Tag: Love

My Perspective On ACNE

As I’m sure anyone who has researched anything with acne, they tell you that it’s more common when you’re a teenager. But even as adults, you can still get them. Ever wonder why that is? Whatever anyone or anything you have heard or read from would tell you, the truth may be a little… different.

CAUSES

As one website has mentioned, greasy foods and hygiene are just a myth when it comes to break-outs. Yes and no. It really depends on the person. The thing is, you know your body better than anyone else. Have you ever tried eating certain types of food and coming to the realization that you break-out more than normal, or not at all? I have this theory that one of the main sources for why people get acne is from what they eat. I’m sure not all greasy foods will affect you, but some surely do. What it really breaks down to is the sodium. I’ve had more than my fair share of what is considered unhealthy food, and after several days to a week, I will start showing pimples. It took me a while to put the pieces together but eventually it really did come down to what I put in my body. And that is just the beginning. When it comes to your hygiene, it’s the lifestyle that you live that can cause more pimples to show up or not. And if that isn’t convincing enough, there’s always you constantly touching your face with your greasy and dirty hands (I’m guilty of this myself).

How To Fix It

If food is your enemy, of course I mean when it comes to this subject of acne, then seriously, start eating more of what mother nature has to offer. I mean fruits and vegetables that grow from this beautiful planet. Unfortunately, I’m still having issues with this myself. I do try to eat them when I can. Like I’ve mentioned before about you knowing your body better than anyone, figure out what works and what doesn’t. Experiment a little. Especially if you get pimples often. If you don’t then there might be something else clouding your judgement (don’t worry, we’ll get into that topic in another post ( 😉 wink)). So, with food already been discussed, it’s time to get to your hygiene. In the last paragraph I’ve only briefly mentioned how this causing more pimples. Depending on what you ate growing up, for years it’s going to affect you in some way. It’s the reason why some people naturally have more oily skin than others. And with showering daily or not does affect certain tendencies as well. Then again, who knows? Only you can figure that out for yourself. As long as you’re somewhat healthy, why not experiment with some things like I have. You might learn something.

The Unknown Breakout

Stress. That’s about it. During part of my high school, I have gone through some shit that I hope that others don’t have to deal with or worse. But one of my closest friends just out of nowhere (yes, like Randy Orton with his RKO), decided to roast me for days. Where it came from or why, I have no idea. The only explanation I gave myself was that if anyone made fun of you, it’s because they secretly had a crush on you. But I’ve been told otherwise. So, it is what it is. Anyway, a moments later, I mentally could not take it anymore. The insults, constantly being put-down and made fun of because my vocabulary was not the greatest at the time… it hurt. And because of only what I knew growing up from family and friends that influenced me, I did the only rational thing that I could. Which ended up with me yelling in disagreement with anyone. And unlike what we see in movies and TV shows, where the characters who go through alternating life events, talk their problems out with one another, I never had that happen to me. All I got was just being made fun of and holding that feeling inside. No one to talk to about it, because at least during this time, unless you have a therapist to talk to you can’t express your feelings to anyone because everyone will tell you to stop being a little bitch… and OMG did this spread like a virus. Generations after mine would go through similar situations and no one, I MEAN NO ONE! Would just have the decency to pull each other to the side and talk their problems out with each other. It’s sad. Because the truth is, we are all in a way like the iceberg in Titanic. Or in Hitch. Where 90% of what we’re saying, isn’t coming out of our mouths. And for those of you who still don’t know, it means we keep way too many things to ourselves and don’t talk about our problems and issues with… anyone! Unfortunately, this is part of being human. We are not perfect, and we will never be. But the least we can do is learn. Learn from our mistakes and learn from one another. Because that’s how we grow as a species. All I ask is that we stop for a moment and take the time to be aware of our surroundings.

The Breakdown

I’m sure professionals and anyone else that say they’re pros will tell you the difference between simple and complex carbs. That complex carbs are good for you. Which is true. But! In my perspective, let’s reverse the roles a bit. Natural carbs, as in what we get from fruits and vegetables, are the best carbs we could ask for. To me, I like to look at that as simple carbs. The complexity is when you start mixing ingredients together to form something completely exotic. Ramen noodles, SPAghetti, pizza and so on. Those carbs aren’t necessarily the best for you. Don’t get me wrong, they taste great! But that’s why we should be eating them only so often. Make a treat out of them. Do something that’s out of your comfort zone and that you know benefits you health-wise. Anyone who has pets, like dogs and cats should know better. You don’t feed your animal(s) treats all the time. You reward them when you feel they’ve done something that amazes you and whatnot. And that’s exactly how you should treat yourself. When it comes to being human, we have the will power to easily eat anything and everything we like. Just because it makes us feel good, but in the end, our stomachs aren’t saying the same thing and our bowel movements as well (unless you’re into that sensation). Look, the thing is we need to have better self-control. Otherwise, we’re just proving Wall-E right. That in the future we’re just going to become fat/obese and become mesmerized by modern technology and forget the beauty of what’s really in front of us. But it’s your life, do what makes you happy… and I mean really happy, like deep down and not what you show yourself to be in front of others. Just remember what you’re doing and how it affects others. Not just yourself.

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The Untold Story: About Life… so far

When it comes to people, how do you know you can trust them? Like really. I’m not trying to start anything or initiate some wrongdoing. All I’m saying is whenever you’re doing or saying something and people, whether they are your friends, family, or coworkers, they without letting you know might have more to express about you behind your back. Unfortunately, I’ve been in some similar situations. The problem is the individual or multiple people that are involved don’t say anything to you. And that’s where and when the problem begins. If you’re a very open-minded and observant person, you’ll notice some things. The truth is, all you expect in return is the truth. People to tell you when something is wrong, or when you may have something to do with the problem. Those are the people that I respect. But the issue I have is when things are unsaid. I’ve spent more than enough of my life to know that if something is wrong, I would like to know about it. That’s why anyone who tells me anything, I respect them whole heartedly. But then there’s the people who decide to keep things to themselves. Or at least with those they feel are close to them. How do you expect a relationship to be stronger if you can’t even tell the person you feel who is bothering you about a problem what’s wrong?

I’m sure a lot of this has to do with overthinking, but sometimes my overthinking personally has been right. But it’s been wrong at times… and then there’s your gut. When you have a gut feeling about something, like the old saying says… “go with your gut” or something like that. I honestly don’t know any more at this point. Everyone lives their own lives. There’s only so much we can do to change it. Pastors, Motivators, Phycologist, Teachers and whatnot. At some point in our lives, we need to be aware of what we know. And what we can change to better ourselves as human beings. Life is short. Make the most with what you have to work with. Just be sure it’s something positive and can give hope for generations to overcome adversity.

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I Don’t Know How To Talk To Women

Before you start wondering, let me take you on a little journey from my past and put things into perspective. Growing up I wasn’t the greatest by any means when it comes to socializing with people in general. And when it comes to girls (especially if I had a crush on them), I would only know them through school, because they were my classmates. Then as I got older and started working, same thing, the women that were my coworkers I would be introduced by someone training me or if I had any questions. If you took those out of the equation, I would most likely get my confidence talking to them from an old friend, Mr. Liquid Courage himself, alcohol. Breaking the ice was, and still is, one of my biggest weaknesses. Whether I see a beautiful, cute, and/or sexy woman (or whatever adjective you want to use), it’s like I get stage freight. Especially if I want to talk to them. Because the truth is, I want to get to know them. Know their likes, dislikes, what they’re passionate about, have arguments over things that don’t matter. Even accidentally slip out a fart every now and then (let’s hope those aren’t on days I have a protein shake).

Anyway, you get the point I’m making. But what seems to be worse than these is what has happened to me lately. Although, I may only meet some women I find myself attracted to at work, it’s as if someone somewhere out there that I would consider to be of a higher power seems to take them away from me. On two occasions both women that I like ended up moving away. And not like down the street away, but to a completely different state. This not long after having a connection with them. But only for a moment I thought I might have been the reason why. The thing is I haven’t tried to make a move, do or say anything to make them feel awkward. They’re my coworker and that would change everything the next time I see them. Or what if it’s because I didn’t make a move? I’m sure that can’t be it. But I digress. Whatever the situation, I’m still alone which can be lonely sometimes. Not to say that I don’t like being by myself but there are times when I really would like to have the comfort of a woman with me. For all I know they could bring me one step closer to achieving my goals and dreams. The motivation that I hate to admit, lack more often than I would like. The drive that gets me out of bed every morning to take on the day with high hopes! But… it looks like I’ll have to do this on my own. I just have to be patient a little longer. I’m sure soon I will be able to find myself much closer to happiness.

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Is It Love Or Lust?

Here it is again. You lock eyes and in just a moment’s notice, you catch feelings. But what exactly are these feelings you’re catching? Maybe it’s a feeling of desire, or maybe nothing at all. But you can’t seem to get your mind off this individual. Because maybe, there’s a chance that they have the same feeling towards you. So much is unsaid. But almost at the same time you’re both well aware of one another. It’s possible that it’s even more difficult knowing that you work with each other. I personally can’t help but think that there’s this tension that has been building up for some time. This is especially the case when they start opening up to you out of the blue. Like letting you in on their personal life. That’s gotta count for something. They trust you enough to tell you things they wouldn’t just tell everyone else. So, all you can do is do the best with what you have to work with. Listen to what they have to say and respond with something that isn’t completely off-putting (which I have done… many times). And before you know it, that eye contact that you have with each other starts to say a lot more than what is really there. The problem is… how do you know if these are signs telling you to make the next move towards what could be, versus what could lead to forever awkwardness that could potentially make you want to quit your job? If any of this relates to you, just know… you’re not alone. Whether it’s love or lust, it definitely plays tricks on you making you think that there’s something there, or just one big kick in the chin.

When it comes to me, well… I’m still figuring out this story of my life on what could be, or never was. I like to stay positive and tell myself that it still is. All I know is I’d like to try to find out, otherwise it’s just another missed opportunity.

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This Unspoken Thing Called Love

You’re standing there. Eyes gazing into one another. There’s so much you want to say to her, especially how you feel about her as well… but you don’t. Instead, you play the role of the good guy who listens to what she is telling you so you could respond with an answer that isn’t anything but the point. Either way, that tension that you have with each other isn’t just coming from you. It goes both ways. At least that’s what you tell yourself. Because you have to believe that she feels the same way. The entire time you’ve known each other nothing ever happens. Only because you don’t want to ruin a good thing. And that’s the problem that us guys have telling the women we fancy how we feel. Expressing our feelings is one of the hardest tasks to do. No matter how many times you may play out the scenario in your head, or out loud to yourself in your one-bedroom apartment with no one around to hear you (except maybe your neighbors if you’re loud enough), when you’re put on the spot, it’s a much different story. So, what do you do? If the wrong move is made, you may have just destroyed everything you’ve built in that relationship. But at least you gave it a shot. In my opinion, the chase is something we all love to feel. Not knowing if the person you like, actually likes you back. Whether it’s love or not, how are you ever going to know if you don’t give it a chance? You’re just going to have to figure it out for yourself.

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My Story: Personality

“Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart…” (Tobey Macguire/Peter Parker) In this part of my life, we go into the development of my character, what it was like growing up, the movies and shows I would watch constantly, and how my personality came to be. In my family, there was no special treatment. Nobody got spoiled more than the other. I’m considered the baby of my family and oh boy, did I not get spoiled at all. At least from what I can remember. Besides that, I still had many memorable highlights of my childhood. The weekends almost always seemed to be quite unpredictable and pretty wild. Fridays we had TGIF on ABC with great lineups like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and others that I can’t quite remember at this time. A few other moments we had was watching old Thai Boxing (Muay Thai) videos my dad would rent from the Asian Market, and an old classic, The Gods Must Be Crazy. Who knew a simple glass Coca-Cola bottle could make such a big impact on an entire villages’ lives? I love how a movie with a simple premise could bring a family together for 90 minutes or so. That on top of other similar things was my childhood growing up. Like how we would host parties almost every other weekend. My parents were the best at it, at least in my eyes. They knew how to entertain our guests who were considered family-friends to us. Their kids were about my age and a little bit younger, and very fortunately, I had my older brothers and sisters with their creativity to keep the younger crowd entertained. From playing video games to using our imagination and constructing a maze in our basement was one of them. We crushed it! And for that, I’m very thankful for the inspiration my siblings and parents brought me.

Personality

The characters that we all play make us who we are as individuals. It’s not about our gender, or the color of our skin, but what we do that defines us (that last bit was a Batman Begins reference). Throughout my life I have built this personality from watching movies and TV shows that I loved. Most of them being in the genre of comedy. Great comedians like Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, and Adam Sandler were some of my inspirations. I wasn’t sure what it was for why I turned out the way I did, but something triggered within me to want to make people laugh and enjoy themselves when we’re together. With comedy aside, I also have a more… sensual side. Suave. Maybe it’s from watching movies that weren’t quite PG rated during my younger years. Like how I love the movie Titanic in hopes that someday I could draw someone like one of my French girls! Although, I’ll admit Dumb and Dumber had some references I did not understand when I was a kid. As I got older though, the so-called chick flicks were something I was into. I’m all about love and passion. Hitch, What Women Want, and all those Nicholas Sparks books turned movies. And then there’s Austin Powers, baby! Basically, it’s not just the people we hang out with that opens up our personality, but that we get it from the movies and television shows we watch too. They can be very inspiring and gives us the motivation we need to get out of bed in the morning and depending on who you are, hoping that today is finally the day you ask that girl or boy out from school, or a coworker that you see on a daily or weekly basis.

Nowadays we can get that from just about anywhere. Whether it’s from reading certain articles on the internet or stumbling upon random YouTube videos. The human brain is constantly learning and taking in new information. We just have to listen to it and decide for ourselves what’s right, wrong, and everything in-between. Don’t let your ego or stubbornness be the reason you won’t learn. There’s no harm in being a little open-minded. Allegedly, we only live one life. Why not make the most of it? Bring positivity to those around you, even if they don’t do the same. You never know if your actions could make an impact on someone else’s life. We are our best hope for a better world. So make it count! And with that, I’ve mentioned too many inspiring words. Peace, bitches!

P.S. I forgot to mention when I was with some of my family members hanging out at my nephews 21st birthday, we were just in the garage talking and drinking. This was close to a year ago, and I was saying something very inspiring and motivational, but I can’t remember what it was due to the fact… I was with my niece and her boyfriend in their car, and I took a hit from their bowl. Pretty much my mind was clouded a bit. Anyway, whatever I said had my brother-in-law telling me that I should be what was something like a pastor for the Buddhist temple. This struck a chord within me because I knew my father was something like that (I can’t remember the title of it). He spent a lot of his time at the temple talking to the monks and played a higher role in that community. I’d like to say most of the time where I get my words of wisdom from comes from my father. There was so much about him that I would have loved to know about his past but unfortunately, I’m not able to. However, I was able to find out more about him from my oldest sister. We were hanging out during fourth of July and I asked her about him. She told me the stories she would hear from them was how respected he was. This coming from army Generals, villagers, and plenty of other people too, I’m sure. Anyway, I just thought I would share that little extra bit about my father and the role he played that made my life what it is now. Thank you!

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Missed Connections

Is it possible to find love in the most unlikely of places? From coffee shops to gyms, to bars and dating apps, not that these are considered unlikely. I guess in my situation I wouldn’t call it love but definitely a feeling that made me yearn for more. Let’s take it back about 10 years to when this story began… It’s the weekend and I was out with a friend at a club downtown. And there she is. Just glowing in my eyes. The aura that she carries around her just ever so naturally. Standing out in front of everyone else (at least to me). As she glances my way, I give her “the look”. She then proceeds in my direction and introduces herself. “Hey, I’m Daisy!” From there we conversed for a little bit then I went out for a dance with her. She had on what I believe was this silky light brown sweater and one of the cutest smiles I’ve seen. Now, because this was around 10 years ago, I don’t remember exactly what happened. All I know is not long after our dance we parted ways, and I would never see her again. There is one thing I left out though… Daisy was a dancer at a strip club. Which brings me back to the unlikely of places on finding love. She was really sweet to me and might have been the best $20 I’ve ever spent. After hindsight has kicked in, I’m sure her being sweet and nice to me was just part of her job. But I refuse for that being the truth. So, Daisy (if that’s your real name), I just want you to know that it was more than just a dance. And hope you’re doing well with your life, considering Lady Godiva has been shut down now for some time.

VIP

I had just recently turned 21 and down the road from where I was living at the time was a nightclub. They were fairly new to the area but would only be opened for so many years. Seems I have a tendency to shut down clubs… literally. Anyway, we were celebrating my brother’s birthday. He likes to do things pretty big, and we most certainly did it big. I’m talking VIP and bottle service big. So, there I am with my friends and family making memories. I wandered around the club for a while (mainly because I got lost), and when I ended back up on the dance floor, I found people I knew and just started dancing. Looking back to this day, my cousin’s baby daddy was a really good wingman because he pulled me in to dance with this girl he was originally dancing with. She must have liked what I had to offer because we were getting down, and these hips don’t lie. We were making babies on that dance floor! And I remember what Will Smith’s character Hitch would say, “women relate dancing to sex.” It got to the point we were kissing right in the middle of the floor. One of the wildest things I’ve ever done in public. Afterwards, we left and started talking very briefly. I mentioned to her how my brother got us a VIP room in which I had no idea where it was. She would tell me how she was with people that were doing the same thing. This is where the alcohol blurred my memory a bit because something was said, and she gave me one last kiss before walking out the main entrance. It didn’t occur to me that that’s where we were at. It was so confusing being in the club that night not knowing where anything was. I always wondered if she was expecting me to chase after her or if she was just having a bit of fun. I guess we’ll never know.

Clueless

Maybe love just isn’t for me. Or maybe I have to be patient and just let everything fall into place when it has to, or I’m just not ready. Whether this is the Universe teasing me with potential mates or somebody Good Luck Chucked me, I don’t know what else to say. And on the rare occasions (and most likely this one) I’m just really clueless most of the time, for over the past decade at least. I’m happy to say I’m slightly more aware now! But before that, when I was at an amusement park with my old roommates, I yet again blew another opportunity. Heading into the day my friend’s girlfriend had a friend she wanted to introduce me to. So, at this point I was given the notice. After spending a couple hours already at the theme park and some time at the water park, my mind went blank for a moment. Because when I was finally introduced to this sexy young thang, our meet and greet was short lived. I had forgotten that I was there to meet a possible future ex and in the great words of Billy Madison and the guys from South Park would say, “YOU BLEW IT!” I sure did. My life in a nutshell. Although, I will score a touchdown from time to time, I seem to be better at handing the ball off… or fumbling at the goal line.

So, what can I take away from these past experiences, other than my life can be summed up by memes and gifs? Opportunities are always going to happen. How we handle a situation builds our characters as individuals. Pretty much makes us who we are today, why we have the friends we do, and how our family sees us. But who’s to say we can’t find love from a dancer at a strip club? Or grinding with a sexy little minx at a nightclub. Probably most people. But that’s not the point! Even though for me that feeling is felt more towards my crotchural region. It doesn’t deny the fact that we could find love just about anywhere. From any situation. Even if you’re shaking it for dollar bills (which I have done in the past myself). It’s not where or how you meet your potential, rather it’s getting to know each other along the way. No matter what the outcome may be, at least you’ll have one great story to tell.

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I Got Covid-19

It’s late October, on a brisk evening and I’m at home putting on a suit that I pieced together for a very affordable price. Nothing expensive or fancy, just clean and simple. Fossil watch is on, couple sprays of Davidoff Coolwater, and I’m out the door with some gifts in hand. Today was the day a good friend of mine I made from work was getting married. The drive took longer than I expected, but I was able to catch the bride to be (Paige), walking down the aisle with her father just moments after arriving. Her presence was glowing as it should be as they head into this beautiful barn. I then make my way in after standing near the barn door like I was an usher (which I have been before in another wedding). One vows and ceremony later, there they were, husband and wife. Followed by one of the most memorable father-daughter dances I’ve witness in the history of weddings, we celebrate the marriage of Paige and Tucker with the reception in good fashion.

The weekend has now passed and I’m back at work. Not a whole lot has changed except for one minor thing, I started getting a cough. It would come up only every so often but wasn’t like a normal cough I would have. However, we were required to wear masks at work and were receiving temperature checks when we arrived. With no signs of a fever, I just continued with work but with the thought in my head, “Let’s just see what happens.” A day or two goes by and that cough was still present and yet no fever. A colleague of mine mentioned that he smelled something burning in the room which my senses could not pick up. At that point I got worried, so I talked to my boss thinking I may have contracted Covid. During this time everyone believed that if you didn’t have a fever, it probably wasn’t Covid. Despite the fact I had several other symptoms like my chest feeling a bit tight as well. I decided at that point I would just go to urgent care just to make sure. And about 24 hours later, positive.

So now I’m at home quarantining myself for the next week and a half. At this point my symptoms were moderate coughing, tight chest with a slight difficulty breathing, loss of smell and taste, and I was having cold sweat at night. This would go on for the next few days and for the most part, I had trouble eating anything. By the time I would recover from Covid, I had lost about 10 lbs. With that and the lasagna I had that got me sick from earlier in the year, I probably shredded 25 lbs. and most of that was muscle mass. I wouldn’t gain some of that weight back until later in 2021. While I was quarantining though, there were some positives that came out of it. Now, I’ve mentioned this in one of my past posts that I wasn’t that close with my family, but it was a nice change of pace talking to my mom on the phone for a little bit every other day. It just shows me that she will always care for her children no matter the circumstances. And I know we’re not that type of family to express our feelings, but just know, mom, that I love and care for you and everyone else as well.

During my time off from work there was only so much I could do. So, I just made the most of what energy I had given to me during this duration. And with Covid still an uncertainty and no vaccine yet, I didn’t want to take any chances with cold medicine and anything else. Just let the body fight this off like any other cold naturally. For the most part I mainly relaxed, went on a little nostalgic movie binge from the 90s and early 00s, and played some Madden and The Sims 4. And for the first time ever, I watched The Masters being played in November and without any patrons. That and not having a Thanksgiving Day tradition with my family put things into perspective. This really was and is a part of our history now as an entire world. Having to slow down a bit, come together, and just looking at this as just another obstacle in life. The affects I had to deal with was that my sense of taste and smell changed from having this coronavirus. It was for the better. Since then, I’ve been eating better and now on my way to regaining what I lost from 2020… my muscle mass!

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My Hopeless Romantic Story Part II: Missed Opportunities

It seems like there will always be those few people in our lives, that we are attracted to romantically or sexually, get away. Whether we poor our hearts out in telling them how we feel, or say nothing at all, we’re left with those thoughts of, “What could I have said differently to get her to feel the same way? Or said anything at all.” Either way, the moments passed and you’re left with yet the same outcome… another missed opportunity. I did not expect that there was going to be a second part to this story. But I felt that there were a few other situations and moments that were left out that I wanted to share. So, here’s the conclusion to My Hopeless Romantic Story leading up to now.

Spontaneous Action

Before I go any further, if you haven’t read the first part to this story, then some of this may not make sense to you(now is your chance to do so). With that said, let’s continue. Not long after moving out of Harvey’s place to live with some of my friends from grade school, I was currently working for him. He was some Quality Manager and I was one of his unofficial Team Leaders or whatever the case was. Not important to the story, anyway, he had a colleague in the same position as him and we went to his place for some drinking and bon fire one late summer night. When we arrived, we cracked open some beers and headed over to the fire. There was this girl there that I’ve seen before on several occasions. We just never been formally introduced until that night. Her names Danielle and she was tall, blond, and hot. And no I don’t mean from being around the fire. As the night went on, everyone else was doing their thing while it was just Danielle and I by the fire, talking, and getting to know each other. She then tells me how her back was tense and sore, so I offered to give her a back rub. I had very little experience giving back rubs but fortunately, I turned out to be really good. She told me herself. So yes, I’m pretty proud of that!

Fast forward a couple months to October, right around Halloween time. There was an event going on downtown with deals on drinks with almost all the bars. This was our plan for that weekend. I didn’t have anything to wear so instead I just dressed up nicely looking like a Professor at a University. I spray on my Davidoff Coolwater cologne, not just because of the name but it smells really good. Before we left to go out for the night, my roommates and I were pre-drinking at the house to save money on drinks. So, first place we get to I run into Danielle. She’s looking hot and sexy, dressed up as Pocahontas. We lock eyes and she was more tipsy than I was, and I was pretty tipsy. We hugged, she tells me I smell really good(thanks Coolwater!), then whispers softly into my ears, “I want to f**k you.” I’m standing there with one of those bitmoji faces where they look stunned to what they just heard or saw. And just like a deer in the headlights, I froze for a moment. It felt a lot longer to me than in reality of course. I tell her, “thanks.” Still uncertain of what actually happened, I’m positive that I blacked out for a moment, because before I knew it, I was standing around near my roommates and that was the end of it… shocking I know.

Booty Call

A little over a year later, I found myself officially hired in at a company and no longer working as a temp. I had this coworker that I did not think that I was going to fall for. Her name, is Brittany. Short, somewhat blond, not really sure what because she dyes her hair and cute. I always try to remember from movies, TV shows and those crappy orientation videos about sexual harassment and relationships within the work place not to get romantically involved. But we all have needs. As a man, it runs in our blood. And that blood rushes to our penises… I digress. So anyway, after working with her for a few months, we finally hangout outside of work. Sometimes to house parties or bars.

One late night later, around 1 in the morning, she calls me up and I’m just at home watching a movie or something, says she wants to drink with me. And I remember telling Vincent and Rothana this(my roommates at the time), and they told me themselves it was definitely a booty call. I’ve never been a part of that before so I had to make sure I went through all the proper procedures. Made sure I had a condom, my pubic region was neatly trimmed… and I think that was it. Not that those matter to some people but who knows! So I pick her up from her place and brought her back to mine. She was already drunk and I’m just trying to play catch-up so it doesn’t seem weird. But I barely was catching a buzz. As I leaned back on my bed, Brittany begins to sit closer to me. We talk a little bit then suddenly, as she leans towards me for the kiss, she gets the hiccups. Now, in my experience when you’re drinking and you get the hiccups, you’re about ready to puke. Probably due to lack of water. So then after she has her hiccup, I tell her, “don’t throw up on me” with this stupid smile on my face… she completely 180’d her entire mood. Started getting on the defensive and I’m sitting there with that same stunned bitmoji look on my face yet again! A few moments later, I drove her back home and we did not make sexy time.

Hot Girl(Like from The Office)

When it comes to the workplace, I’m sure most of us have those individuals we’re attracted to. However they appear in our lives and what we do about it is a mystery… until now. At least with me that is. This hot, gorgeous brunette that goes by the name of Hailey is my Amy Adams… sort of. She worked as our company’s vendor. Supply us with snacks, food and drinks to our supermarket for people that forget or are too lazy to bring in their own food. And I’ve been there myself many times.

This was much more recent, only last year about a couple months before Christmas when Hailey and I met. We went through several vendors for the past 6 months or so until Hailey showed up. The first day I saw her I already knew I wanted to talk to her and hoping it would lead somewhere. Love at first glance maybe? So of course, I needed to come up with a game plan. Find my in towards having a conversation with her and the rest is history. Yes, to some people it does come more natural just to strike up a conversation, but to others like myself, not so much. I always had difficulties breaking the ice but after that, I’m gold(or should I say doge… no that’s not that high right now… let’s say bitcoin!). After the ice breaker, I’m bitcoin!(but I don’t have any bitcoin… I do have dogecoin. You know what, this is besides the point! That’s why I’m leaving it in parenthesis)

Anyway, Hailey and I got to talking, she tells me she has a kid which I have no problem with. And one of the biggest turn-ons she mentioned to me was how she used to play hockey back in the day. I’m a big fan of The Mighty Ducks which was why I loved going ice skating but almost no one wanted to go with me when I would bring it up as something to do. So this would go on leading up towards Christmas where we would talk a couple times a week when we would see each other. The second to last time I would see Hailey was when she told me she would be gone for the last two weeks of the year for relocation. And on the last day that I saw her, she had changed her look. Letting her hair down, putting on some make-up and perfume. She sent me all the right signals to ask her out, even my thoughts was telling me to ask her out. When I talked to her in person for the last time, it never happened. I froze…

When I left work and got into my car, I kept telling myself that I should just go back in and do it. Man the f**k up… but I didn’t. Instead, I waited until the new year to finally have the nerves to ask Hailey out. Unfortunately she no longer was there at our location. So this gentlemen took her spot and after a month, I asked him to see if he knew her, which he did. I had this letter that I wrote for Hailey in case there was any chance at all that I would see her so she can understand what I was too afraid to tell her in person. I put a lot of effort into it and everything. Wrote in cursive, used one of my special ink pens and folded it up nicely. I gave it to the guy to give to her which he did, and I’m thankful for him in doing that. Hailey did reach out to me telling me how nice of a gesture it was and we texted back and forth for a little bit. But unfortunately I think she was just hoping I would already ask her out which I didn’t until later. And by that time she had already stopped replying to me, meaning I missed my window.

My Love Life In A Nutshell

Maybe the chase is all I enjoy doing. Building tension between me and the one I’m sexually or romantically attracted to. But to not have the courage to ask a beautiful woman out when she’s sending me all the signals I could ever ask for, is beyond me. I’m willing to admit that I’m messed up in the head with women. And it goes back to my past when I would get stood up, I just know it. But that’s the past. Yes, it left a scar, but I have to be able to move on and get over my fear of it and that’s the problem. I’m afraid to ask women out because I feel like it’ll happen again, but that’s negative thinking. Best case scenario they say yes and I do go out with them and have a great time! Maybe I’m afraid if by asking them out that I will succeed, and be in a happy and healthy relationship.

This was incredibly difficult for me to write knowing that I’m reliving those moments. But I’m glad I did because I do hope that for anyone reading this, it could help them out or they themselves were in a similar situation as me, knowing they aren’t alone.

My life really is like a movie, or even a television show. I guess it would depend on the plot at that moment. And if people from all over the Universe with highly advanced technologies is watching, they would be entertained to say the least. All I ask is when I’m in the bathroom or having private time, just leave me be for those moments. Unless there’s a Universal Pornhub website to watch me do the nasty… anyway! At this point in my life, I have faith that I’ll be a lot better if I ever find myself in these similar situations again. Life is one big lesson. The question is, “Are you willing to learn from it?”

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