Taking a Sh*t at Work

Other than ‘you’ve decided you’re comfortable dropping loads at work’, which is pretty satisfying. Butt… there’s more and there’s another reason behind that. Let’s be real, if you have to go, you have to go. The thing is we all pretty much can schedule our day of knowing if you’re setting yourself up to poop at work, home, or almost anywhere else. Assuming you know your body well enough, you’ll know what types of food will upset your stomach and which ones will settle just fine. Sure, you’re going to squeeze out a fart here and there. It happens. It’s just a question of how badly it smells or not that will determine your pooping future.

The other thing is, and let’s say it’s on just about an everyday basis, are people just taking advantage of getting paid while taking a dump? Is there a lot of free time for them to do so? Or maybe the job itself is what leads to doing these things. With me, I try not to when I’m at work. Afraid I might leave a trail of smell as if I’m constantly crop dusting. But one of my last jobs I would do the pooping several times a week. The job I was at I felt like I couldn’t move anywhere. As if I had maxed out in job position and my pay was as well. For the most part I did all I could and moved up as far as I’m able to. My boss did ask a lot from me but without the benefits. So… I do the pooping. Or should I say did. And with that, I’ll smell ya on the next one!

School’s Out, But What About Work?

It’s summer, and if you’re a student or you just graduated or even got your degree, what’s next? Assuming you’re old enough to work, figuring out if you’re actually ready to work or not is another question. Maybe you’ve got a planned vacation and need to save up some money. Or even to do things with friends and family with all sorts of activities and events. And if you’ve been working, you already know. There’s no time off from work. Man, being responsible sucks. From keeping a roof over your head and your stomach fed, there is no summer break… and with that I say, “Welcome to Life.” Whatever choice you make with the money you work for, just remember it’s your decision on what you get to spend it on. Just be sure to balance out all your expenses and priorities first. Sure, people can put their 2 cents in and opinions on telling you what to do with your money, but it’s only 2 cents. If you ask me, I’ll give you my 10 cents in what you should do. Which is a lot more, but definitely not as much as 50 Cent. He’s a baller! Where was I going with this?

And if you need money, “call JG Wentworth! 8-7-7-CASH-NOW!” Sorry, I had to. There’s a lesson in here somewhere. I just don’t know what it is… Make money. Live your life. Make your own decisions. And you should never have to wonder what would happen if you let someone else decide for you. But if you need the help, then by all means, look at it as a guide towards a better life.

Why Dairy Is Bad For You… The Stupid Version

You’re at work, maybe in a meeting, or just surrounded by your colleagues, and all of a sudden it hits you. The gas build-up from the cereal and coffee you had earlier that morning. You need to fart really bad. So, you do the only other option you have. A trip to the bathroom. Hoping that when you get in there no one else is in there as well. That’s when you let it rip. The relief of that gas sliding out your butthole. Sometimes it’s loud and proud, other times it’s silent but deadly. Either way you feel a thousand times better about yourself. But where does this gas come from? Outside the scientific term, here is my simple explanation…

As human beings, I have a theory that we’re all lactose and tolerant. And me personally, I would say that I’m sometose and tolerant. From what we eat and drink growing up, our bodies start to form a tolerance to specific types of food and drinks. But dairy is no exception… sort of. Don’t you ever wonder why hard-boiled eggs smell like your typical Sunday morning after a night of drinking? Although I do enjoy chocolate milk with some protein powder (which tastes like a really good smoothie), I get some side effects from it the morning after. That also goes for cheese as well. Why do you think the French calls our “behinds” derrière? It sounds an awful lot like dairy, and dairy is very close to diarrhea which comes out our butts quite pungently. Just remember, these are just my theories to add to what I’m sure there already is proven facts about dairy. I’m just simplifying the equation. Thank you!