Honesty Goes a Long Ways

So, I met this woman who was sitting across the bar from me one night. She couldn’t take her eyes off of me. I know that look when I see it and wanted to find out more. As curiosity crossed my mind, I went over to introduce myself. And after getting to know each other, with a few drinks later, we went back to her place. Just because my place is a mess and I’m not proud of myself. It’s okay though, it’s probably just my depression. Anyway, back to my story. We’re back at her place and continued our conversation with a night cap. I got a little too comfortable where a fart slipped out. As embarrassed as I was, she didn’t seem to mind. Just giggled. Shortly after the smell went away, we hooked up.

Here’s the thing: the story I told, was a lie. And now you’re probably disappointed with me. But that’s okay (maybe), because I’ve had to deal with that one too many times. If you have friends that do this to you often, it makes it difficult to care what they tell you considering you don’t know if you want to believe what they have to say or what stories they tell. So, why bother?

The story that I told, still holds a lot of truth behind it. Apart from going back to the woman’s place that I mentioned, and thus leading to me manifesting the fart part, this was a really short story. Besides giving you a detailed description of my messy apartment, I was just drinking at a bar. So, what actually happened was…

“I was having a drink at the bar and noticed this woman across from me. She gave me this look. I like to call it the look of desire. So, I went over to introduce myself and as we got to know a little bit about each other, my night ended with me going home alone.”

The moral of the story is that I don’t have a clue how to close. I guess it’s just something that I never got over. Always afraid of rejection and lacking the courage to do so. However, I do enjoy conversating with people, especially if it’s a small group or a one-on-one situation. It just feels more personal.

I like to consider myself a people pleaser. I know it may not sound like a good thing, but it’s not all bad though. Just want to shine a little light onto people no matter what kind of day they are having. This whole thing is really about understanding where people are coming from. We all have a way about us that makes us do or say things that can be good or bad. But telling the truth is better than building up one lie after another. And if you want to keep certain things to yourself, by all means. Everyone should be entitled to their privacy. What you want to share is up to you.

My Current Status

It has definitely been a while since I last posted and for that, to anyone, I’m sorry. In the past few months I’ve gone through quite a lot emotionally and mentally. From trying to cope with my family issues, to getting a second part-time job and going on my first date since the start of Covid(to name a few). I consider this one crazy roller coaster of a life just recently. This isn’t going to be anything like my other random posts. And for that, you have been informed.

Family

Look, don’t get me wrong, I love my family to death. Even if I don’t show it. But then again, my entire family doesn’t really show love either. At least not in a way most families do. Like what you see in the movies or TV shows. Maybe it’s just how we were raised, but the best way to put it like my Aunt’s boyfriend once said to us many years back, “I’ve never met a family so ununited.” He’s not wrong. We hardly speak to each other about our issues or how we are emotionally. Most of how I deal with life was through television, and how everyone in it got through their problems. Never worked out so well for me considering my situations were mostly different and I always felt like I had nobody to talk to. I know there’s plenty more I’d like to say on this subject but let’s just move on. So long story short, I’m on my own and hardly see my family anymore. Mostly only see them during the holidays. I show my love for them from a distance.

My New Job

So I started my second job just over a month now as a Host in the restaurant business. Something new I’m trying since I consider myself to be a “people person.” If I’m being honest, I thought at this point in my life I may have gotten a lot more blog posts up on the internet and would get noticed enough to not have to work any jobs and do what I enjoy doing. And one of those would include writing. Which brings me here, the work is easy and for the most part my coworkers are pretty cool. I have found a liking to a few of my coworkers which makes the work day, or night, much easier. Although, there is one individual I am not too fond of. After only working with him just a handful of times, I’m already picking up on his behavior towards me that gives off a negative vibe. I won’t go into details of what that is. Just needed to get that off my chest.

First Date Post-Covid

One of the good things about working at the restaurant was that get to meet people or guests as we call them. After just briefly noticing this individual, we went out on a date. And I have to admit that I was a little nervous, which I did tell her so she wouldn’t get any awkward vibes. It went really well. We went to a distillery because the original plan was this Fall Fest that was going on downtown was canceled due to the rain. I didn’t expect us to talk for as long as we did, so long in fact, that the distillery closed and we ended up continuing our conversation afterwards. But before that, something magical happened. As my date went to use the restroom, and there were only a handful of people left inside, Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” came on and I couldn’t help myself and started singing with it. A few other people sang with me and we all knew… this was going to be a moment. My date did catch the second half of my performance.

My Current Status

Family will be family and I’ll love them all unconditionally. No matter what happens. And as for my new job, people will be people. As in haters are going to hate and lovers… will love. That’s what makes us all unique as individuals. The people make the job experience. Whether you want to stay because of them or quit because of them. And for my first date in a long while, it went a lot better than I expected. Just some of the beauties of taking a chance on someone. So much so, your coworkers will ask about it!

As for me, life can be pretty difficult to deal with. Some things are hard not to think about, especially the negatives. But I’m very fortunate to have people that care about me and my well being so it does make it easier to talk about. The progress is slow but I am healing nonetheless. Until next time…