Category: My Story

The Time I Failed to Be a Good Samaritan

Not that long ago, in my neck of the woods, there was a snowstorm. Well, actually, more of an ice storm. It was freezing rain. While I was at work, it started accumulating only for a couple hours. Shortly after I would get off work, I headed home. As I came to a stop at a light, I noticed a couple vehicles stuck in the middle of the road. They were slipping on the road that had built up to be icy enough to make driving difficult.

For a moment, I hesitated. Not exactly sure what I should do. But after a brief moment, I took action. Pulled my e-brake and decided to at least try to help one car out. Unfortunately, I wasn’t wearing the best shoes, so I was constantly slipping on the icy road. Trying my best to help rock their car enough to get momentum to power through… yet nothing happened.

At this point, I was now holding up traffic, so I felt the need to get back to my car and apologizing to those that weren’t able to clear their car from that slippery slope. Not only did I not help, but I caused a bit of traffic. So, it was really a lose-lose situation. The only positive note was that I did not get stuck myself.

Moral of the story, when you try to be helpful to those in distress… it’s not as easy as everyone plays it out to be. Otherwise, it really is just me. Because here’s the thing: only a couple days afterwards, I was doordashing and was picking up an order at a restaurant. When I got inside, the assistant manager was on the phone trying to get a sheriff over for something that had happen not too long ago. This other gentleman that shortly arrived after I did heard that as well.

Then, not a minute later, this individual showed up causing a scene and the guy next to me just ended up leaving. The person that was making a scene started walking back into the ’employees only’ location of the restaurant and continued to get louder. It was at that moment I noticed an employee breathing heavily. At first, I wasn’t aware of what was going on with him. But shortly after, I just decided not to waste my time and ended up leaving myself.

After getting in my car and driving off, I started doing what I do best… using hindsight. The employee that was breathing heavily to me appeared to be having possibly a panic attack. All I could think of was what I could have done differently if I was back there. Which was trying to get his attention to me and to breathe slowly and take deep breaths. Motivate him and tell him he’s doing such a good job in calming down. To let him know that there is so much greatness out there in the world and not to focus on this one bad situation.

Sadly though… I did nothing… as normal. As much as I want to help people out, especially in situations like these… I crack under pressure. It may be one of my biggest weaknesses. I want to do better. I want to help those in need… maybe I’m just afraid. Or maybe I’m just too slow. My mind doesn’t always process things as fast as I would like. Some things, yes! But others, not so much.

Maybe that’s why I fail so much in life…

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LIFE is One Misunderstanding

So, here we are again. You’re out on a Friday night, whether on a date, with friends, or family. For the most part, everything seems to be going really well. Everyone is having a good time until you make a response to something someone said. From that point on, the mood changes a bit. Now you start to overthink what you may have said at the point you felt the vibe changing. It can be subtle, so you just have to use instinct on this one. As you’re thinking to yourself while you analyze step-by-step all that happened. Is it too late? Why not say something? Or is it that you waited too long where the moment has passed?

For most people, a lot of our conversations with each other are harmless and friendly. Of course, we don’t mean to have bad intentions. Unless deep down you genuinely don’t like this particular individual. But chances are, they might feel the same way about you. You both might have a mutual friend that you don’t want to displease so in a way, you are almost just putting up with each other. That sounds incredibly unhealthy. And you both don’t want to confront one another about it either.

Anyway, the point of this is that we’re not being as honest as we should. Whether or not you are friends, family, or even with your significant other. When something is said that puts you out of your comfort zone or at ease, instead of saying something, you wind up keeping it inside. Or you wait to tell someone else about it later. For all we know, the person that said this specific thing you did not enjoy could very well be unaware of it. So, this whole time they may have no idea you resent them, or are holding a grudge against them, and they’ll never know why.

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m not big on confrontation. So, I try to avoid saying things that would hit a nerve with others. I also believe that I’m good at reading body languages so I have to use that to see for myself if what I might have said rubbed off the wrong way on people. It is so stressful sometimes trying to please people, especially if you’re out of your comfort zone. To those out there that are uncomfortable saying something in person to someone, I’m sure a simple text would do just fine. It at least gets your point across, so people know how you feel. And if they don’t care, then there’s no point to keep them around in your life.

To reiterate, whatever is being said isn’t necessarily that exact meaning. If you’re ever uncertain, just ask. It’s always good to get a better understanding of what someone said than to take things out of proportion that might not even be true. Who knows, that alone could help build a stronger relationship. I hope this helps.

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The Untold Story: Perspective

Let’s talk about people. Like our personalities, tendencies, and of course, perspectives. How every little thing that make us who we are shows how we perceive life. Some of us are caring and constantly thinking about others and their wellbeing, while others only care for themselves and will do what’s best for them, even if that means getting ahead or because they need the win, or heck, maybe they just can’t put aside their egos. Join me as we explore the minds of what makes us as individuals, who we are.

The Problem

Now, this is from my point of view. And from my experience, it’s that there are too many people in this world that are just unaware. Unaware of a lot of situations they find themselves in. A great example is how they typically only see things in black and white. Completely forgetting that there are 50 shades of grey. The thing is if you see people that are like this, they tend to believe that everything they say or how they feel is right. It’s unfortunate because it almost feels like anything you tell them they won’t believe you. So, how do you open up their minds to not be so… stubborn? Maybe you don’t. Not because you shouldn’t, but because maybe you can’t. Some people can be so far gone it’s almost impossible to change their perspective. So why bother changing it anyway?

My Story

I was in a situation that looking back on it now, was toxic. A friendship that scarred me possibly for life. Of course, being that I like to spread my joy and positivity around, there were plenty of good memories. But with that came a lot of bad ones. I guess you could say in this relationship I looked up to the person as someone who influenced my life. Back when I was much younger, I had many friends and old colleagues trying to explain to me the situation I was in. Like being teased, but more or less, being made fun of, in front of his friends. I had no idea I was being manipulated and controlled considering the many good things that had happened with us. Unfortunately, I failed to see it so much later in life. Eventually, sometime later, I finally was well aware of my relationship with this individual and ended the friendship. Did not care that it was formal or not, it just needed to end. But that scarring that it left me gave me tendencies from him that rubbed off on me. Before realizing what I became after this, I was doing similar things to people I cared about and that left our relationship vulnerable. It was only until recently that I noticed this about myself that I made changes (hopefully it’s not too late). Best way to put it, like Taylor Swift said, I’m the anti-hero.

Perspective

I believe what it comes down to is it shouldn’t matter who’s right or wrong, everyone has their own story. I personally love knowing what plays out from anyone’s point of view. First of all, it’s eye opening so you have a better understanding from someone else’s perspective. They are the narrative. So long as the story adds up. But also, everyone has a past. From how they were raised and all the people and things they were surrounded by growing up played a role in their lives. Every little detail that makes us all unique in our own different ways. That’s how we look at life. All the good and bad choices that were made, all the lessons learned along the way (assuming you learned from it). Just know that whether you’ve known someone to what feels like your whole life, or a random stranger, you’ll never know the whole story behind their history. You should never judge them or disrespect them. Be kind. But also, pay attention. Not everyone has good intentions, but the one’s that do… treat them well.

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Reflecting Back on the Year 2022

Between what has been going on with the world; the Winter Olympics, an invasion turned to war, then fast forward to Argentina winning the World Cup. Yet every single one of us out there are still dealing with our own world. What we have to do on a day-to-day basis whether it’s living or surviving. And that’s life. It moves forward with or without us. Our actions, choices, can determine the outcome if we are able to move forward with life as well. How you face your problems is on you. This is the story of the problems I had to deal with this past year…

The New Year

As 2022 had just gotten underway, I started a new job. Now working as a barista along with being a host at a restaurant, juggling these 2 jobs was very manageable. I still had some free time for myself, but it wasn’t long before I decided to quit my restaurant job. Having been there about 6 months, I became pretty comfortable with myself around several of my colleagues. But something was different. That last stretch that I was there, I was picking up negative vibes. As a host, I only was responsible for so much, yet I ended up doing a lot more than I should have. Every once in a while wasn’t so bad, but this became constant. I didn’t feel appreciated. My last week on the job, my boss wanted to have a 1-on-1 of where I’m at with the job and I told him how I felt. Then, all of a sudden everyone started including me into these conversations with them, yet I still quit. Not sure the main reason why, but the fact it took me having to tell my boss this before seeing some changes, didn’t sit well with me. So, now I was down to one job where I was new to being a barista. Having to learn how to make all sorts of drinks and their computer system took me a while. Actually, I still don’t know how to make too many drinks. They just loved that I was great with conversating with our customers that I was mostly doing that. Which I’m perfectly fine with but it’s definitely not as easy as you might think. Try to have almost the same conversation with like 200 people every day. And that was pretty much it for the remainder of the year. I went back to driving for Doordash after taking some time off for myself. Unfortunately, the problem with Doordashing is that it comes with a cost…

You can make a living by being a Doordash driver. And I won’t tell you that it’s easy, but also that it’s not. The best way to put it, it’s not for everyone. Just like all the different types of jobs within this world. Just about every individual has a job that fits them nicely. Whether or not you like the job, it’s their so you can live, or survive for that matter. The miles do add up, and quickly. Say you put in about 20 hours a week on dashing. Depending on where you live, the miles do vary. And with that, the maintenance needed comes up much sooner. You don’t realize how often you need to get an oil change, possibly tires and your brakes, and yeah, I can go on. This has been my main issue. Without a properly decent running car, it won’t go well for you. I know I’ve had one too many problems with my car this year already, and it hasn’t been easy. I’m just thankful that my brother has been there to get me out of these tough times. Because I’m not sure how I would have to handle some of these situations if I was completely alone. And for that, I am so grateful for him!

Learning The Hard Way

By now I have already let the paranoia take over from my smoking days. I picked up on some things I may have been right about, and some that was wrong, probably. From an old colleague that I believe was preparing to fight me, to thinking some of my closest friends just had it out for me. Sometime after I stopped smoking, I took a real long look at my life. Reflected back on not just the past year, but as far back as I can remember. And without realizing it, I saw myself as a know-it-all. When it comes to so many subjects and topics, I had some knowledge about them. Of course, with that I was almost constantly correcting others or had to put my “ten cents” into perspective. It threw me off that I didn’t know what to do. So, pretty much the next time I was around people, and we would have a conversation, I went back to my old roots that I knew growing up… staying quiet. Unless someone was talking to me specifically about something. Ever since I was a child, I was never too comfortable around a larger crowd or even a small group of people that I would just listen and stay quiet. Learning how everyone acts in their comfort zone. Which is one of the main reasons why I like to consider myself as a lone wolf. Never truly fitting in. But I’m okay with that and don’t mind being by myself. It can be lonely at times but also, it’s quiet and peaceful.

The problem starts when nobody tells you their issue they have with you. But also, let’s hope it’s just one issue and not too many more. I get it! It is extremely difficult to tell someone a problem you have with them that you just cannot say in person unless you’re immediately confronted by it somehow. For those that are able to, good for you. Worst comes to worst, you can always send a text.

You can’t always get something right the first time. With one of my jobs, I have many opportunities talking to customers. For a brief moment, I get to find out how their day is going or maybe seeing what they have planned, and many other options. With some people, I would take the conversation too far down my comfort zone… alright, since you didn’t ask, I told them for some dumb reason, when I see a full moon out, I would howl… yeah, I told them that. Right before they left, I noticed a slight eye roll. That’s when I knew to dial it back a bit. But it’s a learning curve or whatever that phrase is called. I tend to be really good at reading people and their body language, I will notice even the subtleness of signs. Except for when I’m flirting. My mind cannot process that right away. It’s a curse.

However, I am getting better. Every day that I’m given the opportunity, I am working on myself hoping to make people’s day, at least for that moment. But no matter how brief the moment is, if I am able to leave a positive vibe on their mood or can make their day, I know that’s a memory that they can take with them.

Just remember if you’re determined to have a better year, it’s just a calendar. Don’t wait for the year to change. You are given the opportunity. You have the choice. There’s no better time than now.

Hope you have a happy New Year and stay safe!

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What Do YOU Think About… in Life?

The billion-dollar question nobody is asking. As I was sitting there on the toilet doing my business and without my phone, I had a moment to think… like what had happened earlier that day at work. A conversation I had with a colleague of mine, whom I was attracted to (not sure if I used that correctly, the whole “who” “whom” thing).

Anyway, Christmas music was on, we sang a little bit, then I told her how in one of my past lives I was Santa Claus. She told me that was not true which led me to explaining to her that I know when people are being naughty or nice. In turn, she laughs but what surprised me the most, and never expected, she tells me she was Mrs. Claus. And that blew my mind, I was caught off guard. So much was going on in my head, but I had to say something. And by the way, what happened next was not my finest hour (which happens a lot), I said a few words which I can’t remember, but all I know is that it was followed by me laughing the words, “ho, ho, ho!”… and just like that, I ruined the moment, again.

As I tried to recover, it was already too late. The moment had passed, and we just ended up going back to working. But also, when I did finally say something after laughing like Santa it was maybe like 30 seconds later. And when you’re in the moment, 30 seconds can feel like an eternity.

Now that you’re all caught up, let’s fast forward to when I was pooping. When I was sitting there, the thought of what happened at work crossed my mind again. What I think about almost always is what I could have done differently. That and put myself in similar scenarios so I could prepare for a next time that almost never happens. The thing about these moments in life is that most of the time, you only get one.

I couldn’t help but think what was going through her mind; “Does David like me?” “Maybe he’s not interested?” Especially how I reacted to her perfect Mrs. Claus response. As I’m trying to look at this from her perspective, she’s throwing me these vibes that I’m so clueless to figure out. Not right away at least. All I know is that I don’t know. Only what seems to be, and that is she made her move and I failed to see it.

The countless times I play these scenarios in my head for what could be possible is that I want to impress her. The fact that I put so much time and thought into this can only mean that I really care about her. Because I want things to go right, but when it actually plays out, it’s so much better. I just mess it up, terribly! Opportunity can literally come knock on my door, and I’ll be too clueless to figure it out.

Basically, my love life in a nutshell.

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What Makes the Holidays So Stressful?

I’m actually curious about this one. For the most part, I always look forward to the holiday season. As a kid growing up, it was time off from school and during most of my high school years, I would forever be playing Socom II (basically what Call of Duty is to everyone now). An online game when we had to plug in ethernet cables to our PS2s. I could probably go all day down this road of nostalgia, but we’ll continue on.

When adulthood was new to me, I had to maintain a steady job, which took me a while considering my history of working at over 30 different places. But same thing when I was in school, as the holidays near, I was excited for time off. Only this time it was playing Call of Duty and a bunch of Mountain Dew & Doritos for that double XP.

The thing is, I enjoyed going shopping for presents to give to friends and family. I would think back throughout that entire year from what I can remember and correlate anything to buy for each individual. So far, I have yet to craft something with my hands for that special someone or just anyone that I care about so I can tell them that cliché line, “It’s the thought that counts!”

And that’s just it! Taking a little time to yourself to think about the people you would like to get gifts for come the holidays. I understand I guess how it can be stressful when you’re not sure what to get certain people, which then ends up with you getting a bunch of gift cards. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Sometimes you aren’t able to see friends or some family members as often as you would like which brings up uncertainty. And that is perfectly fine!

So, my curiosity is that I would like to know what stresses you out about the holidays. I’ve never done this before, but feel free to drop a comment so I can have a better understanding. Maybe someone close to you passed away around these times. I don’t know, but I really would love to hear from you. Whatever your reasons, be safe, and have a happy holiday season!

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Multiple Personalities: Everyone has it

Throughout not just my working career, but also my life career, I have taken notice of a lot of variations of human behavior. And what that boils down to is the personality of the person. Like what their character shows when they’re out in the public, versus being at home (or anytime they’re alone). Most people that I have met seems to show multiple sides to them. As if they were to have a split personality, are bi-polar, or even have mood swings. From my point-of-view, they are all somewhat one in the same thing (don’t quote me on this). With that, and I hate to say this for myself, is why you can’t please everyone.

From friends, family, colleagues, and even random strangers, you don’t know what to expect. Which is why before you start judging someone when you first greet them (i.e., a customer), and they have a neutral or negative response, don’t think anything of it. They could be having an off day. Take me for example; most days I will always do my best to make people laugh or try to make their day brighter with some positive reinforcement. And then on rare occasions when life just doesn’t seem to be going my way, I will be sad and depressed. I don’t hide my feelings all that much, meaning I’m quite the expressive person. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. It will let people know when something is wrong and it kind of sets their mood a little bit when they don’t see me happy.

The problem with me is that when I see someone like a colleague that is expressing this other personality (good or bad, but mostly bad), I tend to analyze the situation and see what I can do to resolve the issue. Or do what I can to prevent it from happening again. But forgetting that some things are out of my control, and I cannot help those that are going through whatever situation it is they are going through. All I can do is stay out of the way or help out by offering an ear to listen and possibly give advice, but only if they ask or are willing to take it. I’d like to consider myself as an unofficial non-licensed therapist (which is why I should really consider trying freelance on fiverr or something… tell your friends!)

So, what are you supposed to do when it comes to dealing with others that are having off days? Answer is, not much different than what you normally do. Like I said before, if it’s a customer, treat them with kindness and respect. Because for all you know, that could be enough to turn their day around. Don’t try to force yourself into anyone’s problems if they don’t ask for it. The best thing you can do is just offer. Offer your time, listen and pay attention to what they tell you if they need to vent. But for the most part, there really isn’t anything else you can do. The rest is up to them.

We all need saving. It’s just the matter of asking for help.

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(My) Office Romance I

There’s no denying the sexual tension between you and at least one of your colleagues, at least during one point in your working career. I’m sure to any The Office fans out there, or at least have watched enough, you know about Jim and Pam’s relationship. All that tension they had and build up before getting together. A lot of people have fantasized that being them, unless of course you’re married or in any other status. But there’s nothing wrong with looking. We’re human. It’s in our nature to wonder. And then there’s curiosity. If you let that take control of you, then you’ve cheated on your partner. As always, I’m getting beside the point. However, if you are single then curiosity is welcomed. It’s just the matter of having the courage to asking out this individual that makes you feel vulnerable inside. And that’s where I come in…

Work History

Since graduating high school, I spent the next several years working from one job to another, and another. So much so, the number of jobs I’ve had is somewhere over 30. I stopped keeping track when I got to around 25 or so. With some of these jobs however, I did happen to find attraction towards my coworker. Whether or not we worked together or just being in the same building. Like to the point I would turn my head so far over I’ll end up running into something. Time moved a bit slower for me, music playing inside my head, and then I would end up missing out on yet many other opportunities. Mostly because since time slowed down for me while the music is in the background, to everyone else time was moving normally. So, they would just pass on by without even knowing I existed. At least that’s what I figured at the time. I know, I’m aware of how sad that is. But on the other side, these stories do have an ending.

First Job Crush

Let’s take a look at my first official job I started out at. I was 16 and started working at McDonalds. How I got this job, I have no idea, at least at the time. Crushing the interview only to see me in my true nature in the public. Being this quiet, shy, cute (I could go on…) young teenager working in a fast-paced environment. I worked as a cashier, but it was short lived considering 3 weeks was how long I was a McDonald’s employee before getting let go. My boss at the time said I didn’t appear to be motivated enough in the establishment. Which I don’t blame her for that. I knew I wasn’t. Especially being quiet and shy. Times were different for me back then. But during my 3 weeks there, I just so happened to have stumbled upon what I believe, was an angel. She was this stunning blonde with an aura that lit up my eyes working the drive-thru window. The music that was playing in my head at the time was probably Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love to You. I was hardcore into R&B at the time so it’s safe to say I knew all about that baby making music, even though I was still a virgin. But all of that was a never was. Like I mentioned before, I only worked there for 3 weeks so I had no clue if she was single or dating someone. She did ask me something during a time we were slow at work, but I forgot what it was. Thinking about it now, she was probably just trying to make conversation and wanted to get to know me a little better. Unfortunately, never got a chance to find out too much more. It was what felt like another lifetime ago.

When it comes to having your first job, depending on who is raising you, ask them first. Figure out if you’re ready to get out there in the world. Out in the eyes of the public. Although, there are many negatives and cruelty with the public, there are also positives and even enlightenment. You could learn so much from a job, and not just what you learn at home and at school. Just like how I learned about Angels existing right in front of me. Unless my eyes are cheated by some spell. But only 10 or so feet away working the drive-thru.

Stay tuned for part II…

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I Don’t Know How To Talk To Women

Before you start wondering, let me take you on a little journey from my past and put things into perspective. Growing up I wasn’t the greatest by any means when it comes to socializing with people in general. And when it comes to girls (especially if I had a crush on them), I would only know them through school, because they were my classmates. Then as I got older and started working, same thing, the women that were my coworkers I would be introduced by someone training me or if I had any questions. If you took those out of the equation, I would most likely get my confidence talking to them from an old friend, Mr. Liquid Courage himself, alcohol. Breaking the ice was, and still is, one of my biggest weaknesses. Whether I see a beautiful, cute, and/or sexy woman (or whatever adjective you want to use), it’s like I get stage freight. Especially if I want to talk to them. Because the truth is, I want to get to know them. Know their likes, dislikes, what they’re passionate about, have arguments over things that don’t matter. Even accidentally slip out a fart every now and then (let’s hope those aren’t on days I have a protein shake).

Anyway, you get the point I’m making. But what seems to be worse than these is what has happened to me lately. Although, I may only meet some women I find myself attracted to at work, it’s as if someone somewhere out there that I would consider to be of a higher power seems to take them away from me. On two occasions both women that I like ended up moving away. And not like down the street away, but to a completely different state. This not long after having a connection with them. But only for a moment I thought I might have been the reason why. The thing is I haven’t tried to make a move, do or say anything to make them feel awkward. They’re my coworker and that would change everything the next time I see them. Or what if it’s because I didn’t make a move? I’m sure that can’t be it. But I digress. Whatever the situation, I’m still alone which can be lonely sometimes. Not to say that I don’t like being by myself but there are times when I really would like to have the comfort of a woman with me. For all I know they could bring me one step closer to achieving my goals and dreams. The motivation that I hate to admit, lack more often than I would like. The drive that gets me out of bed every morning to take on the day with high hopes! But… it looks like I’ll have to do this on my own. I just have to be patient a little longer. I’m sure soon I will be able to find myself much closer to happiness.

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Human Connection

It’s missing! Well, maybe not entirely. But it does feel like we’re losing it. Other than your colleagues, close friends you made growing up, or your family (which all may seem like a lot but), we don’t really put ourselves out there anymore. It’s the reason why some movie theaters shut down, places like Blockbuster closing, and the slowly dying mall with what used to have an arcade. All because we can do it within the palm of our hands. Buying clothes and accessories, or streaming movies and shows, it’s causing us to lose that human connection with the rest of society. So, how do we fix it? That may not be the right question to ask. Maybe some people prefer it that way. And for others, if they wonder what they could do to connect with the rest of the world, try going out. Instead of ordering your groceries and just pulling up to the parking spot, you could get out of your vehicle and do the shopping yourself. Also, instead of buying clothes online… there’s the mall! Want to meet like-minded people who also likes to workout at the gym? You could get a membership and maybe not have to workout alone at home. And who knows, maybe you might meet a potential mate. Or your next I Love You, Man friend you can call Brohemian Rhapsody. Just whatever floats your boat, I’ll motor it!

If we were to take it a step further; so you’re doing a little grocery shopping, head to a checkout lane with a cashier. You have an opportunity to make a conversation, other than when you’re only there to buy alcohol. If nobody you know wants to go see a movie you like, and if you haven’t already done so, go by yourself. It could be really soothing. You’re not at home on the couch like normal, you get that movie theater experience with the sounds and big screen. And as long as you have shares in AMC, you can get free popcorn or something (this last information may not be correct). Then there’s being at the gym. This one is a little trickier for me. Trying to strike up a conversation with people who are there to work on their bodies for a healthier lifestyle may be very difficult. I always feel uncertain if I would be bothering them. Then I’ll have hindsight kicking in telling me there was a chance. Like when I would bump into this young woman near the abs & stretching area, and again on the other side of the gym at the water fountain. She told me, “I swear I’m not trying to follow you.” As far as I know, she may have gone out of her way in hopes that a conversation happens, or maybe it was nothing. And what did you think my response was? I just chuckled a bit and gave her the, “no worries, you’re fine.” and walked straight into the locker room like the idiot I was. The bad ass thing to say would have been, “Well I was kind of counting on it.” Which was definitely something I thought about saying if I ever found myself in a similar situation… so far nothing. That which led me to going about my day like it was any other day. And that’s a taste of my human connection. Maybe it’s time to start exploring and possibly see what amazing adventures is yet to come in your journey. So, what are you waiting for?

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