every block has a stoplight, and that right there dictates our travel. Most of these lights are timed versus sensors which has a nice flow or just causes you to be backed up and possibly, yet again, running late for work.

As high as fuel prices have been (so far), some people will contemplate if going out is even worth it anymore. But other times, you don’t really have too much of a choice. Like going to work, getting groceries, or other have-to’s in your life. How well you know the city you live in just by driving on the streets can be a bittersweet feeling. Which many times I find it entertaining (and also frustrating) to see other people on the road driving very aggressively whether they know it or not, that there’s another stoplight not too far from where we just took off. Not really sure what they’re trying to prove at this point. Especially those that weave in and out of lanes, and one of my biggest pet peeves, those that don’t use their turn signals.

I’m sure this might come off a bit like a public service announcement, but maybe to some of us, we just forget that about the roads we drive on. Take it easy and take it slow a little. But not too slow, I am one to say that I drive roughly the speed limit to 5 over typically. I know it does bother me a bit being stuck behind other drivers going well below the speed limit. Even slow drivers could cause an accident. They make many of us drive more aggressively… and now we’re back to square one! I guess with all that’s been said, there might be no winning. Probably not the uplifting words of encouragement you’re looking for to end this post, sorry.

Until the next green light…

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Taking a Sh*t at Work

Other than ‘you’ve decided you’re comfortable dropping loads at work’, which is pretty satisfying. Butt… there’s more and there’s another reason behind that. Let’s be real, if you have to go, you have to go. The thing is we all pretty much can schedule our day of knowing if you’re setting yourself up to poop at work, home, or almost anywhere else. Assuming you know your body well enough, you’ll know what types of food will upset your stomach and which ones will settle just fine. Sure, you’re going to squeeze out a fart here and there. It happens. It’s just a question of how badly it smells or not that will determine your pooping future.

The other thing is, and let’s say it’s on just about an everyday basis, are people just taking advantage of getting paid while taking a dump? Is there a lot of free time for them to do so? Or maybe the job itself is what leads to doing these things. With me, I try not to when I’m at work. Afraid I might leave a trail of smell as if I’m constantly crop dusting. But one of my last jobs I would do the pooping several times a week. The job I was at I felt like I couldn’t move anywhere. As if I had maxed out in job position and my pay was as well. For the most part I did all I could and moved up as far as I’m able to. My boss did ask a lot from me but without the benefits. So… I do the pooping. Or should I say did. And with that, I’ll smell ya on the next one!

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School’s Out, But What About Work?

It’s summer, and if you’re a student or you just graduated or even got your degree, what’s next? Assuming you’re old enough to work, figuring out if you’re actually ready to work or not is another question. Maybe you’ve got a planned vacation and need to save up some money. Or even to do things with friends and family with all sorts of activities and events. And if you’ve been working, you already know. There’s no time off from work. Man, being responsible sucks. From keeping a roof over your head and your stomach fed, there is no summer break… and with that I say, “Welcome to Life.” Whatever choice you make with the money you work for, just remember it’s your decision on what you get to spend it on. Just be sure to balance out all your expenses and priorities first. Sure, people can put their 2 cents in and opinions on telling you what to do with your money, but it’s only 2 cents. If you ask me, I’ll give you my 10 cents in what you should do. Which is a lot more, but definitely not as much as 50 Cent. He’s a baller! Where was I going with this?

And if you need money, “call JG Wentworth! 8-7-7-CASH-NOW!” Sorry, I had to. There’s a lesson in here somewhere. I just don’t know what it is… Make money. Live your life. Make your own decisions. And you should never have to wonder what would happen if you let someone else decide for you. But if you need the help, then by all means, look at it as a guide towards a better life.

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Guardian Angel

I can’t speak for everyone when it comes to the spirit and soul having a connection with a higher power. But I’ve seen my fair share of YouTube videos where people were put into a life and death situation and last second being protected from leaving this world. It’s not just life and death that these angels are here watching over us for, but with the obstacles and difficulties we find ourselves in. If life were too easy to manage, then we wouldn’t learn any real lessons. Take me for example. My life has been very difficult and a lot of situations I’ve been in were a trainwreck, in which I’ve learned a lot of lessons from. I have asked to those watching over me to take it easy a bit. As in if this life was like a video game, to turn the difficulty settings down a notch or two. I’m not ready to play on All-Madden yet or Survival mode in Fallout 4 where when you get shot, your health continues to deplete until your inevitable death. And that’s how life is here on Earth. After so many thousands of years the human race has existed on this planet, we’re all still hating on each other because of the color of our skin and living together on this beautiful planet that we’re destroying.

Rick & Morty was right. Remember that episode where the world of snakes was at war with each other over race? I know it’s just an animated television show but there’s some truth to that. It’s terrible. To this day, we’re still dealing with that. I was door dashing the other week and went to pick up a food order from this bar, and while I was waiting for the order to be ready, this older gentle… I don’t even think I can call him a gentleman considering how he wouldn’t stop staring at me (and not in a good way). Just a straight up angry b*tch face. That made me feel out of place and uncomfortable. I wasn’t harming anybody. Just doing my job and trying to make a living. Anyway, I just felt like I had to get some of these things off my chest. All I know is, I’m not giving up on this planet. There’s still so much fascinating sites and scenery to see in this world that I would love to visit… and I’m sure many of you would too!

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NPC In Real Life

Do you never think to yourself about the job you have where you do the same thing every day? Like knowing when you go into work you don’t really expect anything too different to happen. It is just a job after all. You gotta do what you gotta do to put money in your bank account and bread on the table. Whether you’re making a living, or just enough to survive. There’s that same repetitive motion you do with specific responsibilities. Now, unless you don’t play video games, NPC means “Non-Playable Character”. Take Free Guy for example. If you’ve ever seen the movie, (spoiler alert) you’ll know the characters go through the same routine over and over. It’s basically going into the lives of video game characters and what they experience on a daily basis. But obviously, for the most part we don’t deal with the crazy situations they do. One of my jobs I work at I talk to customers all the time. I almost always say the same thing to each and every one of them. But I do restrain myself from asking how their day is or what they have planned if they’re not so talkative or are on the phone with someone, etc. Yesterday I actually said to a few customers the line blue shirt guy said, “Don’t have a good day. Have a great day!” At work, I’m a lively NPC character, but outside of work… I rock the sunglasses. Which makes me, a hero! (Minus the crazy action sequences) But one of my favorite quotes from the movie would have to be from what Buddy said, “Even if I’m not real. This moment is, right here right now. This moment is real…” That hit me differently. Because from what everyone may say about whether this life we’re all living is real, a simulation, or whatever Science Fiction scenario you want to come up with, we just have to live our lives to the best of our abilities… and believe that humanity will thrive, together!

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Laos New Year | One Year Later

After about a year since my very first blog post, I thought I would share some things about my personal life. Just this past weekend I got to spend some time with my family, eat a little bit, and had a nice talk with one of my nephews. We even watched some of our own YouTube videos with a channel that I know I’m struggling on, mostly because I don’t post enough. There was so much we just talked about, like his schooling, love interest, and I offered him one of my bowling balls considering now that I’m retired from leagues. I figured I did all I needed to do with bowling, almost nothing more I could do. Other than bowl an 800 series.

This year is quite different in comparison to last year. My brother-in-law wasn’t feeling too well after spending some time in the hospital. We just did what we had to in hopes he’ll get better in time. Our annual golf tournament has already been canceled this year. With no winner, it didn’t feel right continuing this tournament without him. Will be rooting for a speedy recovery for him though. Considering Laos New Year is right around the same time as the anniversary of the sinking of Titanic, I went and revisited the movie. Still a classic. Sometime after dropping my mom off, I took home some leftovers. Got a little Papa John’s which was really nice. There’s just something about that garlic sauce that hits differently. That’s how I’m able to smash the crusts as well.

Goal For The Year

It’s simple. I just need to stop being lazy. Once I figure that out then with time dreams will start to come true. For any of you who are still with me, thank you for sticking around while I get my sh*t together. Let’s see if I can bring back some older topics back into play this Pi Mai.

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Do The Neighbors Ever Wonder?

It’s not just about what you hear, but what do they hear from you…? Singing in the shower, can smell what The Ro— uh, I mean what you’re cooking, the movies you watch, and the music you listen to. And then there’s the “WHEN THIS HOUSE IS ROCKING…” do come knocking. 😉 For me, living in apartments has its’ good and bad features. No worrying about maintenance issues or a lawn to water and mow if that’s not your thing (… yet?). But then there’s neighbors. Not everyone is going to be the same. Some are louder than others. And if you have anyone that lives above you that has a bar stool, they definitely know how to make it screech just by minor adjustments. Or when drilling is allowed on the concrete walls. The vibration that gives off to a certain radius is fascinating, in a bad way. With all different types of neighbors, I do my best not to be the loud one. Sometimes you can’t help it though. Like if you’re playing music on shuffle and “Party In The USA” comes on, it’s hard not to sing and shake your hips to it. Either way, it’s your own place, whether you rent or own. Just live your fullest life you can. Because I’m sure hearing what is believed to be banging on the wall wasn’t intended for you. It’s probably people making the bed rock!

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