The Right Title

When you’re making up your own story, which can be for a book, movie, or even a blog post, it’s never easy. Sometimes it can be a cinch, but lately for me, it’s been a struggle. No matter how simple or complex the story, I put in the research so I can make it right. The less voids/holes in the plot the better. Of course, it’s not going to be perfect.

However, once I have an idea of the story I’m going for and a little research later, I find myself going further down this sort of rabbit hole of a title. Could be simple or catchy, but I also want to make sure it isn’t copying anyone else’s which I find incredibly difficult (just because I don’t know how the world of copyright works and that it’s everywhere no matter what you do). And by this time, it’s almost impossible to come up with your own title that’s an original, unless of course you make up your own words. Like putting two words together, and somehow unfortunately for me, some made-up words I’ve looked up were also taken. Now I’m at a crossroad. But at this point, I think I’ve just accepted no matter what I decide to make my stories title, it’s my story, and no one else’s.

And that’s currently the story of my life lately…

I’m not a player, I just crush a lot

Unless you work from home and see nobody but maybe your pets, you’re going to have a colleague you become attracted to. Also, not to get things mixed up with having a thing for your pets. Uhh, anyway, could be right away or maybe it takes a little time first. Then again, attraction is one thing but developing a crush is another. If you asked me about all my work crushes, I would be a wh*re… without pay. In the many jobs I’ve had… and current, there’s been one or multiple for each job where I find myself crushing over someone. But the longer you work at one place, the more crushes you will find yourself having. At least, that’s with my situation.

Barista

Let’s take my current job for example, especially while my memories fresh! But for me, I have two jobs so we’ll start with the first. Been working as a barista now for three years and I love it! The vibe is great, customers are wonderful (for the most part), and my colleagues are just incredible. I will say, I do work with mostly women, in both my jobs actually, which explains the many love interests I have. But honestly, when I first started working here, I felt like my teenage self again back in high school. Everyone just so beautiful and me, just this quiet kid hoping not to make a fool of himself. I was mostly known, and still am to this day as having these one liners that makes everyone laugh. It really did take me a while to be a little more open just because everyone else seemed like they just connected with each other so easily, all while I’m just observing and taking it all in. It was a fast working environment as well, so I did my best just to try and keep up. Some things took me a lot longer to figure out, but other things were just natural.

Of course, during my time learning something new like this, there’s no denying I started catching feelings in the process. One individual (I won’t name names this time), just had something different about her. Something new that I had yet to experience. As always though, there was “the look” that you just have with certain people and it’s more than enough to put a smile on your face. With that, she almost knew what I was thinking half the time. On multiple occasions, she actually finished some of my sentences. And on top of that, this one time around the holidays, we were both randomly singing the same Christmas song. Once we caught ourselves singing when we crossed paths, our eyes locked for a moment… right before we went back to work. The best way to describe, whatever this was between us, was the chemistry we shared.

Unfortunately, despite all the chemistry, we also had different religious views. Me personally, I just like to consider myself spiritual (something I talked about from a recent post). She on the other hand was very religious and was only interested in someone that was the same. Even with that, I still had this feeling she felt a certain way towards me. But hey, I’m not going to judge someone just because they have specific standards in a partner of what they’re looking for. We all have them. It’s just too bad because of our chemistry and only for it to be disregarded by this one particular thing. That’s okay though because life goes on, and you got to keep moving forward.

Nurses

Right around the time I had accepted it wasn’t going to work between this other barista I really liked… and also, because she was leaving this job to move in with one of her siblings out of state (no, I had nothing to do with it. I promise), I came across a second job working at the hospital. I wasn’t a nurse or anything, just because a. I never considered it an option and b… well, I guess that’s just it. I thought I had more. But my primary role here would be to help out the nurses with any non-medical needs and tasks. A completely new program that I got to be a part of the new pilot. With me like pretty much every new job I start, I like to observe as much as I can so I could understand what my role would be and get a feel for the vibe. Whatever the energy is, I’ll try to match it. At least when it comes to the work itself. Again, being in the hospital setting there are not just female nurses, but doctors, secretaries, physicians, and many more. As I always tell myself being somewhere new, “David… be on your best behavior. But also, don’t be afraid to crack a few jokes every now and then.” Just to keep everyone on their toes. That and to see who’s actually paying attention to me.

Like this one time I was talking to one of the nurses about why my eye was itchy. For a moment, I really thought I had gotten pink eye from the night before. Well, it was more or less from when I was sleeping in the middle of the night. I was really gassy and every time I would wake up, I let out a fart. It was this on top of my fan blowing towards me with the gas, so I’m soaking in my own stench and whoo! It was quite pungent. Hence, the reason I thought I had pink eye. Also, I really liked working at the hospital because yes, I help out whenever I’m needed or anything I can do to alleviate the workload from the nursing staff and anyone else in the department. But if I feel like I’m having issues with myself, I’m getting a free diagnosis… in a manner of speaking. Or rather a consult.

Anyway, it wasn’t long after I started this new role where I found myself wandering towards the beauty of the staff. Knowing that I am in a work environment, I still know to keep things professional. But there was this nurse that just stood out to me, where she had this aura of lust. And something almost immediately told me that she was special. Throughout the year that I was working there, I could just hear her voice and how she was with patients. She had such an amazing and positive energy. And her laugh, wow! I mean, it was so affectionate. With all that being said, whenever the two of us would bump into each other, I would strike up a casual conversation just to be able to get to know her more on a personal level. And there were also times when she would ask me personal questions as well. Even though we would maybe see each other once a week, sometimes if I’m lucky enough, I get to have these little conversations with her. Despite the short amount of time we do talk, it’s still a moment that we got to share with one another. And that alone just made my day so much brighter.

Sadly, so many good things tend to be almost temporary. My work there changed so much. At one point, I was only helping out on the weekends considering my other job I had. Then, another moment I had switched over to weekdays with an opportunity that only lasted so many months before it was gone. But not only that, this nurse that I was so into ended up switching to another department and rarely do I ever see her again.

Something that I wanted to add to why nothing ever came to fruition with these two individuals, is because we worked together, and I just couldn’t do that. Like I mentioned earlier, I do keep things professional. Almost like dating in the workplace is not allowed. But I see so many people do it all the time… which is just my excuse.

Truth is… and I’m sure you already know this, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what might happen if things don’t workout or if I get turned down. What that will do to our work relationship and how it might affect things. Could I stay professional after the fact? I’m not sure, but people meet their lovers so often from work. Maybe it’s time I change it up. I mean, why not? There’s this scene from Ratatouille between Remy and his father when he shows Remy the dead rats. His dad mentioned to him that the future is only more of this, and that you can’t change nature. Remy refused to believe that and told him, “Change is nature. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide.” And where I’m getting at with this is, well, if you’ve followed along the journey throughout my love life, you’ll know I haven’t really made a whole lot of changes. So, when I choose to make that change, then we could finally have a plot in this story of my love life. Let’s find out!

How Saying Yes Changed My Spiritual Journey

Not so long ago, right after Thanksgiving day, I was approached at home by a couple of sisters from the missionary. My nephew was the one that originally answered the door but started saying some silly things which led me to intervene. I was curious, so I introduced myself. They were incredibly nice and asked me where I stand on religion.

Despite my family being Buddhist and when I was much younger, I do remember a friend of my parents offered to take us to church but I was too young to really understand and retain any memory of it. As I got older, I never really saw myself leaning towards any religion. I just did my own thing really and believed in whatever I suppose I wanted to believe in… and of course, that means Santa Claus! Even if he doesn’t believe in me.

So, when I told the sisters I didn’t have any belief, they asked if I was at least spiritual, which I most definitely am. They were more than happy to hear that. Considering Christianity is incredibly broad with many different denominations, they were Mormon, and asked if I was okay with them reading a scripture from the bible. How could I say no? This ended up leading to where they asked for my number and then offered me the book of Mormon, and that eventually led to me being invited to a Christmas party and going to church the Sunday before Christmas. With all this, I also ended up learning quite a bit about the religion.

But why did I agree to any of this in the first place?

As we started approaching the new year, about a week or two prior to the sister missionaries knocking on the door, I was rewatching the movie Yes Man from anywhere to about the tenth to fifteenth time. Overall, in my opinion, it was a great movie with how simple, easygoing, and of course, because it’s Jim Carrey, its’ comedy and his perspective on showcasing two different types of people in one.

But one thing stood out the most to me about this film: its’ relatability. This most recent time that I watched it, something triggered in me that got me reflecting on my past. The countless times I would have friends and family invite me to whatever it would be that they were doing, I would come up with an excuse not to go, causing me to miss out on so many opportunities in my life. And who knows where that would have taken me to this day.

The reason I feel that I am this way often could be because I like sticking to what I’m comfortable with. Getting out of my comfort zone does raise my anxiety and then I start to feel awkward in my surroundings. I am a bit of a homebody.

So, I took a chance and said yes.

On a weekly basis, I met up with the sisters to learn more about the book of Mormon. Now, other than my reasoning to saying yes, in these last few years alone, I became obsessed with learning. Because there’s so much out there in this world alone, it would be a waste to stay couped up in only so many places. That’s why I had to break out of that.

Being older and wiser (sort of), I wanted to understand more about this religion. So, I took it upon myself to be educated by the sisters. I was very much intrigued, although, when I was asked if I knew anything at all about the book of Mormon, my mind went straight to South Park. I didn’t tell them that. Just let them know that I have heard of it. And from there, the education began and the rest was history, as they say.

Something that I missed way back when, when I was still going to classes in grade school, was that feeling of wanting to learn. My much much underdeveloped mind at the time just wanted to make friends and hangout with them as often as I could. And even that was difficult for me. Especially when you’re typically the quiet kid in school. I couldn’t tell ya how I was able to make the friends I did, but hey, it happened and we all got to hangout as much as we could. It did lead me to constantly waiting to do my homework at the last moment before being due. But I’ll always be grateful for the friends that I made and the memories we shared.

The thing is, you don’t have to say yes to everything. As per the movie. But it’s there to just give you that kick start that you may need to the possibility of something wonderful. And if you don’t want to, you could always just say no instead of making an excuse not to. For me, I’m just getting started and already I got to have this story to tell if I didn’t. Do what feels right in your heart… or gut… or wherever. Whichever you prefer. You got this!

The Stress of Moving Out

It never really occurred to me why moving out can be so stressful… until now. One too many times I still find myself moving from place to place not thinking when will this temporary living situation be a bit more permanent. It’s been over 10 years now since I left home to what I would say be on my own, except I wasn’t for the most part. I at least had a roommate for most of that time. Only in the past few years was I officially on my own and sadly enough, I kept the empty boxes and added on to those boxes. Nothing has really ever felt like home since moving out. The older I get, the more responsibilities I seem to have and that time to enjoy life just kept getting smaller and smaller. Work from one of my previous employers burnt me out where I spent the next couple of years doing absolutely nothing. And now the time has come where I’m packing my things once again…

The reason for my move this time, and this is not an easy thing to say… but it’s money. If living paycheck to paycheck wasn’t bad enough, I had to deal with car problems on top of that. It was the latest issue that sealed the deal in my moving. Even though life hasn’t quite gone my way lately, I’m not mad about it. The way I see it, this is a new chapter in my life. Sometimes you have to take that step back before soaring forward through the skies (I know, that was a bit cheesy).

What makes this stressful is how even after I had to give my 30 days’ notice that I’m leaving my apartment, I still find myself not taking action. Hardly anything has been packed up and my 30 days are almost up. And I’m starting to feel it. But maybe it’s just because I’m tired of doing this so often, and so many times. And just like every other time, I do have items I tend to sell and donate.

This move will be quite painful for me. I may have to leave one of the jobs I work at, and I really do love it. I love the people I work with, and it’s been such a joy. You know you have it well when work doesn’t feel like work. And unless I’m willing to commute almost an hour just for a part-time job, I don’t know if that’s worth it. Especially with my car running the way it has been. Well, whatever I decide to do, no matter what happens, I will look at this as a new chapter in my journey. Life may not be easy, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get to live it!

Distractions

Even though you’re in the zone, you can still be thrown off by exactly that… distractions. Life’s biggest issue. Distractions plain and simple, throw us off. They take us off our groove. Our vibe. An idea that has the potential to be something brilliant, can easily be washed away by such a simple distraction. At this point, I’m sure you already catch my drift.

I had an idea that came to me and wanted to share it with whomever. Unfortunately, I was bothered and lost my train of thought which derailed my entire universe. And if that could not get any worse, what else is there?

Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to living alone in an apartment, you have mainly two things: independence and neighbors on the other side of the wall. But from my experience, it’s almost like you’re not living alone, not by yourself. Your neighbors can be incredibly distracting, but you have to do what you can. Distractions are just a part of life. Which is why I know that if someday I can make it and get my own place without walls that have random strangers on the other side of it, I know that I… made it. And that’s what matters to me.

Make the most of what you have to work with. No matter what surrounds you. Life is going to be exactly just that. It will distract you; it will frustrate you, but in the end… life cares about you. Forget the negativity and the bad. Those are distractions that you need to put aside to what really matters. You are the best thing life has given you and it wants you to blossom into something beautiful. Cherish it. Don’t ever take life for granted. As Christina Aguilera has said, “you are beautiful, no matter what they say.” And I stand by that whole heartedly.

Honesty Goes a Long Ways

So, I met this woman who was sitting across the bar from me one night. She couldn’t take her eyes off of me. I know that look when I see it and wanted to find out more. As curiosity crossed my mind, I went over to introduce myself. And after getting to know each other, with a few drinks later, we went back to her place. Just because my place is a mess and I’m not proud of myself. It’s okay though, it’s probably just my depression. Anyway, back to my story. We’re back at her place and continued our conversation with a night cap. I got a little too comfortable where a fart slipped out. As embarrassed as I was, she didn’t seem to mind. Just giggled. Shortly after the smell went away, we hooked up.

Here’s the thing: the story I told, was a lie. And now you’re probably disappointed with me. But that’s okay (maybe), because I’ve had to deal with that one too many times. If you have friends that do this to you often, it makes it difficult to care what they tell you considering you don’t know if you want to believe what they have to say or what stories they tell. So, why bother?

The story that I told, still holds a lot of truth behind it. Apart from going back to the woman’s place that I mentioned, and thus leading to me manifesting the fart part, this was a really short story. Besides giving you a detailed description of my messy apartment, I was just drinking at a bar. So, what actually happened was…

“I was having a drink at the bar and noticed this woman across from me. She gave me this look. I like to call it the look of desire. So, I went over to introduce myself and as we got to know a little bit about each other, my night ended with me going home alone.”

The moral of the story is that I don’t have a clue how to close. I guess it’s just something that I never got over. Always afraid of rejection and lacking the courage to do so. However, I do enjoy conversating with people, especially if it’s a small group or a one-on-one situation. It just feels more personal.

I like to consider myself a people pleaser. I know it may not sound like a good thing, but it’s not all bad though. Just want to shine a little light onto people no matter what kind of day they are having. This whole thing is really about understanding where people are coming from. We all have a way about us that makes us do or say things that can be good or bad. But telling the truth is better than building up one lie after another. And if you want to keep certain things to yourself, by all means. Everyone should be entitled to their privacy. What you want to share is up to you.

Who Had the Biggest Impact on the Person You Have Become?

It didn’t take me long to come up with a decision on this. And the more thought I put into it, the more it became clearer. I chose my brother.

What the power of an older sibling brings to the table is inspiration. If you’re together often and find yourself in so many situations, they are there to show you without really explaining it how to handle them. Good or bad, you always find something to take away from it.

Speaking of good and bad, my brother and I used to fight a lot back in the day. And when I say fight, I don’t actually mean physically. We only wrestled during commercial break while watching WWE/WCW to pass the time. But we would have many arguments about the littlest things. Always trying to prove each other wrong. I want to say to this day that’s why we both can be pretty blunt. I try to think more now before opening my mouth, but sometimes I can’t help it. Which is why, too often, I don’t say anything when I’m around a group of people.

With that being said, there’s so many great things I got from this. We always enjoyed watching movies, TV shows and many different sports, along with playing them, while a lot of what we watched were comedy. But this wasn’t just between us. It was with the rest of the family as well. To this day, both my brother and I would still find ourselves doing movie quotes as a form of conversation. We really do have quite the memory.

Sure, it’s true that anyone can shape you to the person you are today. Friends, family, colleagues, and even random strangers. Maybe it’s just me, but I try to learn from my interactions with everyone. At least the ones that make an impact enough to make me think. The way I look at life; you can never stop learning. Because you know there’s always room for improvement. Don’t be afraid to take down that stubborn wall, or you just might miss out on the wonderful things life has to offer.

Unlikely Superhero

Tonight’s the night… but so is every night. The people in this city grow weary from the constant battle. Why did these powers have to come to me? What did I do to deserve this? But it’s my legacy now…” Our hero himself struggles to rest from saving people one after another. Unfortunately, on this particular night, it’s a 2 for 1 deal at the buffet and sadly, people can’t stop stuffing their faces and grow incredibly constipated afterwards. The hero we deserve, but not the one we need… Constipation Man!

A superhero that helps people poop. By just placing his hand on their stomachs, he can alleviate their cramps. It’s just recommended that they be near a toilet. The people of his city are extremely grateful. It’s not often you can literally be relieved of your duties. But that doesn’t make it easy for our fine hero. Not only is he always on duty, but he can’t fly or travel faster than the speed of light or anything like that. If you’re within a certain range, he can sense it.

He does live quite a sad and lonely life, though. When he first acquired his powers, it was at an unfortunate time. He was on a date with someone and as they were making out, he gently had his hand on her stomach which triggered her to have to go. So, she had to make up an excuse to end the date earlier than expected. This would go on for some time and our hero was completely unaware of the situation. He just thought there was something wrong with him so in a way, he gave up on love.

So, that’s our hero’s life and he has accepted his fate. Saving the constipated because they forget to consume enough fiber in their diets. That and the lack of water to help break down the solids, probably. Just remember to not only kids, but adults as well, eat your green vegetables! Your stomach will thank you.

– From your friendly neighborhood, Constipation Man

LIFE is One Misunderstanding

So, here we are again. You’re out on a Friday night, whether on a date, with friends, or family. For the most part, everything seems to be going really well. Everyone is having a good time until you make a response to something someone said. From that point on, the mood changes a bit. Now you start to overthink what you may have said at the point you felt the vibe changing. It can be subtle, so you just have to use instinct on this one. As you’re thinking to yourself while you analyze step-by-step all that happened. Is it too late? Why not say something? Or is it that you waited too long where the moment has passed?

For most people, a lot of our conversations with each other are harmless and friendly. Of course, we don’t mean to have bad intentions. Unless deep down you genuinely don’t like this particular individual. But chances are, they might feel the same way about you. You both might have a mutual friend that you don’t want to displease so in a way, you are almost just putting up with each other. That sounds incredibly unhealthy. And you both don’t want to confront one another about it either.

Anyway, the point of this is that we’re not being as honest as we should. Whether or not you are friends, family, or even with your significant other. When something is said that puts you out of your comfort zone or at ease, instead of saying something, you wind up keeping it inside. Or you wait to tell someone else about it later. For all we know, the person that said this specific thing you did not enjoy could very well be unaware of it. So, this whole time they may have no idea you resent them, or are holding a grudge against them, and they’ll never know why.

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m not big on confrontation. So, I try to avoid saying things that would hit a nerve with others. I also believe that I’m good at reading body languages so I have to use that to see for myself if what I might have said rubbed off the wrong way on people. It is so stressful sometimes trying to please people, especially if you’re out of your comfort zone. To those out there that are uncomfortable saying something in person to someone, I’m sure a simple text would do just fine. It at least gets your point across, so people know how you feel. And if they don’t care, then there’s no point to keep them around in your life.

To reiterate, whatever is being said isn’t necessarily that exact meaning. If you’re ever uncertain, just ask. It’s always good to get a better understanding of what someone said than to take things out of proportion that might not even be true. Who knows, that alone could help build a stronger relationship. I hope this helps.

The Untold Story: Perspective

Let’s talk about people. Like our personalities, tendencies, and of course, perspectives. How every little thing that make us who we are shows how we perceive life. Some of us are caring and constantly thinking about others and their wellbeing, while others only care for themselves and will do what’s best for them, even if that means getting ahead or because they need the win, or heck, maybe they just can’t put aside their egos. Join me as we explore the minds of what makes us as individuals, who we are.

The Problem

Now, this is from my point of view. And from my experience, it’s that there are too many people in this world that are just unaware. Unaware of a lot of situations they find themselves in. A great example is how they typically only see things in black and white. Completely forgetting that there are 50 shades of grey. The thing is if you see people that are like this, they tend to believe that everything they say or how they feel is right. It’s unfortunate because it almost feels like anything you tell them they won’t believe you. So, how do you open up their minds to not be so… stubborn? Maybe you don’t. Not because you shouldn’t, but because maybe you can’t. Some people can be so far gone it’s almost impossible to change their perspective. So why bother changing it anyway?

My Story

I was in a situation that looking back on it now, was toxic. A friendship that scarred me possibly for life. Of course, being that I like to spread my joy and positivity around, there were plenty of good memories. But with that came a lot of bad ones. I guess you could say in this relationship I looked up to the person as someone who influenced my life. Back when I was much younger, I had many friends and old colleagues trying to explain to me the situation I was in. Like being teased, but more or less, being made fun of, in front of his friends. I had no idea I was being manipulated and controlled considering the many good things that had happened with us. Unfortunately, I failed to see it so much later in life. Eventually, sometime later, I finally was well aware of my relationship with this individual and ended the friendship. Did not care that it was formal or not, it just needed to end. But that scarring that it left me gave me tendencies from him that rubbed off on me. Before realizing what I became after this, I was doing similar things to people I cared about and that left our relationship vulnerable. It was only until recently that I noticed this about myself that I made changes (hopefully it’s not too late). Best way to put it, like Taylor Swift said, I’m the anti-hero.

Perspective

I believe what it comes down to is it shouldn’t matter who’s right or wrong, everyone has their own story. I personally love knowing what plays out from anyone’s point of view. First of all, it’s eye opening so you have a better understanding from someone else’s perspective. They are the narrative. So long as the story adds up. But also, everyone has a past. From how they were raised and all the people and things they were surrounded by growing up played a role in their lives. Every little detail that makes us all unique in our own different ways. That’s how we look at life. All the good and bad choices that were made, all the lessons learned along the way (assuming you learned from it). Just know that whether you’ve known someone to what feels like your whole life, or a random stranger, you’ll never know the whole story behind their history. You should never judge them or disrespect them. Be kind. But also, pay attention. Not everyone has good intentions, but the one’s that do… treat them well.