Tag: work

I’m not a player, I just crush a lot

Unless you work from home and see nobody but maybe your pets, you’re going to have a colleague you become attracted to. Also, not to get things mixed up with having a thing for your pets. Uhh, anyway, could be right away or maybe it takes a little time first. Then again, attraction is one thing but developing a crush is another. If you asked me about all my work crushes, I would be a wh*re… without pay. In the many jobs I’ve had… and current, there’s been one or multiple for each job where I find myself crushing over someone. But the longer you work at one place, the more crushes you will find yourself having. At least, that’s with my situation.

Barista

Let’s take my current job for example, especially while my memories fresh! But for me, I have two jobs so we’ll start with the first. Been working as a barista now for three years and I love it! The vibe is great, customers are wonderful (for the most part), and my colleagues are just incredible. I will say, I do work with mostly women, in both my jobs actually, which explains the many love interests I have. But honestly, when I first started working here, I felt like my teenage self again back in high school. Everyone just so beautiful and me, just this quiet kid hoping not to make a fool of himself. I was mostly known, and still am to this day as having these one liners that makes everyone laugh. It really did take me a while to be a little more open just because everyone else seemed like they just connected with each other so easily, all while I’m just observing and taking it all in. It was a fast working environment as well, so I did my best just to try and keep up. Some things took me a lot longer to figure out, but other things were just natural.

Of course, during my time learning something new like this, there’s no denying I started catching feelings in the process. One individual (I won’t name names this time), just had something different about her. Something new that I had yet to experience. As always though, there was “the look” that you just have with certain people and it’s more than enough to put a smile on your face. With that, she almost knew what I was thinking half the time. On multiple occasions, she actually finished some of my sentences. And on top of that, this one time around the holidays, we were both randomly singing the same Christmas song. Once we caught ourselves singing when we crossed paths, our eyes locked for a moment… right before we went back to work. The best way to describe, whatever this was between us, was the chemistry we shared.

Unfortunately, despite all the chemistry, we also had different religious views. Me personally, I just like to consider myself spiritual (something I talked about from a recent post). She on the other hand was very religious and was only interested in someone that was the same. Even with that, I still had this feeling she felt a certain way towards me. But hey, I’m not going to judge someone just because they have specific standards in a partner of what they’re looking for. We all have them. It’s just too bad because of our chemistry and only for it to be disregarded by this one particular thing. That’s okay though because life goes on, and you got to keep moving forward.

Nurses

Right around the time I had accepted it wasn’t going to work between this other barista I really liked… and also, because she was leaving this job to move in with one of her siblings out of state (no, I had nothing to do with it. I promise), I came across a second job working at the hospital. I wasn’t a nurse or anything, just because a. I never considered it an option and b… well, I guess that’s just it. I thought I had more. But my primary role here would be to help out the nurses with any non-medical needs and tasks. A completely new program that I got to be a part of the new pilot. With me like pretty much every new job I start, I like to observe as much as I can so I could understand what my role would be and get a feel for the vibe. Whatever the energy is, I’ll try to match it. At least when it comes to the work itself. Again, being in the hospital setting there are not just female nurses, but doctors, secretaries, physicians, and many more. As I always tell myself being somewhere new, “David… be on your best behavior. But also, don’t be afraid to crack a few jokes every now and then.” Just to keep everyone on their toes. That and to see who’s actually paying attention to me.

Like this one time I was talking to one of the nurses about why my eye was itchy. For a moment, I really thought I had gotten pink eye from the night before. Well, it was more or less from when I was sleeping in the middle of the night. I was really gassy and every time I would wake up, I let out a fart. It was this on top of my fan blowing towards me with the gas, so I’m soaking in my own stench and whoo! It was quite pungent. Hence, the reason I thought I had pink eye. Also, I really liked working at the hospital because yes, I help out whenever I’m needed or anything I can do to alleviate the workload from the nursing staff and anyone else in the department. But if I feel like I’m having issues with myself, I’m getting a free diagnosis… in a manner of speaking. Or rather a consult.

Anyway, it wasn’t long after I started this new role where I found myself wandering towards the beauty of the staff. Knowing that I am in a work environment, I still know to keep things professional. But there was this nurse that just stood out to me, where she had this aura of lust. And something almost immediately told me that she was special. Throughout the year that I was working there, I could just hear her voice and how she was with patients. She had such an amazing and positive energy. And her laugh, wow! I mean, it was so affectionate. With all that being said, whenever the two of us would bump into each other, I would strike up a casual conversation just to be able to get to know her more on a personal level. And there were also times when she would ask me personal questions as well. Even though we would maybe see each other once a week, sometimes if I’m lucky enough, I get to have these little conversations with her. Despite the short amount of time we do talk, it’s still a moment that we got to share with one another. And that alone just made my day so much brighter.

Sadly, so many good things tend to be almost temporary. My work there changed so much. At one point, I was only helping out on the weekends considering my other job I had. Then, another moment I had switched over to weekdays with an opportunity that only lasted so many months before it was gone. But not only that, this nurse that I was so into ended up switching to another department and rarely do I ever see her again.

Something that I wanted to add to why nothing ever came to fruition with these two individuals, is because we worked together, and I just couldn’t do that. Like I mentioned earlier, I do keep things professional. Almost like dating in the workplace is not allowed. But I see so many people do it all the time… which is just my excuse.

Truth is… and I’m sure you already know this, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what might happen if things don’t workout or if I get turned down. What that will do to our work relationship and how it might affect things. Could I stay professional after the fact? I’m not sure, but people meet their lovers so often from work. Maybe it’s time I change it up. I mean, why not? There’s this scene from Ratatouille between Remy and his father when he shows Remy the dead rats. His dad mentioned to him that the future is only more of this, and that you can’t change nature. Remy refused to believe that and told him, “Change is nature. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide.” And where I’m getting at with this is, well, if you’ve followed along the journey throughout my love life, you’ll know I haven’t really made a whole lot of changes. So, when I choose to make that change, then we could finally have a plot in this story of my love life. Let’s find out!

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The Stress of Moving Out

It never really occurred to me why moving out can be so stressful… until now. One too many times I still find myself moving from place to place not thinking when will this temporary living situation be a bit more permanent. It’s been over 10 years now since I left home to what I would say be on my own, except I wasn’t for the most part. I at least had a roommate for most of that time. Only in the past few years was I officially on my own and sadly enough, I kept the empty boxes and added on to those boxes. Nothing has really ever felt like home since moving out. The older I get, the more responsibilities I seem to have and that time to enjoy life just kept getting smaller and smaller. Work from one of my previous employers burnt me out where I spent the next couple of years doing absolutely nothing. And now the time has come where I’m packing my things once again…

The reason for my move this time, and this is not an easy thing to say… but it’s money. If living paycheck to paycheck wasn’t bad enough, I had to deal with car problems on top of that. It was the latest issue that sealed the deal in my moving. Even though life hasn’t quite gone my way lately, I’m not mad about it. The way I see it, this is a new chapter in my life. Sometimes you have to take that step back before soaring forward through the skies (I know, that was a bit cheesy).

What makes this stressful is how even after I had to give my 30 days’ notice that I’m leaving my apartment, I still find myself not taking action. Hardly anything has been packed up and my 30 days are almost up. And I’m starting to feel it. But maybe it’s just because I’m tired of doing this so often, and so many times. And just like every other time, I do have items I tend to sell and donate.

This move will be quite painful for me. I may have to leave one of the jobs I work at, and I really do love it. I love the people I work with, and it’s been such a joy. You know you have it well when work doesn’t feel like work. And unless I’m willing to commute almost an hour just for a part-time job, I don’t know if that’s worth it. Especially with my car running the way it has been. Well, whatever I decide to do, no matter what happens, I will look at this as a new chapter in my journey. Life may not be easy, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get to live it!

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Energy & Life

Life is beautiful. But life would not be what it is if we didn’t have the energy to be able to live it. Energy drives us. Energy makes us. It’s who we are and what we’ve become. Why is it that kids have so much energy compared to adults? In my not-so expert opinion, it’s because they take naps. They have a bunch of caffeine, like drinking a bunch of soda and eating candy. Something that keeps them going for only such a short period of time. Unlike when we’re adults where we do have our caffeine fix but then start to feel the crash in the early afternoon. Naps then ruin the rest of our day or help us push ourselves to work longer late into the night just to do it all over again the next day. But if we don’t take naps then we might just be getting by. Have just enough energy to get us to bedtime but wasting our day without being productive. Unless you live a happy enough life where that is perfectly fine with you. It’s only if you feel like you want more. Want to do more. Achieve more.

So, where does our energy come from? The answer to that is a bit more complicated than it seems. It’s possible that a good mattress will do the trick. Or having a clear mind will get you a good night’s sleep. What I’ve learned is that it very well could be a little bit of everything. Having a good mattress that suits you will most definitely help, and of course, clearing your mind of unwanted thoughts before bedtime. But in my experience, financial situations have made my life more difficult. It is possible that the thought of living paycheck to paycheck is keeping me from getting good sleep. All the more reason for why I have not posted in my blog for over 2 months. That’s just part of life as well. The fact that life can distract you from doing what you love. Draining away your energy without you realizing it. But don’t use it as an excuse. Just consider it an obstacle.

Never forget that life is a beautiful thing and that we are so grateful to have it. To be a part of it. Don’t turn into an adult and erase all the beauty in your imagination just because of your age. Be someone brilliant. You got this!

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What Rejection Feels Like

If this is not your first rodeo, then you already know. But that does not mean it doesn’t hurt. When you imagine both the positive and negative outcome but yet still surprised when it actually happens. That’s because expectations never really play out the way reality wants it to. This is where you prepare yourself to what you know best; your sad music playlist, comfort food or whatever helps get you through your grieving process. At least that’s how I cope with rejection.

It really is a process. Because I’m so used to it, I already prepare myself ahead of time if/when I get turned down. Of course, I’m referring to when I like someone I’m attracted to. It’s a part of my life. Most of the time I don’t even bother pursuing. And to add to the music playlist that I made specifically for this occasion, I do get myself a bottle of whiskey and find something to distract myself, so it doesn’t hurt as much. Sometimes watching a movie or playing video games help occupy my mind, but sadly when I do finish up, I’m right back to where I was.

This most recent time I did try a different approach. First and foremost, I’m not a player, I just crush a lot. And in this particular situation, I happen to like several women that I find myself somewhat close to. A couple of them I actually work with. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing considering I don’t really use dating apps and don’t get to meet people outside of work too often. Literally just looks and smiles when I’m grocery shopping. So, to get to my point, you do have more of a tendency getting to know the people you work with, which brings me to wondering why it’s such a bad thing dating your coworkers.

Business/Pleasure, I get it. Don’t get involved but what if you’re an introvert that doesn’t see too many people to begin with? At work, you build a connection with your colleagues. Some more than others. Yet the most difficult thing you have to deal with is how it might affect your relationship at work when you choose to make the move. I mean, where I work I suppose I could transfer to another store considering I work at a chain corporation? But that’s a hassle. I like where I work and I love the people I work with. But lately, I’ve been watching The Office and maybe I should just do it and put myself out there like Jim and Pam’s situation.

I wrote a letter, well, technically it’s more like a love poem. I wanted to be romantic and have the words rhyme, and it was only a short period of time I wrote this after talking to my work crush. We got into a conversation about how people don’t really write letters to each other anymore, and I wanted to change that. So, we agreed to write each other letters but I wanted it to be more meaningful and chose to open up my affectionate side. The thing is, sometimes we only work together maybe once a week, so I really tried to make the most of our time together. I really do go above and beyond trying to impress her but half the time I’m stuttering and stumbling over my words. Which is something I wrote in my so-called poem.

The thing is, to me at least, it really feels like a 50 First Dates situation. Every day I see her, I feel like I have to start from the beginning to try to impress her. To get her to like me. At least that’s how I look at it. It’s not easy, let me tell you. What doesn’t help is, even though at times my words can be… what some will say enchanting, I will still freeze and have nothing. I’ve been told by several of my colleagues that, I’m ‘rizzing’ with some of our customers, yet to this day, I don’t even know what that means. They tell me some of the customers I talk to are flirting with me yet I’m clueless because I’m just trying to make conversation. And let me tell you, if what I experienced was flirting then it has definitely changed over the past decade.

Flirting or not, if you are I would really appreciate it if you made it obvious to me. I really am clueless if you’re being subtle. And to get back to my point, rejection hurts. But at this point in my life, I have gotten better. I used to listen to what I consider sad songs, but now I’ve gone back to my early past and started revisiting those slow/R&B love songs that expresses my true feelings. I’m a hopeless romantic. And I will tell you more about that… on the next one.

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Dear Me in 5 Years…

assuming you’re alive and well, please… do more. I understand that life has been difficult but it’s no reason to keep you from going after your dreams and aspirations. You gave yourself goals in life but have made no effort to achieving them. What is it going to take for you to start doing? That’s if you haven’t already by this time. I know what you’re capable of and whether you know it or not, you do bring joy to many people. Even if you don’t feel like you have and feel worthless at times. But who doesn’t think that about themselves from time to time? I want you to know that I know you are wonderful and extremely talented. And don’t forget I was also there to witness how impress our colleagues were just from your conversations with the customers. They were entertained by you!

Another thing, I’m also really confused writing in this first-, second-, or third-person narrative, or whatever it is at this point. But at least there’s journalbuddies to help give us this topic so we have something to write about.

Whether or not this might sound cliché, but when you put your mind to doing something, you’re creating a work of art. Granted, not everything you make is a hit. But it’s still art. Good or bad, wonderful or dreary, perfect or the many mistakes you make. That’s what makes you who you are.

So, let’s not do nothing. Start by starting. Before you know it, you’ll be incredibly pleased with the person you become if you just do it.

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Recognition

It’s all we really want. Whether it’s from work, friends, or even our own family. Sometimes we might feel like we’re out of place or don’t belong. Of course, this is assuming you put in the effort and maybe would like to lead by example. There is nothing more true than hard work paying off. Even if you don’t believe it to be so.

Let’s say this: you’re at a job you’ve been at for a few years, and every day you show up to work, you work. You’re not complaining a whole lot, you put in your due diligence, and almost always show up on time. Here’s the thing: if while you’re doing all of this, and you don’t receive the recognition you feel you’ve earned, it could take a lot out of you. Possibly with no opportunities to move up within the company. That in turn could lead you to not work as hard or always try to show up on time. But maybe, it’s time to look for opportunities elsewhere.

Sometimes it’s not you. From my experience with working the so many jobs I’ve had in the past, I know that management is where most of everything starts. Without good management, you might not have good leadership. And without good leadership, you probably won’t have good hardworking employees. All you have to do is pay attention. Even apart from a job, this goes out to anyone.

I guess all I’m saying is give recognition to those who have earned. It can go a long way. We’re human, we make mistakes, but we also don’t need too much to feel good about ourselves. No matter who you are, sometimes it’s a little attention that’s needed. That way you don’t feel like just a shadow. But always remember, you have to put in the work.

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(My) Office Romance I

There’s no denying the sexual tension between you and at least one of your colleagues, at least during one point in your working career. I’m sure to any The Office fans out there, or at least have watched enough, you know about Jim and Pam’s relationship. All that tension they had and build up before getting together. A lot of people have fantasized that being them, unless of course you’re married or in any other status. But there’s nothing wrong with looking. We’re human. It’s in our nature to wonder. And then there’s curiosity. If you let that take control of you, then you’ve cheated on your partner. As always, I’m getting beside the point. However, if you are single then curiosity is welcomed. It’s just the matter of having the courage to asking out this individual that makes you feel vulnerable inside. And that’s where I come in…

Work History

Since graduating high school, I spent the next several years working from one job to another, and another. So much so, the number of jobs I’ve had is somewhere over 30. I stopped keeping track when I got to around 25 or so. With some of these jobs however, I did happen to find attraction towards my coworker. Whether or not we worked together or just being in the same building. Like to the point I would turn my head so far over I’ll end up running into something. Time moved a bit slower for me, music playing inside my head, and then I would end up missing out on yet many other opportunities. Mostly because since time slowed down for me while the music is in the background, to everyone else time was moving normally. So, they would just pass on by without even knowing I existed. At least that’s what I figured at the time. I know, I’m aware of how sad that is. But on the other side, these stories do have an ending.

First Job Crush

Let’s take a look at my first official job I started out at. I was 16 and started working at McDonalds. How I got this job, I have no idea, at least at the time. Crushing the interview only to see me in my true nature in the public. Being this quiet, shy, cute (I could go on…) young teenager working in a fast-paced environment. I worked as a cashier, but it was short lived considering 3 weeks was how long I was a McDonald’s employee before getting let go. My boss at the time said I didn’t appear to be motivated enough in the establishment. Which I don’t blame her for that. I knew I wasn’t. Especially being quiet and shy. Times were different for me back then. But during my 3 weeks there, I just so happened to have stumbled upon what I believe, was an angel. She was this stunning blonde with an aura that lit up my eyes working the drive-thru window. The music that was playing in my head at the time was probably Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love to You. I was hardcore into R&B at the time so it’s safe to say I knew all about that baby making music, even though I was still a virgin. But all of that was a never was. Like I mentioned before, I only worked there for 3 weeks so I had no clue if she was single or dating someone. She did ask me something during a time we were slow at work, but I forgot what it was. Thinking about it now, she was probably just trying to make conversation and wanted to get to know me a little better. Unfortunately, never got a chance to find out too much more. It was what felt like another lifetime ago.

When it comes to having your first job, depending on who is raising you, ask them first. Figure out if you’re ready to get out there in the world. Out in the eyes of the public. Although, there are many negatives and cruelty with the public, there are also positives and even enlightenment. You could learn so much from a job, and not just what you learn at home and at school. Just like how I learned about Angels existing right in front of me. Unless my eyes are cheated by some spell. But only 10 or so feet away working the drive-thru.

Stay tuned for part II…

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How My Day Went… Waking up at 3:30am

When you work at a coffee shop (especially if you open), you’re going to have to wake up pretty early. Depending on what time the store opens, you have responsibilities that may involve some prepping and other opening duties. I don’t typically open. The only reason I did this time was to cover for a colleague of mine. And one of my weaknesses is when being asked in person to do something, like stay later, or in this scenario, cover for someone that meant opening, I have a difficult time saying no. Unless obviously I can’t. So, even despite knowing that I have to go into work early, the night before I already knew I wasn’t going to bed earlier than normal. In which, there was going to be lack of sleep.

The Morning Of…

Alarm goes off, and surprisingly I’m not terribly exhausted. I have my morning routine that I do, then I’m out the door and headed to work. I made sure to let my colleagues know that this was my first time opening since my training (which was probably a good 6 months prior), that way they are prepared in case I make many mistakes. For the most part everything went alright. But I did notice some differences; I don’t normally work the middle of the week, so when it came to talking to customers, I was a bit thrown off. It’s not like I can ask them how their weekend was or what they have plan for the weekend. It’s too… in the middle of the week for that! So, for the rest of my shift I was very one dialogue type of person. Like an NPC in a video game. Fortunately though, I got out of work much earlier and that gave me a lot more time to do a little Doordashing.

It was one of my best dashes I had during lunch time. For the most part it went smoothly. And afterwards, I had the rest of the afternoon and night to myself. Mostly just to relax. I was proud of myself yet knew I didn’t want to do that again. Just because I interact with customers quite often and it really did get to me a bit. Stumbling my words here and there, and not knowing what else to say when most customers are just getting coffee and heading into work. To summarize, it was really repetitive. However, felt like a lesson in life when communicating with people. This made me want to open up more topics to discuss with customers while they’re waiting for their order. But I will say, I slept great that night.

So long, from a non-morning person!

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How Streetlights Define Us

You don’t know your city until you know its’ streetlights. Like knowing when to speed up or take it slow instead of wondering if you’re going to beat the light or not. Sometimes you have no chance, so you cruise to the light. And other times, “… oh I’ll make this light.” Depending on where you live, you may hardly have to deal with streetlights, and that’s a win in my book. But other times almost every block has a stoplight, and that right there dictates our travel. Most of these lights are timed versus sensors which has a nice flow or just causes you to be backed up and possibly, yet again, running late for work.

As high as fuel prices have been (so far), some people will contemplate if going out is even worth it anymore. But other times, you don’t really have too much of a choice. Like going to work, getting groceries, or other have-to’s in your life. How well you know the city you live in just by driving on the streets can be a bittersweet feeling. Which many times I find it entertaining (and also frustrating) to see other people on the road driving very aggressively whether they know it or not, that there’s another stoplight not too far from where we just took off. Not really sure what they’re trying to prove at this point. Especially those that weave in and out of lanes, and one of my biggest pet peeves, those that don’t use their turn signals.

I’m sure this might come off a bit like a public service announcement, but maybe to some of us, we just forget that about the roads we drive on. Take it easy and take it slow a little. But not too slow, I am one to say that I drive roughly the speed limit to 5 over typically. I know it does bother me a bit being stuck behind other drivers going well below the speed limit. Even slow drivers could cause an accident. They make many of us drive more aggressively… and now we’re back to square one! I guess with all that’s been said, there might be no winning. Probably not the uplifting words of encouragement you’re looking for to end this post, sorry.

Until the next green light…

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Taking a Sh*t at Work

Other than ‘you’ve decided you’re comfortable dropping loads at work’, which is pretty satisfying. Butt… there’s more and there’s another reason behind that. Let’s be real, if you have to go, you have to go. The thing is we all pretty much can schedule our day of knowing if you’re setting yourself up to poop at work, home, or almost anywhere else. Assuming you know your body well enough, you’ll know what types of food will upset your stomach and which ones will settle just fine. Sure, you’re going to squeeze out a fart here and there. It happens. It’s just a question of how badly it smells or not that will determine your pooping future.

The other thing is, and let’s say it’s on just about an everyday basis, are people just taking advantage of getting paid while taking a dump? Is there a lot of free time for them to do so? Or maybe the job itself is what leads to doing these things. With me, I try not to when I’m at work. Afraid I might leave a trail of smell as if I’m constantly crop dusting. But one of my last jobs I would do the pooping several times a week. The job I was at I felt like I couldn’t move anywhere. As if I had maxed out in job position and my pay was as well. For the most part I did all I could and moved up as far as I’m able to. My boss did ask a lot from me but without the benefits. So… I do the pooping. Or should I say did. And with that, I’ll smell ya on the next one!

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