Yeah, sure you’re relieving yourself of your duties. That’s great and all, but do you ever sometimes wonder if this is the final time? As you struggle because things aren’t flowing smoothly as you’d like, it’s daunting. Didn’t Elvis passed away on the toilet? I know very little about any of that, to the point it’s just word of mouth. Which used to be how people communicated to send messages to one another… shortly after pigeon carriers.
I went thru a weird phase at one point in my life when I was really gassy and at a previous job I would crop dust almost constantly (during my working out/protein shakes often days). I assumed with the concept of “heat rises” so would farting. No one was around me but with too much spare time to myself to think, I wondered if my fellow colleagues thought I was the “stinky kid” but as adults. In theory, the same thought happened about pooping. Does the smell linger/follow me even after I’m no longer in the area, even though it came out of my butt?
With smartphones at its’ prime, people tend to take much longer in the restrooms than normal because I believe they forget they’re on the toilet for more than that one reason. As I try not to get too detailed in case you’re eating or trying to enjoy life (probably a little too late for that)…
I made-up a fake (but maybe possible in the future) sort of medicine. Consider it like a heartburn medication, or even less. Let’s say this is one of those adverts you see during commercial:
“Are you tired of wasting your life away on the toilet? Sometimes you sit on your porcelain throne wondering if it’s your last deuce. Well, with modern technology, now you don’t have to! No longer will you need to use the restroom to do number 2! Take this pill and it tears into your excrement yet still releasing the proteins into your body for growth and good health.”
“To spare you from the details, you no longer have to poop and spend hours upon hours that turn into days throughout your life sitting on the toilet. You could use that time to enjoy life, maybe. All it does for “side-effects” is one good fart. Or two.”
“I give you… No Shit!“
“No more constipation to ruin your day and night. A stomachache-free life will get you doom-scrolling in the comfort of your couch or bed. No more Quasimodo hunchback that you’re creating with bad posture from pooping. Live your life. The way you want it!”
“… also available in lemon flavor farts!”
