Tag: relationship

The Biggest Lesson I Learned from My First Job

Because I was only 16 when I first started working, mistakes were common but learning lessons was rare. Now, to be clear, I’m not just referring to my jobs. It’s my life altogether. As we stick to the working portion, one thing I know for sure when it comes to retail is you have to have good customer service skills. Other traits and your personality are more of a bonus to have when it comes to making conversation and having a connection.

Going back to my first job, McDonald’s. I’m not exactly sure how I was able to ace my interview but I did. My boss who interviewed me was amazed with my answers, but when it came to the job itself, there was so much to take in being in a fast-paced environment. For the most part, all I had to do was run the register, taking customer orders and greet them with a smile, which I did. However, there was a lack of motivation in my speech and how I was speaking to customers. How I know that: it was what my boss told me when she was letting me go. And unlike what we see in movies and television (at least from my experience), I was never told the words, “you’re fired.” It was almost always, “… we have to let you go” or “do better next time, stupid!” … okay, that last one was made up. But maybe a little transparency isn’t such a bad thing.

I personally prefer honesty, because that gives me insight on what I need to work on. Hence, the transparency. Having constructive criticism on our work is a good thing, but we cannot forget the how of it all. Like how to deliver the message to those so they can understand it and make the necessary adjustments needed to perform better at their jobs. Like I said before, it’s not just with our jobs, career, but with life.

Depending on your relationship and how you are with others, it’s easy to do or say something that could be taken out of context by someone else, just by saying the wrong thing… even if it’s not. That’s why I believe a huge part of conflict comes from misunderstandings. And how we react to it is mainly just our personality and lifestyle. These are the effects of life choices.

The choices we make determine how people perceive us, even if it’s one thing that doesn’t really define us. Unfortunately though, people are also quick to judge. But that’s also what makes us human. Whether it’s being bold in the moment or just trying something new, which I do quite often. And the end result: there are both rewards and consequences. For me, a good chunk of the reward is entertaining people like making them laugh. Then there’s the consequences…

As it may seem like I have this huge list of consequences, I’m pretty sure the positive outcome/rewards are about even, if not more. Like my constant battle with choosing to stay up late and almost every time waking up tired and unmotivated. Again, it’s all choice. The choice we make that has its’ consequences, has its’ rewards, all lead to the potential of having misunderstandings to conflict, and that gives us our personality.

My biggest takeaway from learning that I lacked motivation from my first job made me understood, knowing what I know now, who I was at that moment in my life. Quiet, in my shell and has yet to find my voice in the world. In public, I’m as shy as it gets, which makes it easier for people to take advantage of me, and have. Despite that, when I’m in my comfortable surrounding, I am quite expressive. Being around a smaller group of people or with one other person, I can just have a conversation with nothing held back. And that’s trust. Probably the reason why my inner circle was so small considering my life experiences. I put a lot of trust in people and there were times it backfired, but other times, it was incredibly rewarding.

So, no matter how long it takes you, if you haven’t already, take a moment to yourself to reflect on your life. Whether it hurt you or pleased you, just know, it’s a part of your life and your own. The outcome is what you make of it!

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What Rejection Feels Like

If this is not your first rodeo, then you already know. But that does not mean it doesn’t hurt. When you imagine both the positive and negative outcome but yet still surprised when it actually happens. That’s because expectations never really play out the way reality wants it to. This is where you prepare yourself to what you know best; your sad music playlist, comfort food or whatever helps get you through your grieving process. At least that’s how I cope with rejection.

It really is a process. Because I’m so used to it, I already prepare myself ahead of time if/when I get turned down. Of course, I’m referring to when I like someone I’m attracted to. It’s a part of my life. Most of the time I don’t even bother pursuing. And to add to the music playlist that I made specifically for this occasion, I do get myself a bottle of whiskey and find something to distract myself, so it doesn’t hurt as much. Sometimes watching a movie or playing video games help occupy my mind, but sadly when I do finish up, I’m right back to where I was.

This most recent time I did try a different approach. First and foremost, I’m not a player, I just crush a lot. And in this particular situation, I happen to like several women that I find myself somewhat close to. A couple of them I actually work with. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing considering I don’t really use dating apps and don’t get to meet people outside of work too often. Literally just looks and smiles when I’m grocery shopping. So, to get to my point, you do have more of a tendency getting to know the people you work with, which brings me to wondering why it’s such a bad thing dating your coworkers.

Business/Pleasure, I get it. Don’t get involved but what if you’re an introvert that doesn’t see too many people to begin with? At work, you build a connection with your colleagues. Some more than others. Yet the most difficult thing you have to deal with is how it might affect your relationship at work when you choose to make the move. I mean, where I work I suppose I could transfer to another store considering I work at a chain corporation? But that’s a hassle. I like where I work and I love the people I work with. But lately, I’ve been watching The Office and maybe I should just do it and put myself out there like Jim and Pam’s situation.

I wrote a letter, well, technically it’s more like a love poem. I wanted to be romantic and have the words rhyme, and it was only a short period of time I wrote this after talking to my work crush. We got into a conversation about how people don’t really write letters to each other anymore, and I wanted to change that. So, we agreed to write each other letters but I wanted it to be more meaningful and chose to open up my affectionate side. The thing is, sometimes we only work together maybe once a week, so I really tried to make the most of our time together. I really do go above and beyond trying to impress her but half the time I’m stuttering and stumbling over my words. Which is something I wrote in my so-called poem.

The thing is, to me at least, it really feels like a 50 First Dates situation. Every day I see her, I feel like I have to start from the beginning to try to impress her. To get her to like me. At least that’s how I look at it. It’s not easy, let me tell you. What doesn’t help is, even though at times my words can be… what some will say enchanting, I will still freeze and have nothing. I’ve been told by several of my colleagues that, I’m ‘rizzing’ with some of our customers, yet to this day, I don’t even know what that means. They tell me some of the customers I talk to are flirting with me yet I’m clueless because I’m just trying to make conversation. And let me tell you, if what I experienced was flirting then it has definitely changed over the past decade.

Flirting or not, if you are I would really appreciate it if you made it obvious to me. I really am clueless if you’re being subtle. And to get back to my point, rejection hurts. But at this point in my life, I have gotten better. I used to listen to what I consider sad songs, but now I’ve gone back to my early past and started revisiting those slow/R&B love songs that expresses my true feelings. I’m a hopeless romantic. And I will tell you more about that… on the next one.

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LIFE is One Misunderstanding

So, here we are again. You’re out on a Friday night, whether on a date, with friends, or family. For the most part, everything seems to be going really well. Everyone is having a good time until you make a response to something someone said. From that point on, the mood changes a bit. Now you start to overthink what you may have said at the point you felt the vibe changing. It can be subtle, so you just have to use instinct on this one. As you’re thinking to yourself while you analyze step-by-step all that happened. Is it too late? Why not say something? Or is it that you waited too long where the moment has passed?

For most people, a lot of our conversations with each other are harmless and friendly. Of course, we don’t mean to have bad intentions. Unless deep down you genuinely don’t like this particular individual. But chances are, they might feel the same way about you. You both might have a mutual friend that you don’t want to displease so in a way, you are almost just putting up with each other. That sounds incredibly unhealthy. And you both don’t want to confront one another about it either.

Anyway, the point of this is that we’re not being as honest as we should. Whether or not you are friends, family, or even with your significant other. When something is said that puts you out of your comfort zone or at ease, instead of saying something, you wind up keeping it inside. Or you wait to tell someone else about it later. For all we know, the person that said this specific thing you did not enjoy could very well be unaware of it. So, this whole time they may have no idea you resent them, or are holding a grudge against them, and they’ll never know why.

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m not big on confrontation. So, I try to avoid saying things that would hit a nerve with others. I also believe that I’m good at reading body languages so I have to use that to see for myself if what I might have said rubbed off the wrong way on people. It is so stressful sometimes trying to please people, especially if you’re out of your comfort zone. To those out there that are uncomfortable saying something in person to someone, I’m sure a simple text would do just fine. It at least gets your point across, so people know how you feel. And if they don’t care, then there’s no point to keep them around in your life.

To reiterate, whatever is being said isn’t necessarily that exact meaning. If you’re ever uncertain, just ask. It’s always good to get a better understanding of what someone said than to take things out of proportion that might not even be true. Who knows, that alone could help build a stronger relationship. I hope this helps.

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